Chapter 21
Lila
The tenderness with which Girth had held me after we had sex on the bathroom floor; had disappeared now, after we met with my father and the rest of the MC.
Too much had happened since the bathroom floor. For starters, I knew that Daddy had been too hard on Girth. I had sensed that he was upset with me for defending him, but I couldn’t have just stood aside and watched him being spoken to like that. It wasn’t Girth’s fault, if it was anybody’s it was mine. I had distracted him. I was the one who had lied to him and told him that Daddy wanted him to stay close to me, inside my house. If he had stayed outside, he would have noticed the car approach my house. He would have paid more attention to my safety. Girth had put up a resistance towards me the whole time, and it was always me who was luring him in.
Not only Daddy, but Hugh’s appearance, his over-familiarity and concern for me had been a trigger too. I had seen the expression on Girth’s face change when Hugh had wrapped me up in his arms.
So, I didn’t blame him when he had been silent for too long. He was taking me back to my place, and we hadn’t spoken a word. There was a deathly silence between us and even though I was sitting behind him on his bike, I didn’t have the courage to do anything more than to place my hands on his shoulders.
I was itching to wrap my arms around him. I was desperate to feel the warmth of his body against mine, but Girth had made no move, he had made no sign that he wanted to be touched, in fact, it was just the opposite.
I licked my lips nervously, as my hair blew around my face with force. Girth was riding his bike hard. Like he was desperate to just get me home, so that he could put some distance between us. I, on the other hand, wished he would just say something. Just tell me what he was feeling.
Slowly, unable to control myself any further, I crept my hands down his shoulders and started to wind my arms around his torso. With my breath caught in my throat, I wrapped my arms tenderly around him and I could sense the bike slowing down.
I could feel the muscular strength of Girth’s body, which sent my own body in motion. There was a tension in my belly. I wanted him again. I wanted him all the time and I knew he was feeling the same way about me.
Girth stopped the bike suddenly on the side of the road. Jerking himself away from my arms, he jumped off the bike and turned to me. I watched as he glared into my eyes, running a hand through his hair exhaustedly.
“Lila, you need to fucking stop,” he growled. I could see that he was angry, and I also knew that he had every reason to be.
“Girth, please don’t be mad at Daddy. He was just afraid that he was going to lose me and he was lashing out at you. Everyone knows that I wouldn’t have been rescued in time before getting hurt, if it wasn’t for you,” I pleaded with him. My cheeks were flushed, my eyes were wide and staring at his face.
Girth shook his head and took a step away from me.
“It doesn’t matter what everyone else knows, Lila. I know the truth. You wouldn’t have been kidnapped, they couldn’t have come into your house and dragged you away from your bed, if I was doing my job,” he said and I could hear the raging rumble in his voice.
It made me gulp.
No matter how pissed off Girth looked, he was still sexy. I still wanted him with a burning intensity in the pit of my stomach.
“Well then, it’s my fault. I was the one who distracted you from your job. I want you to stop blaming yourself, please,” I cried and Girth took in a deep breath. His wide shoulders squared because of it, and suddenly, he looked bigger and more dangerous than he had ever looked before.
“Yes, exactly, you are a distraction for me and you are my job. This thing between us needs to stop right now so that I can concentrate on keeping you safe. Without that, why am I even here? What am I doing in Orlando?” he asked, in a low deep voice and I stared at him open-mouthed. He was right. This was his job and I was making him feel incompetent at it.
“But we can’t decide how we feel for each other, whether this is your job or not. It’s just happening to us, it’s out of our hands,” I tried and Girth’s eyes became dark brown. He had narrowed them at me, his lips were firmly straight.
“What are you talking about? What feelings? This is fucking getting out of hand,” he roared and rubbed a hand over his face. I felt my heart sink to the pit of my stomach. Was I alone in this? Was I alone in imagining that Girth had feelings for me, the way I did for him?
I could feel my tears rising up my throat again. I was going to cry right then. Girth cleared his throat when I didn’t reply.
“Look, Lila. I’m here in Orlando temporarily, and if you get your way, you’re not going to be here long either. The best thing to do for us now is to stay out of each other’s way till your dad and the MC sort out their differences with the Dark Legion. Once that is over, I can go back home and you can go wherever you want. We can both move on,” he said.
I didn’t want to move on. I didn’t even know if I wanted to go to New York anymore. All I could really think about was that sick feeling of weakness that I felt for this man standing in front of me. The man who was rejecting me right now.
Girth must have noticed the look of desperation and sadness in my eyes, because his voice grew a little softer now.
“It doesn’t matter what I want, do you understand that, Lila? I can’t be with you. It’s against the rules. Fred told me so,” he said and I looked up at him, with my watery eyes on fire.
“What are you talking about? What did Fred say to you? I asked him and Girth breathed in deeply again.
“He made it clear to me, in no uncertain terms, that if I don’t keep my hands off you, then he will not be able to defend me against what Lewis might want to do to me,” Girth said and I breathed hard. My shoulders were shaking with rage and fright both.
“He can’t say that to you!” I snapped and my face felt hot with rage. I could feel my body shaking as I glared at Girth. He clenched his jaws and met my eyes. He was watching me lose my cool.
“He can’t! I’m my own person. I am allowed to be with anyone I choose. It’s my right. They can’t dictate my life like that!” I was hollering now and Girth stepped up to me and when I least expected it, he placed his large hands on my shoulders and stroked gently.
“Yes he can, and so can your father and any member of the MC. It’s against the rules and I have to honor that. Yes, it is your life and your choices, and you can choose to be with anyone, just not a member of your father’s MC,” he said, in a soft voice. Like he was speaking to a child.
I jerked my shoulders away from him.
“You mean Hugh!” I snapped and Girth shook his head.
“I mean anyone except one of us. Hugh or anyone you choose,” he reiterated and I was gritting my teeth angrily.
“Why are you hellbent on pushing me to him? Especially when you hate him so much!” I snapped at him again and Girth watched me quietly for a moment before he spoke again.
“I’m not pushing you to anyone, Lila, I’m just trying to put some distance between us so that we don’t make any more mistakes. So that I don’t slip up again,” he said and I flared my nostrils angrily at him.
“You think it was a mistake, what happened between us? Every time it happened?” I asked and he clenched his jaws again.
“It was a mistake, yes. Being with you is the biggest mistake I can make,” he said and I could feel the tip of my nose reddening. My face was growing tighter, I felt like I was losing my sense of stability on the bike. There was a wave of anger and disappointment washing over me and I was losing my balance.
“Lila…” Girth said my name in a whisper, because he could clearly see that my face had lost all its color.
“You’ve said what you have to say,” I said and jerked my face away from him. He came towards me and hesitated before he placed his hands on my shoulders again.
“Just because it’s a mistake doesn’t mean that I don’t want it, I want you to hear what I’m saying, Lila,” he insisted and I glared at him again.
“I heard you loud and clear. You have no feelings for me and whatever happened between us, was a mistake. I fucking get it!” I was shouting at him now and he came closer to me. My face was level with his chest and I had to crane my neck to look up at his face.
My body was on fire. Even though I was raging mad at him and everything he was saying, I couldn’t stop my body from reacting to our close proximity. I could smell him again, I could sense the strength of his arms and body and my stomach was clenching with desire for him. I didn’t want to feel that way. I was humiliated by the rejection, but my body wanted what it wanted and I could do nothing about it.
“You don’t fucking get it, Lila. You don’t get anything,” he said and bent low towards me. Our faces were aligned now and my eyelids were heavy with desire. He was staring at me, studying my face from up close and I parted my lips.
He kissed me gently, like he was trying to convince me of something. But that was all I needed. I felt a tear trickle down my cheek as his lips pressed into mine. My mouth was parted and he slipped his tongue in, exploring me, tasting me and subconsciously, I started leaning back on the bike seat.
I felt Girth’s arm wind around me abruptly. He was holding me in place as he kissed me. My head tilted back in order to accommodate him and his height, while I sank further into him.
My hands reached up and I wrapped my arms around his neck. I was clinging on to him for support. My breasts were pressing up against his chest as we kissed. This was insane! I shouldn’t have been kissing him, not when he’d repeatedly rejected me, but I couldn’t help myself. This was the man I wanted and this was the man I couldn’t have.
He kissed me harder and then his fingers reached for the bottom of my denim skirt, sliding it up my thighs as my legs remained dangling on either side of the bike. He was leaving a blazing trail of goosebumps on my thighs as his rough fingers tugged my skirt up.
My pussy was wet already, just from the kiss. I could feel my nipples pebbling achingly under my blouse. I wanted more and I could sense that he wanted the same.
“You drive me fucking insane, woman!” Girth growled, pulling his mouth away from mine. I thought he was going to change his mind, but instead, he was pulling down my panties, just to my knees and with his hands on my waist, he turned me around on the bike so that I was facing him now.
I was looking deep into his eyes while he held me by my waist with one hand and started taking his belt off with the other. The sound of his belt buckle unfastening was like a direct cue to my brain. It sent my body shuddering and I parted my legs as wide as my stretched panties at my knees would allow me.
Girth stepped up closer to me again. It was broad daylight and we were on the side of a deserted road, but anybody could drive past us at any moment and Girth didn’t seem to care and neither did I. We were both focused on just one thing, his cock being inside me.
I saw his cock emerge from his pants, throbbing and big and I gasped at the sight of it. He was close up against me, holding me pressed to himself as his cock approached my pussy. He was making sure that no private part of me was exposed and I tilted my head back and pressed my eyes close against the sun.
I wanted to sense every inch of him sliding into me and Girth thrust. His cock slipped deep into me and I could feel his entire length. He was big and strong inside me and he started hammering. I wrapped my arms tighter around his neck while he thrust himself into me repeatedly. His cock was stroking that spot in me that was going to make all my knots come undone.
He was muscular and strong as he plowed me with his cock. He grunted and I moaned and it was simple. We wanted each other, and he was going to make me come. He was on a mission.
I couldn’t control myself for very long. The animalistic need with which he was fucking me made my body jolt with desire. The fact that I was irresistible to him made me come.
I had an intense orgasm while he thrust and thrust in a quick machine-like motion. I could feel my juices seeping out of me, sliding and dripping over his cock as I came hard. Girth was coming too. His grip on my waist became tighter and his face was going red. I could feel the vibrations of both our bodies.
We had both wanted each other so desperately that neither of us could wait to even get to my house. We were doing it on the side of the road, on his bike. His cock shot its seed deep inside me and I heard him sigh hoarsely with relief. It was like he’d been waiting to come inside me for hours and now finally he had his relief.
My orgasm began to simmer and I unclenched my fists. Girth was still breathing hard, his cock was still inside me, moving and throbbing. Our juices were mingled together and as he began to slide himself out, I could feel my pussy throbbing too.
I gasped again when his cock left my body. It was like he had left a big gaping hole inside me somewhere. He quickly did up his pants and pulled up the zip, before he bent forward and pulled up my panties. Restoring some of my dignity.
Then he pulled down my skirt , before stepping away from me.
“We just keep making one mistake after another don’t we?” I said and I could hear the sizzle in my own voice. I was still angry with him, and I wanted him to know it.
Girth clenched his jaws and I saw that he tried to hide a gulp. His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat and he took in a deep breath and looked away from me.
“I’m going to tell myself what I say every time this happens. It won’t happen again,” Girth said and he ran a hand through his shaggy dark hair.
“And I’m going to tell you nothing. You’ve clearly made the decision for us already,” I said and his golden brown eyes turned to me again. I was surprised to find a sadness in his eyes that I wasn’t expecting there. He blinked his eyes rapidly then, like he was trying to get rid of that feeling from inside him.
“I wish you weren’t so damn irresistible to me, Lila,” he said and then without waiting for a response, he walked around the bike and sat down. I threw my legs over the side behind him and took up my position, afraid to even touch him now. I had no idea what to do, or how I was supposed to react around him.
There was only so much rejection that I could handle in one day. Girth started his bike and then looked over his shoulder.
“Hold me, Lila, you need to hold me so you don’t fall off,” he said. I reached for his shoulders with trembling fingers, and when my hands touched his body, I felt a searing ache in the pit of my stomach. Was I falling in love with this man? There were definitely feelings involved, I’d just not thought about them yet. I just needed him to accept what was happening to us first, but I had made my decision now, I couldn’t push for it anymore.
He was either going to fight for me or he wasn’t. I couldn’t make him do anything that he didn’t want to do.
We were riding again, in the direction of my house and this time, I didn’t want to go back home. How was I supposed to sleep in my own bed now when we’d had sex there? How was I supposed to take a bath when we’d had sex on the bathroom floor? Girth had already left a mark in every spot of my house and it was going to be very difficult to get past that.