Chapter 10
Noah
Things were going downhill pretty fast.
Emma started talking with some guy, and my anger went from zero to one hundred in a second. I didn’t remember when the last time was I wanted to smash some guy’s skull this badly. Jealousy wrapped me in its stifling shell, making me see red in front of my eyes.
A wave of possessiveness rushed through me. She is mine.
But then she looked at me and our gazes locked for the first time after seven years. And just like that, I was brought back to that period when she was my whole world and I wanted to give her all. She was my angel and I was never to let go of her.
Even when I made the choice to go to the army and leave her, I wanted to fight for her. I hoped our relationship would survive the years of distance, and we could rekindle our romance. I’d given up on that the moment I realized how fucked up I was becoming, but that fact didn’t lessen this fury even the slightest.
Long seconds passed as we looked at each other across the bar, and all I wanted was to erase the distance between us and take her in my arms. I wanted to feel her curves, get her soft lips on mine, check if she tasted as sweet as she did before. God, her taste. I missed it so much.
Frowning, she broke the gaze, and I was able to breathe again. I couldn’t look away from her, though, continuing to watch her like an obsessive stalker. She was smiling at that guy, leaning closer to him, and the blood boiled in my veins.
I clenched my fists underneath the table, the urge to break something terribly strong.
Jake was the first to notice that something was up. “What’s the matter with you?”
I flexed and clenched my fists again. Breathe, Noah. You can’t lose it here.
“Everything is fine,” I lied without even blinking. He didn’t sound convinced.
“Are you sure, man?” Dominic asked. “You don’t look so well.”
I could feel the blonde next to me watch me intently, and I wished she would just go away already or forget about me and fuck with Jake since she couldn’t stop batting her eyelashes at him.
“Positive. It’s just that it’s a bit too hot in here, and I’m thinking to get out to get some fresh air.”
I wanted to get out, alright, but I wouldn’t be returning here anymore.
Dominic shrugged his shoulders. “If you say so.”
I tried my best to pay attention to them, but my mind was fighting me. They were talking about some football matches, but I didn’t care about this topic at all, only able to think about the fact that Emma was sitting just several feet away from me.
My eyes widened when I saw them shake hands. That asshole was sitting too close to her. He placed his hand on the low of her back and leaned to her ear to tell her something, and I began shaking in barely suppressed anger.
I gripped the table, clenching my teeth so hard that I felt like they were going to shatter any moment. Get away from her, you bastard. Get your fucking hand off her.
“Noah, dude?” Aiden interrupted my flow of violent thoughts, looking at me like I was ready to be transported into a mental institution.
“What?” I barked at him before I could stop myself. I was fuming, my nostrils flaring as my breathing grew faster.
“What is going on? You look thoroughly pissed off.”
Thoroughly pissed off was nothing compared to how I actually felt. I hadn’t felt this way ever since my last combat when I wanted to rip someone’s head off.
Back then, I was so angry that nobody could reason with me. The anger piled up in me to the point that I had a blackout. Only later I found out that I had lunged at my comrade and was close to strangling him to death. Luckily, our other teammates managed to separate me from him, but the incident was a grim lesson I would never forget. I was a danger to others.
Even with medications and therapy I had moments like this when nothing else mattered but letting it all out. I dug my nails into the table too hard, close to drawing blood.
“I must be on edge,” I forced the words out, grimacing at Aiden. “I haven’t drunk in a long time, so the beer must be hitting me hard.”
“Damn, man.” Aiden shook his head.
Jake placed his hand on my shoulder, and I winced. He noticed that I didn’t want to be touched so he removed his hand from me. “Look, if you don’t feel well, you should go home. Since we’re all tipsy, I’ll call you a taxi. How does that sound?”
It sounded good, but a part of me didn’t want to move. I knew it would be best if I left, but that damn part of me wanted me to approach Emma and talk to her. It wanted me to do something impossible, and I was torn. I wasn’t stable at the moment, so there was a big chance I could hurt her, yet I was selfish enough to stay and watch them flirting like some masochist.
“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” I shrugged off his suggestion and took another big swallow of my beer.
Too bad that the alcohol couldn’t quiet the demons in me. And the more I looked at her, the more certain I was that I had to talk with her this evening. I had no idea what I would say to her, but now I couldn’t leave if I didn’t at least try it.