Tuesday, December 3rd
Colin
Anthony and I were a few stoplights away from Vito’s when both of our phones chirped with text messages. I was driving so I didn’t make a move for my phone but Anthony had his out and swore a string of obscenities.
“What? What’s wrong?” I asked him and forced myself to keep my eyes on the road.
“Matt. He said Sydney called Gina with some questions and got upset. He’s bringing her to lunch. Fuck.”
I was frowning and let my mind wander as I thought about what could have set her off. Many things could set Sydney off right now. She was in a very delicate stage of healing. I left her with the limit list. Fuck. I bet there was something on there that did it. I thought about the limit list trying to think of what might have been the trigger. To be honest, just about anything could have been a trigger. I shouldn’t have given it to her without one of us at least being home with her. Fuck, my fault.
We pulled into the parking lot and I shut the car off. I pulled my phone out and read the text from Matt. Anthony’s arm was propped up on the edge of the door and the back of his hand was resting against his mouth.
“Hey, want to go get the table?” I asked him. He didn’t say anything and waved his hand in the air as if it didn’t even matter if he ate. Fine. I’d make the decision. I pulled the fob out of the car, grabbed my phone and shoved his shoulder.
“Let’s go.”
We sat quietly at our table on the patio and I sipped my water while we waited for them. Anthony kept looking at his watch and then up at the parking lot.
“Anth, it’s my fault. I should have gone over that list with her. I made a poor decision to have her work on it while we were at work.”
“Stop it. I’m not blaming you. I’m equally to blame. It’s not just you, Col. We need to get her calmed down. Thank fuck that Gina and Matt were home.”
Moments later Matt and Sydney came out on the patio and headed towards us. Anthony stood and made his way over to her and wrapped his arms around her. Matt sidestepped them and sat down next to me, tossing my limit list on the table in front of me. I opened it and saw she completed the first one, which was anal play. Next item was “beating.” I understood now what happened.
“Fuck.” I folded it back up and put in inside my suit jacket as Anthony and Sydney made their way over.
Sydney sat across from me and next to Anthony. I saw that one of her wrists was bandaged again. What the hell?
“Sydney,” I pointed to her wrist and her head dropped. Anthony plucked her out of her chair and onto his lap. He tossed his sunglasses down on the table, slowly pulled her sweater sleeve up further and turned her hand over gently in his hand.
“Talk, Matt,” Anthony spat out.
I walked over and sat down in the chair Sydney was just pulled from and put my hand on her upper back.
“I don’t have to tell you that Sydney rubs and pulls on her wrists and hands when she’s nervous.” He nodded towards her wrist. “She had worked herself up and had been rubbing on her wounds nervously. I noticed a little blood and cleaned her up.”
“Sunshine,” Anthony tugged at her to lean on his shoulder so he could comfort her.
“Sir, I’m going to wrinkle you and ruin your suit.”
“I don’t care. I want you on my lap until the food comes.”
“Baby, tonight we’ll talk about the limit list. It’s okay.”
While we ate Matt tried to lighten up the conversation by talking about Christmas and the cabin.
“Are you looking forward to spending Christmas with all of us this year, Sydney?”
“Yes, I love Christmas.”
We talked some about the snow and trees, but my mind could only focus on what my limit list did to her this morning. Hearing her talk about Christmas trees so enthusiastically brought my attention back to the present.
“You like Christmas trees?” Matt asked her.
“I’ve always wanted a Christmas tree. Or at least to decorate one.”
“I think you’re going to love Anthony’s cabin. We go up there each Christmas and we get a tree. The first night we’re there, we go pick one out.”
“You guys get a tree?”
“Yes, ma’am.” Matt leaned back in his chair smiling at her.
“A real tree? A Christmas tree?” Sydney acted like she couldn’t believe that we’d get a Christmas tree.
“Yes, a real Christmas tree,” Matt confirmed for her.
With my hand still rubbing circles on her back, I felt any remaining tension leave her body. Talk of the tree excited her and made her happy.
“Baby, you’ll get to help us pick it out.”
Her head whipped around and looked excitedly at me. She smiled and expressed how much she was looking forward to it.
We talked some about the upcoming Everett Gaming Christmas party, which was next weekend. I needed to get Sydney shopping for a dress for that party and a dress for the Irons holiday party and auction.
Anthony pulled Sydney against his chest and held tightly. I sat back and thought about what must have been racing through her head as she read over that list. This happened because Anthony and I haven’t been able to get on the same page yet with talking to her about our expectations. As much as I hated to think of the similarities, right now Anthony and I were no different than Howard in regards to setting expectations. She was left guessing. Anthony and I needed to get it together. I knew he and I had a few hours this afternoon where neither of us had any meetings. He and I would at least begin talking about this. It needed to be a priority.
All too quickly lunch was over and Anthony and I had to get back to the office. Anthony helped her into Matt’s SUV and talked to her quietly with the door open. I stood with Matt a few feet away.
“Thank you, Matt. I should have gone over the list. Or at least been home. Looking back, I realize that just about anything on that list could have been a trigger.”
“You’re human, Col. You can’t be perfect all of the time. Besides, this is the first time your heart’s been fully involved. She was asking Gina if she knew if you and Anthony were into giving beatings. Gina swore up and down that you guys weren’t and I tried telling her too. Have you guys gone over your expectations with her, or consequences?”
I shook my head. We pull her into this relationship, which will be different and difficult at best, and we don’t even give her a clear list of expectations. Anthony and I were going to fix this. Chris gently reminded Anthony and I yesterday about it too.
“Look, don’t beat yourself up over it. Just work on it. You three have only been a V since Thanksgiving, but Sydney needs to know what’s expected and what the consequences are. She’s a lot like Gina in that regard. Knowing will comfort her and keep her from wondering or letting her mind run away from her.”
“We’ll fix it. Anthony and I have some time this afternoon so we’ll work on it. You’re right, Sydney thrives on direction and praise when she does something right. I should have known that from work. We should have done that first and then went over the limit list.”
“Don’t second-guess. You know better than that.”
I walked over to Matt’s car and leaned in to kiss Sydney.
“Baby, I’m going to keep your list and the three of us will go over it tonight. I want you to relax this afternoon and write in your notebook, okay?”
“Yes, Sir.”
I knew she loved writing in her notebook and that it comforted her. Anthony took another kiss and then pulled back and reached into his suit jacket.
“I almost forgot,” Anthony pulled out a small bag of M&M’s from his jacket and set them on her lap. She smiled and held the package of candy as if it were a million dollars. “Col and I got these for you at work. We were going to give them to you tonight, but I think you can enjoy them this afternoon.” He winked at her and she thanked us for them. She was so sweet and unlike anyone I had ever been with. Just the little things in life were so important to her.
Anthony and I were quiet as we walked back to my Range Rover. I knew he felt as heavy as I did. We sat in the car for a few minutes without speaking.
“Anth, we need to sit down and get organized about these expectations and go over them with her as soon as possible. She needs them to feel secure and needs to know she’s doing as expected. Right now she’s terrified of messing up and getting punished.”
“I know. It kills me. Fucking kills me that she’s scared of being beaten. Fucking makes me sick.”
He was looking out the window as I started our drive back to the office. We began brainstorming of things we wanted from the relationship. It was something that Anthony and I both needed to give some serious thought too. We decided to go to my office when we got upstairs to begin seriously discussing this. Anthony was free all afternoon and I had the Cheng conference call at 4:30.
“She needs clear cut direction. That’s the only way she won’t worry or doubt herself. If she knows what we expect, her confidence will grow because she’ll know she’s doing what we’ve asked,” I said to him in the elevator.
“I agree. And we need to tell her. Often,” he added as we headed towards my office.
I was trying to think of where to begin with Sydney. Times when I’ve helped other Doms and subs, I’ve observed them and have known what they are looking to accomplish. With Sydney, it was all about Anthony and I. He and I needed to voice what we wanted. And that was the hard part. This was new to me and I barely came to realize that Anthony and I love her. She’s not just a play partner or a partner to scene with. This was a young woman who captured my heart and my best friend’s heart. We had to nurture our special relationship with her.
“Leslie, Anthony and I are not to be disturbed.” I stopped in mid stride and told Leslie to let me know if Matt, Gina or Sydney calls.
“Yes, Mr. Everett.”
I shut the door and Anthony sat down on the couch and I took up the smaller couch across from him.
“Where do we begin, Col?”
“Well, let’s go over some basics.”
I grabbed a notepad and made two columns: one for me and one for Anthony. I began to write some basic elements or characteristics to D/s relationships. I stopped writing and looked up at him. “Anth, you and I have to be completely honest. Too much is at stake.”
“I understand.” His eyes didn’t falter and he looked confident that he’d be able to be honest with what he wanted.
“Okay, what are your thoughts regarding when we get home from work?” I asked him.
“I like coming home to her naked and kneeling on the floor. Legs spread slightly. But I don’t want her looking down. Ever,” he said and leaned forward.
“Agreed. I love going home finding her waiting for us, but I have to see her eyes. I don’t want her looking down either.”
Good, so we were on the same page with that. I knew there would be things that he and I won’t be on the same page with and that’s okay too, we just need to make this info clear to Sydney. Anthony and I shared many of the same interest when it came to the D/s dynamics. I knew there wouldn’t be much that he and I would disagree on. And maybe that’s why he and I were able to have gone on so long co-topping together. We both got off on the same kinky shit and felt confident and comfortable with whom we were.
Our phones buzzed and grabbed our attention. It was a text from Matt saying Sydney was home and was safe. Thank goodness for Matt. Anthony and I both left our phones out just in case Sydney needed us.
“Sleeping arrangements. What are your thoughts on that?” I sat back and thought about what I wanted. I wanted her in my arms every night. I didn’t mind if Anthony was on the other side of her. I just had to have her within touching distance.
“I want to be in bed with her each night. Naked. I’m not sleeping in restrictive pajamas. I’m a man and not ashamed of my dick embarrassing me. If I want to roll her over and bury myself in her, I want her to be right there naked.”
I nodded and told him we were on the same page. We decided that the three of us would all sleep in the same bed with Sydney between us. She’d be naked, unless she was sick. We also conversed about moving to the upstairs room again. She has spent her entire time in the downstairs guest room, but it wasn’t personal. The downstairs room was a training room for Doms and subs. Sydney was more than a sub I was training.
She was everything.
We had decided the other night that my current room upstairs would become “our” room. We’d redecorate and get new bed and bath linens. I was very serious about creating that room as our room. Each of us needed to have input to make it our own.
As we were discussing our room, we both agreed that none of us would ever go to bed angry or with something on our chest. Sydney needed to understand that too. We also agreed that Sydney needed a space or room of her own. She has been ripped from her home and has been in my home for over a month now. She needed a little space of her own to go and write or read if she wanted. There was an empty bedroom upstairs that was close to the same size of the guest room downstairs but no sitting room. She could use that one.
“Clothes. What would you prefer her to be in during the day?” I asked him.
“I want her in clothes while you and I are at work. She will be alone and I think she’d feel vulnerable if she was naked all day and alone. Right now, it’d be too much for her to be alone and vulnerable all day.”
I agreed. It was almost scary how much Anthony and I were on the same page regarding everything so far. We agreed that each morning Sydney would make us breakfast, coffee and would eat with us. Anthony and I swore to not bring work to any meal and he and I would do our damnedest to leave work at work. Sydney needed and deserved our attention after being alone all day.
“Any personal care preference, Anth? Showers? Grooming preferences?”
“I think we’re going to get into the habit of the three of us showering together in the mornings and I love the evening baths. I think it relaxes her and that’s important. But if you and her decide to take a shower, I don’t mind.”
My heart rate slowed and calmed when we talked about that. We talked about the sex aspect. I needed to know where he stood on the topic of sex. Would he want all the sex to include the three of us always or would he want any separate sex with her? After a lengthy conversation we agreed that most of our sex is going to include all three of us. Anthony and I both preferred it that way. However, we were both comfortable enough that we could have sex individually with her. But again, I didn’t think that would come up much because of our preference with co-topping, so sex would naturally include the three of us.
“Col, I want her pussy bare.”
I looked up at him and smiled. Anthony loves clean shaved pussies. He loved putting his head between a woman’s legs as much as I love giving a woman anal sex.
“That’s fine, Anth. We will put it down as one of her daily chores. Making breakfast, shaving pussy.” I wrote it down and we shared a laugh over it. “I think we need to give her a list of things to accomplish each day. She would do well with lists. And if we’re giving her a list of things to do, then you and I need to be consistent and make sure she’s doing it. Which means, we have to think of repercussions.”
I set my pen down and looked at him. This was a heavy topic and I knew he felt as I did on the topic. Neither of us wanted to lay a finger on her in a punishment sense. We agreed though that if one of us needed to punish her, then the other would support it and that we wouldn’t play Good Dom/Bad Dom.
“So punishments. We need to think of something, Anth. She needs to know the consequences.”
He leaned back on the couch and folded his arms behind his head. “I won’t strike her for punishment. I’ll spank that pretty ass during play or flog her for erotic pleasure, but I won’t scold her and then apply physical pain.” He held his gaze on mine. “You and I will go head to head if you want to do that.”
“For fuck’s sake, Anthony. You think I’d want to do that? You’re out of your fucking mind…no, we aren’t going to do that. We’re not doing anything that would remind her of Howard.”
“It’s got to be something of meaning though.”
“Maybe we’ll give her a larger butt plug.” I hardened at the image of her sitting naked in the great room with a huge plug up that ass.
“Nice, Col. What if we take something negative from her past, maybe something from a nightmare and push her to work through her fear. She’s scared of losing sight during a scene. What if we put a fluffy blindfold on her, say for ten minutes or so? But during that time, you and I are with her holding onto to her so she knows she’s safe. Then maybe it’d turn something negative into something positive for her. Maybe something along those lines.”
He was definitely onto something with that. He and I would work on ideas for punishment to meet the infraction and maybe this was something he and I could speak to Chris about. We decided that we’d have to play the punishments by ear and deal with it as it came up. I doubted we’d run into many issues with her though.
“Health issues and concerns?” I asked him.
“Anytime she’s sick or has a doctor’s appointment, we both go. We both need to be at the appointments with Chris.”
“Agreed. Condoms?”
Anthony and I both had vasectomies but aside from that, we knew Sydney couldn’t have kids. From the exams Sydney has had, we’ve discovered the damage from Howard took her chance away to have kids. Matt explained that her cervix was severely scarred and damaged. I remember that sad conversation as Anthony and I stood by Sydney’s side while Matt delivered that news. Matt explained in graphic detail what a body physically goes through during forced sex. It’s a conversation I’ll never forget and was reminded of it as Anthony and I sat discussing condoms. I knew that Sydney knew and understood she couldn’t have kids because of the internal damage.
Since Anthony and I were both Masters and Irons, we were required to be tested monthly. But now that the three of us were in a closed V, condoms wouldn’t be necessary. Anthony and I couldn’t even remember the last time either of us had sex without condoms. I couldn’t wait to feel her without a condom, provided she was okay with it. She wasn’t going to be voiceless in this relationship. She’s spent the last seven years without a voice and that kind of relationship was behind her.
We wouldn’t keep secrets. The three of us would be open books. Anthony and I decided that we’d alternate on which one of us would be the main Dom on nights we went to Irons. We discussed starting to take her into the playroom at home. It was a decent sized playroom opposite the guest room she had been staying in.
“What are you looking forward to mostly doing with her in the playroom or at Irons?”
Anthony laughed and leaned forward over his knees. “What do I want to do with her the most? Everything. I can’t wait to flog her and take her into subspace or put her over my knee and spank that ass while I’ve got a plug buried in it. Eventually maybe get her up on that cross. I can let go of my love of rope for her. It’ll be too much for her and I recognize that, Col. Especially right now. But fuck, I’d love to see her wrapped up in soft rope.”
“Yeah, that will be quite the sight. We’ll get there. There will be progress and relapses. But we’ll get there.”
“I know, Col. It’s the journey, not the destination.”
We had made a ton of progress and both of us felt better that we were able to go over this. I tried to keep to myself in my office for the rest of the afternoon. Despite having made so much progress with Anthony this afternoon, I was unsettled about what happened with Sydney this morning. I had sent her a few texts and had responses to most of them except I hadn’t seen a text from her in the past hour. I was growing worried, though I knew that she was probably fine. Actually, I didn’t know that she was fine. Worry and concern rolled through my body and I got up and went to Anthony’s office.
Mitch and James were in there talking financials. When I walked in Mitch and James looked at their watches. They probably were worried that they were late for our 4:30 meeting. It wasn’t even 4:00 yet. Anthony knew Sydney was on my mind and I asked him to come to my office when he was done.
“We’re done. We’ll go. We’ll meet you in the conference room at 4:30,” Mitch said as he and James left.
I watched them walk out of the room and then turned to Anthony.
“Why don’t you head home? I’m worried about her.”
Anthony nodded and was pulling his suit jacket on. He knew our conference call could easily go past five. I walked Anthony to the elevator and then headed back to my office to get ready for the conference call. I was worried sick now. I hadn’t had a text response from Sydney during the past hour and hadn’t answered the few calls I placed to her or to the house phone. She could be outside writing, though it was dark out now. Anthony was on his way. I knew he’d fill me in once he got home.