Tuesday, December 3rd
Matt
I overheard Gina on the phone telling Sydney that Colin and Anthony would never beat her. What the fuck was that all about? Was she afraid of being beaten by them and if so, what the hell brought that on?
“Gina pet, what’s Sydney talking about?”
“She’s working on a limits list for Colin and Anthony. I think she’s reading into the beating section too much and asking how Colin and Anthony would punish her. She’s upset.”
I took the phone from Gina and tried to find out what Sydney was reading and exactly what was worrying her. She was scared and was having a problem even talking. I knew the guys were at work and Sydney was home alone with her mind running away with itself. We needed to go over and help her and at least calm her down. She probably had questions and had been smart enough to reach out to Gina, but because of her recent past, she needed someone there with her to go through those questions.
Colin and Anthony love this girl and they’d never hurt her. They know what she’s been through and are working on determining what she can and can’t handle. I doubted that Sydney even knows her true limits yet. Colin and Anthony are excellent Doms and know when to push and when not to push.
I am pissed off though if Colin left her with that gigantic list without going over it with her. I’ll ream him for that.
Sydney barely was able to talk so I told her we were coming over. I needed to see exactly what she was looking at. When she let us in, I saw glimpses of what Gina was like in the beginning mirrored in Sydney; worrying and second-guessing everything. She’s been doing well but she gets knocked down with some setbacks from time to time. It won’t always be like that but she’s still in the early stages of healing. Colin and Anthony have been making huge strides with her and this is just an inevitable part of healing from something traumatic. She’s been trying so hard to be “perfect,” and she’s scared to make a mistake because that creep would hurt her. I could tell she’d been crying and she was jittery as we stood in the great room.
“Sydney, calm down, sweetheart. Let me see what you were looking at.”
She took a few pages from the coffee table and handed them to me. When she did, I did a double take at her wrists.
“Sydney,” I reached down for her hands but she pulled away. I calmed myself and remembered to approach her carefully and with slow motions.
“Sweetheart, let me see your hands.”
She bravely stepped forward and held her hands out. One of her wrists was bleeding some around the burn and near a cut that had been healing.
“Sydney, what happened?”
She glanced down and looked surprised to see some blood on them. She began breathing faster and I worried she was close to having a panic attack.
“I…I started to rub on my hands and wrists. I get nervous sometimes and rub on them. C-colin and Anthony are on me for it. I’m trying to do better. I’m s-sorry, Dr. Reid.”
Sydney had been so nervous by the questionnaire that she had rubbed her wrist raw. One of her fingers was bleeding a little from where she pulled some skin around a fingernail. I took a deep breath and told her to follow me.
I knew she was set up in the downstairs room and chances were good that the bandages were still in there. I cleaned her wrist and finger, put a bandage on the finger and wrapped her wrist up. I used the time it took me to clean her up as an opportunity to talk to her about her worries.
“Colin and Anthony love you Sydney. They wouldn’t harm you. Are you afraid of them?”
“No! No, sir.”
“Matt will do, Sydney. I’m not your Dom, sweetheart, so call me Matt.”
She nodded and gave me a small smile. I took a look at the papers Colin gave her. He clearly wasn’t thinking when he left her with this huge questionnaire.
“Did they go over any of this with you?”
“Um…”
She was struggling and I felt bad for her. She’s trying so hard.
“Okay, relax. Let’s go over it and Gina and I will answer any questions.”
She glanced at her phone and grew jittery again.
“What’s wrong, Sydney?”
“Um, I’m supposed to meet them at Vito’s for lunch at noon. I…I can’t be late.” She began pacing and held her hand over her stomach. “I can’t be late. They’ll think I can’t follow directions. And, they’ll punish me. I don’t want them to b-beat me.”
“Sydney, sweetheart, they’re not going to beat you. Ever. Please, if you only hear one thing that I tell you today, let it be that. Colin and Anthony will never beat you.”
“But,” she looked over at the papers on the coffee table.
It was approaching 11:40 and I couldn’t let her drive. She was a wreck but I thought the thing she needed most was to see Colin and Anthony.
“How were you getting to Vito’s?”
“The black BMW. Colin told me to drive it.”
If she hadn't looked at me with such sad eyes, I would have laughed. Colin leaves her with a car that has over 500 horsepower casually sitting under the hood. He left the girl who rode the bus to work, 500 horses and a price soaring over $150,000.
“Sweetheart, I’m not going to let you drive. You’re upset and it wouldn’t be responsible of me to allow you to drive. They’d kill me if something happened to you. I will take you.”
“No, it’s okay. I…I’ve already imposed.”
“You haven’t. Go get ready.”
I sent Colin and Anthony texts, otherwise those two would worry if Sydney didn’t show up when they expected her. The two of them were going to need to sit down with her tonight and go over this list. I folded up the paper and put it in my pocket. She didn’t need to have this thing in front of her this afternoon while they’re at work. Her wounds are too fresh and too deep and it’s too easy for her to second-guess Colin and Anthony and read into things.
MR: Hey guys, I have Sydney and am bringing her to meet you for lunch. Don’t worry, she’s fine. She was working on your list and called Gina with some questions. Her mind ran away from her and she got upset so Gina and I came over. I’m not letting her drive your monster car. Will be there as soon as we can.
She sat quietly in the front seat of my SUV and I knew her fists were balled up inside her sleeves. Poor thing. I see so much of Gina in her. I knew she was nervous being alone with me in the car but I also knew that she was starting to trust me more.
“Tell me what’s running around in your head, Sydney.”
“Um, I’m nervous about being punished.”
“You haven’t done anything wrong. They don’t get off on hitting subs just for the sake of hitting, Sydney. Please don’t blur the lines between them and Howard.”
“But what if they have to punish me?”
“Then they will be sure the punishment fits the offense. Nothing more. And, once the punishment is done, it’s done and over with. They don’t carry grudges and they won’t continue to bring it up.”
She was contemplating and thinking about what I said and I just hoped some of it was sinking in.
“But, the paper asked about beatings. It seemed like the only way to get around that was to mark it as a hard limit.”
“Listen to me, Sydney. You always have a way out. That’s what your safe word is for. Colin told me Howard would ignore your safe word. Howard was wrong and irresponsible. Anthony and Colin would never ignore your safe word, or your needs. You owe it to yourself and to them to be one hundred percent honest when filling out that paper. You mark the beating section as a hard limit, Sydney. You don’t need it and they wouldn’t do it anyhow.” I hope I wasn’t confusing her more. “Sydney, some people in the lifestyle like and enjoy beatings. I know that’s a very hard concept and idea for you to embrace and understand. But there are those out there and believe it or not, some subs seek it out. Some say it grounds them and is a way for them to get rid of stress. Paul for an example, he likes giving beatings to those subs that want it and need it. Colin and Anthony aren’t into that.”
She was quiet for a few minutes and then asked me if I knew why Paul flipped out the other night. I opened my mouth and then quickly closed it. In the few conversations I’ve had with Colin and Blake about this, I agree with Blake in that Paul was motivated by Colin’s absence to try to talk Anthony into a scene with Sydney. Something was very off with Paul and the way he was that night with Anthony. I didn’t want to scare Sydney at all and I didn’t want her to spend much time thinking about it.
“Paul usually hangs out with other people at Irons. I don’t know him as well as I know other people at the club, but I never thought he’d do something like what he did the other night. I’m sorry it happened, Sydney. Have the three of you talked about it some?”
She nodded and mentioned that it’s been brought up a few times by Colin. Sydney said they’ve talked a little about it, but that Anthony doesn’t say much about it. Typical.
“Sydney, Colin and Anthony are not violent men. They’re not going to beat you. Neither of them are sadists.”
She nodded and immersed herself deep in thought again. She just needed to be in their arms. Even if it was just for a little while over lunch, I think it’d help her quite a bit. She needed to feel them and how gently they touch her. The two of them will be able to calm her down and settle her for the afternoon.