Saturday, November 23rd
Colin
I woke up around 5:00 a.m. to Sydney trashing around. I put my hand calmly on her tummy and then tried to pull her onto my lap. She opened her eyes after some coaxing and just like with Anthony, her scarred hands pushed against my chest.
“It’s okay, baby. Just a dream. You’re safe.”
Sydney leaned her head against my chest and pulled Anthony’s pillow closer to her. I leaned against the headboard and held her quietly until she had fallen back to sleep. I was able to get both of us lying down mostly and pulled a blanket up over her while hugging her body to mine. I couldn’t sleep but found myself resting my eyes for a while.
I got up around 7:00 a.m. and was still tired. I had to pack for Macau and to be honest, I was contemplating not going. I would make the final determination after I saw Anthony this morning. Sydney and I got up and Gina was already in the kitchen and had coffee started.
“I need to go over to Anthony’s so you two are to stay here. Understand?”
“Yes, Sir,” Sydney said as Gina nodded.
I went into my office to print something for Anthony. While it printed I quickly got dressed and made sure the girls had breakfast. I slipped the printed stuff into an envelope and headed out.
On my way to Anthony’s I stopped at McDonald’s and picked up the breakfast sandwiches with the maple syrup in them that Anthony had a thing for. I picked up some other breakfast stuff and headed to the towers in the sky. Thankfully I remembered my key card to get in the elevators. Matt sent me a text this morning about the elevator excitement last night.
I knocked and Matt let me in. I set the food down on the counter and saw Anthony coming inside from his balcony. Aside from looking a little tired, he didn’t look so bad. By Anthony’s standards, he was dressed down in jeans and a gray tee shirt that clung to his biceps.
“I brought food. I know I’ve kept you away from home a lot lately and I didn’t think you had much food.”
His eyebrows raised and he smiled when he saw the maple syrup sandwiches. The three of us took the food over to his great room and ate in there. I sat at the couch while Matt and Anthony each sat in the chairs opposite each other. Anthony was quiet but didn’t seem to be nursing a hangover. Just bruised pride. That’s fine. We’ll eat and then talk.
“How is she?” Anthony asked suddenly. “I hate myself for last night.”
I knew he’d feel like that. Matt and I tried telling him last night. I’ve been trying to tell him for a while now that he cares deeply for Sydney but he just hasn’t wanted to admit it.
“She’s okay, Anth. She missed you last night of course. She had a nightmare. I gave her one of your shirts to hold onto.”
He made a fist and pounded it quietly against the arm of the chair. “I should have been there for her.”
I was quiet and let him work through what he needed to work through, and then a yellow sock monkey caught my eye sitting on the arm of the couch close to Matt. I frowned and nodded at it to Matt. His smile told me that he knew what was up with the monkey. I reached over and grabbed it by the legs and shook it at Anthony.
“What’s with the little monkey?”
“It’s for Sydney.”
Oh. That was thoughtful. It was kind of cute and I can see Sydney eating up something like this. Anthony looked over at me as I made leg kick motions with it on the couch.
“Tell Col why it’s here and not with Sydney,” Matt pushed. I set the monkey down because I had a feeling there was more to this story and I didn’t want to seem like an insensitive jerk. Anthony seemed calm but I wasn’t going to test him. We needed to talk and if he was agitated, talking would never happen.
“I didn’t give it to her because I didn’t want her to stop holding onto me at night.”
Anthony was looking out his massive windows and looked ashamed. The monkey turned out to be a great lead into our talk that the three of us were most definitely having.
“Anthony, why can’t you allow yourself to at least entertain the possibility of you and Sydney? Please just tell me why. Matt and I are not going to let you throw this away until you can at least give us a reason why you can’t.” I was practically begging him.
I sat on the edge of the couch and stared at him. He was leaning forward and his arms were resting over his knees. He looked deep in thought and when he brought his head up, he looked exhausted and defeated. He was nodding though.
“Fine. I’ll be right back.” He headed down his hallway and disappeared into what I was pretty sure was his den.
“Maybe we’ll get an honest answer,” Matt said to me.
I hoped so. Anthony returned with two tattered file folders and sat back down. He opened the top one and narrowed his eyes as he flipped through a few pages. I was nervous now and I think Matt was also concerned. What the fuck did he have in those folders? Anthony had been holding his breath and exhaled loudly. He set the few pages he had organized back in the file folder and closed it. He sat quietly and stared out the window again. I glanced over at Matt. Whatever this was about was important and it obviously was something Anthony has kept well guarded. Anthony stood and dropped the two file folders on the coffee table in front of me. Neither Matt nor I made a move to open them.
The top folder had a stamp on it that read “Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department” and it had some signatures on it and other scribbling. There was a label on the front that read, “Graves, Richard Davis” and under it was the date December 12, 1990. I quickly did the math and knew that Anthony would have been about seventeen years old and probably a senior in high school. I looked up and met his pained expression and noticed how pale he looked. He seemed to be concentrating on the files as they sat on the coffee table.
“Anth?”
He looked at me and rubbed his hands over his unshaven face and then folded his arms across his chest.
“Go ahead. Open them. All the answers are in there.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and went over to the windows and leaned on the glass. Matt moved from the chair to sit next to me so we could both look at the contents. I exchanged glances with Matt and I opened the folder.
Staring at me was a gruesome picture and I automatically winced. My heart started to pound as I flipped through the dozen or so photos. The pictures held a battered body filled with many cuts and bruises. The back of the photos had a label on it and they all read, “Graves, A.D.”
I stared at the photos and then the labels on the back trying to make sense of what I was looking at, failing to believe the obvious. Anthony’s biological father, Richard Graves, filed the police report. I closed my eyes as I was putting the pieces together. The pictures were of Anthony when he was in high school. I read through the police report unable to comprehend anything in the first pass. I read it again and then again before it sunk in.
On December 11, 1990 an altercation occurred at Anthony’s home between his mother, Pamela, and his step-father, Bruce, and a friend of Bruce’s. Apparently all of the adults were intoxicated with either illegal drugs or alcohol. Bruce and his friend, Connor, were getting rough with Pamela when Anthony intervened. Bruce and Connor retaliated on a seventeen year old Anthony and he was held down and cut. Fuck, that’s how he got his scar. There were some additional pictures of stashes of drugs that were found at his home. Living conditions looked far from decent.
The next folder had a bunch of stamps on it that said Las Vegas Memorial Hospital and was stamped as December 11, 1990. There were a lot of signatures on the file and there was a worn out label that read:
Graves, Anthony Davis
D.O.B: 3/10/1973
Age: 17
I wasn’t sure that I wanted to see the inside of this file. Matt pulled it open and staring up at me were photos of a battered body. As I flipped through a couple, then I saw a picture of an abdomen with a huge bloody gash. Holy fucking shit. I looked over and saw that Anthony was leaning on the glass and was gazing out. My heart was pounding.
“Jesus,” Matt whispered.
There were X-ray films in the file and Matt reached for it and held it up to the light. I didn’t bother looking because I wouldn’t know what I was looking at anyhow. There were so many pictures of what a seventeen-year-old body should not look like. Behind the photos were notes from various doctors and reports. They all noted abuse. There were notes and photos of belt marks, burns, bruises and cuts. Fuck.
I felt sick and couldn’t read anymore and looked up at Anthony. He had slid down the wall and was now sitting on the floor with his legs bent and arms resting over them. Enough reading, he needed to talk. I nudged Matt and nodded over towards Anthony. He took the file folder off my lap and I went over to Anthony. Matt continued to read the medical file and I knew he’d be storing it all to memory.
Anthony was gazing out the windows at nothing in particular but looked up when he knew I was there. I reached my hand out for him to take to pull him off the floor. When he took it and I pulled him up, I took a risk by pulling him into a quick guy embrace. I thumped him on the back and kept my arm around his shoulders as we walked back over to sit down.
I had read enough and seen enough and needed Anthony to talk to us. He needed to talk to us. He’s kept this to himself for decades.
“Anth, what happened that night?” I asked him cautiously. I wasn’t sure if he would tell us or say that we knew enough now. He turned and gazed out the window again and I glanced at the photos on Matt’s lap. I brought my head up though when he began to speak.
“I intervened. I was in my room doing homework while they were in the kitchen yelling and being assholes. Connor was Bruce’s best friend and was always around. Ever since I was little I remember Connor. They always fought, drank, did drugs, had sex and then repeated the cycle. When I was little, I’d cry when they were hurting my mom. I begged them to stop but I could never get them to. They’d just shove me out of the way. They’d get creative. When I was really little, they’d use heavy tape and tape me to the glass sliding door. They’d make me watch.” Anthony made a circular motion near his neck and then cleared his throat. “They’d wrap the tape around my neck a few times and then secured it to the glass door. Eventually as I got a little older, maybe kindergarten or first grade, my mom was telling Bruce to go find me to beat on instead of her. She didn’t even know that Bruce had already been knocking me around for years. She didn’t give a fuck.
“I kept myself busy in my school work and studied hard so once I graduated I could get the fuck out. That night I had had it and snapped. All three of them were high and drunk. I went out to the kitchen and yelled at Bruce and Connor to stop hurting her. I shoved my way between them and helped her off the table. It was the dumbest thing I had ever done.” He looked over at me. This was exactly how he got his scar. I knew the gruesome details were coming.
“I tried going back to my room but Connor shoved me to the ground and sat on my chest. He pinned my arms down and asked me if I was ready to scream. Bruce sat over my thighs, pinning my legs down and I felt a pinch that turned into a horrible pain. Bruce cut me just under my ribs down to just above my hipbone. I remember trying to scream but Connor held his hand over my mouth. I remember seeing my mom standing over me as I was being cut. She was laughing at me and told me I got myself into that situation. She wouldn’t help me. She left me there with them.”
Anthony paused for a few moments. I noticed he had one of his hands under his shirt on the same side of his scar. He does this on occasion and I’m sure he’s not even aware that he does it. I was pretty sure he was holding a hand over it now.
“I started seeing spots and passed out. I woke up in the bathtub when Bruce came in and turned the shower water on. He sat on the edge of the tub and pressed on my chest with his foot to keep me in the tub. He just wanted to get a reaction out of me from the hot water on my skin. I held out as long as I could without giving him the satisfaction but when it became too much for me, he laughed and told me to hurry up and get ready for school.”
In the back of my mind was last Saturday when Matt pinned Anthony to the ground. I felt guilty about it and I’m sure Matt felt like shit right now.
“I found some rubbing alcohol under the sink and poured it over my cut. It fucking hurt. I bandaged it with paper towels and tore up an old tee shirt to wrap it around to stop the bleeding. I threw some clean tee shirts in my backpack and went to school. I was late because I had to walk slowly. I barely made it through the classes and between class I went to the bathroom and changed shirts. There was so much blood after each class and I remember how weak I felt by the end of the day. I thought I was going to die. During my last class of the day I decided my only chance was my dad. He and I weren’t very close. He lived in California. My mom had just been a fling when she worked at the strip club and my dad was a client. She was twenty-one when she had me and my dad at the time was close to fifty when I was born. He took responsibility though and sent my mom money each month. He called me on my birthdays, Christmas and as the new school year started and ended. So we were on speaking terms. I didn’t even know if he’d answer the phone but I had it all rehearsed in case he did. When he picked up, nothing came out. I just…cried. I finally got out what had happened and he told me not to go home but to go to the nearest hospital. I told him what the closest one was and he said for me to get there and he was on his way to the airport. My dad was a doctor like you, Matt. I bummed a ride from a kid at school and was scared to go into the emergency room. I was afraid they’d call my mom or Bruce. I was starting to see spots again and knew what that meant. I sat on the curb and wrote a note and sat there with it. It’s in the police file.”
Matt fished out an old piece of notebook paper with messy handwriting that read:
If I pass out, don’t call Pamela or Bruce Strand. Only call my dad Richard Graves. My name is Anthony Graves. My birthday is March 10, 1973 and I’m not allergic to anything.
“Two doctors or nurses approached me and asked me if I was okay. I handed them the note and they took me inside. I woke up later that night in the hospital and my dad was beside me. I tried to talk but nothing came out. He stayed with me and said he’d take care of everything. And he did. I was discharged a few nights later and never went home again. My dad took me with him to California and after the Christmas break, he enrolled me in a high school out there.”
Matt and I were frozen. Anthony grew up in hell and yet he was so grounded when Matt and I met him. He was already a member of Irons and was well respected. I really would have never known.
“Where were you burned?” I had to know and felt no shame in asking. He had been this open so far.
Anthony explained that he had been burned by hot water all through his childhood but that he never got any scars from that. The worst, were the cigarette burns. Anthony stood up, raised his tee shirt and pulled some hair from around his belly button out of the way to reveal several white blotches of skin in and around his belly button.
“Your belly button? They burned you there?” I don't know why I asked because it was obvious. He was showing it to us. I was disgusted.
“Yeah, my belly button was their favorite ashtray.” He dropped his shirt and sat back down.
Matt was still skimming through the medical file but was paying attention to us.
“Anth, why didn’t you go to a teacher for help? I know you were scared, but they would have helped you,” Matt added.
Anthony shook his head and looked down.
“Connor was the principal.” He reached for his coffee. He was shaking and I think it surprised him when he reached for the cup and nearly dropped it. He set it back on the table and folded his arms across his chest either to keep them from shaking or to keep us from seeing them shake.
“He was your high school principal?” I asked.
Anthony nodded. “And junior high. And elementary school.”
I frowned. I didn’t understand but was trying. Anthony exhaled loudly again but kept looking down.
“I was put in schools where Connor was at. He kept me in line and snubbed out any teacher concerns. Needless to say I was the most well behaved student who was constantly in trouble and in the principal’s office.”
Christ. Anthony’s past was far worse than either Matt or I could have imagined. I’m certain there were years of horrors that aren’t down on paper in black and white. Anthony leaned back in his chair and Matt tossed the yellow monkey over at him. He caught it and smiled.
“My dad filed a lawsuit against the school district and won, of course. There was so much evidence. A few teachers ended up coming forth saying that they had raised concerns about my well-being and brought it to the principal’s attention. Connor lied and told them all that he’d look into their concerns. My mom and Bruce were arrested but let go after a short sentence. They ended up in another argument while I was living with my dad. Bruce shot and killed my mom and then shot himself. When my dad sat me down and told me, I didn’t cry. They were nothing to me. And I don’t know what happened to Connor.”
“Anth, it’s certainly not our business, but I’m just curious,” Matt started. He leaned back on the couch and motioned around Anthony’s place. “Is this all from the suit your dad filed?”
Matt was curious about Anthony’s money. Not specific numbers, but rather if that was where it came from. I jumped in with a light joke about it.
“Are you insinuating that I’m not paying him well?”
Anthony laughed quietly and nodded at Matt’s question.
“Connor denied everything in the beginning but later admitted to inappropriate conduct in court. I had to testify, which was scary, but it was necessary. My dad put every penny from the settlement in various accounts for me. He didn’t touch a cent and said it was all mine. I didn’t care about the money. But it afforded me the opportunity to get a small place of my own while I went to college. It was during college that I learned about Irons. Every Friday after class, I’d hop a flight to Vegas from the bay area and spend the weekend. I attended all of the classes and seminars Blake required of potential members. And once selection day rolled around, I was ready with my money. I just had hoped someone would volunteer to mentor me. Turns out I got lucky and Blake took me. Then I met you guys and that’s when my life really started for me.”
I needed to remember to thank Blake for taking Anthony under his wing when Anthony was joining Irons. I wonder if Blake knew how much Anthony needed him back then. He probably didn’t know of Anthony’s past circumstance, but sometimes a Dom can just tell.
“And the best part of your life is happening now, Anth.” I leaned forward and looked over at him. “Anthony, I know you said the answers were all in these files. But I still don’t understand why you can’t be with Sydney.”
“Colin, you guys know that Sydney has been through hell. She needs a Dom that hasn’t had shit like mine in their past.”
Un-fucking real. Matt wasn’t buying it either.
“You don’t get it Anthony, you’re exactly what she needs. You connect with her in ways I could never connect with her. You understand things and feelings the way I couldn’t begin to fathom. You and Sydney both can describe with sick detail what it feels like right before you pass out from pain. Not everyone can connect like that. Because you share a similar, painful past, you can comfort her in a way no one else can.”
He wasn’t shaking his head anymore in denial but was actually listening and thinking about it. He leaned forward and was twirling the monkey by the legs.
“I don’t want to hurt,” he said quietly. This was Anthony honestly telling me what he was feeling. I know where he was coming from now. He spent so much of his life hurting that he’s done with putting himself in those situations. Only he’s been picky about that rule of his.
“I get it, Anth. I do. I’ll be the first one to tell you that losing someone you care for fucking sucks. It’s the worst. It’s horrible torture and it’ll sting for the rest of your life. Every year as Thanksgiving comes up, I think of that night that I lost my parents and Jeff. But would I ever go back and not want to be a part of something special like my family? Not a chance. I’d do it all over again every time, even if I knew I was going to lose them. We were a close family and I was lucky enough to have both parents who loved my brother and I. Now I’ve got Matt and Matt’s family, Gina, you and Sydney.”
“What if I can’t take care of her like she needs?”
“Anthony, you’re reaching, man. You are so in tune with her that you could feel her sneeze minutes before she does. You were built to love a girl like Sydney. You’d do everything in your power to keep her safe and taken care of,” I told him.
Matt held up the tattered folders. “You deserve to be happy and to be loved. Besides, you haven’t pushed Colin and I away. Or my mom and dad or Gina. Don’t push your sunshine away, man. You’ve had enough doom and gloom. Let her in.”
Anthony was running out of excuses and crutches now. He knew that Matt and I firmly and whole-heartedly believed that he was perfect for Sydney and could give her what she needed and wanted.
“What if...what if I’m not what she wants?”
He was genuinely scared to death of this being a possibility. That’s fine. I came prepared too. I smiled and held up my index finger and raced over to the kitchen counter to collect my arsenal. I came prepared for war. I dropped the envelope on his lap.
“I brought proof that you are everything to her. Everything.” He stared at the envelope like he was afraid to open it.
“Anth, the three of us have been family for a long time. We know each other like the backs of our hand. Matt and I have never seen you like this over a woman. It means something. You drop everything for her. Even in the very beginning when you brought her over for my party, you’ve been there for her. You can sense her getting nervous and you calm her just by being next to her. You have helped make that girl as strong as she is today and have helped her heal.” He was listening to me and wasn’t blowing me off or pretending like he didn’t hear me. “When you and I walked into her apartment that Sunday night it was you who cradled her mangled body. You stepped up and did your best with what needed to be done in a shitty situation. You held her in the back seat of my car and all through the night. She’s had a connection with you from the beginning. You’ve been by her side through the good and bad with the training. She trusts you more that she trusts everyone else combined. You.”
He leaned back in his chair and stared down at the sock monkey. He was contemplating the possibility that what I was telling him was the truth. And it was. He still held the envelope.
“Open it Anth. It won’t bite you,” I told him and sat back against the cushion.
“Anthony, you’re our best friend and our little brother. Colin and I wouldn’t let you walk into a fire where you’ll get burned.”
“Open it.”
Anthony cautiously opened the envelope and pulled out about twenty or so photos. Every single one of them had Sydney and Anthony in them. Anthony stared at them in disbelief but he was genuinely smiling. He hadn’t touched them yet but was grinning. I leaned over and started spreading out the pictures on his coffee table.
“See, I’ve been taking these of you two because I’ve known for a while that you two clicked. There’s amazing chemistry between you two.” I picked up some other ones causing him to smile. He looked better and in his eyes I saw hope and possibility. “Anthony, you’re the best Dom I know. You’re the best for her. I wouldn’t trust another man with her and be able to sleep at night. Just you.”
Anthony continued to shift through the photos and pulled out the one I took of the two of them at Velocity standing by the railing. His arm was draped around her waist; fingers under her shirt and his lips were at her ear.
“This was the night that I lost my ability to control and contain my desire for her. I want her, but not just from a sexual or D/s standpoint or for a night. I want to be everything to her. I want to give her everything that I have to give. I just worry that it’s not enough.”
“Anth, what you can offer her and give her is all she wants and needs. She just needs you to be happy,” I told him.
“And, I think we’ve discovered that you need your sunshine,” Matt added.
Anthony’s face was actually showing signs of happiness as he continued to look through the pictures. The pictures I’ve been taking have turned out to be the best thing for him.
He pulled out a few more and held them up for Matt to see. I tugged out one closer to the bottom from last night. It was of the two of them on the couch during aftercare and his hand was on hers against his chest. Both of their eyes were closed and they looked relaxed and content. He smiled wide when he saw that one.
“Your sneaky photo addiction is kind of creepy, Col.”
The three of us laughed. It was some much needed laughter after viewing the contents of those folders and listening to him. I know Matt had read them cover to cover and I’d have to talk with him later about them. Matt gathered the file folders and handed them back to Anthony.
“Thank you for sharing these with us. I know it wasn’t easy and I’m sorry that I’ve pushed you over the years about that scar. I saw the stitches in the pictures they gave you and I know it bothers you from time to time. Offer always stands, Anth. Anytime you want something to ease a flare up, let me know.”
Anthony nodded. I knew Anthony would never take Matt up on it but at least it was out in the open again.
“Are these pictures mine?”
“All yours, man. Do with them as you please. Stare at them all day and then come over.” I paused while he gathered up the pictures. “Anth, I’ve got to go to Macau tonight. I have to know that you’re going to be okay with Sydney.”
“I’m okay. I’ll take care of her. She has her appointment Tuesday.”
Anthony pulled out his cell phone and opened his calendar. He turned the phone around so I could see it on his calendar. “See, I added it. I also added Sydney’s follow up with Matt a week from Monday.” He set his phone down and looked at Matt and I. “I’m sorry about last night. Both of you are right. I will tread carefully and slowly and will keep an open mind.”
“That’s all you’ve got to do, Anth. The rest will work itself out.”
Matt and I left shortly after that. I felt good about where Anthony was at in regards to Sydney. He at least was open to the possibility of the two of them and he wasn’t fighting it anymore. I was feeling somewhat sick to my stomach over the stuff we heard and read in those files.
Anthony was going to take the afternoon to rest and relax and then was going to be over to my place around five. He needed to sleep. Anthony was bringing dinner and then would take me to the airport tonight. I needed to spend the rest of the day with my baby before my trip.
I felt funny as I got into the car though. I realized that with Anthony believing in the possibility of him being Sydney’s Dom that my time with her is limited. At this point, I’m not really sure what would happen with Sydney and Anthony, if anything. But I knew that he had finally heard Matt and I out and he hadn’t dismissed any of it. I knew it wasn’t going to be instant but I knew that he was at least more open to the idea. And that was all I needed to reassure me that while I was in Macau, our fragile kitten would be safe and cared for.
When I got home, Matt and I hit some golf balls around for a bit to blow off some steam from reading about the shit Anthony went through. It was no wonder that Anthony never spoke about his mom and Bruce. Fucking assholes. All things considering, Anthony somehow turned out okay. At least his biological father was there for him, even though it was almost a little too late. I think Blake had a profound affect on Anthony. I knew he mentored Anthony and obviously helped to make sure Anthony’s head was screwed on straight. I now understand their bond some more.
“Matt, can you help Anthony with Sydney while I’m gone, if he needs it? She’s got her appointment Tuesday and I’m nervous about that. Plus all the shit that Anthony showed us today.”
“You didn’t need to even ask, Colin. I’ll see if we can get together with them for dinner a couple times. I’ll check on him. He’ll be okay.”
“So, dare I ask what else was in the medical file?” I walked back to where Matt was leaning on his golf club. I knew he had read those files word for word and understood all that medical jargon.
“None of it was pleasant, Colin, you know that. There were lots of notes about neglect and malnourishment. There were a lot of additional pictures that nearly turned my stomach. It’s one thing to see it first hand in the hospital or read about it in a report. But then when you realize that what you’re seeing and reading actually happened to someone close to you, it’s tough.”
“What I saw looked sick enough.”
“Be thankful you didn’t read anymore. I can tell you that I’ll be up tonight thinking about it. Pictures of his back were horrible.” He didn’t move up to the tee but continued to stand leaning on his club.
“What was wrong with the back pictures, Matt?”
I wanted to know. He was my best friend. Matt took a deep breath and then exhaled loudly. He cleared his throat before continuing.
“Just everything, Col. Cuts, bruising. The bruising on his lower back concerned me the most. It was in the neighborhood of his kidneys. I flipped through the report to see if there was mention of any organ damage but I didn’t see anything. They fucked him up.”
Fuck. My stomach hurt. He dealt with that for years on his own. Matt continued to talk when I wished he hadn’t. But he needed to vent and get it off his chest too. He said there were some photos where Anthony had hand marks and bruising on his neck. Matt suggested someone would have had to have been grabbed frequently around the neck to create the kind of bruising that was in the pictures and report. My mind flashed back to Anthony telling us his step-father and friend would fucking tape him to the sliding glass door. They taped him to glass by his neck. Sick fucks. I hope they’re rotting in hell. Matt’s voice brought me to the present.
“There were other pictures too, Colin.” It was the way he said “other” that made my stomach ache even more.
“Fuck, Matt. What the fuck is wrong with people?” My mind raced with the worst.
“His fucking step-father seemed to have a love for belts.”
I had mixed feelings. I was angry over what happened to him and deeply saddened over it; but it was Matt voicing that Bruce Strand loved belts that pushed me over the edge. I wanted to throw the club as hard as I could.
I spent the rest of the afternoon snuggling with Sydney on the couch. Even though I told her Anthony was coming back tonight, she was still subdued. Just before 5:00, Anthony arrived with a cheese pizza. I took the box from him while he hung up his coat. I was trying to shake the images of his younger looking abused body from my mind.
“Hey.”
“Come in, Anth. You’ve been missed and in demand today.”
“I’m sorry I was a dick and ran, Col.”
“I know. But you’ve got to make it right with your sunshine.”
He nodded and then his attention was diverted to over my shoulder. I knew Sydney had walked into the room. Anthony’s face went from stressed and worried to thankful and longing.
“Sunshine,” he whispered and walked past me. He met her half way and pulled her in his arms cradling her head in his hands against his chest. “Sunshine, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”
“I missed you, Sir. Are you okay?”
Sydney voicing her concern over him struck a chord with Anthony. Aside from Matt, Blake and I, Anthony hasn’t had many people express concern over how he’s doing. And after seeing a glimpse into his graphic childhood, I had a better grasp on exactly why it was hard for him to believe that someone could love him. The closest caring adult he had in his life was his biological father. And he wasn’t around until Anthony was seventeen.
Soon Anthony was kissing her face and they were all over each other. I headed towards them and pushed Anthony towards the kitchen. I made sure we talked about light things during dinner like Macau and Thanksgiving. Sydney expressed she was excited to be part of a big dinner at Matt’s and she was looking forward to meeting his parents.
On the way to the airport we talked about the time difference in Macau and how we needed to maintain daily contact over the next few days. I’d be able to pick up on any issues hopefully. We were going to try to connect with each other using the iPads in the mornings for me and evenings for them.
“Have you been to Macau before, Colin?” Sydney asked from the back seat.
“Yeah, quite a bit actually. We’ve been working on getting our foot in the door with Cheng’s team for a while. Over a year. So Mitch, Anthony and I have been there a handful of times.”
Sydney was curious about the city and asked me lots of questions and Anthony and I answered them for her. She asked if we ever brought anything neat back and instantly Anthony burst out laughing.
“Oh yes, sunshine. Colin brought back something cool. A few times, isn’t that right, Col?”
I smiled and shook my head at him. I knew he was referring to my tattoos. I have a few tattoos and three of them I got while in Macau. I explained to Sydney that Anthony was referring to my tattoo on the center of my chest, the one on my side, and the one on my bicep. The one on the center of my chest is a couple of Chinese characters, and the one on my bicep and side, are dragons. They’re no secret to Sydney though, because she’s seen them. She knows Anthony, Matt and I have tattoos on our shoulder blades of a BDSM emblem.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you what the symbols mean,” Sydney said.
“It means rising dragon.”
“Does that have a special meaning for you?”
“Sort of. During my first trip to Macau, I got the dragon tattoo on my arm. Dragons have dual meanings in different regions of the world. In China, they represent good. In the west, they tend to mean darker more ominous things. Power, unpredictability, ferocity. In the east and west, there are a few things that a dragon tattoo represents in both cultures; potential. So after my first meeting with Cheng’s team, potential, struck a chord with me.”
“While we were walking back to our hotel, we saw a little store front where some guy who had to be a million years old was tattooing a customer, just out on the sidewalk in front of the store. Of course, we stopped to watch and I dared Colin to let this guy tattoo him.”
Anthony and I shared a laugh again as I remembered being bold enough to accept his dare but being scared to death to let this ancient man take a needle to my arm. It ended up pretty fucking neat and I’ve never regretted it.
“Anthony, Mitch and I were invited back by Cheng’s team a few months later. I saw this as potential for a contract. I had an opportunity in front of me and what I did with it was all on me. And Anthony and Mitch. But the potential and opportunity was there. I just had to do something with it.”
“So, again on our way back to the hotel we’d pass that same tattoo storefront and would always stop to watch. Again, I dared Colin to get something else.”
“And again, I sat proudly in that uncomfortable metal chair and let him tattoo the rising dragon in Chinese characters on my chest. The next time we went back, I got another dragon tattoo on my side.”
“That’s actually a really neat story, Colin. Rising potential. Very neat for business.”
I smiled knowing that Sydney thought that it was crafty and hearing her say my name. I promised them that I wouldn’t come back with more tattoos though. My smile faded as we pulled up along the curb to the drop off section.
Sydney had hopped out of the back seat and hugged me on the curb while Anthony pulled my bag out of the back of my Range Rover.
“Baby, listen to Anthony while I’m gone. He’ll take care of you.” I almost let it slip out of my mouth that I loved her while I hugged her. I did love her but I couldn’t let that surface. She needed Anthony, and he needed her.
“Yes, Sir. Have a good time in Macau.”
She was always thinking of others and her thoughtfulness made me smile. I opened up the passenger door and made sure she got situated. I didn’t want her to stand in the cold. I bent to kiss her good bye and then gently closed the door. It’s going to be a few lonely nights without Sydney in my arms.
“Got everything, Col?” Anthony asked as he approached with my bag.
“Yep, all ready.” I glanced back at Sydney and waved. I knew very well when I come back, things could be different. “I’ll miss her while I’m gone.”
“I know you don’t have a ton of faith in me right now, but I promise you that I will take care of her.”
“And she’ll take care of you.” I playfully punched him in the arm, waved to Sydney again, and walked towards the airport terminal with a smile on my face.