Chapter 12
Noah
I was watching Emma and was barely hanging on. My reason was telling me to knock it off and move the hell out of here, but the beast in me remained in my spot, feeding me with anger as I observed her talking with a guy I would rather beat to a pulp.
I had no goddamn right. I knew that. I had no right to interfere into her life and impede her happiness, but it was getting harder to control my selfishness and possessiveness. She was beautiful, too beautiful, and she reminded me all too easily of those times when I felt like she was my whole world. She reminded me of how much I needed her and wanted her for myself.
I had thought I moved on. Maybe I hadn’t been ready for meeting someone new, but I sure as hell didn’t plan on being with Emma again. Yet, here I was.
After everything I went through, after becoming the kind of man that should be kept at distance at all costs, I was too damn close to indulging into this unreasonable urge to make her a part of my life once again.
I was glad that the blonde sitting next to me had given up on me, deep in conversation with Jake, because with the storm that was brewing in me, she would get caught up in it badly, and it would be so ugly.
I downed another glass of beer and closed my eyes, the images of me pounding that guy flashing in front of me. I couldn’t make a mess here.
“Bro, you’re scaring me,” Dominic told me.
“Tell me about it,” I muttered.
The first few months after my first outburst of anger, I was scared of myself as well. Luckily, we had weekly sessions with the therapist they assigned to my unit, who had tried to help me to accept the change and control my emotions. I should have found a new therapist as soon as I came back home, because the ticking bomb in me could explode any moment.
I tried to breathe slowly, but the longer Emma talked to the guy, the more I thought about the different ways to take the guy out.
But then I opened my eyes and looked at Emma at the same time as she placed her hand on the guy’s shoulder, and all hell broke lose. Not able to take it any longer, I shoved the table violently, causing all glasses to crash down in a loud series of noises that grated on my ears.
The entire bar went silent, every single person in the bar turning to look at me. My friends observed me like I was a wild animal on the loose, their faces pale and stern. But I couldn’t care less about them. I couldn’t care less about the whole bar as I lunged toward Emma and that guy.
“You son of a—” I growled, ready to pounce on the guy, but Jake stopped me, pulling me by the shoulder backward.
“Hey, hey, man! What do you think you’re doing?” I tried to push him away, but he didn’t even budge. “Take it easy. Do you really want to cause trouble here?”
The beast in me was too strong. Something else took over me, and it didn’t matter anymore that he was my friend. He was in my way, and I had to get rid of him, even by force if necessary.
“Step aside,” I hissed at him.
He frowned. “The fuck, man? What has gotten into you?”
I sneered at him, shaking furiously. “You will step aside, if you don’t want me to hurt you too.”
Aiden joined him, halting right in front of me and placing his hands against my shoulders to prevent me from moving forward. Big mistake.
“Step fucking aside!” I shoved Aiden away, somehow managing to stop myself from landing my fist right into his face. Before they tried to stop me again, I marched over to Emma.
Everything else faded in the background as Emma and I looked at each other, a mixture of fear and something else visible on her face, and a strong hand of pain tugged at my heart. I didn’t want her to be afraid of me. Just the thought that I could hurt her gave me an acid feeling that was worse than anything.
And it was this that finally made me see how bad I looked. This was not the way to act if I wanted her ever to forgive me. I had to calm down as much as I could if I didn’t want to scare her away.
That meant that I couldn’t even touch the guy. Something told me that if I beat him now, there would be absolutely no chance for Emma to even speak to me, so I had to rein in this aggression that fought to come out to the surface.
Curling my hands into fists, I walked up to Emma. The guy next to her turned to face me and raised his hands in an attempt to calm me down.
“Please, calm down.”
I ignored him and stopped right in front of her, only inches separating us. My pulse raced, my body turning hot at this close proximity to her, and for a couple of seconds, I was stunned and all I could do was look at her. Up close, I studied her bright blue eyes that were up to this day the most beautiful and enchanting eyes I had ever seen.
How could I ever think I could live without her? It was foolish of me to think that the distance and time would erase all lingering feelings. They weren’t erased, and now, standing this close to her again, they were only growing stronger.
Okay. Here goes nothing.
“Emma, can I talk to you alone? Please?”