“So this is my favorite spot, and let me show you why.”
Jace takes my hand, pulling me to the ledge where you can see the whole ice and the arena around it, then pointing down at it. “In about ten minutes, the Zamboni will go for about a half an hour. I love the sound of the Zamboni. I usually just lie here and listen to it. Or if I’m studying, it calms me. Then,” he says, pulling back to where the blankets are. He points to the ceiling, and I look up to see only glass and the black night sky looking back at me. The moon is full tonight and bright, the stars shining in all their glory.
It’s beautiful.
“So I lie here, looking at the sky, and listen to the Zamboni. I usually fall asleep here. Mike, the ice guy, has found me plenty of times,” he laughs as he lowers himself onto the blankets, kicking off his sneakers. “Wanna sit with me? Or you got plans with Totally Lame Todd?”
I roll my eyes as I kick off my flats and sit down next to him. Baylor is still slamming pucks into the goal, the cracking sound of her stick filling the room as I turn onto my belly, reaching for a slice of cheese from the spread. “The only lame guy I’m digging is Lame Line Larry.”
Fist-pumping, he yells out, “Yeah!”
Giggling, I throw the cheese in my mouth. “Pepperonis and cheese? Someone was stalking my Facebook.”
“I call it research,” he says, handing me my favorite, Cherry Coke.
“I call it creeping,” I tease as I pop another piece of cheese into my mouth.
“So you can honestly say you weren’t creeping my Facebook?”
Hiding my grin, I take a long pull of Coke and shrug. “I don’t creep.”
His laughter runs down my spine as he lies on his back against the pillows, looking up at the sky. Watching him, I’m overwhelmed by how fascinating his face is. I’m not an art major, but I did take Art One and Two in high school, and I’m pretty sure his face fits perfectly in the golden ratio of ideal facial proportions and symmetry. One really corny teenager…not me, of course…could say he was who da Vinci was searching for.
My very own da Vinci code…
Man, I’m pathetic.
But really, his lips are so thick and plump. His jaw, perfection. And even with the scar on it, it’s delectable. Devastating, really. “You’re, like, hot. You know that?”
His face breaks into a grin before he turns to look at me. His eyes go half-lidded as he looks at me. “I think the same about you.”
But I shake my head. “No, really. Like, you’re hot. No wonder you thought you could play the player game.”
His laughter bubbles in his throat as he shakes his head. Redness creeps up his throat, his cheeks. “You’re insane.”
“Aw, you’re blushing,” I tease, leaning into him, but soon I’m not laughing.
Because, crap, he’s quick. His face in front of mine, his lips brushing against mine. I close my eyes, ready to kiss him, but then he is grasping my face, his thumb running along my jaw, and I’m breathless. I’m unable to form my next breath or even a thought as his eyes bore into mine.
“Wanna know why?” he whispers, his mouth moving against mine.
But I can only blink as my heart pounds against my ribs. He is just so gorgeous when he’s being all intense. Goodness gracious, where the hell did this guy come from? “Sorry, what? I’m taken by your hotness right now.”
He presses his lips together and then he is fighting back the laughter that is building in his chest. Letting me go, he falls back against the pillows, his body shaking with hilarity, and all I can do is watch. I don’t know if it’s the ambiance of what he has put together or the fact that no one has ever done anything like this for me or both, but this has me feeling like I’m on cloud nine. It’s crazy and insane, but man, it feels good.
Is this what falling in love feels like?
Why did I ask that?
As his laughter subsides, I take a pepperoni, popping it in my mouth to keep from overanalyzing that thought as he looks over at me. His eyes are dancing with amusement—but also lust—as they drink me in.
“I only see you.”
I sniff. “Well, I’d hope so since I’m the only one here, and there isn’t a mirror for you to gawk at your hotness in. Do you do that? Like, drink yourself in?”
Rolling his eyes, he chuckles. “Brat.” The grin on his face is beautiful as he rolls to his side, sliding his hand along my arm and then into my hand. “So anyway…” he starts and I grin.
“Tired of me yet?”
“Never.”
My grin grows as our fingers lace together, but then his phone sounds and he reaches down, pulling it out of his pocket. “Sorry, I forgot to turn it off.”
“It’s fine,” I say as he goes to shut it off, but then something must have caught his attention because he pauses, looking at the screen. His brows pull together as his lip comes between his teeth. “Everything okay?”
He nods. “It’s my dad.”
Oh. Okay, not that I thought it was some other girl and was insanely jealous or anything. That’s not me. Duh.
“He’s always calling and texting me now. I’m the only one who talks to him.”
“Why is that?”
He shrugs. “He’s my dad and I guess I still want him to be. But then I can’t let go of what he did to my mom.”
“Understandable.”
“But he gave me a whole bunch of money the other day, and he’s asking to come to my games and for me to go to dinner with him and his ho. I don’t know how to say no without being a dick. Because I did take his money.”
“Hm. Sounds like a pickle.” I know it’s not my place, but I want to help. “Maybe don’t take the money until you’re ready to forgive him?”
“I won’t forgive him, but I need the money. I hate not having money.”
I laugh. “So does everyone else in the world.”
He looks over at me, sliding his phone into his pocket before grinning. “I come from money, and I’m used to having it.”
I snort. “You sound like a spoiled brat.”
“Maybe,” he says with a nod. “But that all changed when he left and we weren’t living as comfortably as we were. Now he’s trying to buy my love, and I figure, why not?”
“But if it were that easy, you wouldn’t feel bad about it.”
He nods. “You’re right.”
“’Cause of your mom?”
“Exactly, and my brothers and sister.”
“Then don’t do it anymore,” I say simply and he grins over at me.
“It’s hard not to.”
“I understand that, but you have to remember what is more important.”
“My mom and siblings,” he says immediately even though I didn’t phrase it as a question.
“Then you have your answer,” I say and he nods.
“You’re right.”
I smile in agreement as I lay my head down, looking at him. Baylor must have finished because I don’t hear anything below us. It’s really peaceful up here and I can understand why he likes it. It’s nice. Not too cold and really relaxing. It is the honey hole, for sure. Moving my finger along his thumb, I feel so comfortable, so good, and soon I’m searching my brain for the last time I felt like this.
“Tell me something you’ve never told anyone.”
His request brings me back to reality as I look up at him. My brows come together before I look away from his smiling face to stare at our entwined hands. There is plenty I’ve never told anyone, but I can’t share that with him. He wouldn’t understand, and he’d probably run for the hills, taking the cheese and pepperoni with him. No matter how easy it feels, how comfortable I feel under his gaze, I know I can’t share that.
“You first.”
He smirks. “You don’t know how deep to go, huh?”
“You got me,” I say with a shrug and his lips curve.
“Okay, um, I’ve never been in love.”
My face scrunches up. “What? Seriously?”
“Nope, never. Well, I mean, I’ve been in a very long relationship with hockey—”
“Gag,” I moan and he laughs. “No, really, you had to have had a little high school thing with someone.”
“No, I was so busy with travel hockey, and most of the time I slept through school. I mean, I was sleeping with this girl, Molly Collins, who was in love with me and did my homework for me so that I’d pass, but it was never more than that. I never led her on, though,” he insists, probably because my face is indicating that he is a dick. “I never said I loved her. But we had fun, went to prom and all that jazz. I haven’t seen her in a couple years. She’s touring England right now.”
“Oh, well, that’s cool, I guess.”
He laughs. “Really, she knew the deal. When we graduated, she asked if I wanted more. I said no, and she said fine and left. No hard feelings. She likes all my Facebook stuff when I post.”
That makes me laugh as I lie on my hands, our gazes still locked. “Then, yeah, you’re good. She won’t come back to kill you.”
“Thank God.”
Grinning, I confess, “I never went to prom.”
His brows shoot to where the beanie on his head sits as he gasps, “Really?”
“Nope.”
“Why?”
“No one asked.”
“That’s unacceptable.”
I laugh. “Well, it’s true.”
“I would have asked.”
“And I would have said yes,” I say automatically, which makes his lips curve in a sinful grin.
“But you wouldn’t have dated me, huh?”
This time, I’m grinning. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
“But not now?” His eyes are challenging and I don’t want to give in, but he is making it hard.
“One, you haven’t asked, and two, you have to get why I don’t want to date anyone. It’s just messy, and you of all people should understand that.”
He nods. “I do, and that’s why I didn’t want to get involved with anyone either. But that’s changed now.”
“We’ve known each other a day, Jace. Calm your tits.”
“They can’t be tamed around you,” he teases, pulling my hand so I come falling onto his chest. Framing my face with his hands, he moves his nose down my face. “Want me to ask you to date me?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“’Cause I don’t want to say no to you.”
“Then don’t.”
He says it so simply, like it’s not a big deal for this to go down. He doesn’t understand what could happen. He’s never been in love. Never had his heart shattered and his world demolished. He doesn’t know the real pain that can come.
“I’m not asking for forever, Avery. I see those wheels turning in that head of yours. I just want to date you—don’t overthink this.”
I eye him skeptically, moving my finger along his jaw. “So you don’t want me to be ‘your girl,’ as you called me earlier?”
His face breaks into a grin as his brows rise, his eyes locking on to mine. “That’s dating.”
“Um, no. That’s the girlfriend/boyfriend zone.”
His grin falls, and this time, he’s the one with the wheels turning. “Hm. So what’s dating?”
Rolling my eyes, I smile. “Hanging out, but we do what we want.”
“What’s the level between that and the girlfriend/boyfriend zone?”
“I have no clue. I don’t think there is one.”
He shrugs. “We’ll make one. Call it Javery.”
“Javery?”
“Yeah, it’s where we hang out but we don’t hook up with anyone else, just each other, unless the other person is cool with it.”
I laugh. “So you can honestly say you’re gonna be fine with me hooking up with someone else?”
He frowns. “Hell no, and don’t act like you’d be cool with me fucking someone else either.”
Dropping my face to his chest, I shake my head because he’s right. I’d freak if he got with someone else. I don’t know why since he isn’t mine, but it would hurt if he did. I don’t want to tell him that, so instead, I say, “You’re crazy.”
Wrapping his arms around my back, he holds me, kissing my head. He keeps holding on to me for a second, and we just lie there as the sounds of the Zamboni start. Letting out a long breath, I relax against Jace and I can hear his heart, steady and strong. It’s obvious what’s happening between us, and I know I shouldn’t fight it, but it scares me. I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want to forget my main goal, and I feel that can happen if I give in to these developing feelings.
“I’ve been in love before, Jace,” I whisper then and his arms tighten around me. I really don’t know why I said that, but I feel like I owe him a reason for not wanting what he wants. If he had his way, he’d tattoo his name on my neck and keep me as his; I can see it in his eyes. But I remember Caleb looking at me like that too. I remember him telling me we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. But then one day, it was like a switch and he was over me. Things change, people change, and people get hurt in the end. Lived it, almost didn’t survive it, and it scares me to try again. I want to say it’s just my need to make my dreams come true, but it’s more than that. Not only do I want to prove that I am important, that my life is worth living, but I never want to give anyone the chance to hurt me again. Though, I feel like I’m slowly letting that go for Jace, and I feel stupid for that.
Didn’t I learn the first time?
As I bite into my lip to keep the tears at bay because I just don’t know what to do, he says into my hair, “It didn’t end well, I’m guessing?”
“Not even kinda,” I say as the tears threaten to fall. “And I can’t do all that again.”
His heart picks up in cadence in his chest, and my eyes fall shut from the swooshing sound. He says his favorite sound is the sounds of the Zamboni, but if he heard what I did, the strong sounds of his heart beating, he’d choose that as his favorite sound. It’s becoming mine.
“I don’t know the dude, and I don’t ever want to meet him because I might kill him for hurting you. But it isn’t fair to assume that I’ll do what he did. I’m not a bad dude. What you see is what you get. I love my family, I love hockey, and I love my friends. I’m loyal as shit, and I don’t ever want to hurt someone the way my mom and sister got hurt. I get you, and I understand. But why let go of what this is, whatever it is, you know? Give me a chance.”
Closing my eyes, I nuzzle my nose into his chest as my heart jumps into my throat. Didn’t I say I want to feel alive? I want to live? I know I did, and when I’m with this guy, I feel that way. I’ve never felt more important than I do under his gaze. Is it what I was looking for? No. I wanted fun and sex. I wanted to get by until my dreams came true, but that might not be the case anymore.
I might want more.
“Fine, how about Javery is just us being us and not labeling anything?” I whisper before looking up at him. He doesn’t like it, I can tell. He wants it all, and I really don’t know if I can give him that. I’m pretty sure giving him everything would involve me opening up about things I never want to share with anyone. I just don’t think I can do that. “I, too, am very loyal and I would never want to hurt anyone I respect. And I respect you, Jace, but I’m not ready to hand you my heart. It’s only day one, you know? And we could hate each other come Friday.”
That makes him smile as he shakes his head. “We won’t.”
“Can’t promise things like that.”
“Yeah, I can. I will.” His words vibrate in my soul as he cups my face. “But it’s cool. Your version of Javery, I can do that.”
Grinning, I inch myself up his body until my chin is touching his. “You know, I’m pretty sure Javery involves lots of sex.”
Smiling back at me, he brings his hands to my ass before he squeezes, hard. “Would you believe me if I said, as long as you’re smiling like that at me, I don’t need sex?”
I shrug, going with aloofness, because I’m two seconds from falling and not worrying about what could happen. I’ve always been a hopeless romantic, always loved the thought of love at first sight. I blame that trait for the reason I fell so damn hard for Caleb, but I said I would never do that again. I promised myself, but I am apparently forgetting that as I stare into his eyes.
But I can’t.
I can’t make those mistakes again.
Shaking my head, I push my heart back into my chest and smile. “I mean, I could believe it because you’re corny as hell, but I hope that doesn’t mean you don’t want me anymore.” I straddle him then, my center coming down on a very hard and thick Jace. I lean down on my elbows, and his eyes darken as I whisper, “That could put a damper on our Javery, because I still want you. Bad.”
Biting into his lip, he clenches his jaw as his eyes burn into mine. His hands tighten around my waist before he reaches up, throwing my hat off my head and cupping the back of my neck, bringing me down to him. When I’m only a breath away from his lips, he whispers, “Oh, baby, I want you. Trust and believe that.”
Oh, be still my heart. But how could I even ask it to when his eyes are trained on mine like that. Like I’m unrivaled to anyone else in the world. Like he only sees me. There aren’t enough words in the dictionary for me to explain how that makes me feel.
I nip at his bottom lip. “Then what are you waiting for?”
His lips curve as he moves his nose along mine, his fingers threading in my hair. “Just one thing.”
“Yeah?” I say, my breathing picking up as I rub against him, wanting him so badly I can’t see straight. Groaning against my lips, he squeezes his arms around me so tightly it’s hard to breathe as he holds my gaze.
Licking his lips, he breathes, “For you admit that the song is about me.”
Pausing, I let my head fall to the side as his lips turn up. “Why?”
“I just need to know the truth,” he says, his lips running along mine.
I take his bottom lip in between my teeth, and he hisses a breath as I sink my teeth into it. I let go of his mouth before running my tongue along his lip, trying to decide how I want to proceed with this. I could drag it out, but why? We both know the truth and I want him. Badly.
“Yeah, it is.”
He smiles triumphantly. “Have you ever written about anyone before?”
“Like that? No.”
Framing my face, he presses his nose to mine. “And you never will again.”
Before I can comment or even think of what to say, his mouth is moving against mine. Soon, nothing else matters but his mouth on mine and being completely consumed by him. I crave him, want him, and nothing can stop what is going to happen.
But as he rolls us over, him on top, his body pressing into mine ever so perfectly, his words ring in my head.
And you never will again.
He said it as a promise.
A promise he believes will never be broken.
And I believe him.
Because I’m pretty sure I’ll never feel like this again.