Tuesday, December 3rd
Sydney
Coffee…check. Cell phone…check. Lists…check. Pen…check.
I was getting ready to go outside to begin working on the lists for Colin and Anthony when my mind began to wonder to last night. I loved the way the collar felt wrapped around my neck. I glanced down the hallway and looked at the door to Colin’s playroom. I made my way towards it and before I knew what I was doing, my hand was turning the knob. I reached inside and found the light switch and brought the room to light.
This room was something else. It was like a mini Irons. I think he had just about everything in there. Next to the door was a small end table and on it sat my collar.
“It’s not your collar, Sydney,” I said out loud, reminding myself that I don’t belong to anyone. No one wants me like that. I’m not good enough. I wiped at my eyes. Stupid tears.
They put a play collar on me. Just for play. More tears fell but I wiped them away.
I picked up the collar and walked down the hall to the bathroom with it clutched in my hands. I unrolled it, wrapped it around my neck and for a moment I felt incredibly loved and desired. I liked how it looked and how it felt. I loved how it felt.
After I grabbed my coffee, I went outside to the patio to begin the lists for Colin and Anthony. I had a few hours before I needed to head to the restaurant and would make the most of the time this morning. I couldn’t be late. I needed to prove to them that I’m not such a mess and they can count on me to be somewhere when they tell me to. I wouldn’t mess up.
I skimmed over the questionnaire lists Colin gave me. Wow, this was pretty extensive and really detailed. I don’t remember the other one having been so daunting. For each item listed, I had to mark “yes” if I had ever done it and “no” if I hadn’t. For each item I answered “yes” to, I then had to give it a number rating from one to five. Five meant that I loved the act, four meant I liked the act, three meant I didn’t mind it but would take part in it, two was that I disliked it but would take part in it and one was that I hated it but would take part in it.
Hmmm…even if I marked a one, it said that I’d still take part in it. Did I understand that right? I started to get a stomachache as I glanced over the list. Colin said they’d go slow and never make me do anything I absolutely didn’t want to. They were very adamant about the consensual aspect to the lifestyle that I have missed out on.
Hmmm…but the paper said that even a “one” rating said I’d still take part in it. No, Colin said my safe word would never be ignored. I shook my worries from my head and continued to read the instructions. I couldn’t mess this up.
Hmmm…okay so maybe I could get around doing an act that I didn’t like or want to do. I could mark as a soft limit for something I don’t want to do now, but might in the future. I could also mark the item as a hard limit for never wanting to do. Okay, whew, so I had my out if anything was out of the question.
Wait though, what would that really mean? What if this was just a test to see what I’d do or wouldn’t do? What if they saw that I marked hard limit to something they really liked? Would they get rid of me? At my apartment Colin told me that anything to do with electro sex would be a hard limit for me. I frowned as I tried sorting out in my mind what the difference would be from marking it as a hard limit as opposed to rating it a one. I didn’t want to be shocked electrically anymore.
They said for me to fill it out with just them in mind. “Okay, calm down Sydney,” I told myself. Just Anthony and Colin. They wouldn’t hurt me. I knew they wouldn’t. Okay, lets get this started. Looks like it was alphabetical.
Anal play was first. I felt my face get warm when memories of Colin playing anally with me came to mind. I did enjoy that. He hadn’t hurt me or caused me any pain. And I kind of liked it when they put things in my butt. I gave this a five. Moving right along to the next one.
Beating…hmmm…beating.
“It’s not what you think, Sydney.” I said out loud and refocused my eyes on the paper.
Beating.
Well what the hell could it mean if it didn’t mean what I thought it meant? I certainly had some experience in that category. Next to the beating category, it had specifics like canes, crops, floggers, paddles and belts. Then if I like light beatings or hard ones. Hard ones? Was that what I had with Howard or were those light? Oh shit. Colin and Anthony were both so much bigger in height and weight than Howard was. Anthony especially has large biceps. Colin had a gym upstairs and since Anthony’s been here, they go up there and work out. They’re really strong and I’m sure they could seriously make a beating hurt. I was beginning to picture Colin and Anthony with belts folded over in their hands when a nauseated feeling swept over me. One could easily hold me still while the other one beats me.
Stop! What am I thinking? They wouldn’t hurt me.
Unless I misbehaved or didn’t follow directions. How would they punish me if needed? Well, I certainly wasn’t going to give them a reason to punish me. So it didn’t matter.
No, wait. It did matter. What would they do to punish me? I looked at the time on my phone. 10:15. Okay, whew. I still had time. I wouldn’t give them a reason to beat me.
What if they didn’t need a reason to punish me? What if they wanted to? What if that was one of their kinks? I didn’t think either were sadists. But then again, I didn’t really know exactly what each of their kink preferences were either. I knew Anthony liked rope and bondage and that Colin liked sensation and anal play. What if they were sadists but had been putting it off because they were playing nice with me while they found me a Dom? We just recently became the V thing.
Would they beat me?
I quickly thought of Colin’s playroom. Did he have stuff in there to beat me with?
Stupid, Sydney! Of course he had stuff to beat you with. He’s a Dom with a playroom in his home! Even if he didn’t have floggers or paddles or crops, which I’m sure he had, he always had a belt.
I felt sick to my stomach and stood up and paced around the patio thinking while fighting the urge to throw up. I had to know if they had desires to beat me, or how they would punish me. Maybe Gina would know. Gina has been around them for a long time. I debated calling her for twenty minutes and finally settled on sending a text message.
SB: Hi Gina, do you know how Colin or Anthony punish subs? Do you think they like beating on subs?
She didn’t respond but called me instead. Now I was really embarrassed.
“Sydney, why? What’s going on?”
“Nothing. Um, I was just filling out some papers that Colin and Anthony wanted me to work on. It’s a limit list. I just was wondering, if you knew anything about their preferences. Like, how they’d punish me. Do you think they’d prefer beatings?”
“Sydney, no. They aren’t going to beat you. It’s not who they are and that’s not what that means.”
“Then what does it mean?” I sort of snapped at her and realized how sweaty I was. I nervously rubbed on my hands and wrists. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. I was just trying to fill these out.” I rubbed at my eyes when I realized they were full of tears. “It just made me wonder what they’d do if they needed to punish me.”
I heard Matt in the background and froze on the spot. Oh shit! Matt. Matt is best friends with Colin and Anthony. I heard Matt asking her something in the background. Matt will tell Colin and Anthony. Then they’ll be mad at me for bugging Matt and Matt will be mad at me for bugging Gina. I hope I didn’t get her in trouble. Some friend I am. Would Colin let Matt punish me or would Colin just punish me?
Ahhh! Matt was talking in the phone. I’m so dead.
“Sydney, what are you reading, sweetheart?”
My voice caught in my throat, my mouth was dry and I didn’t even know what to say. A noise came out to display how put together I am.
“Um…” It was all I could say as I began to pace around the patio again, rubbing on my hands nervously. I felt the tears burning in my eyes and the lump forming in my throat.
“Sydney,”
Oh shit! He was waiting for an answer. Talk Sydney! He’s going to tell them!
“Um, s-sorry Matt…Mr. Reid, I mean, Dr. Reid, sir.”
Oh hell. I just kept getting myself in trouble.
“Stay put, sweetheart. Gina and I are coming over. I want to see what you’re reading and working on. Maybe Gina and I can answer some of your questions.”
I tried to tell him that it wasn’t necessary but he had already hung up. Shit! Matt was coming over. I disrupted their day. Matt works long hours and I interrupted his time with Gina. Was she mad at me for texting? I looked at the phone 10:50. I had to leave at 11:35 to ensure that I’m at the restaurant on time. I can’t be late. That’ll make it worse.
I gathered my papers and went inside and quickly raced down the hall to the playroom. With shaking hands I undid the collar and put it back on the table and went back to the great room. I glanced down at the first page in disgust. I’m so useless. They give me one task and I can’t even do it right. I made it to number one; anal play.
While shaking my head at how pathetic I am, the doorbell rang. I was dead. I thought about not even opening the door but decided that would make it worse. I opened the door and quickly moved aside for Matt and Gina.