Lily – Age 12

“Come on, Trev! We have to get home, now!” I turn to scream behind me as I ride up the hill, watching the sun slowly fade away into darkness.

He knew we’d gone too far back in these hills on our bikes, and no matter how much I told him we needed to turn around, he wouldn’t listen. Now we’re still at least a mile from home and losing sunlight by the second.

“I’m going as fast as I can, but it’s kind of hard to push this thing with a popped tire,” he nags back at me.

“Well, whose fault is that? I told you not to do that jump,” I yell, looking over my shoulder.

The boy is crazy. Anything he can fly his bike off of, he will. I went around a steep rock, but not him—he went right over it and bent the rim, shredding the tire in the process.

Grunts of frustration come from behind me as I stop and turn in his direction. His irritation level is evident as he reaches down to pick his bike up from a different angle, hoping it would be easier to carry. The sight of him struggling has me off my bike, walking it back to where he’s standing.

“Here.” I push the handlebars toward him. “You pedal and I’ll ride between your legs. We’ll just leave yours here and come get it tomorrow. No one’s going to mess with it all the way out here.”

Without a second thought, he drops his bike, grabbing mine with a huge smile. “Good idea. Hop on.”

I straddle the metal bar, looping my fingers around his forearms and resting my butt and legs up high on the middle bar. The position is extremely awkward, and I’m already regretting my suggestion.

Memories of when we met at eight years old fly through my head as we take off down the street together.

“Hi, I’m Trevin. What’s your name?” A boy sneaks around the fence to where I tried to hide from him.

“Lily,” I shyly state, not daring to meet his gaze.

“Lily—like the pad?”

“Excuse me?” My head shoots up.

“You know, lily pad, like what frogs jump on in a pond.”

My glare in his direction makes him laugh before he continues. “So, Lily Pad, did you just move in?”

“My name is not Lily Pad, just Lily…and yes, we moved in yesterday.”

“Okay, well, can I call you another name then? Maybe Turtle? You looked like one the way you were peeking your head out behind the fence.”

“No, you can call me Lily.”

“Okay, Lillllyyyy…” he drawls my name out, making a point. “Come on, grab your bike. Let’s go ride.”

“I don't have a bike…” My voice is low, embarrassed by not having one, but even if I did, I don’t know how to ride one.

“You don’t have a bike?” He seems shocked by my revelation.

“I lived in San Francisco. You don’t really ride your bike in the street there.”

“That’s crazy! Well, come here then…you can ride mine, or I have a scooter if you want.”

“Um, I…um,” I stutter, not sure what to say.

“It’s cool if you don't know how. I’ll teach you.”

“Uh, okay, I guess so.”

Perched on the bike, he holds the seat and runs down the street next to me while I try my best not to fall. The wheels wobble and I almost lose control a few times, but he catches me before I hit the ground. My heart pounds with adrenaline pumping through me, the joy of riding overruling the fear of falling.

“Come on, Lily Pad. Try to stay upright.”

I glare at him over my shoulder, and he laughs in response as he pushes me forward again, telling me to pedal faster. Following his instructions, my little feet push as hard and quick as they can to pick up speed.

I’m so focused on trying to maintain my balance and breathe at the same time, I don’t realize I’m doing it all by myself. It’s not until I hear him screaming from behind me, celebrating my success, that it dawns on me he’s no longer by my side.

My attention is thrown off when I see him so far away and fear instantly sets in. The bike starts to sway from side to side and panic takes over. I remove my feet from the pedals, slowing my speed down by running them along the ground yet still straddling the bike. My gaze finally lifts, only to see a huge wall of bushes, and in the blink of an eye, I slam right into them, scraping every inch of my body as the branches bring me to an automatic stop.

“Lily!” I hear Trevin scream as he runs down the street after me.

I try my hardest to fight back the tears threatening to fall, not wanting him to see me cry.

“Are you okay?” he asks, moving branches away and pulling on my arm to help me up.

“Y–yeah,” I stutter.

“Good because that was awesome!” He celebrates, throwing both hands in the air and jumping up and down. “Man, I wish I had my parents’ camera. You should’ve seen yourself going into those bushes!”

Remembering his excitement from my crash years ago, and knowing how reckless he is on his own bike, I can’t stop worrying about riding with him now. Fear of falling and breaking something takes hold of my chest. That cannot happen. I have a dance recital coming up and I can’t miss it.

“Here, just sit on my lap. That way, I can see over you and you’ll be more comfortable than you would be sitting on that bar.”

“But I’ll crush you,” I whine, not looking at him.

“Really? You’re the tiniest thing alive. Have you looked at me recently? I’m the biggest guy in our class. There’s no way you could crush me.”

I turn to see his face painted with pride. Even though he says it’s not a big deal, deep down he loves the fact he’s the “cool kid” in class. His hair is always in the latest style, spiked up in front and cut close in the back—the same cut other boys want but their moms won’t let them have. He’s the only guy I know who cares about his clothes. Trevin only wears plaid button-ups or skater-looking shirts with jeans and his Chucks. He’s also the only kid in the class who can ride a skateboard and can even do tricks on it. The other guys try, but for him, it just comes naturally.

Most of the girls in our class are jealous we’re so close, but I don’t get all girly and giggly like they do when he’s around. They talk about the butterflies in their tummies and their flush faces when they see him. He’s not just Trev—no, he’s Trevvvviiin, all long, drawn out, and dreamy-like when they say it.

Sitting back on his lap, I lean against his chest and adjust my legs so they’re in a more secure position. “Is this okay?” I ask.

He laughs. “Yeah, now hold on.”

I turn and our eyes meet for a brief second as a small smile forms on his lips. They’re so close to my face I can feel the warmth of his breath on my skin, and instantly, my chest tightens.

Looking forward, I maintain a death grip on his arms, unsure of what’s wrong with my chest. I take a deep breath to try to calm the fear seizing my ribs. I mean, it must be fear I’m feeling. I’ve seen this boy jump off the craziest cliffs, and here I am, trusting him to ride my bike to safety—with me on it.

Yes, that must be it. Fear.

Surprisingly, he maintains a normal pace, and after a few yards, the ache in my chest subsides, replaced with a feeling I can’t explain. The cool breeze floating through the summer night relaxes me while his warmth wraps around my body. Without realizing it, I drop my head to the left, sinking into him, and making this ride even more comfortable.

His breathing picks up, and I can hear the sudden shakiness in my ear and feel his heart starting to race as the steady beat taps my back. He isn’t pedaling fast, but I guess having to exert enough energy to propel both of us must be tiring. The farther we go, the rougher and deeper it gets.

We make it back to the house just as darkness completely takes over the night, and I lift my head off his shoulder when he pulls up in front of my driveway. Once he stops, I climb off the bike and turn to face him. The streetlight above cast shadows over his face, but I catch a glimpse of his eyes when he tilts his hat up, and then…I feel it.

The butterflies other girls talk about.

My eyes meet the street when fear of the unknown takes over my body.

The silence in the air starts to sting and the hum from the lamplight above us begins to mock me. Awkwardly, I wait for him to move, to say something, but neither of us do anything. Stunned, in this frozen state, I desperately want to curl into a ball and hide. This is not us—we don’t sit quietly or not interact, especially Trevin. He always has some silly remark or an ease about him that has amazed me since we first met.

The sound of my parents running out from our house breaks my thoughts. “Lily, you’re in big trouble, young lady. Do you see how dark it is?” my dad sternly makes his point.

I glance at Trevin, our eyes meeting for a brief second before I turn around, apologizing to save my life. “I’m sor—”

“Mr. Pace, I’m so sorry.” Trev cuts me off. “This was my fault. My tire broke on my bike, and we finally had to leave it back in the hills or we would have been home much later. That’s why I’m riding Lily’s.” He jumps off the bike and walks it up to my garage where my parents are walking toward us.

Both of my parents want confirmation, looking first at me and then back at Trevin.

“We’re sorry, but there was nothing we could do. We have to go back to get his bike in the morning. I rode on…” I pause as I feel heat rise up my face, suddenly embarrassed and unable to make eye contact with either of my parents. “I…um, I rode on the handle bars.”

The urge to look at Trevin takes over, and when I glance his way, our eyes meet, but he quickly looks away and back toward my parents.

“Okay, Trevin, well, I’m sorry about your bike. I’m glad you guys made it back safe. Your mom is worried sick as well. Go on home now. Have a good night,” my dad says to Trevin while taking the bike from him before walking it into the garage.

Trevin turns in my direction, those butterflies taking flight again in my stomach. Our eyes lock on one another for a second too long before he turns and walks to his house.

My mom’s soft laughter takes me out of my butterfly-induced state when she wraps her arm around my shoulders. “Well, well, well. It’s about time you two noticed each other,” she teases.

I shake my head in instant denial. “What? What are you talking about?” I shrug out of her embrace, mad at her comment.

“Uh huh…” She laughs as she walks away, back into the house. “Glad you’re home safe, Lily,” she calls over her shoulder, leaving me sitting in the dark garage—alone with my butterflies as thoughts of leaning against his chest fill my mind.

After getting ready for bed, I crawl under the covers and hear my walkie-talkie beep. “Hey, Lily Pad, you there?”

Our bedrooms face each other, but there’s a good forty feet between our houses. A few years ago, his mom got him walkie-talkies for Christmas, so he instantly ran over to my house to give me the second one, and it’s been here ever since.

I grab it from the dresser and open up my blinds so I can see him while we talk. “Yup, I’m here. Just about to get in bed. What’s up?” I say as we glance at each other, back-lit by the lights in our rooms.

“Hey.” He smiles, tilting his head up in acknowledgment.

“Hi,” I respond as the butterflies return to my tummy—stupid butterflies.

“Are you in trouble?”

“Nah, thanks for stepping in to tell them about your bike.”

“No prob. I just didn’t want to get you in trouble.”

“How about you? How mad was your dad?” I’d never say his dad had been an overly friendly guy, but lately, I’ve noticed things aren’t going very well around his house. His dad has been very different—more distant than he has been in the past. But every time I ask Trevin about it, he changes the subject. I love his mom, though. She’s the sweetest lady, always offering us something to eat and taking us wherever we want to go. She’s even come to some of my dance classes and has volunteered as an instructor.

I hear him take a deep breath before he answers. “He’s not home yet,” is all he replies. I look at my alarm clock and wonder where his dad could be after ten o’clock.

Weird…

We sit in silence, where normally our conversations carry on forever. There’s not much to say tonight, and the nervous sensation in my stomach makes it hard to even breathe.

“So…um, do you want to go get your bike in the morning?” I finally think to ask.

Before he can answer, lights sweep across his house, signaling his dad pulling into the driveway.

“Um…uh—I’ve got to go. Night.” Trevin abruptly throws the walkie-talkie down and runs to turn off his light.

I can’t help but wonder what that was about. I whisper, “Night,” more to myself since I can see he’s no longer paying attention to me. I get up to turn my bedroom light off and hop into bed, snuggling under the covers and getting comfortable with my pillow.

Just as my eyes close, muffled yells awaken my senses. Looking for the source, more of the angry sounds fill my room. I realize it’s coming from the walkie-talkie that has fallen between my bed and the wall.

Finally securing it in my hand, I quickly turn down the volume since the yelling has turned into screaming. I peek out my window, trying to get a glimpse of what’s going on. In his rush to go to bed, Trevin must have tried to hide the walkie-talkie making the talk button lodged firmly against something keeping it activated.

The light flicks on, and I see a large figure standing in his doorway. The voice booming through the walkie-talkie gives his dad away before I can see all of him. “What the fuck did you do?” His voice so intense it cracks under its own pressure.

Trevin sits up in his bed, squirming as far against the back wall as he can go, putting distance between him and his dad. “It was an accident. I swear.”

Helplessly, I watch my friend cower in the corner, fear lining his voice as he shields himself from the onslaught of words being thrown at him.

“What did I tell you?” his dad screams in response. “There’s no such thing as an accident. If you weren’t such a dumbass, or a total fuck up, this kind of shit wouldn’t happen.”

“Dad, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” Trevin’s hands go up in front of his face, trying to defend his actions.

“How about I sell that damn baseball glove of yours to pay for a new wheel? Seems that’s the only thing you care about anyway.”

“No, Dad. Please don’t. I’ll pay for it, I swear. I’ll go mow lawns to earn the money, I promise. Please don’t take my glove.”

My eyes trace his dad’s steps across the room, terrified of the repercussions Trevin was about to face. Never in my worst nightmare could I have foreseen his dad lifting his fist and throwing a punch at, what looks like, Trevin’s face.

The man’s voice sounds possessed, like a demon taunting him. “Damn right you will.”

My stomach constricts as my chest screams for the air my body’s refusing. I can’t believe I’m witnessing this. There was no way this could be happening. Not to my best friend.

Thankfully, his dad turns and storms out of the room, leaving Trevin alone. I hear his muffled cries through the walkie-talkie as he covers his face with a pillow.

Unable to move, choking on fear, I stare into his room, knowing things will never be the same between us, or his family.

A few minutes later, his mom walks into the room and quietly shuts the door behind her. The second the latch clicks she rushes to Trevin’s side. “Oh, baby, are you all right?”

The walkie-talkie picks up her audible gasp when she sees Trevin’s face. She quickly grabs for him, drawing him to her chest and rocking back and forth in a protective embrace…like any mom would when her baby’s hurt.

“I’m so sorry, honey. You know he doesn’t mean it. He’s going through a hard time. I promise this will never happen again. Here, let me look at you.” She pushes him back enough to inspect his face, her fingers gently caressing the skin on his cheeks. Their interaction is comforting, even to me, but nothing about this is right.

My heart is broken.

* * *

Visions of Trevin scrambling away from what he must have known was coming caused me to toss and turn all night. The sound of his father’s fist when it hit him, the loud whack that resounded through the walkie-talkie, played over and over in my head. I couldn’t make it stop no matter what I did. Now that it’s morning, I’m still sick to my stomach, and I don’t have a clue what to say or do.

As I lay in bed, watching a rerun of The Wonder Years, I hear the walkie-talkie come to life. “Hey, Lily Pad, you awake?”

The butterflies take flight in my stomach when his voice dances around my room. It’s not the first time he’s checked in with me in the morning, and it’s definitely not the first time he’s called me Lily Pad, but somehow, everything has changed. My feelings for him, our friendship, his family…it’s all different. One thing overrides all the other uncertainty that I can’t deny—his voice sends chills down my spine, making the butterflies’ wings beat faster. I don’t know whether to smile or throw up from nervous sensations overwhelming me.

Swallowing my fears and filling my lungs, I choose to pretend nothing’s different. “Only if you don’t call me Lily Pad,” I tease while looking up to the ceiling, inhaling a steady breath.

His laughter filters through the other end. “No chance. Let’s go get my bike.”

I shake my head, not able to fight the annoyed smile taking over my face. This stupid nickname hasn’t gone away since the day we met.

“Okay, give me fifteen minutes and I’ll be down.”

“Cool, see you soon.”

I spend ten of the next fifteen minutes staring at the mirror, lost in thought. A tingling sensation burns through my veins and my chest squeezes, remembering the way his father treated him last night. Finally, I gather the courage to move and go face my best friend.

I find my mom sitting in the kitchen, drinking her coffee. “Mom?”

“Yeah, baby,” she says, looking up at me sincerely.

I never realized until this moment just how lucky I am to have the parents I do. Both my mom and dad would do anything for me at any time. Shoot, they moved their entire life out of the City so I could have a more normal childhood.

I contemplate talking to my mom about what I saw, but I honestly don’t know if there was anything she could do. I’m certain about one thing—I don’t want them looking at Trevin or Julie any differently, so I decide to keep his secret safe in my heart.

“I’m going out with Trevin to get his bike,” I say, having completely changed my mind.

She knows I’m hiding something—she reads me like a book. Facing me, seeing the look in my eyes, the hesitation in my face, she knows. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just wanted to say I was sorry about last night,” I kind of lie. I mean, I am sorry, but that’s not what I really wanted to say.

“It’s okay. We understand things happen sometimes. Just glad you guys were safe. I must admit, knowing you were with Trevin eased my mind. I know he cares a lot about you.”

I smile, knowing how important my best friend is to me. I know he’ll do anything to protect me. Now I just need to figure out how can I protect him.

“Thanks, Mom.” I give her a bigger hug than normal before walking to the front door.

When I open it I find Trevin already sitting on the steps with his back to me and a baseball cap on his head. The mere sight of him spreads a smile across my face as the butterflies return in full force.

Without saying a word, I sit next to him, close but barely touching, staring out at the street in front of us. “What’s up?” I say in greeting.

“Not much.” He bumps my leg with his.

I turn to face him, and my heart sinks at the sight of a swollen black and blue eye. There’s a small cut an inch above the bruises he’s trying to hide under the hat. His chest rises as he takes a deep breath but doesn’t say a word when he releases it. He’s trying desperately to mask the shakes overtaking his body.

I lean over, lifting his hat slightly and, without saying a word, kiss his eye softly then place my hand over his on his knee. We sit silently, saying all that needs to be said through that touch before he stands and pulls me up along with him, heading out to get his bike.