“Jace, what the hell were you thinking?”
He chances a glance at me, shaking his head. “Apparently, I wasn’t if I thought that was going to work out.”
“Jace, you don’t need anything from him.”
“Um, my trust fund would have been nice,” he corrects, but I shake my head. “It was just an idea. It’s fine.”
“No. You’re losing your shit, Jace. You aren’t sleeping, you’re constantly worried, and I don’t know why you won’t lean on me a bit. That’s what I’m here for.”
“No, I’m supposed to be your rock, not the other way around.”
Flabbergasted, I throw my hands up. “Um, dumbass, we are supposed to be each other’s rock! You are trying to do it all. Let me help. Do you want me to get a better-paying job? I will.”
“Hell no. You focus on your songwriting. I got this.”
“If you say you got this one more fucking time, I swear, Jace, I will cut you. I’ll cut off your dick. Straight off.”
He scoffs and shakes his head. “Calm down.”
“Calm down?”
“Yes, you’re overreacting. It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine! The last month has been hell, you are a mess, you are worried about me constantly, and in return, you are making me worried.”
He sets me with a look. “No, you don’t worry. That’s my job.”
“Let it be mine too. Together. We are supposed to do this together.”
He doesn’t say anything, only shakes his head once more before pulling into his parking spot at the Bullies’ house. I clear my throat. “I know you think you can handle everything, but that isn’t fair. I don’t know how many times I gotta tell you this is a partnership, but I will till I’m blue in the damn face,” I yell and he leans his head back. “Are you even hearing me right now?” I ask, tears stinging my eyes. “I just want to alleviate some of the stress.”
“I can’t let you,” he roars and I cower toward the door as he sits up, demanding my attention. “Avery, I can’t let you because I don’t know if you can handle it. Do you know what it would do to me if you started cutting again? Or if one day you just decided you wanted to die because it is all too much to handle? I can’t fucking do it.”
My jaw drops and my heart just stops. “Jace…”
“No. It kills me inside. I can’t ever let you get to that place. I will take on everything, fight every single one of the battles alone, as long as you are happy and feel loved. I don’t want you to feel alone, I don’t want to you worry, I don’t want you to think I don’t have this, because I do. Even though some days I’m pretty sure I don’t. But I can’t tell you that because I’m scared… I’m so fucking scared I’ll fail you.” He stops, sucking in a breath, moving his hands through his hair and then down his face as my heart just aches for him. He’s been dealing with so much, but he didn’t reach for me.
“I sit up at night, praying I do right by you, that I don’t get hurt so I can give you and our child the life y’all deserve. Yeah, it’s been sucking, but I won’t fail you, Avery. I just fucking won’t. So yeah, I’m not asking you for help, but it’s not ’cause I can’t use it, I could. But I love you too much to let you. I need you to be healthy and happy. I can do it all. I know I can.”
Reaching out, I take his hands in mine and squeeze. “But you don’t have to,” I stress. “Jace, I’m fine. I’ve never been happier, and yeah, I have a shitty past of being weak. But don’t you get that since I met you, I’m not that girl anymore? I don’t even think about it, I don’t even crave it, I love my life too much to ever end it, baby.”
“But if it gets bad, if you start to hate it—”
“I won’t,” I say, my lips curving up. “Not when you’re in it.”
He drops his head, shaking it as he sucks in a breath. “I just want to make you happy.”
“You do, Jace,” I whisper, lifting his head so I can look into his sorrow-filled eyes. “But you gotta let me help. We can do this together. Let me take some of the stress. We can figure it out. Together. No more battles fought alone, only together.”
He holds my gaze, his lips trembling, and he slowly nods. “Okay. I’m sorr—”
“Don’t you dare. What are you apologizing for? Loving me? No, don’t you dare.”
The side of his mouth quirks up as he cups my face. “I love you, Avery Sinclair.”
“I love you too,” I whisper as my mouth presses to his. Closing my eyes tightly, I can’t believe this man is my husband. This big, thick-headed, headstrong man is my everything. And while he’s frustrating as hell, he has a heart of gold. Parting, I gaze into his eyes and I shrug. “So we wait for something to open up here.”
His grin falls as he shrugs. “Coach said you can’t stay over more than twice a week. Someone complained.”
My heart sinks. “Then you can stay with me if you have to, but we can sleep apart.”
“I don’t want to.”
“I don’t either, but I won’t have you looking bad in front of your team or getting in trouble.”
He nods. “We’ll figure it out.”
“We will. Together.”
He sucks in a breath and lets it out. “Together.”
Leaning his head to mine, he kisses my nose and my eyes drift shut, so in love with this man. I’m not even worried or scared. Yeah, it will suck to sleep apart, but we will be okay.
When a tap comes to the window, we both look over to see a cop standing next to the door. “What the fuck?” he asks as he rolls down the window. “Officer?”
“Are you Jace Sinclair?”
My heart jumps into my throat, because I’m sure this cop doesn’t want an autograph from the number one prospected draftee.
“Yes, sir.”
“I’m gonna have to ask you and your friend to get out of the car. Clear it out. It’s being repossessed.”
Jace’s brows crash together. “Repossessed? My dad got me this car.”
The cop nods and shrugs. “I know, son. He’s the one repossessing it.”
When Jace looks at me, all I can do is shake my head as I cover my mouth.
That son of a bitch.
“Who the fuck does that to their kid?” Markus barks as he paces the room. Moving my hand up and down Jace’s back, l close my eyes as I lean against his arm. I am trying to hold back my tears, but it’s so hard. It was just so sad watching him take everything out of his car and hand the keys over, the look of pure defeat in his eyes.
“An asshole,” Jace bites out, his body trembling with anger. I’ve never seen him this angry, and I don’t know what to do but hold him. But really, who does this? Yeah, don’t get me wrong, we were rude to him. But you don’t take something from someone that you gave to them. “It’s my fault. I should have had him put it in my name.”
He groans, dropping his face into his hands, and my heart aches.
“This is insane, dude. I’m sorry.”
Jace shrugs. “What’s done is done.”
“If you need my car, you got it.”
“Thanks, bro,” he says and I squeeze him.
“You can use mine too,” I say, even though I’ve already offered.
He squeezes my thigh and then kisses my forehead. “Thanks, babe.”
“Have you told your mom? Jude or Jayden?”
Jace shakes his head, letting it fall back as he stares up at the ceiling. “No, I don’t want to worry them or hear ‘I told you so.’” When he stands suddenly, I watch as he kicks a shoe out of the way, groaning out loud. “God, I can’t believe this shit.”
“He is such a fucking dick,” Markus says, and I want to agree, but I’m still very upset with him for what he did to Mekena. I know Jace has said it was a mistake, but I can’t look at him the same. Especially when I know how upset Mekena still is. When Jace reaches for the door and leaves, slamming it behind him, I want to follow, but Markus shakes his head. “Give him a minute.”
I glare at him and cross my arms, which he rolls his eyes at. “You can’t be mad at me forever.”
“Yes, I can.”
He smiles softly. “You know it was a mistake, right?”
“A mistake that hurt my friend, but I can’t talk about this right now. I’m worried about Jace.”
He nods, his eyes full of remorse, but it’s not okay. He broke my friend’s heart. Clearing his throat, he says, “Me too. I wish he’d just call one of his brothers, or even Lucy. He won’t, though, he’s too proud. But he needs them.”
I bite the inside of my cheek and I agree. They know the pain he is feeling. And while, yeah, I have a shitty family, I don’t know his dad the way his siblings do. When Markus turns to go back to his game, I reach for Jace’s phone, sending Jude’s number to myself before deleting the text on his phone so he doesn’t know I sent it. I may be doing something wrong, but in a way, it’s not. It’s right. Jace needs his brother.
When the door opens, I set his phone down quickly as Jace shuts the door behind himself. His eyes and face are red, like he’s been crying, and that breaks my heart. “I’m gonna head back to my dorm.”
He gives me a look. “Really? You don’t want to stay?”
I shrug. “Why don’t you play some video games? Maybe get a full night’s sleep without me tossing and turning?” I add with a grin. “You also have work and hockey in the morning and always wake me up. So this way, we both can sleep.”
He nods, a smile on his face that doesn’t reach his eyes, before he reaches for me, kissing me on the side of my mouth. “I don’t want you to leave, though.”
“I know, but if I stay, I’ll fall asleep and I don’t want you to get in trouble.”
“And fuck the dude who ran his mouth. I’ll find them for you, Avery. Then maybe you’ll like me,” Markus calls back to me, a huge smile on his face, and I roll my eyes.
“Doubt it, but thanks.”
Jace smiles, holding me close. “Be nice to my friend.” I give him a look and he grins. “Try to be nice.”
“I said thanks,” I remind him and he rolls his eyes. “Fine, whatever. I’m gonna go, okay?”
“No, not okay, but yeah. I’ll see you in the morning?”
“Yup. I’ll meet ya at the shop.”
“Cool, I love you,” he says, hugging me tightly before kissing my nose.
“I love you too.” I kiss his lips while my fingers tangle in his shirt. I put everything into the kiss. I can still hear his outburst from earlier, his fears and concerns rattling my soul. I never want him to feel like that. I never want him to worry about that again. It’s in the past. We have future so bright, he shouldn’t even be thinking about it. I know I don’t. I can’t.
When we part, I kiss his chin before reaching for my bag and putting it on my shoulder. “Go to sleep early? Please?”
“Yeah, I hear you.”
“Thank you. Love you.” He smiles as I wave and open the door.
“Love you,” he calls as I shut it behind me and climb up the stairs. When I get into the frigid air, I suck in a deep breath. Well, tonight was a clusterfuck. Shaking my head, I walk toward my car, hopeful my plan will work because I can’t let Jace hold this in, not when his brother can help. I may be stepping out of line, but he’s my husband. So I’m allowed to, I think? Getting into my car, I lock the doors and start the engine before searching for my phone.
When I find it, it’s blinking with a text.
Jace: I miss you, don’t leave.
I smile.
Me: Dork. I can’t stay and you know it.
Jace: Then I’ll come stay with you.
Me: And sleep in my mini bed? No, we both need sleep.
Jace: God, this fucking blows. Maybe we should just get an apartment?
Me: Just relax, we can talk more tomorrow.
Jace: Okay, be careful going home.
Me: I’ll text you in a bit.
Scrolling up, I find where I sent Jude’s number and tap it to call. As I wait for him to answer, I check the time. It’s late. He shouldn’t be at a game, but then, what do I know? I pull out of the parking spot just as he answers.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Jude. It’s Avery.”
He pauses. “Avery, is everything okay?”
“Well, yeah…but no.”
“Okay?”
“Are you busy?”
“Not for you. What’s up?
“It’s Jace.”
“What’s wrong?”
Biting into my lip, I turn to go toward my building. “Well, as you know, we are married and pregnant.”
“Yeah, I know,” he says with a laugh and I smile.
“Sorry, I’m nervous.”
“Nervous? Avery, we’re family.”
I pause, chewing on my lip. I should have called Jayden. Swallowing hard, I say, “Yeah, but I don’t think you like me much.”
“What? Why would you think that? I think you’re awesome.”
That makes me smile, but I can’t help but feel he doesn’t like me. I know why; it’s because of what Seth told him. Clearing my throat, I say, “Well, thanks, but I can’t shake the feeling you don’t approve of me because of what my brother told you.”
“Ah,” he says slowly.
“But for what it’s worth, I don’t have a relationship with my family the way you guys do. While some of what Seth said was true, the stuff about my dad interfering with Caleb’s career is not true. He didn’t do that. He wouldn’t, couldn’t, and I just want you to know that I will do everything I can to make sure Jace is happy.”
I’m met with silence and then he clears his throat. “If I didn’t think you were good for my brother, you wouldn’t be here, Avery. I like you, I’m excited to get to know you, and I love that you make my brother happy.”
“He makes me happy,” I say, pulling into my parking spot and putting the car in park.
“He’s a good dude. But I have a question.”
“Yeah?”
“You said most of what Seth said was true. So you tried to commit suicide?”
I swallow hard as I pick at the hole in my jeans. “I did.”
“Wow, I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, bad, bad time in my life, but I’m not that person anymore.”
“Yeah, you made it. I’m proud, and I think I like you even more.”
I smile. “Thanks.”
“Anytime. But what’s going on with my brother?”
Sucking in a breath, I let it out and then unload. He listens, doesn’t interrupt me or even comment. He just listens, and when I’m finished, he releases a long breath. “I told him not to trust that fucker. Damn it, so he doesn’t have a car?”
“No, I told him he could use mine, and Markus said he can use his too.”
“Okay, well, I’ll have my mom bring out Jayden’s old car tomorrow so at least he has a ride. And why doesn’t he use his scholarship money for an apartment? He can do that. As long as he can prove it’s an apartment within a—” He pauses and then calls Claire’s name. “Babe, how many miles does the apartment have to be within for the scholarship money to apply?”
“Fifteen, I think,” I hear her say. “Riverbend is where all my friends stayed.”
“Ah, yeah, Riverbend. He can do that and have the rent and utilities covered under his scholarship money. I know he has housing money since staying at the Bullies’ house is free. So I don’t know what the problem is.”
“They didn’t tell us that.” I say and he sighs.
“They won’t ’cause when we don’t spend all our scholarship money, they can give it to someone else.”
“Oh,” I say and then I shake my head. “Can you please call him? Talk to him?”
“Oh yeah, I planned on it. Trust and believe that,” he says and I smile. I love when Jace says that. “Listen, thanks for calling me. It shows how much you care.”
“I love him.”
“Yeah, I can tell. And thank you. Really. We’ll get y’all taken care of. I just wish he would have told me sooner.”
“He’s so proud, doesn’t want to ask, and thinks he can do it all.”
“Well, he needs to cut that shit out.”
I laugh. “That’s what I said.”
“Okay, well, you take care. I’ll see you at Christmas?”
“Yeah,” I agree and I smile. “Thanks, Jude.”
“Anytime.”
Hanging up the phone, I grin. That went really well. I actually feel good about that. As much as I wish I could have been the one to make Jace feel better, I know his brother can. Which is okay with me. I love his relationship with his family, and I appreciate the help. Getting out of the car, I lock up before heading inside. When I reach my room, I open the door to see Mekena lying on the bed reading, of course.
“Hey, didn’t think you’d be coming back tonight.”
“I can’t stay at the Bullies’ house more than twice a week. Someone outed us.”
“Jerk, probably that douche Markus.”
I shake my head. “He loves me and Jace, even though I’m a bitch to him.”
She smiles. “Thanks.”
“Anytime,” I say, throwing my bag on my bed. “He told me again what he did was a mistake.”
“Yeah, he told me that too when he tried to talk to me yesterday.”
“What did you say?”
“I told him he doesn’t deserve my tears or my time, and I walked away.”
“Good girl,” I say as I take off my shirt and pants, throwing Jace’s sweatshirt to the side. Climbing into my bed, I look over at her. “Do you think you’ll ever forgive him?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. He slept with my sister.”
“No, I hear you,” I say, holding my hands up. “Just wondering.”
“Yeah, I don’t know,” she says sadly, cuddling deeper into her blankets. “Would you forgive him?”
I shake my head. “Hell no.”
“Yeah.”
“Do you still love him?” I ask, looking over at her, and she nods slowly.
“Unfortunately.” I give her a small smile and she shrugs. “Love sucks.”
“It can,” I agree as I get my guitar and bring it into my lap.
“Not for you, though,” she says with a grin and I smile.
“Nope. I got lucky.”
“You did.”
Nodding to my guitar, I ask, “Will I bother you?”
She shakes her head. “Not at all. I welcome it.”
I smile and then I start to play my song for my baby. Mekena doesn’t know. No one does yet, but that doesn’t stop me from singing this song.
I hear your heartbeat inside me.
So strong.
So fast.
How can I love you?
When I haven’t even met you.
There are no words.
Just the sound
Of your heartbeat.
And I’m complete.
When my phone sounds, I stop playing and get up to get it out of my bag. Sitting back down, I hit the home button to see its Jace.
Jace: Thank you.
Jace: He told me you called him. I needed to talk to him.
Me: I know, you’re welcome.
Jace: Want to meet at the housing office after your first class?
Me: Yeah, 9:20?
Jace: Sounds good. I’ll come right from practice.
Me: Cool. Do you feel better?
Jace: Loads. I have a plan that will work.
Me: Good.
Jace: Have I told you I love you today?
Me: Yeah, but it doesn’t get old.
Jace: I love you, Avery. So much.
Me: I love you too.