Sunday, December 1st
Sydney
I can’t breathe!
“Calm down, Sydney,” I said over and over to myself.
Ouch!
“Concentrate Sydney! He’s going to burn you if you don’t straighten up!” I screamed at myself.
I was trying but it wasn’t good enough.
“Fucking useless cunt!” Howard yelled at me as his hand slapped me on my ear.
I froze on the spot. I hated when he hit me on the side of my head. The ringing in my ear started and my stomach began rolling. I opened my eyes slowly and saw two belly buttons right in front of me but they slowly jogged from side to side. I was dizzy.
His hand connected with my ear again. I made a knee jerk reaction and moved my head slightly and pulled up my shoulder to shelter my ear as best as I could. My hands were cuffed behind me and were of no use to me right now.
“Slut, did I tell you to move?”
I quickly shook my head only to have a handful of my hair grabbed as he pulled me closer to his crotch.
“You fucking can’t do a thing right. I don’t know why I’m even wasting my time with you. You’re a horrible submissive! How can you even look in the mirror?”
I was terrible.
He was right.
Tears filled my eyelids and my nose got congested. I couldn’t breathe. His hand was under my jaw holding my mouth closed around his dick. I tried sniffling hard hoping it would clear the passageway so I could breathe. He was laughing at me. I fought against him just for a breath of air. He shoved himself further into my mouth until he hit the back of my throat causing me to gag. More laughter filled the air as he continued to hit my ear. He finally shoved me off of him causing me to lose my balance and fall backwards on the floor. My arms were pinned behind me, cuffed to the spreader bar. It didn’t matter though because I could at least breathe.
From the floor I looked up at him. He was staring at me with eyes filled with disgust.
“I’m sorry, S-sir.”
“Sorry? You got that right, slut.” He reached in his shirt pocket and pulled out a cigarette and put it in his mouth. He looked down at me with a smile that made my stomach hurt. I pulled myself to a sitting position and felt the familiar warm trail of blood seeping slowly down my jaw and neck. I knew he made my ear bleed. He pulled out a lighter.
“No, please. Fire…fire!”
I tried to push myself away from him. No! He smiled, lit the cigarette and dropped the lighter onto the table. He motioned for me to come to him, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to be burned. I panicked as he walked towards me. I was stuck and couldn’t move. He pulled me off the floor by my hair and took me over to the wall by my bathroom.
With a thud, the side of my head hit the wall and my face pressed firmly against it. His hand grabbed my hair and pulled it up and away from my neck. I struggled against him and said my safe word again and again until I earned a fist in my stomach. It hurt so much but I couldn’t move to cradle my stomach or shelter it.
“Please don’t. Fire,” I begged through gasps of air, trying to recover from the punch.
“I’ve told you slut, your precious safe word does you no good. That word is fucking useless until you learn how to behave. Don’t you dare try to use it. Now, what’s going to happen?”
I cried. I just shut my eyes and cried. I knew what was coming and it was pointless to resist.
“I need to be punished, Sir.”
“Be a good little slut and tell me why,” Howard said as he flicked ashes at me.
“I need to be punished because I displeased you, Sir. I didn’t meet your expectations and didn’t make you come.”
His heavy hand adjusted his grip on my hair tighter and pressed me harder against the wall. I closed my eyes tighter and tried moving away from him. As the cigarette made contact with my skin, I cried out only to have him yank on my hair. I clamped my mouth shut and jerked my body in every direction I could, trying to get away. It was useless to fight. I knew this, yet I still fought. Finally the pressure on my neck eased up and I started to slide down my wall.
“Ah, ah, no. We’re not done slut.”
He pulled me upright and turned my body so I faced the wall again. I saw a tiny smudge of blood on the wall where my ear had been pressed against moments ago. Howard pulled my arms out of the locked cuffs on the spreader bar and brought them up to rest on the wall. He backed my feet up so I had to lean on my outstretched arms. I didn’t care anymore. My neck was on fire and the scent of charred skin filled my nostrils. He parted my legs and backed away from me.
“Go away, Sydney. Hide. Don’t let him see you,” I told myself quickly. I heard Howard unbuckle his belt and knew I needed to shut it all off quickly. “Hide, Sydney.”
The leather made contact with my back and stunned me.
I opened my eyes, panicking, urging myself to get the hell out of here. “Hide, hide, hide!” I didn’t want to be here for this.
Ouch! The belt slapped against my butt.
Why was I still here? Sometimes it’s so easy to go away and not really be here. Why was I stuck now?
Mmmph. I swallowed hard as the belt came up from between my legs and hit my stomach.
My head hung. I stared at the floor listening and feeling every sharp bite of the belt on my flesh.
Back…butt…backs of my legs…between my legs…back…butt…backs of my legs…between my legs.
Tears ran like lava down my face and hit the floor. Stupid Sydney! Don’t let him see you cry!
Back…butt…back of my legs…between my legs.
I brought my head up and stared at the wall.
Back…butt…back of my legs…between my legs.
Mmmph. Blood. Blood had just flicked onto my wall. I stared at it and never took my eyes from it.
I was hidden now. Everything was gone. I was at my desk. Katie was talking to me and I was getting ready for my day. The scent of coffee filled the air. Mr. Everett sat at a table with Mr. Graves and they were drinking coffee. He was smiling at me. Mr. Everett was smiling at me. I closed my eyes and smiled.
My eyes couldn’t focus when I opened them. Why couldn’t I see anything? I blinked, and blinked some more, before I began to panic. No! The closet! I tugged on my arms but couldn’t move them. My struggling reminded me that I had a fresh burn mark on the back of my neck. That wasn’t the worst of my problems right now. I needed out of the closet. My chest constricted and I couldn’t breathe again.
“Fire!”
I yelled “fire” for what seemed like forever. My voice was nearly gone. Footsteps were coming towards the door. No, I can’t take anymore. I closed my eyes and let my head hang. The door creaked open and hands were on me. No! I don’t want to be touched! Please no!
“Fire,” I said weakly.
“We’ve got you, baby. You’re safe Sydney. Shhh, baby. All safe. Just us. You’re okay.” I couldn’t help but shake when a hand stroked my hair. I pulled my shoulder up as the hand got close to my ear.
Colin.
I swallowed hard as another set of hands pulled me close to a chest.
“Easy, sunshine. It was just a nightmare.”
Anthony.
I was safe.