Chapter 22
Girth
Lila was sitting behind me on the bike again, and even though she had hesitated in placing her hands on my shoulders, I insisted, for her safety. Now we were touching again and I could feel my whole body aching with the need to hold her.
My eyes watered as I rode my bike hard. It was like every time I had sex with Lila, I was losing a part of myself which I would never get back unless I could have her. I couldn’t concentrate on my job and I couldn’t concentrate on anything else, not while she was still around me.
Being with Lila was completely out of the question. Fred had told me something that I already knew, but after he’d spoken to me, I was even more so realizing how foolish I had been by daydreaming about her. She was out of my league and out of my reach.
Those words I had said to her were echoing in my ears again. What was the point of me being in Orlando? What was the point in me trying to protect her, when I couldn’t even do my job?
I needed to get out of this place. I needed to get out of Orlando and away from her. That was the only way to do what was best for her. She needed to be protected and I couldn’t do my job. The most noble thing I could do was to admit the facts to Lewis—that I was not the best bodyguard he could hire for Lila. She needed someone who would be alert at all times, not distracted by their feelings for her.
I was going to have to do that because I cared for her and even though I knew that she wouldn’t understand, I would have to just live with knowing that she hated me.
If only I could resist her. If only my desire for her was like a switch that I could just turn off, then I could do my job and then I wouldn’t have to leave Orlando. Now, I would have to return to Elwood, to the Rogue Rebels, with my head hanging low and admitting defeat. I couldn’t even protect a woman from being kidnapped out of her own home. Elwood would never trust me again. I had now successfully proven myself as a complete failure.
We arrived at Lila’s house and I parked my bike near the porch. Quietly, I helped her off the bike and I watched as she walked towards the steps of her house.
I said nothing, I barely even moved from my spot. I pushed my hands into the pockets of my jeans and watched as she turned abruptly towards me.
“Aren’t you coming inside?” she asked and I clenched my jaws. That was my version of a response to her. Lila’s brows crossed and she rushed towards me. I could see that she was beginning to lose her temper again. Did she have any idea how absolutely adorable she looked when she was angry? When she thought she was being intimidating, with her flared nostrils and her cheeks flushed.
“But those were Daddy’s orders. He wants you to stay inside the house with me, it’s the only way you can keep a close eye on me,” Lila said and I just stared at her without responding to her statement.
“You don’t have to worry, Girth. The best way you can avoid a situation like that from happening again, is if you stay close to me. You can smoke inside the house if you want, I don’t mind,” she said and I had to keep my hands fisted to stop myself from reaching out to her. I wanted to wrap my arms around her waist and pull her close to me again, instead, I stood my ground and met her gaze with conviction in my eyes.
“Lila, I’ve decided to override your father’s orders. I don’t need the distraction and neither do you. I’ll be out here, scouting the premises and I promise you that you’ll be safe,” I said and I could hear the brute force in my own voice. The color drained from Lila’s face and cheeks. It looked like she hadn’t imagined that I would ever disobey her father’s orders. Were they even Lewis’ orders? Had Lila lied to me to get me to be close to her? It had worked; I was completely and totally entwined with her.
The very knowledge that she was going to go back in the house and I might not see her again till the next day; made my hands itch with desperation for her again.
“Fine! Good night, Girth! I’m sure I’ll sleep well!” she snapped and whipping away from me, I watched as she climbed up the stairs, opened the door of her house and slammed it shut behind her.
Only when she had gone into the house, did I climb up the steps to her porch and sat down on the chair. I needed to rest my feet, just for a few moments. Now it felt like I was functioning on zero sleep and zero food.
I dragged my box of cigarettes out of the pocket of my jeans and pulled one out and stuck it between my lips. Just one smoke and then my watch would begin, just a few minutes of sitting down and then I’d be standing again.