Chapter 14
Kennedy
Four weeks later
I looked at my wristwatch. It was five-thirty, time to pack my bags and go home. There was a pile of papers on my desk which I still needed to go through. I hadn’t really been paying attention at work. In fact, I hadn’t been getting much work done in the past four weeks.
I was behind on everything. I’d messed up an important presentation and I was late to work on most days.
Granted, I had never been super enthusiastic about coming into work every day, however, I used to be interested in keeping my job.
In the past three weeks, I’d lost interest in that too. All I wanted to do was lock myself up in my apartment and stay on the couch watching movies. It was the only thing that brought me comfort. It probably reminded me of that night Nico and I had fallen asleep there, in each other’s arms.
Now, Nico was gone. It was like he had suddenly dropped off the face of the Earth. Exactly the way he’d disappeared back in high school.
That night at my apartment, after the opera, I felt an actual connection. I’d seen sparks of something real in his eyes. When he didn’t just get up and go after sex, I thought maybe he wanted more. He wanted to cuddle and watch movies all night. Something a boyfriend did. Not something a one-night stand would be interested in.
Unfortunately, after that night, I got my hopes up. The time I spent with him was so special; that I couldn’t help myself. We’d decided on a casual relationship, but it seemed like it could be possible that Nico was changing his mind.
I was excited and happy the next day. I was going to tell Ava that I had hopes of a future with Nico. That we weren’t just going to keep it ‘light and sexy’.
But then I waited, one day with baited breath…two days with anxiety, three days…now beginning to worry. When it was a week and I still hadn’t heard from him, I called his number. Nico didn’t answer and I didn’t have the heart to leave him a voice message either.
My initial reaction to his behavior was anger. He didn’t even have the decency to call and let me know that he was ending things! He didn’t even have the balls to answer my call!
I had to do everything in my power to not call him again, to not just turn up at his apartment. I was angry and upset, but that didn’t last long. Soon that anger turned into something else. I was miserable and sad. Nothing seemed the same again.
I knew I should have paid attention to Ava’s words. With Nico gone, I was left in pain and alone. I thought I could handle a casual relationship with him, but how wrong I was.
Sighing and literally forcing myself to get up from my chair in my cubicle, I collected my things and headed for the elevator.
“Kennedy!” I heard a voice and grudgingly turned. It was my manager, Keith, and I knew exactly what he was about to tell me.
“Did you complete the working papers for the Donovan account?” he asked and he didn’t look happy.
“I just have some finishing touches to look over, just taking care of some queries,” I replied and Keith breathed in deeply. He looked like he was frustrated with me. I’d been late in delivering everything these past few weeks.
“Look, Kennedy, I’m not sure if you’re going through something. You still need to get your job done, you understand? This is work, doesn’t matter what’s happening in your personal life,” Keith dictated.
I pursed my lips and nodded. I didn’t like hearing him say it, even though I knew he was right. If I lost my job now, what was I supposed to do? Nico was going to ruin my life!
“I’ll have it on your desk by lunchtime tomorrow,” I told him.
“Tomorrow is a Saturday, Kennedy,” Keith said.
“Oh, yes, of course, I’m sorry. I’ll have it on your desk first thing Monday morning. I’ll work on it at home,” I corrected myself quickly, while Keith shook his head in frustration.
“Get your act together, Kennedy,” he snapped and then he was gone.
I felt pathetic as I stood there waiting for the elevator to arrive now. I wasn’t particularly fond of Keith, but in this case, I knew he was right. Whatever was going on with Nico and me, why was I allowing it to affect work?
I just didn’t feel right these days.
I stepped into the elevator and pressed the button.
I was either too warm or too cold, too tired or too energetic. I couldn’t fall asleep at night and I couldn’t wake up in the morning. I was either eating all the time and sometimes realized I hadn’t eaten a thing all day.
My mind was elsewhere. I had no hold on myself.
I stepped out of the elevator, heading towards my car in the parking lot.
Keith was right, I needed to get my act together. Nico was supposed to be a short phase. He’d never promised me anything. It was all my fault to assume that he owed me an explanation. He’d never said that our relationship was going to last forever. Of course, it was going to come to an end at some point.
My eyes were filling up with tears as I got in my car. Behind the wheel, I tried to gulp down the tears. I needed to get a grip. Needed to move on with my life and just accept that Nico was gone forever this time.
My teenage fantasy was fulfilled and now it was time to get on with my life.
I couldn’t drive for several minutes. I needed to wait until I was back to being myself again. But the truth was, that there was still a long road ahead of me before I could be normal again.
***
When I returned to my apartment, I was surprised to find Ava waiting there for me.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, as I shut the door behind me.
“It’s been like ten days and I haven’t heard a word from you. You’re refusing to answer my calls or reply to my texts, Kenni! What do you think I’m doing here? I’m worried about you,” Ava was following me around my apartment, as I started putting my things away.
I shouldn’t have given her a key.
“I’m fine, I’m just busy at work,” I told her, stopping in my tracks because I suddenly felt light headed.
Ava saw that and rushed to me, throwing her arms around my shoulders.
“No, you’re not, Kenni. You’re making yourself sick!” she exclaimed, tugging me gently towards the couch.
“I’m fine, I just need a snack or something,” I argued, but I was feeling very strange and weak. I allowed Ava to help me sit down on the couch.
“When was the last time you ate something?” she asked, standing over me like a matron.
“I had breakfast,” I replied and Ava was already on her way to the kitchen.
I lay down on the couch, rubbing my temples with my fingers. I couldn’t tell if I had a headache or not. I just didn’t feel all right. I could hear Ava in the kitchen, opening and banging shut cupboard doors. She was looking for something for me to eat.
“There’s nothing here, Kenni! When was the last time you went shopping for groceries?” she called out. I pressed my eyes close, wishing this feeling would just disappear.
“There’s some ice-cream in the freezer!” I replied.
Ava appeared a few moments later, with a bowl of chocolate ice cream in her hand.
“Here, sit up, honey, you need to eat something. I’m going to go out in a bit and get us some dinner,” Ava helped me sit up on the couch. I wanted to lie back down again because I was dizzy.
She could see how weak and sick I was and it worried her even more.
“God, Kenni! What are you doing to yourself! This is all that asshole Nico’s fault!” she exclaimed, bringing a spoon of ice cream close to my mouth.
“I’m fine, really…I was just so busy at work, I forgot to go for lunch,” I retorted and opened my mouth wide. The ice cream was too cold on my tongue and I realized I had no appetite at all.
I really was sick! I just didn’t know why.
I gulped down the ice cream, while Ava sat crouched in front of me. She was watching me while I ate. She spooned some more ice cream towards me and I snatched the spoon away from her.
“I can do it myself!” I snapped.
Ava sighed and watched me eat some more.
The ice cream wasn’t making me feel good, in fact, it was doing just the opposite. I was beginning to feel increasingly sick. I put the spoon down and pushed the bowl off my lap.
“I think I need to lie down,” I complained and sank back on the couch again. Ava was standing over me now, she stroked my forehead lovingly.
“Kenni, what’s going on? I’ve never seen you sick like this before,” she said. I had my eyes closed while my stomach growled and rumbled.
“I’m just…tired…I’ll sleep it off,” I told her, but then I felt a wave of nausea overtake me.
I sat up on the couch with a jerk and clutching my stomach, I ran out of the room.
“Kenni! Oh my God! Kenni!” I could hear Ava shouting as she chased after me.
In the bathroom, I hurled the contents of my stomach into the toilet. I was gasping for air, crouched on the tiled floor and gripping the toilet with both hands.
“Kenni!” Ava barged in through the door and rushed to me.
“I don’t know what’s happening to me. Nico’s literally made me sick!” I cried, reaching for my best friend. Ava threw her arms around me, holding me tightly. She was rocking me in a gentle motion as I cried on her shoulder.
“I don’t know what to do…I thought it was just a phase and I’d get over him. I can’t…I can’t move on. I’m miserable, Ava,” I cried some more, while she held me tightly.
After some time, she pulled me away so she could look into my eyes.
“I agree…I think this is Nico’s fault. I think he’s made you sick, but there might be a reason for it,” she said.
I could see the concern in her eyes. She was thinking about something serious.
“What are you saying?” I asked.
Ava helped me up and led me to the sink.
“Kenni, I don’t want you to panic, but I seriously think you should take a few pregnancy tests,” she stated. I stared at her with my mouth open wide.
“You think I’m pregnant? Oh my God!” I squealed and clasped my hand to my mouth. Ava drew me in for a hug again, stroking my hair.
“You might not be, but I think you should just take the test to rule it out, don’t you think?” she continued.
The tears were flowing freely down my cheeks now. I knew she was right. A pregnancy would explain everything. Why I’d been feeling so different these past few weeks, why I wasn’t myself.
If I really was pregnant with Nico’s baby…what was I going to do? He was gone. I might never see him again.
I clutched Ava tightly, hoping that she could make everything better. But she couldn’t. I hadn’t listened to her when she warned me. And now, I had no choice but to face the reality of what I’d created.