Chapter 2
Noah
Seven years later
“I can’t even explain how much I missed you, dear,” my mother told me from the other side of her dining table, certainly not for the first time since I returned home several days ago. She had invited me for dinner, which reminded me of how much I’d missed her food.
“The letters just don’t cut it,” she added.
“Yeah,” I agreed.
After so many years, I was finally back at home in Indiana, and while everything and everyone looked the same, I felt completely different. Seven years of exposure to the most gruesome and appalling acts could do that to a man.
I never regretted my choice to join the army, but now after everything I’d gone through, I remembered my mother’s feelings about it as if we were talking about it yesterday. My father had died in combat, and she had always tried to convince me not to join the military. So, when I applied without telling anyone and just left after I got accepted, she didn’t want to respond to my letters for months.
Then, five months into my service, her first letter arrived, in which she admitted she had cried for days after I left, fearing for my life.
Now, after being in war for so many years, I was back home due to a gunshot wound in my leg that had since healed but left me with a slight limp. That wasn’t the only thing the war had left me. On top of this physical defect, I had PTSD, but I couldn’t tell that to my mother. She was worrying about me enough as it was.
“Have you settled into your new place?” she asked me, referring to the apartment I started renting when I returned.
“Yes. It’s not in a nosy neighborhood, and as you saw, I have a good view on the park across the street. It’s peaceful.”
A little of peace and quiet was exactly what I needed with my condition. Ever since I developed PTSD I hated being in places where it was constantly too loud. In the beginning, I needed some time to get used to the sound of car sirens, my brain mistaking it for the danger that always loomed around my unit on the field.
I also had trouble sleeping and often had nightmares, and if I wasn’t at a quiet place, there was no way for me to fall asleep even with antidepressants.
“And how about Emma? Have you contacted her yet?”
This was exactly what I didn’t want to talk about with my mother, but she had to mention it.
As much as I wanted to, I had not reached out to the one person that mattered to me more than I dared to admit. I knew how much I’d messed up with her, but with my nightmares and anger issues, it would be best to keep her at a distance. That way I could keep her safe, and she didn’t have to deal with my problems.
“No. I haven’t contacted her.” I looked away, feeling uncomfortable under her scrutinizing stare.
My mom had always hoped Emma and I would end up married and have at least three kids, so to say she was devastated after our breakup was an understatement.
After I left for the army, Emma and I attempted to stay together for a few months, but once I underwent my first active duty, I stopped all communication with her. I just couldn’t get rid of the feeling that she would never be able to love me with what I became.
Even though I was just defending myself and my fellow brothers in arms, I was a killer, and I hated myself for that. The first few months after my first kill were the hardest, and that was when the nightmares started. I kept dreaming about hurting the people I cared about, and it was scaring the shit out of me.
So, when she tried to reach out to me several times, I never responded, coming to terms with the fact that we were over and that it would be best for me to let her go. She could find someone way better than me, someone who didn’t carry a shitload of problems with him.
Her letters went from concern to anger, until they eventually stopped, which threw me into a depression I hadn’t been prepared for at all. I still kept her last letter to me. It broke my heart to read it, but I kept it with me because it reminded me of my choice.
“Why, Noah? I’m sure she’d be happy to know you’re back home.”
“What’s the point? Besides, I’m sure she already found someone else.”
She cocked her head to the side. “I’m not sure about that. After all, that girl loved you so much, and it’s not that easy to get over a feeling like that.”
“Seven years have passed, mom. That’s a plenty of time to get over a heartbreak and first love.”
“Have you gotten over it?”
That was a damn good question. I’d told myself I had moved on, but I was proved wrong when I returned to Indiana and the first person I thought of was her. I’d even expected her to show up out of nowhere and come back to me like nothing had happened. Pathetic, I know.
So, apparently, I still felt something for her, but I knew better than to act on it. She didn’t deserve someone like me. And I was sure she hadn’t forgiven me for leaving her to join the army.
“Yeah,” I answered her without even looking at her. I was sure she could tell I was bullshitting, but she didn’t press me for the truth, which I felt grateful for.
Half an hour later, I was in my SUV on my way home. As soon as I entered my car, I was reminded of Emma, remembering how excited I was when I got my driver’s license and wanted to take her out for a drive. In the end, we ended on a hill overlooking our town.
We were sitting on the hood, our hands entwined as we looked at the star-heavy sky.
“One, two, three, four…,” Emma suddenly started counting, and I turned my head to look at her, chuckling.
“What are you doing?”
She pointed at the sky, looking at it. “I’m counting the stars.”
This caused my chuckle to turn into a loud laughter. This was one of those silly things I loved about her. She’d told me that ever since she was little she had that odd wish to count every single star. Even at the age of seventeen, she didn’t stop trying.
I brushed her cheek with my hand. Her skin was so soft and it was difficult to keep my hands to her when she felt and smelled so good. “Good luck with that.”
She whipped her eyes at me. “You mock me now, but just you wait.”
“Whatever you say, baby.”
“You said that when I told you I wanted to try skydiving, even though I’m terrified of heights. But in the end, you ate your words.”
I shrugged my shoulders, feigning indifference, but I was actually feeling proud of her. Yes, she was unusually afraid of heights, and yes, I hadn’t believed she would actually do it, but she proved me wrong when we went skydiving for my seventeenth birthday. That birthday was one of the best days of my life.
“Skydiving and doing something as impossible as counting all stars are two worlds apart. It’s like saying that magic exists!”
She arched her eyebrow. “And what if it does?”
I snorted, shaking my head at her. “You’ve been watching Harry Potter too much.”
She crossed her arms over her chest, pouting. “One day, someone will prove that magic does exist, and you’ll eat your words again.”
I rolled my eyes, amused to no end. “Yeah, sure. And I’ll win the lottery and become one of the richest men alive.”
She lay down and placed her head on her bent arms, wearing a sweet smile that made my eyes glue to her face.
“You never know, Noah. If you believe that you can achieve anything you want, you’ll achieve it.”
I couldn’t look away from her beautiful face, aware of my cock hardening in my pants. Only Emma could be so cute and sexy at the same time. My eyes darted to her big tits that were straining the material of her shirt each time she inhaled. I wanted her so much that my dick started throbbing.
“You’re looking at me like you want to eat me,” she said with a smirk. My good girl was quickly turning naughty.
I positioned myself above her, supporting myself against my elbow, while tracing her waist with my other hand. “And if I told you that I want to eat you? What would you do?”
“I would tell you that we’re outside and can’t take that risk.”
I brought my hand to her face and brushed her lower lip with my thumb. “Being outside haven’t stopped you before, babe. Or do I have to remind you about all those times you begged me to fuck you at some public space?”
Her blue eyes darkened, and a moan slid over her plump, sensual lips. “Noah McAllister, you’re incorrigible.”
“Which is exactly what you can’t resist about me.”
She giggled, but then I covered her lips with hers, silencing her. The kiss wasn’t rough or passionate. It was sweet, and it showed the intensity of our love toward each other. Her arms wrapped around me, drawing me closer to her, and our bodies molded together like it was the most natural thing in the world.
At this moment, I wanted to keep her safe and protect her forever and ever. She was mine, and I wouldn’t want it any other way…
My phone rang, pulling me out of my recollection. I groaned, realizing just how much I missed her. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and groaned when I saw it was one of my friends who had been pestering me to come hang out since I got back. I rolled my eyes, knowing that if I hadn’t answered the call now, he would continue calling me.
“Hey,” I answered, putting the phone on speaker.
“Hey, man! What’s up?” I could hear loud male voices in the background, which meant that he wasn’t alone. He was definitely having a get-together.
“I just had dinner with my mother, but now I’m on my way to my place.”
“Perfect! You can come to my place instead.”
I let out a long sigh. “Jake, man, I’m tired, and I want to hit the sack early—”
“How old are you? Eighty? You’ll sleep as much as you want when you die.”
I winced, feeling the joke a little too personally. Once you saw death take a life away, you simply couldn’t joke about it anymore. However, I didn’t say anything, my tightened jaw the only response as I navigated through the dark streets.
“Come on, bro. Our old friends are here too. Let’s meet for a beer. We have a lot to catch up on.”
I raked my hand through my hair, aware that there was no way for me to dodge him this time. Maybe I could go and toss back a beer or two. It wasn’t like I could actually go home and fall asleep. I was already feeling too restless, which was one of the signs that I was in for another sleepless night.
These days I didn’t know what was better. Sleeping and risking to have a nightmare or not sleeping at all.
“Fine.” I finally gave in. “I’ll come to your place.”
“That’s my man!”
“Are you living at the same address?”
“Yes. Do you remember it?”
“Yeah.”
“Great. Then, laters.”
“Laters,” I replied and ended the call, trying to convince myself that going to his place wasn’t a bad idea after all. I couldn’t hide in my solitude forever, and I actually needed friends.
Making a U-turn, I headed to Jake’s house.