Chapter 11
Emma
I had difficulty paying attention to Josh, who was telling me one of the anecdotes from his work. He was an English teacher and he worked at the elementary school. All the time, I could feel Noah staring at me, which made my heart beat madly.
Every once in a while, I would sneak a peek at him, and I could tell he was surprised and upset at seeing me. Or was he upset that I was talking to Josh?
No, it couldn’t be. That wasn’t so likely since he was the one to leave and stop responding to my letters. He had showed me he didn’t care about me anymore. So, what gives?
Our gazes met again, and I felt the lump forming in my throat. He frowned before he glared at Josh, who was completely unsuspecting as he continued talking about his work, and that was when I knew. He was jealous.
My insides stirred with excitement, even though I wasn’t supposed to feel pleasure at the fact that he felt this way. He didn’t matter, but deep inside I wanted his attention, which was outrageous.
Screw him. He didn’t have any right to be jealous, but if he was going to act this way… Then I would flirt with Josh as best as I could in order to make him even more jealous. That was the least he deserved after everything he had put me through. He deserved to feel some pain after how he just left.
I focused back on Josh and cast him one of my most seductive smiles. “I’m sure the students just love you.” I ran my hand over his shoulder and upper arm and watched him follow this motion with his gaze. If this was Noah, there would already be sparks flying, but with Josh I felt nothing of the sort.
“I can say the same to you,” he responded, his gaze on my lips. “The kids at the kindergarten must love you.”
I chuckled, remembering all those times one of them hugged me or whispered in my ear that I was their favorite teacher.
“Yeah. There is just something special in the way children love. They are so honest—no pretending—and when they like you, they give you their all. It’s really touching.”
He was carrying a tender smile on his face that reminded me so much of Noah’s. He always smiled this way at me when I talked about my dream to work with children. He was always saying I was going to be the best kindergarten teacher ever and that all kids would definitely love me.
He always believed in me and supported me. He even once said that if we ever had a kid, I would be the most understanding and loving mother ever, and just thinking about it now was so painful that the tears prickled my eyes.
No. What was wrong with me? I looked at Noah, who thankfully wasn’t looking at me anymore, and finally let myself see just how amazing he looked. He didn’t have that awkward teenage frame anymore. He was built and looking hotter than ever, especially with that dark and brooding expression he had imbedded deep in his face. He looked dangerous, but that only attracted me more.
I noticed Josh staring at me silently, expressionless, and I raised my eyebrows at him. “What?” Did I say something wrong?
The corner of his lips curled up. “It’s just that you’re so sweet when you talk about children like that. I see that you’re really passionate about your job.”
I wanted to feel anything at his compliment, but I felt nothing. He wasn’t Noah.
“Thank you. And yeah, you can say so. This has always been my dream, and the job at the kindergarten fulfills me.”
My answer was half-ass because my mind was still all about Noah and how good it would be to be with him again. I knew that I couldn’t remain here all night because I wasn’t sure if my will to stay away from Noah would last much longer.
If I kept thinking about him like this, I would give in to that horrible temptation to give him the time of my day again, and that would be the worst mistake ever.
No matter how attracted I was to him now, I couldn’t let him come back into my life. I couldn’t give in to all those fantasies of Noah and me together I had rarely allowed myself over the years. I had to leave as soon as possible. I had to keep my sanity.
For a moment, I felt guilty for leading Josh on only to reject him now. It wasn’t right of me to use him to make Noah jealous, which was frankly a bitchy move.
I felt sorry that Josh turned out to be just another guy on the long list of guys that weren’t right for me. He was decent and much nicer than a bunch of guys I had met, but my heart didn’t beat faster for him. It beat faster for that bastard over there who continued to stare at me even though he was surrounded with girls.
“Look, Josh—” I started, but he interrupted me, smirking at me.
“What do you think of going to some quieter place?” he asked me, raising his eyebrows suggestively at me. I smiled sadly, wishing I could find something to like about him, but the attraction was just not there.
“Look, Josh… I’m sorry. I really enjoyed talking with you, but I have to go now.”
His face fell, confusion on his face almost comical. “Go? Go where?”
“Go home. I’m really sorry.” I placed my hand on his shoulder, wanting to let him down in the nicest way possible. “Thank you for talking with me, but—”
A crashing noise sounded out in the bar, followed by several screams and shouts, and everything in me turned into ice when I turned to face the source of it. Noah.