Friday, November 22nd
Sydney
My feet took me closer to Evan. I couldn’t believe this was actually happening. A club like Irons with good experienced Doms. Evan seemed nice and even though I wished it were Anthony or Colin, I knew I had no room to be picky.
It’s been so much fun playing with Colin and Anthony, but I knew that was short term. Colin trains subs or couples and Anthony told me himself he didn’t have time for one. So I need to stop thinking I had a chance with either of them.
I had been disappointed that Colin and Anthony hadn’t noticed my notebook over the past few days. I had been strategically leaving it around the house in hopes one of them would get curious and read what I had written. I couldn’t be angry with them though. It was my personal journal and not the assignment one Colin gave me writing assignments in. They both stayed away from my personal journal and promised me they’d never read it but said they felt it was important for me to have an outlet. They said I could write anything I felt in there and they’d respect my privacy. I guess I was surprised that they meant it. I thought maybe one of them would see it and pick it up to read, but neither had. They respected that. I was just too scared to tell them that I wanted my scene to be with them in Irons. I wrote it in my journal and really was angry with myself for not being able to be brave enough to voice it. Each time I tried, I’d choked on the words.
I couldn’t dwell on that now because I was standing in front of Evan. Evan looked very serious and his appearance backed that up. He had on a black tee shirt, dark jeans and he looked lethal. He reached out and took my hand to pull me over to the chair he was sitting on. I felt like I was floating and like this wasn’t real. Only it was. He stood and took his shirt off forcing me to come face to face with two pierced nipples and a tanned, muscular chest with dark chest hair. From what I remember, Evan was older than Anthony but younger than Colin and he looked perfectly fine and was magazine quality handsome, but he wasn’t Anthony or Colin. The two of them cause my heart to race.
Anthony.
Anthony was a different kind of handsome to me. Evan could have been a model and even Colin. Colin was very good looking. But Anthony was a little different. Anthony was about as tall as Evan was. He didn’t have the washboard abs like Evan but he had big muscular arms and a broad chest. His stomach was flat but he was also soft and very easy to snuggle up to. I loved being in Anthony’s arms especially at night. He knew how to hold me tight, without making me feel trapped. There were so many things about Anthony that I was attracted to. I was in love with the way he made me feel and the way he looked out for me. I love how he winks at me and makes me laugh. I wanted him to be interested in me. But I wasn’t in his league.
I wasn’t in Evan’s league either.
Or Colin’s.
Evan was seated now and gripped my hands in his. He had a wicked gleam in eyes and I felt inadequate all of a sudden. I couldn’t screw this up. This was my only chance to prove that I’m capable of being good, and that Colin’s and Anthony’s work wasn’t wasted. If I mess this up, it’ll be all over Irons before I even leave tonight. No Dom would want to come near me. The worst part would be that I would have disappointed Anthony and Colin.
Evan stood and came closer to me and stared at me. I felt awkward and like a joke. I didn’t belong here.
“What’s your safe word, little sub?”
Focus Sydney! I screamed at myself.
“Um, red, Sir.”
“Use it if you’re uncomfortable.”
He put his hands on my shoulders and it startled me. I was okay. His hands didn’t feel gentle or like they could protect me like Anthony’s. Or Colin’s. Evan’s hands were really firm and strong. He bent and whispered something that I didn’t quite understand at the time.
“If you don’t say your safe word when you need it, Graves will beat the shit out of me. Don’t be afraid, little sub. Remember, our safe word is ‘red.’ You’re in good hands. Graves wouldn’t let me near you if he thought otherwise.”
Graves? My mind was moving in slow motion and I just stared at him. I tried focusing on what he had said. Graves. Graves. A light bulb went on. Anthony. Evan calls Anthony by his last name most of the time. My thoughts drifted off to Anthony again. I wonder what Anthony’s middle name was. I wonder if he came from a big family.
Evan sat down while my mind raced and he continued to stare at me. I stood awkwardly waiting for directions or for something to happen. My mind wasn’t working. I looked down at Evan and he was just staring at me. I should be doing something but didn’t know what. Evan’s stare was hard and like stone. I looked down and then over to Colin and saw that Anthony was there.
Anthony was there too! I was okay. Anthony and Colin were there.
Ahhh! I was playing with my hands.
Evan said something and I caught the tail end of it.
“Undress, little sub,” he repeated for me.
Undress? Yes, I think I knew what that meant. Everything was moving in slow motion for me. Undress. He was going to think I wasn’t very bright. I began unbuttoning my top. Why the hell did I pick a button tank top instead of just a pullover tank top? This could be the death of me. I felt warm and embarrassed. I was messing up and my fingers were shaking. I looked around the club and everything seemed fuzzy to me. I felt like everyone was staring at me. I know they probably weren’t, but that’s what I felt like. I saw Colin and Anthony again and felt safer. They were close.
Anthony was close.
“Quickly, little sub.”
Yes, I definitely was messing up. That was a second request. Or was it the third? He had to tell me more than once! Telling me more than once was telling me that I was too slow. I wasn’t good enough. All the work Colin did with me and all the time he spent didn’t matter. I was bad and not trainable. Everything was getting blurry again and I realized my eyes were filling up with tears. I’m pathetic and don’t belong here.
Evan stood up quickly and out of instinct I backed away. He was going to punish me. As I was back peddling, I tripped over the end of a rug and fell. I was hopeless. This is it. I messed up!
Sydney you’re so stupid! I screamed at myself. This is why I deserve someone like Howard. My eyes were watery and I was trying to keep the tears at bay. I was so angry and disappointed. It was so stupid of me to think that I’d ever deserve anyone better than Howard. I’m sure Colin and Anthony were disgusted in me.
Evan was coming near me more quickly now and I turned my head and held my hand out so he wouldn’t hit my head. Anything but the head and my ears. Howard liked to hit my ears while he called me names.
“Please, not my head, Sir. I’m sorry.”
“Little sub, don’t be afraid.” Evan was crouching on the floor in front of me. He was so close that I could feel the heat of his presence.
He wasn’t hitting me.
Why wasn’t he hitting me? I was bad and slow. I didn’t understand what was happening or why he wasn’t hitting me.
“Little sub, I think you need your Dom.”
What? My Dom? He must have me confused with someone else. Someone good enough to have a Dom. I kept waiting to hear a belt being undone so he could lay the law down and punish me, so I kept my eyes closed. All that was running through my head was how disappointed and embarrassed Colin must be with me. I was bracing myself. I was ready for the belt. I deserved it.
Suddenly I smelled Anthony’s cologne right before I felt the most wonderful hands wrap around my arms.