Sunday, December 1st
Anthony
Colin and I knew last night had the potential for nightmares for Sydney and the demons didn’t disappoint. Multiple times last night Howard visited her in her sleep. There was a nightmare about Howard hitting her ears due to his unhappiness with her oral skills and another nightmare about being in the dark closet. I hope she’s able to start moving forward and away from the past. Even though I have my doubts, I’m hoping that Chris will be able to help.
Game time was approaching and Colin and I both had on our football jerseys. I found Sydney’s red tee shirt and helped her into it. We needed to find her a jersey like the one Gina has. I was in the kitchen helping Sydney get some snacks and food ready for the Niners game while Colin went to let the guests in. Not only did Colin invite Matt’s dad and brothers, but Blake was coming over too. Personally, I wished he hadn’t invited anyone today. Matt and Gina would have been okay and even Blake, but with Matt’s brothers and dad it wasn’t going to be the relaxed atmosphere like we needed. The nightmares were especially rough on Sydney last night and she wasn’t at ease.
Everyone was crowding around in the kitchen talking and offering to help, but really they were just in the way. Sydney became quiet once the traffic and amount of bodies grew in the kitchen. She was trying to keep track of everyone and tried to keep everyone in front of her where she could see them. I stayed close to her while Colin was passing out drinks and starting up football conversations but still, Sydney’s hands naturally gravitated towards one another. She’d catch herself, and would pull her hands apart; but the poor girl looked stressed. Colin and Matt usually had a beer or two during the game and there was beer available for the guests today. I wondered if Colin was planning on having one. He never drank at the club if he was playing that night. I know he won’t drink if he plans on being close to Sydney either. We aren’t sure yet if that’s a trigger for her.
Suddenly the sound of a bottle getting knocked over, rolling on the counter and then crashing to floor halted all conversations and eyes went around the kitchen trying to find the source. John had set his bottle down on the island counter and Sydney bumped it, knocking it to the ground. Glass shattered and the scent of beer filled the air.
“Shit! Sorry about that, my fault. I left it too close to the edge.” John was quick to accept fault for the bottle breaking. I’m sure he was overly apologetic about it due to additional information Matt had told them about Sydney.
Sydney freaked out though because she knocked it over. She started profusely apologizing and was in a panic trying to find something to clean it up with. John started moving quickly to help, but Matt grabbed him by the arm to stop him from panic reacting. Last thing we needed was John moving quickly around Sydney and glass.
Sydney’s head was quickly scanning the kitchen for something to clean the beer up with. Colin was calm and told Sydney not to worry about it and he’d get the dustpan from the garage for the glass while John reached for some paper towels. In near unison, Matt, Blake, Arthur, Colin, Mark and myself freaked out to some degree when Sydney lowered herself to the floor and started picking up pieces of glass with her bare hands. Many forms of “no” or “leave it alone” or “don’t touch the glass” could be heard in the kitchen. Everyone was making their way close to Sydney.
Thankfully I reached her before any of Matt’s brothers. I crouched down and took hold of her wrists. I knew it was risky but I couldn’t grab her hands to still her movements out of fear that she’d get cut with the glass she held. With her tiny, burned and scarred wrists in my hands, all movement from her had stopped and she kept her head lowered.
“Let go of the glass, sunshine,” I said quietly and calmly.
Her little hands opened and a few chunks of glass and smaller pieces emptied from her shaking hands. She kept her hands open and fingers spread and facing downward under my hands with her head hung. I moved my hands to her upper arms and gently pulled her up from the ground. I held her at an arm’s length to look in her eyes but her head was still hung and she was looking down at the floor. I let a hand leave her upper arm for a moment to take hold of her chin gently. Her deep blues were distant and were staring at the glass on the floor.
“Eyes on me, Sydney.”
Once I was sure she was focused on my eyes, I quickly glanced down to her trembling hands to see if she was cut. Her hands were red but I didn’t see any blood or cuts on my initial glance. I stepped around the glass with Sydney and took her to the sink. I wanted to make sure all of the tiny, glass shards which are nearly invisible to the naked eye, were washed away.
I flipped the faucet on and stood so my body was flush against hers as she faced the sink. Making sure my movements weren’t rushed, I held her hands while the cool water ran over them. Every few seconds I gently swiped my thumbs across her palms checking for cuts. Sydney kept nodding her head saying she was fine and then tried to look behind me to see what was going on. I could hear everyone quickly trying to clean up.
“Shhh, sunshine. Do your hands hurt or does it feel like you got some glass in them?” No response from her. I lowered my head and kissed her cheek. My lips rest against her skin for a few moments hoping it would calm her. I glanced at her eyes and could see that she was still detached and was gazing into the sink. “Sydney. Sunshine, it’s okay.” I turned the faucet off and pat dried her hands with a paper towel. I examined her hands and was satisfied that she wasn’t cut. I didn’t move us from the spot where we stood and wrapped an arm around her waist and the other arm across her body just under her collarbones. I heard her sniffle and hugged her against me. “Easy, sunshine,” I whispered.
I heard a very faint, “Sir,” escape her lips and knew she was back in the present with me and was ready to crumble. Over my shoulder Arthur stepped in to try and make the situation better. He saw how Sydney reacted and knew they were making it worse.
“John, Mark, let’s help Gina take the plates and chips to the other room.” Arthur headed out of the kitchen with Gina and his sons. Blake grabbed some stuff off the counter and headed to the great room as well.
Colin and Matt were cleaning up the glass and beer while I took Sydney to the kitchen table and sat down with her on my lap. I knew Arthur and everyone else could see me from the great room but I didn’t give a fuck. Sydney needed me.
“It’s my mess, I need to clean it, Sir!” Sydney whispered frantically and pushed against me a little trying to get free of my arms so she could clean glass up. Over my dead fucking body was I going to allow her to pick up glass. I hugged her tighter against me and had to keep her from falling apart because I didn’t think she was far from that stage. Her eyes were red and lip was quivering while she kept trying to look over my shoulder at Matt and Colin cleaning up the kitchen.
Fucking Howard probably instilled this reaction. I’d find out later what the story was behind this. Obviously she was terrified of the repercussions for something like this. Fuck, I hope she wasn’t afraid that Colin and I were going to punish her.
“Sunshine,” I whispered in her ear trying to drag her attention away from Colin and Matt. “Sweetheart, let me see your pretty eyes.” With my request, she was able to pull her attention from the mess and focus on me. “Sydney, you aren’t in trouble. Just relax, it was an accident.” I gently spread my hand against her stomach. I know it calms her and right now she needed desperately to calm down.
“I’m sorry, Sir.” She started tugging at her fingers as she looked over at Colin and Matt with the broom. “Anthony, I’m really, really sorry. Please don’t…” Sydney started to say something but then her voice trailed off.
I don’t know if Colin heard her start and stop, but I did. I was very curious what she was about to reveal with her plea.
“Don’t what, sunshine? Tell me. Remember, no more secrets or hiding. You’re safe with us,” I whispered to her and held her chin so she’d keep her eyes on me. She was struggling with herself on if she wanted to finish her sentence. I could demand it, but I really didn’t find that to be a wise tactic with her. She finally gave in, and what she whispered back nearly tore me in two.
“Cut me,” she whispered back. I saw her swallow hard and look up at me with those big dark blues. “Please don’t cut me.”
Fuck me. So, she was used to being punished for knocking something over or breaking it by being cut. I could barely contain myself but had to get a grip and stay calm. When I heard her say that, my body stiffened and she felt it. I could feel her body tense and I heard a tiny whimper escape her throat. Colin heard and looked up.
“Everything okay over there?” He asked.
I nodded and pulled Sydney closer to me. While Matt took the glass to the garage, Colin leaned on the counter and looked over at us. I think he was regretting having company over. Oh, if he had heard what she just whispered to me, everyone would be out on the porch right now. We were going to get past this. Surge forward. I continued to rub slowly and softly over her tummy and kissed her head.
“Sunshine, let’s go enjoy the game. I’ve got money riding on the Niners.” I winked at her and could feel her pulling back together when I saw her smile.
“I don’t understand sports betting,” she said as she placed her hand in mine and we headed towards the great room. She was also determined to move forward.
“I’ll explain it to you, sunshine.”
There was a lot that was going on around us in the moments that led up to the game but Sydney and I were lost in our own conversation. I heard others conversing around us, pizzas were delivered, more beverages passed around. But all I paid attention to was Sydney. She sat in the corner of the couch where the chaise blends into the rest of the couch and I sat next to her making sure that she could feel my body close to hers. I had my arm wrapped around her with my hand still resting against her stomach as we stared at my football parlay card. I had bet on other games too, but since we were getting ready to watch the Niners, I explained to her how the points work on the parlay card.
“So, San Francisco has to win by four in order for you to win your wager? All because of that minus sign?”
“Yes, sunshine. Now, if I had taken St. Louis, they could actually lose by four and I’d still win.”
“Because of the plus sign?”
“Yes. But, I took San Fran, so they need to win by at least four.”
She smiled and looked over my parlay card in amusement. She caught on how it worked. I think I may have started a little interest in football betting for her. At least she understood how the cards worked and would be able to follow along with mine and Colin’s parlay cards. The football talk had successfully taken her mind off the broken bottle. Matt’s voice broke my attention from her.
“Anth, Syd, pizza and wings are in the kitchen. Come get some food.”
Since Matt is Sydney’s doctor, he’s been saying how Sydney needs to gain some weight. She’s too thin and we know it was due to her tight financial situation. Colin and I are on it and we make sure she eats.
I hadn’t even noticed that the room was empty and people were in the kitchen getting food before kickoff. Mark and Arthur were heading back to the great room as Sydney and I were headed toward the smell of the food. Sydney was eyeing the plates as they walked by.
“Do you think Colin ordered any plain cheese pizza?” She asked me. It made me laugh because I knew that was the first kind of pizza Colin ordered on account of Sydney.
And of course, there was a large cheese pizza that Sydney helped herself to with a smile. As we all watched the game, Sydney knelt on the floor by the coffee table along with Gina. My arms ached to hold her again and finally at half time, I pulled her away from Gina to sit beside me. After the bottle incident, I really wanted her to be close and in my arms.
That evening, the three of us sat in the sitting room of the bedroom we’ve been sleeping in, and Colin picked up her notebook while I held her in my arms. Colin’s been tense since yesterday at the apartment and can’t drop the counting marks that were on the doorframe. I tried telling him earlier today to let it go. He won’t like the response and it’ll make him see red. Just like I had today with the glass incident.
“Baby, I want to ask you something and I don’t want you to be afraid to answer me honestly.” I felt her body tense up as Colin spoke and I began rubbing on her arms and back to loosen her up some.
“I’ll always be honest with you. Both of you.”
“We appreciate that, sunshine. Colin and I will always be honest and open with you.”
“Baby, what were those marks on the door for?”
I really wished Colin hadn’t started this again, especially tonight. The bottle breaking sent Sydney off to another place earlier and I was hoping we could just relax without something negative being brought up. I’d talk to Colin about what she said to me while he was cleaning up the glass. He needed to know, but I’d do it away from Sydney. Sydney took a deep breath and turned to face Colin.
“Um, Howard would mark the door jamb each time he had to punish me.” She had lowered her head and was looking down at her twisting fingers on her lap. “It was for being bad. Or at least, a reminder for how many times I misbehaved.” She let out a small, sarcastic laugh. “Now that you can see for yourself how bad I am, are you sure you still want me?”
“You’re not bad, Sydney. You’re the exact opposite of a girl needing discipline. Anthony and I have both been in this lifestyle for a long time and we’ve been with many submissives and have been around many submissives. I can tell you that you’re not the bad young woman that Howard made you think that you are. Your heart is huge and is in the right place. Your intentions are good-natured and you try. Howard was a bastard. He took advantage of you, baby. He knew he could control your mind and make you think you were bad and needed discipline so he could justify himself for hurting you. He was a sick fuck and nothing you could have ever done would have made you deserve anything that you’ve endured.”
She was listening and trying to get over the hurdle that she hadn’t deserved any of it. I thought this might be a good time to fill Colin in on the time frame that Sydney had been under Howard’s thumb. It wasn’t going to take Colin long before he realized, based on the number on that door jamb that Sydney was probably with him for a while.
“Col, one of the things that came out Tuesday with Chris, was how long she was with Howard. It was longer than you and I, or Matt, thought.” He stared at me waiting for me to continue. “Tell him sunshine, he won’t be mad.”
“I met him when I was twenty-one at Tails.”
Colin looked blank and void of any thoughts as if he hadn’t heard her. He shut his eyes for a few moments and then tried to move forward. He looked off to the side and then nodded his head. “Well, we have some lost time to make up for then, baby.”
We took her to bed and she snuggled up against me but I couldn’t sleep. Tomorrow was Monday and we had an appointment to meet with Chris at 10:00 a.m. I didn’t like the first meeting and knew Chris barely scratched the surface.
I woke up about an hour before I knew we had to get up in order to get to the doctor’s office. Glancing over to my right, I saw Sydney was asleep on Colin’s chest. I rolled to my right side to face her back and let my eyes roam up and down her body. She had her hair pulled up and I could see the faint burn marks. Fuck. I know how that felt and was sorry she endured it too.
My eyes took in the rest of her back. She’s healing slowly and the wounds are starting to close up and scab over. I pressed my body up against her and rubbed my thumb over her shoulder blades. I placed small kisses on her back and let my hand rest on her hipbone.
She was still too boney. She’s been putting on some weight thankfully, now that she’s out of her prior situation. It pains me to think she’s gone so long without necessities. I was disgusted with myself as I thought about how Colin and I went to nice, expensive, stomach filling lunches every day during the workweek while Sydney had been sitting in the courtyard at work eating half of a sandwich.