Friday, November 22nd
Colin
In all my years as a Dominant and trainer at Irons, I’ve never been so close to busting up a scene as I was tonight. The only thing that kept me standing firmly in my place was knowing that Anthony was right there in it. I wanted to pull Evan away from Sydney when he put his hands on the back of her head and seconds later he came all over her face. I was stunned. Anthony kept it together and took care of her while Evan paced around with his hands on his head. Evan knew he fucked up. I hope he enjoyed his scene with Sydney because not only was it his first with her but also his last. As long as I had something to say about it.
I could tell Anthony needed some encouragement that he was capable of handling this on his own. He was perfectly capable. More than capable. Anthony took Sydney off to the side to a quiet area and took care of her. Matt, Blake and I stood and watched them for a while. Anthony was tender, gentle and protective with her. He effortlessly gave her everything she needed in that moment. Evan walked up and stood next to me. I waited for him to speak because I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction by starting a conversation.
“How bad did I mess up with her, Colin?”
“Anthony is calming her.” I glanced at him and could see that he genuinely felt bad, as he should. He’s a good Dom, but he doesn’t know how to handle a girl like Sydney and he seriously fucked up tonight. Up until now, I don’t think Evan had played with a sub that had so much abuse in her recent past, as Sydney did. It was a test trial to see if there was anything there between Sydney and Evan really. In my opinion, the scene wouldn’t have happened unless Anthony jumped in. I think he was going to interject when Sydney thought Evan was going to hit her. Anthony was up on his feet when I started telling him he needed to help Evan. It wasn’t that Sydney needed to be handled with kid gloves. Sydney needed to be handled by a strong Dom who understood her, connected with her and could dominate her in the way she needed. Anthony was that Dom.
“I got carried away and it slipped my mind about the hands on her head thing. Graves prevented me from fucking up with the belt and the thing with the condom wrapper. Whatever that was about. He pulled her back together and kept me from doing things to set her off. He’s like her guardian angel or something.”
Everyone could see what Anthony meant to Sydney and what he does for her. Anthony was more than perfect for her. He knew how to watch out for her and knew what to watch out for. Evan has no excuse for important things slipping his mind. As a Dom, he has the responsibility to make a safe and consensual scene for anyone he plays with. He forgot one of the most basic rules of playing; know your sub’s limits.
“The sound of condom wrappers being torn is a trigger. I’m guessing, she knows that when she heard the wrappers, that the pain was coming,” I explained and looked from Evan to Matt. I hadn’t told Matt that part.
“Fuck,” Evan said under his breath. I think he was possibly grasping the fact that he really fucked things up this evening.
“Maybe you should go sit with them for a few minutes. Take some water. They don’t have any over there.”
“Just so you know, before I asked Graves to join our scene, I told Sydney that she needed her Dom.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Her Dom?”
Evan looked at me like I didn’t know what one plus one was. I seriously hoped he wasn’t suggesting himself. Then he responded with “Graves.”
Evan grabbed a bottle of water and headed over. I looked over at Matt and Blake. Blake looked concerned about one of his masters being so careless with a sub. Especially a sub that had recently been hurt and was learning to trust again. Matt just looked pissed. I returned my attention to my baby and best friend.
Had Evan completely lost his mind? He went over there and playfully hit Anthony in the arm, clearly disrupting their quiet time. His playful hit not only caused Anthony to move, but Sydney too.
“I swear, Matt.” I looked over at him. “Never, ever again.” He knew I was referring to Evan scening with Sydney. It wasn’t going to happen again.
“Maybe this experience will have a positive effect on Anthony. Might have the desired effect.”
I hoped. But Matt and I both agreed that Anthony looked emotionally tapped out right now. I was a worried about him because we haven’t seen him look so out of it but was thankful he was with Sydney. Evan finally left them alone and Anthony seemed to have Sydney calmed down again. I waited another fifteen minutes and told Matt that I was going to go sit with Sydney and Anthony for a while. Matt and Gina would gather their clothes and would be over in a bit.
As I quietly approached, I couldn’t help but notice how peaceful they both looked. Their eyes were closed and his hand was on top of hers against his chest. Their fingers were laced together and were peeking out from the top of the blanket. I took a picture of them and pulled out the bag of M&M’s I had brought tonight.
The blanket had slipped off her shoulder and I pulled it back up. I was surprised that even with the slightest movement around Sydney, that Anthony was alert to it.
“Hey,” I said quietly to him when he looked over.
I opened the M&M’s and handed him the bag. He held the candy out for Sydney and he and I laughed when she ate the green M&M’s. I tried assessing how the two of them were doing. Sydney seemed to be happy and back to herself with a little extra sparkle in her eyes. She shivered a little but Anthony adjusted the blanket and rubbed his hands over her skin to warm her up. Sydney’s body reacts strongly to pleasurable sex. She hasn’t had much recently before Anthony and I. And Evan. So even the smallest and lightest play scenes have a greater impact on her right now.
With his eyes open, Anthony didn’t look as good as Sydney did. He looked stressed, worried and unsure. All of those emotions were things that Matt and I weren’t used to seeing with Anthony. When Matt came over I knew he was concerned about Anthony’s appearance too and would bring it up.
“Baby, are you ready to go home?” I asked her while I brushed her hair back behind her ear. She smiled and leaned into my hand. She was something else. She trusts Anthony and I with every fiber of her being. I had a very unpleasant thought for a fleeting moment. I thought about what could have happened if she hadn’t sent me the text that evening asking for help.
“Yes, Sir.”
I reached out and took her clothes from Matt’s outstretched hands. Gina started whispering to Matt.
“Sir, I could take Sydney to the care stations downstairs and help her,” Gina offered to Matt.
“Gina pet, she needs to be with them right now,” Matt whispered to her.
I looked over at Gina and smiled letting her know that I appreciated her thoughts. The best people in the world surrounded me. I’ve been lucky to have friends like I do.
Anthony opened the blanket a tiny bit and helped me get her dressed a little bit at a time. When she was all dressed, I took her by her hands and helped her to stand. I pulled her in a hug letting her know how proud of her I was for being brave enough to have her first public scene in Irons. I looked down at Anthony and saw something I had never seen on his face before; pain at the loss of touch. He looked like he just walked through hell and was barely alive. He watched me hold her before letting his head hang downward. When he brought his head up and he looked at me, I saw it in his eyes.
He loved her.
“Anth,” Matt got his attention and helped him off the couch. He looked limp and roughed up.
Anthony pulled himself into his button shirt and got a few buttons started and then gave up. Matt flung his arm around Anthony’s shoulders and tugged him towards the door. We were right behind them but as we got closer to the bar, Blake fell into step next to Anthony and the four of them walked over to the lobby. Sydney stopped walking and I immediately dropped my attention to her.
“Baby?”
“Sir, should I say something to Evan?”
Evan was standing at the bar next to Will and was drinking a beer. I wanted her to stay away from him, but I tried to be professional and supportive. I walked over with her but kept a distance to where it gave them a tiny bit of privacy but also so I could hear every word. I glanced over at the lobby where Matt and Blake were chatting while Anthony was leaning against the wall. His shirt was barely on him and he looked like he was off in another world.
Paul suddenly appeared next to me and I ignored him by turning my attention back to Sydney.
“Sign up sheet, Everett.”
“There isn’t one, Paul. Please understand that.”
“Evan played and so did Graves. And I’m sure you’ve been dipping into that too. I want a chance to negotiate a scene.”
“She’s not a masochist, Paul!”
I took a few steps forward and turned my back on Paul. Fucking guy can’t get it through his head. He usually finds subs that have the same interest that he does but he was constantly asking me about Sydney lately. Evan was standing in front of Sydney now and put his hand on her upper arm.
“Sir, thank you for the opportunity to scene with you tonight. I’m sorry that I was slow and messed up in the beginning.”
No, baby. I wanted to jump in and tell her that she hadn’t done anything wrong. Even though Evan fucked up, I knew he was man enough to set her straight.
“I’m the one who should be apologizing, little sub. I’m sorry I touched the back of your head. And it wasn’t very sensitive of me to come on your face like I did. So I am sorry about that too.”
Sydney’s cheeks got red and she looked downward. She nodded and said, “It’s okay, Sir.”
Evan set his beer bottle down and tilted her chin up to look at him.
“No, little sub. It’s not okay. Never let a Dom do something that challenges your hard limits. It’s not okay and that’s what your safe word is for. I was in the wrong, not you. I’m just thankful your Dom didn’t kick my ass tonight.”
Sydney frowned and looked down. She looked over her shoulder at me and I could tell she was confused. It was obvious to everyone else.
“Um, I don’t understand, Sir. I…I don’t have a Dom. I…I’m not good enough yet to have one want me.”
Evan smiled, stepped closer to her and turned her body so that she was facing the lobby where Anthony was standing. Evan bent and kissed her cheek and said, “Are you sure about that, little sub?” Sydney instantly smiled but tried to contain it. “I think he needs his little sub,” Evan said and backed away from her. He nodded at me and I took Sydney by the hand and we headed towards our friends.
Anthony looked up as we approached and stood up straighter. I walked over to stand by him and I put Sydney’s hand in his while I clasped him on his back before joining the tail end of their conversation about Blake’s small party next Wednesday.
Blake always had a party for some of his close Irons friends right before Thanksgiving. I told him that I wasn’t sure what time I’d get back from Macau next Wednesday but that we’d try to attend.
Matt had driven tonight, so I got into the back seat with Sydney and Anthony. She snuggled up to him the entire ride home and he protectively held her but was very quiet, which worried me.
I invited Matt and Gina inside when we got home. I had a feeling after the events of this evening that Matt would have come in anyhow. Anthony flopped down at the breakfast bar and Matt went over to the fridge to get some snacks and drinks for everyone.
“Baby, why don’t you go change into your pajamas,” I said to her and kissed top of her head.
“Gina pet, go help Sydney,” Matt added.
Gina and Sydney headed off towards her room and I sat down next to Anthony. His head was resting on the breakfast bar and he was looking down at the floor. I put my hand on his shoulder and looked up at Matt. Anthony was distant and wasn’t doing well. I was pretty sure it had little to do with the level of play. To Anthony, that was barely anything. But it was the fact that Sydney was involved made all the difference for him. And now, his feelings were creating quite the storm in his head.
“Anth, what do you want to drink?” Matt asked him.
“Nothing. Not thirsty.”
Matt and I looked at one another. Anthony was retreating and tonight of all nights, we didn’t need this. He was clearly out of sorts and was struggling with his own emotions.
“Anth, you played tonight and didn’t have much to drink afterwards.” Matt set a bottle of water in front of Anthony’s head. “Drink.”
It took a few minutes but then Anthony sat up straight and drank the water. He looked defeated.
“What are you thinking, Anth?” I asked him. He made a few short laughs and was frowning.
“Oh, lots of things. Evan. Sydney. Evan fucking Sydney’s mouth. Evan grabbing her head. Sydney on the ground afraid Evan was going to hit her. Sydney undressing Evan. Evan coming all over Sydney’s face. Howard nearly killing her,” he ranted. Anthony took a sip of the water and then rubbed his hands over his face. He was looking out across my kitchen but I knew his eyes weren’t latching onto anything. He was staring off at nothing.
“With all those thoughts, are you telling me that no where in that head of yours are thoughts of you and Sydney?” He didn’t respond so I continued. “Let me tell you what’s going on in my head. For starters, it’s you and Sydney. My best friend and his sunshine and how fucking perfect they are for one another. How much he cares for her and how well she responds to him. One thing that sticks in my mind after tonight isn’t the shit that Evan did wrong, but it’s the image of you sitting with her. Just holding her. You clung to her just as she clung to you. So are you really telling me that nowhere in that head of yours are any of those thoughts?”
He waived it off and said it didn’t matter.
“Like hell it doesn’t matter! Without you, that scene wouldn’t have happened. Goddamn you, Anthony. You’re so fucking perfect for her. You knew tonight was coming. You care about her and she cares about you. Why can’t you open your eyes? You could very easily have one of the most amazing things in this world that not everyone finds. Love from a wonderful young submissive woman who has trusted you with everything. She’d put her life on a platter and hand it to you. Last weekend she had her hand on your scar. It’s not possible for you to not be affected by that. How can none of that be running through your head?”
He slammed his fist down on the breakfast bar and stood up. While rubbing on his chest he paced around the kitchen and finally stopped and leaned on the counter. His hand was on his chest and he looked up at me.
“It’s not running around in my head because it’s seeped down and is all here.” He tapped on his chest over his heart. “She’s consumed my waking moments and is in my dreams. I find myself thinking of her all of the time now and it kills me that I can’t do anything about it.”
Finally! The clouds have parted and Anthony is admitting feelings for her.
“You can do something about it.”
“You don’t get it. It doesn’t matter. I can’t give her what she needs so stop fucking telling me that I’m this or that because in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t fucking matter.”
“Bullshit. You’re scared. Period.” I stood and folded my arms over my chest. He was scared to love someone because he didn’t want to hurt.
“Fuck you.”
I chuckled at his mature response.
“Anthony, in all the years I’ve known you, I’ve never seen the side of you that Sydney brings out. She’s sweet, caring, generous, has a huge heart. A huge, forgiving heart. She’s been through hell and has no business ever trusting another man, let alone a Dom. Yet somehow, that girl trusts you to no end. You don’t talk about your feelings and you’ve kept them well guarded for so long. Yet you can sit on the floor of a closet to comfort her and end up opening up to her. You’re able to get her talking about bad dreams and painful things so easily. I’ve watched the two of you for weeks now. You’re not even conscious of the stuff you do for her that helps her. She could wake up from a horrible dream, or in the emergency room after nearly being killed, and you can make her smile. She’s so brave to trust and open herself up. You don’t think she’s got something to lose? You don’t think she’s scared? And you’re scared to let your heart feel something because it might fucking hurt. Look what she’s been through!” I paused when I realized that I had raised my voice so much. He stood at the opposite end of the kitchen island leaning over it on an outstretched arm and held his stomach with the other. “Take a fucking chance, Anthony. Chances don’t grow on fucking trees. Are you going to go through your whole life afraid to love and scared to feel? You love her.”
Anthony shut his eyes when I commented that he loved her as if just hearing the phrase was painful to him. “I can’t.” Anthony looked up at me with red eyes and shook his head.
He briskly walked around the kitchen island to grab his car fob off the counter. Matt grabbed him by the arm to halt him and I shut my eyes. Please not tonight.
“Anth, Colin and I aren’t going to let you fuck this up.”
Anthony jerked his arm out of Matt’s hand and yelled back at him.
“That’s exactly why I can’t! I’ll screw her up even more!”
In the distance I heard Sydney and Gina coming towards the kitchen. Their soft giggles and voices cloaked everything dark in the kitchen. Matt and I were frozen in our spots but Anthony kept walking. I don’t know if he heard the girls coming.
The girls walked into the kitchen as Anthony was walking out. Anthony literally bumped right into Sydney and he reached out to steady her. She was still laughing and looked up at him. Her face dropped when she saw his expression. He still held his hands on her upper arms and stared down in her eyes.
Anthony put his hand behind her back and pressed her against the wall. His hand was between her and the wall and he took hold of her chin, closed his eyes and kissed her hard on the lips. He pushed himself off her and let his forehead rest on hers while he whispered that he was sorry right before he headed towards the front door. He was leaving and Sydney began to panic.
“Sorry? No, wait! Please! I’m sorry! I did something wrong! I’m sorry. I’m the bad one. Please, Sir!”
That stopped Anthony in his tracks and he whipped around to face her.
“Don’t you ever say that you’re bad. You’re an angel and a bright light.”
Anthony’s words were firm. He loves her. I know he does and I can see what it’s doing to him.
He turned and headed for the door and I started to go after him but Matt pulled on my shirt as I started to pass Sydney crumbling to the floor. Thank God for Matt. I don’t know where my head was. Sydney needed me. I picked her up in my arms and carried her to the great room and held her while she cried. In the distance I could hear Matt and Anthony out in the driveway and soon heard the roar of Anthony’s car coming to life. Goddamn him.