Tuesday, December 3rd
Colin
I read Anthony’s text as I was exiting the building. Damn! Why hadn’t I insisted Anthony go home after lunch with her? I tried to stay focused on the road so I could get there in one piece. I was sweating by the time I pulled into the driveway. I didn’t even waste time with the garage; I just parked next to Anthony and hurried inside.
As I crossed the threshold, my feet bumped into something. I looked down to see it was a belt. Holy fuck. Slowly I picked it up, rolled it and set it on the table in the entryway. I turned and found Sydney curled up on Anthony’s lap on the floor.
I crouched in front of them and Anthony filled me in on what happened. Sydney had been waiting all afternoon to be punished. I rubbed my hand over my face and stood. I looked around, unsure of what to do in that moment. I went into the great room and flipped the lights and the fireplace on as I began to think about all of the emotional damage Howard has done. Sydney is terrified of doing something wrong. I went back to the entryway and scooped Sydney up from Anthony’s lap. Anthony said that Sydney had calmed down considerably since he got home. He had done a great job of calming her and realizing she needed nothing more than to be held when he got home. Anthony has the ability to calm her almost instantly.
The three of us sat on the couch quietly for a while. I thought about how to approach this subject with her. I asked Sydney to explain why she thought she deserved to be punished. She had been upset over not being able to finish the few papers I left for her.
Sydney takes things like that very seriously. If she’s asked to do something, she does it. And if something comes up where she can’t, she feels like she’s “bad” and falls to pieces. And I understand why. Previously, if she had been bad, she had the life nearly beaten out of her or was bound, blindfolded, and put in a closet. She can’t be afraid of not being perfect.
“Baby, sometimes things are going to come up that are going to prevent you from doing something Anthony or I asked. And it’s okay. You are not expected to be perfect. You’ll make mistakes and you’ll learn from them. But there will be times, where something can’t be done and it won’t be your fault or anything you can do to help it. It’s just life. In those cases, you’ll learn that it wasn’t in your control and we move on.” She looked up at me with sad eyes and it about crushed my heart. “Baby, you’re coming out of a very traumatic young life. Anthony and I should have sat with you while you worked on the list. Not completing this wasn’t your fault. We will move on though. The three of us will work on this tonight. After that, Anthony and I will talk with you about our expectations.” I kissed her forehead and squeezed her. “Okay, baby?”
“Yes, Sir.”
I suggested that we go sit in the tub for a while. If I had to guess, I’d say she was cold from the inside out.
In the tub she tried curling into a little ball between my legs. She hunched over her bent legs and tried to wrap her arms around them and rest her head on her knees. It reminded me of the position she was in when I found her in the closet that afternoon she had dropped. It was also sparking a visual in my head of what she must have looked like when she sat in her shower all alone. She was used to this position, and it was familiar to her. I wanted her out of it and to never feel like she needs it again. It’s been one of her coping mechanisms and I needed to remind myself that it’ll take some time for her to let go of those. I just can’t tell her not to do it and then expect to never see it again. It’ll take time and gentle reminding.
“Sydney, no baby. Let go of your legs. Anthony and I are here for you. No retreating. You don’t have to give yourself comfort, baby. We’re right here.”
I moved closer to her, wrapped my arms around her and gently pulled her arms from around her legs. My efforts were met with some resistance from her to keep herself wrapped up in a ball. A small whimper left her mouth as I tugged her closer so she’d lean against me with her back. Anthony had pulled her legs towards him and he was working on a foot massage. Eventually she relaxed and let us take care of her, but it wasn’t without her internalizing over it.
We got out of the water once it started to cool and Anthony sat by the fireplace with Sydney, while I made us a quick dinner. I knew she was in good hands but wanted to limit my time in the kitchen. We need to talk and she needed some warm food in her. I glanced in the pantry and was glad my housekeeper had stocked it up yesterday. I’ve got Sydney and Anthony to think about now and I know we eat out a lot, but I need to make sure the kitchen is stocked for evenings like this.
I found soup and a fresh loaf of bread, so I went for the ultimate comfort meal of soup and grilled cheese. I knew Sydney liked it because we had it that evening we brought her home from the hospital. A chill ran up my spine as I thought back to the night we found her passed out on the floor of her apartment.
We ate by the fireplace and our conversation drifted to Christmas. Anthony and I were going to spoil her to pieces. I can’t believe how excited she is about the tree and decided I was going to scope out all of the places here that had Christmas displays.
Once everyone had eaten, I brought out the limit list.
“Okay, let’s talk about this. I should have gone over this with you in more detail. I know you got upset with the ‘beating’ category. Baby, Anthony and I won’t beat you. The kind of beating on this list is more for erotic pleasure than punishment purposes. But that’s my fault for not explaining it to you.”
“But, how will you punish me if you don’t beat me?”
I could kill Howard. Possibly just by looking at him. That’s how much I hated him. I glanced over at Anthony. Howard instilled this feeling in her. Sydney was upset and worried about being beat or doing something wrong that would earn her a beating.
“Baby, I’m going to honest with you and not pretend like I know the answers to everything. Anthony and I don’t have everything worked out yet. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we will not beat you for punishment. And I don’t foresee there being times when Anthony and I need to even punish you. But if it does arise, we’ll talk about it and will come up with something that will not spin you into shock. Maybe we’ll take a privilege away or something like that. We’ll work through it; but don’t be afraid of being beaten. It’s not going to happen.”
I reached over and tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ears. She was quiet. I knew it was her way of thinking about everything I had said. I wanted to focus on this list.
“Baby, Anthony and I need you to answer the questions honestly so we can steer clear of anything that might cause an issue. So let’s mark the belts, canes, crops, paddles and straps as a hard limit for now.”
I handed her the paper and she went ahead and marked them as off limits; however, I left spankings out of that discussion though. Erotic spankings can be very therapeutic for a sub. It would be firm enough to possibly allow her to release some of these pent up emotions. I knew she had never had an erotic spanking so I didn’t broach the subject yet. I let her keep the paper and encouraged her through it.
“What’s next, baby?”
“Biting.”
I looked over at Anthony. He was in no means a rough, sadistic biter. But, he liked to bite and nip playfully. I was curious to see where her head took her with this one so I let her work it out for a few moments.
“I don’t want to be bitten.”
She moved towards marking the hard limit box when I stopped her.
“Think about biting, baby. You’re thinking about being bit like a dog. A very painful act.” She looked up at me and was listening. “Now think about those times you’ve woken up to Anthony rolling your nipple between his teeth, or when he sucks your earlobe into his mouth and tugs on it with his teeth. That can be considered as biting.”
Her cheeks were red and she considered what I was saying.
“You’re right. I think I’m so focused on the bad that I hadn’t even considered what you two might do to me, isn’t negative at all.”
I was so happy to hear her say those words. Progress. God, I loved this girl with every bit of my soul. She was made for Anthony and I.
“Good girl. Everything on these pages isn’t to be taken as negative acts of punishment. Anthony just so happens to love nibbling on you. I love nipping at your nipples in the mornings.”
“I like it too, Sir.”
“So, biting?” I prompted her and nodded at the paper.
Without further discussion, she marked it a four as something she liked. After we talked about the next item, blindfolds, she marked it as a soft limit. Losing sight was something she had suffered from for a long time at the hands of Howard. He tormented her with locking her in a closet. Blindfolds were off limits for now. Maybe we’d work up to them. I hoped we would because I enjoyed the element of surprise with a sub. Take away her sight, and she won’t know what’s coming. Granted, Sydney went through that too and had horrible luck. But my way would be very different. For now; it was a soft limit.
The next section we came to was in relation to body modification. Body modification could get pretty deep in the lifestyle. I explained to Sydney that a Dom, with the subs permission of course, could brand her as his. Or they may get tattoos or a special piercing.
“Blake and Cathy’s subs have special piercings,” Anthony began to tell her. “Noah’s dick is pierced and so is Kelsie’s clit. Each of their jewelry has Blake and Cathy’s initials engraved on them. That would be a good example of piercings.”
Her pen hovered over the paper, unsure.
“Baby, let us help you with this section. We don’t want to mark your skin anymore that it’s already been marked. No more tattoos, no branding, no clit rings or nipple rings.”
She smiled and marked them a hard limits. Sydney had a tattoo already and I was pretty sure she had it done prior to Howard. Howard was abusive with her from day one and she wouldn’t have dared expose her bruised skin to endure a tattoo. Her tattoo was on her side and curved beautifully from her back to her front in an elegant but small script. She had once told me that it was a Scandinavian proverb and it reads “love me when I least deserve it as that’s when I need it most.” It is beautiful, but no more abuse to her skin.
Bondage. I knew that rope bondage was a huge part of Anthony’s kink and though he and I have talked about this, we know it’s not possible right now with Sydney. Anthony and I talked with Sydney about the different types; cuffs, ropes, suspension, spreader bars, stocks and the list went on and on with bondage. There was a section regarding chains. I pointed to it and then tapped the hard limit box. Most of the other bondage items were marked as a soft limit. The last thing Anthony and I wanted to do was blindfold her and bind her. We knew better than that and soon she would too.
Anthony pulled her into an embrace and gave her a kiss. He loved her so much. I wonder if Sydney even had a clue about how much he loves her. I know he’s still struggling with telling her, and maybe if he had heard it more while growing up, he wouldn’t be so terrified of saying it.
We started our talk about expectations with Anthony and I taking turns explaining our new sleeping arrangements and about switching the bedrooms. Sydney was very excited about it and said she couldn’t wait to help with the redecoration.
I reminded her that no one goes to bed angry or with anything on his or her mind. The three of us were tightly bound in a relationship that would thrive under honesty and open communication. Sydney said she understood and would do her best to keep up. I knew she would, and I knew there’d be mistakes from all of us, but we’d learn from them. What I worried the most about was Sydney trying to be strong and not let on that she didn’t feel well or was in pain. Anthony shared this worry with me and knows that he and I are going to have to be on our toes keeping an eye out for that.
“On nights we go to Irons, one of us will be your main Dom. If I’m your main Dom that night, it doesn’t mean Anthony won’t participate, or he can’t touch or snuggle with you. It just means I would have the decision making power for the evening. Does that make sense?”
“Yes, Sir.”
Anthony took hold of her hand as he expanded. “Sunshine, Colin and I won’t contradict one another or pit you against the other. I won’t tell you to do something that Colin has specifically told you not to do. Colin and I support each other. That also means you can’t go ask Colin to do something that I’ve specifically given you direction on.”
“Of course not. I understand. I won’t do anything to upset you guys.”
“Baby, each morning you’ll help Anthony and I get ready for work, make breakfast and you’ll eat with us. Anthony and I will put a list together on the fridge of anything we want you to do, or work on, and we will go over them with you before we leave to make sure you understand and don’t have any questions.”
We explained we would pick her clothes out for her to be in during the day while we were at work, but that she was to be naked and kneeling when we arrive home. We would always text her as we left so she’d have time to wrap up whatever she was doing and be ready to greet us. I didn’t want her naked and alone for very long. She was still too vulnerable and wasn’t confident or secure with her body, yet. We’d get there though.
“You are not to keep your head down when you kneel and wait for us. No adverting your eyes or hiding from us. Anthony and I want and need to see your eyes.”
I explained we would continue to talk each evening before bed, but would do so up in our room. As we wrapped up our talk for this evening, we went ahead and tackled the condom conversation. I remembered her trigger with the sound of condoms and knew when she heard that sound, she knew what was coming.
“Baby, did Howard always use condoms?” I carefully asked her. I wasn’t worried about her possibly having any sort of STD’s because Matt checked for everything and she was okay.
“Yes, Howard always used them.” She looked down and her lips thinned into a tight line. I knew she was thinking about something that Anthony and I possibly needed to know.
I glanced at Anthony and could tell he was thinking the same thing. I put my finger under her chin and gently pulled it up so she’d look at me. I had asked her what she was thinking about and she opened right up. Sydney will open up if encouraged. She’s just so used to keeping it all inside and being afraid to let it out.
“Howard always used condoms. He told me that since I was a bad sub, he didn’t want his skin to actually touch mine. He said I didn’t deserve it and when I learned how to behave, he’d stop using the condoms.”
All I could do was gaze into her dark blue eyes. When I didn’t say anything her lips returned to the thin tight line and she leaned her head back against Anthony’s shoulder. While I was thankful that asshole never had unprotected sex with her, I was pissed he told her she wasn’t worth his dick touching her without a barrier. I needed a serious session in my gym tomorrow to expel all these negative, angry feelings.
“Don’t worry, Sir. Howard made his friends use condoms too. I’ve never had sex without a condom. I understand if you and Anthony want to use them.”
I started shaking my head. She misunderstood and now I was hung up on the part about her saying that Howard would make his friends use condoms too. Was that a common occurrence? He abused her, fucked with her mind and passed her among his “friends.” I couldn’t talk and just looked into her eyes with all the words stuck in my throat. Anthony was able to talk and he was thinking the same thing I was.
“Friends? He let others play with you, sunshine?” Anthony asked as calmly as he could but I could tell he was trying hard for it to come out sounding calm.
“Um, yes. Not all of the time. There were times when he came over with some people to punish me if I had been particularly bad.”
That fucking asshole. It was ingrained in her mind that she was bad, and had deserved what Howard shelled out. I was enraged and I know Anthony was right there with me. I knew Howard was still sitting behind bars and I had spoken to my company’s attorneys on filing charges against Howard for the stint he pulled when he came to the office building; but I needed to do more. I would speak with my personal attorney about talking with Sydney about pressing charges too. Howard never needed to be outside of a cell again.
We continued our condom talk which led into the talk of Anthony and I both having vasectomies.
“Um, it’s okay. I can’t have kids anyhow.”
She went on talking about how she had never planned on having kids, but it still broke my heart that someone else made that decision for her. Sydney said she was fine with us not using condoms, and we left it at that. It was getting late and I told her we’d continue our talk tomorrow.
“Bed time, sunshine.”
I took the papers to the kitchen and glanced them over. I was going to let her work on this again tomorrow but before we left for work, I was going to make sure we went over it again.
When I got to the bedroom, Anthony was lying on his back but Sydney was sitting up still. I turned the bathroom light on, closed the door part way and got out of my clothes before joining them in bed.
Sydney settled in bed on her side and had her arm draped across Anthony while I pressed myself against her back.
“Sleep well, sunshine,” Anthony said and kissed her.
“Goodnight, baby. We love you.” I kissed her and was hoping Anthony would say it too. She knew we both loved her, but she needed to hear it. Anthony loved her in every way a man can love a woman. He just couldn’t say it yet.