Dear Diary,

Things are going so well, my heart aches. I made that silly list, but I never thought I would find love, especially a love like this. Everything on that list means nothing compared to what I share with him. Am I selfish to want more? Is it awful to want the world, wrapped up with a pretty red bow?

Mackenzie

Connor

I’m doing what I never thought I would. I’m calling my mom and my sister on a three-way call to talk about my love life. I can’t help my laugh when I think how I got to this place.

“Are you there?” Mom asks, obviously confused about how this is supposed to work.

“Yes, Mom, I’m here,” my sister replies.

“Me too. Thanks for setting this up, Trace,” I say, rubbing my face, nervous as hell over what I’m about to say.

“What’s up? Why do you need to talk to Mom and me at the same time?” Tracy asks.

“I want your advice on something, so I don’t feel like I’m insane for even thinking it.”

They both say, “Okay,” in unison.

I take a deep breath before spilling my heart. “I’m in love with Mackenzie.”

“Oh,” Mom cries. “I knew it. Honey, I didn’t think I’d ever hear you say that again. And she’s such a sweetheart. I’m so excited you are seeing each other. It’s perfect, it’s— wait, are you planning to propose?” Her voice raises an octave. “Is that what this phone call is about?”

“Well, yeah, it is. Am I crazy?”

“My baby!” she yells. “I’m so happy right now. I’d love to call Mackenzie my daughter-in-law. She’s been such a big part of our lives. You couldn’t have chosen a better woman to be your wife.”

I feel exactly the same way. “I know, Mom. She’s perfect, you know? We get along so well, and I love every second I’m with her.”

“But—” Tracy blurts, surprising me.

“Oh Tracy, calm down. It’s not that weird for him to marry your best friend. You should be happy,” Mom chastises.

My parents don’t know about Mackenzie’s cancer. She still wants to keep it a secret from people, but from the sound it, I think that secret is about to be blown.

“Connor….” Tracy’s voice contains a warning.

“I don’t care, Tracy. It doesn’t matter to me,” I respond.

“But is that the only reason you’re doing this?”

“I can’t believe you would ask that.”

“You know I love you both, but I don’t want to see either one of you hurt.”

“It’s too late for that,” I blurt. “It’s going to happen either way.”

“Connor, I just don’t want to see you go through that.”

“Am I missing something?” Mom finally butts in to ask.

Tracy and I stay quiet, seeing if the other will talk first.

“Okay then, that’s a definite yes. Connor, what’s going on?” she asks.

“Mom, you see Mackenzie—”

“She’s sick, Mom,” Tracy interrupts me, obviously choking back tears.

“Oh dear, she is? What’s going on?”

“She has a brain tumor.” I hate saying those words. They burn my tongue every damn time.

Tracy quickly tells her the rest—projected time to live and how there’s no cure.

“No….” Mom is in shock. “How is this possible, and how did we not know?”

“She doesn’t want anyone to know,” I respond. “She doesn’t want to be treated any differently.”

“Connor…” Mom says breathlessly, “Sweetheart. I’m so sorry.”

“We’re trying to live life to the fullest while she’s here, and that’s why I want to ask her to marry me. And no, Tracy, it has nothing to do with the fact that she’s dying. I truly love her, and I want her to spend her last days as my wife.” They both sniffle into the phone. “I want your help. That’s why I’m calling you. Will you help me?”

“Of course I will, baby,” Mom says.

“Tracy?” I ask.

“You know I will. I’m sorry. I’m just worried about you.”

“But don’t you want to see your best friend happy?”

“Yeah, and lord only knows why she’s so in love with you. I don’t get it,” she teases.

“Tracy, stop,” Mom chastises. “Your brother is a catch.”

“Ew, no. He’s not a catch.” I can hear the playfulness in her voice. Even though we act like we don't like each other, I love her, and I know she feels the same about me. “What’s the plan? How can we help?”

* * *

Mackenzie

“Why haven’t you left yet?” Tracy asks over the phone while I run around my apartment, looking for my birth control pills.

“I’m trying to get out of here, but for the life of me, I can’t find my pills.” I hold the phone with my shoulder while I go through my other purse.

“Did you leave them at my brother’s place? Oh god, never mind, don’t answer that.”

“I’m going to talk to you at some point about sex with Connor. You need to get over it.” I hear fake hurling noises and laugh harder. “Oh stop. But no, I couldn’t find them yesterday either when I was at his place.”

“Do you have a backup pack?”

“No, that was my last one. I have no clue what happened to them. I’ll have to call on Monday and just make Connor wear a—”

“Lalalala,” Tracy sings.

“I give up. I’m on my way.” I gather my things and get ready to head out. I’m having a girl’s night back home with friends so I’ll be sex-free anyway.

“Good! I’m dying for this shindig to get started. I haven’t had a girl’s night in way too long. Now get your butt here, but drive carefully.”

“See you in an hour.”

I call Connor as I walk to my car.

“Hey, babe,” he answers. Poor guy has been working late these past few nights on a case.

“I’m leaving. Just wanted to say bye since you’re not home yet. I hope you don’t have to work too late.”

“I won’t. I hope to get out of here in the next few hours. Did you find your pills?”

“No. I don’t understand where they could have gone.”

“They’ll turn up. I’ll look around again tonight. Drive carefully and don’t have too much fun,” he taunts.

“I won’t. Love you.”

“Love you too, baby.”

It takes me a little over an hour to get home, and by the time I arrive, it’s dark. Thankfully, the front porch light on her parents’ house was left on for me. I reach for my phone, realizing I have a missed text from her, saying she left the door unlocked, to let myself in, and they're in the backyard.

I reply with I’m here and open the car door. Walking up to their house, I let myself in without knocking. Only a light in the kitchen is on. I’m not sure if her parents are asleep or in their bedroom, so I quietly shut the door behind me.

Through the kitchen windows, I notice lights in the backyard I’ve never seen before. When I slide the glass door open, I see thousands of white fairy lights strung through the yard, lighting it just enough to reveal Connor standing in the middle.

The way his black slacks and fitted white dress shirt with a slim black tie show off his body makes my heart race. We’re completely alone, and I’m confused.

A guitar plays, and when the voice of a male singer starts to sing, Connor holds out his hand to me, requesting I come closer. (Listen while you read )

He dances me around the yard to the beat. I can tell it’s more of a rock song, and I’m trying to pay attention to the lyrics. When the beat slightly picks up, I hear him singing about being gone in you and a tear slips through my eyes.

I can’t believe he’s surprised me like this. It’s perfect. It’s so romantic and this is officially my favorite song I’ve ever heard, even though I’ve only listened to the first half.

I lay my head on his chest, loving the feeling of him holding me. When the song ends, he steps back, and without skipping a beat, drops down on one knee, holding my hand in his and staring up into my eyes.

I cover my mouth in surprise, unable to stop tears from falling.

“Mackenzie, you’ve played at my house for what feels like my entire life. I always knew there was a certain comfort with you, but it wasn’t until I saw you sitting at the bar that night in San Francisco that I knew you were something special. You are more than my sister’s best friend. You’ve always meant so much to her and now you mean something to me too. Getting to know you better over these past months have been the best moments of my life. You push me to be better and live life to the fullest. I want you by my side for as long as we have. Mackenzie Thomas, will you marry me?”

“Yes,” I scream through tears.

He stands and sweeps me into his arms.

To my surprise, clapping erupts around me as people come out of hiding. Everyone is here, my parents, my grandparents, my friends from high school, and my roommates from San Francisco. I’m shocked until I turn to see a pastor standing in the background.

I look at Connor when he says. “I don’t want to waste any time. If it’s okay with you, we can do this tonight, with everyone here. Tracy and your mom picked out a dress. We can wait, we can plan the whole shebang if you want but this just felt right. What do you say?”

He gives me the million-dollar smile he knows I’m a sucker for and just like any other time, I’m putty in his hands. I press my lips to his before turning to Tracy, giving her the biggest hug as she and my mom run with me to get ready for my wedding.

“How did all of this happen?” I ask them when we’re in her room.

“Sweetie,” Mom says, tears filling her eyes. “He’s such an amazing man, and he loves you so much.” Her hands cup my head.

“I can’t believe this is really happening. He’s been my everything for so long.”

Tracy sits next to me, holding my hand in hers. “My brother couldn’t have chosen a better person to be his wife. I’m excited I’ll actually be able to call my best friend my sister-in-law. Now look.”

She jumps up excitedly, turning to her closet, where she pulls out a garment bag. Inside is a white, strapless dress covered with lace and beads. It’s beyond perfect. It’s more than I ever hoped for.

“I love it,” I say shakily.

Tracy and Mom both smile their response as Tracy unzips the dress and helps me put it on. Mom pulls my hair half up while Tracy tries to apply makeup on my face, which is damp from happy tears.

Within minutes I’m standing in front of the mirror in shock at the woman staring back at me. This moment, this dress, everything is unbelievably perfect.

When they’re finished, Mom says, “My baby. I’m just so proud of you.”

I hug her tightly, and Tracy opens the door. “Are you ready to become Mrs. Hayden?”

I laugh out loud. Hearing it that way put things in perspective. I used to call her mom that when we first met and now that will be my name.

She leads me out to the backyard, where they’ve changed things around. There are now chairs in rows on either side of an aisle.

My dad greets me at the back door, and I sniff back tears. “Is this really my baby girl?” He kisses my forehead, then holds my arm, ready to walk his little girl down the aisle.

I remember hearing in a movie once that when everyone is looking at the bride, it’s the perfect time to look towards the groom. Now I completely understand why.

The look he gives me is priceless. The way his eyes light up, and his chest rises in surprise, gives me the warmest feeling I’ve ever had.

I can clearly see how much he loves me and with every step I take toward him, his smile gets bigger. I feel like pinching myself to make sure all of this is real.

When the pastor asks, “Who gives this woman to this man in holy matrimony?” everything becomes clear, and my heart sings with joy.

I’m really going to marry my childhood crush, my love, my everything.

My father replies, “Her mother and I do.”

He turns to give me a kiss before sitting beside my mom as I face Connor in front of the pastor. His eyes are suspiciously red rimmed and shiny.

“You look so beautiful,” he whispers and another tear slips out of my eye.

I barely make it through our vows, with my eyes spilling over and my jaw trembling uncontrollably.

I never thought I would be here, getting married. Yet another thing Connor has added to my list that I get to check off.

The entire event is everything I’ve ever wanted. We dance the night away in each other’s arms, and when the song he played as I first arrived comes on again, I finally ask, “Who is this?”

“It’s So Far Gone by Thousand Foot Krutch.”

“You mean rock songs can be as sappy as country songs?”

He laughs. “What’s funny is I’ve had this album for years, and when I played it a few weeks ago, I really listened to it, and actually heard the words. It spelled out exactly how I feel about you, because I’m truly so far gone in you.”

His lips touch mine, and I hold him tighter against me. My husband. I can’t believe it.

We talk to all the guests, and when we approach my three roommates from San Francisco, I give them a hug, so thankful for them.

Chantel turns to Katy and Robin. “I guess this means we need to find another roommate.”

“Sorry, not sorry, I guess,” I say, and they laugh. “But honestly, I wouldn’t be here right now if you hadn’t given me a shot and allowed me to live with you.”

“Nah. Have you not seen the way he looks at you? He would have found a way to make you his, even without us.” Katy smiles then looks over to Nick who’s sitting next to her. “We’re glad we got to know you though. It was fun while it lasted.”

I hug them all, giggling when Robin makes a joke about how they thought Connor was gay.

As the night winds down, people start to leave, and Connor grabs my hand, holding it up to his mouth. “Mrs. Hayden, are you ready to leave?”

“Yes, Mr. Hayden. Let me say my goodbyes to my family.”

Connor booked us a suite at a bed and breakfast in Napa that’s only twenty minutes away. He’s already checked in so when we enter the room, I notice all of my stuff here, waiting for me.

“How did you do this?” I ask, pointing to the closet and dresser.

“I wanted tonight to be perfect. I asked everyone to help. Your roommates too.”

He unzips my dress and slips it down. I step out before undoing his shirt, one button at a time.

My heart rate spikes with anticipation. I’ve had sex with Connor many times, but this time is different. This time I’m his wife. He’s told me he loved me but now I know just how deeply that love goes. We finish undressing each other and move to the bed, where we lie down, him on top of me.

“I have a confession to make,” he says.

My eyebrows pull together, confused. “I’m listening.”

“Your pills aren’t missing. I took them. I’ve paid attention to the dates, and you’re ovulating right now. I chose this date to marry you because on the day I vow to love you forever, I want to also create a piece of you that will be with me forever.”

My breath hitches, and I’m shocked into silence. He patiently waits for my reply.

“But, Connor,” is all I can say.

“I’ve thought about this long and hard. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Life seems to have other plans for us, so give me this part of you.”

He wipes away my tears. “Will you give me this? Will you have a baby with me?”

I nod and he enters me for the first time as my husband, hoping to create a part of me that will be his forever.