Sitting back in the chair in my doctor’s office, I cross my legs, pulling my sweater dress across my knees as I wait. It’s crazy cold in Jersey, of course, and it’s already snowing. I love snow, but I’m not staying here. Not a snowball’s chance in hell. If the last three hours have taught me anything, it’s that I can’t trust my family. Not even the person who is supposed to be closest to me. My twin. No, not even him.
It’s so sad.
Scrolling through my Facebook as I wait, I try not to let everything bother me. I felt so strong in front of Matty, but now I don’t. I feel anxious. I feel like he could come after me. I shouldn’t feel that way. It’s unbelievable, so malicious, and I don’t think I’ll ever look at him the same again. Not that I ever held him in high regard anyway.
The whole ride here, I went back and forth. Wondering if I should out him, tell my parents what he has done, who he is. But then, what would it accomplish? Would they love me more? Would they treat me better? Would they actually care about my feelings?
As much as I hate him, and as horrible as the things are that he’s done to me, I know I’d never deliberately out him. I’m angry, but I’m not heartless. Revenge is a nasty thing. You can lose yourself. I’ve been witness to it, and I really don’t want to succumb to it. I don’t want to lose myself. I know who I am, I love me—and Matty… He’s nothing to me anymore.
He’s the one who has to deal with his own unhappiness.
Glancing at the time, I worry that I’ll miss my flight. Dr. Perry is taking longer than usual getting my prescription. Maybe she’s upping me to the max because of how I unloaded on her. I’ve been talking for the last hour, telling her everything that happened. She asked me what I wanted, and I told her I didn’t know. Because I didn’t. But now, I know I don’t want anything to do with it. I’m letting it go. Letting them go, letting my brothers go, and Matty, for sure. His pain won’t bring me pleasure. I’m not a sick freak like he is.
I’m a good person.
One who is better when Jace is around.
Hitting my profile, I smile at our picture. Both of us acting goofy with me on his back, kissing his cheek. Ugh, I miss him and I can’t wait to get home and apologize. We haven’t discussed what happened at all. We’ve just enjoyed texting each other, and it almost feels like it did when we first met. But I know we both see the elephant in the room. We have to discuss it. We have to clear the air to move forward. Which is the only way we’re going.
When my phone goes off and I see my mom has texted me, I click her message.
Mom: How about you stay for a couple more days?
What the hell?
Me: No, I can’t. I have classes, gigs, and my internship.
Mom: Oh. Well, I was hoping you’d stay since it would just be us, no one else since everyone is leaving. I didn’t get to spend much time with you.
Me: Whose fault is that?
Mom: Avery. Come on, you wouldn’t come out of your room.
Me: Because you didn’t want me to. You didn’t care one bit about me and that hurts. So yeah, no, I’m not staying.
When the door opens, I look up as Dr. Perry comes in, shutting the door behind her. I look down to turn off my phone after reading what my mom said back, but she hasn’t said anything. Okay, then. Looking up, I swallow hard and look at Dr. Perry as she comes toward me. She looks worried, which confuses me. Her small frame is tense, her shoulders back as she moves closer, looking at my chart and chewing on the end of her pen.
What the hell is going on?
She looks at me with trouble-filled brown eyes. “Sorry it took so long. We, um, had some issues with your prescription.”
My lip curls up in confusion. “Huh? Why?” She looks at me, really looks at me. I’ve been coming to her for a very long time, so I know something is wrong. With my chest tightening and my heart slamming hard into my ribs, I eye her. “What’s wrong?”
“Avery,” she says, placing her hand on my knee. “Sweetheart, you shared so much today, more than ever. I mean, you are growing right before my eyes. But you left out something huge. Something I needed to know before I try to write a scrip. I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me. Aren’t you worried your medications could hurt the baby?”
I can only blink. “What? What did you say?”
Her head tilts to the side, confusion swimming in her eyes. “You’re pregnant, and I needed to know that before I wrote this scrip. I had to find a different prescription for your lingering traces of depression because the other med could be harmful to the baby.”
“What baby?”
“Your baby.”
My head is jerking from side to side as I throw my hands up in a defensive manner. “Whoa, back it up. I’m not pregnant.”
“Yes, you are,” she says, flipping her file over to show me. At the top it has my name and then below that in big, bold letters:
PREGNANT
“Wait, what?” My throat is closing as I pull in deep breaths through my nose.
This is a mistake.
“You didn’t know?”
I shake my head, and I swear my brain scrambles in my head. Maybe it’s resetting because surely this is fucking wrong. I can’t be pregnant. This can’t be true. “No!”
She holds the file to her lap, her gaze full of confusion but also concern. “Well, Avery, are you sexual active?”
“Yes. But we use condoms.”
“Those aren’t 100% effective, you know,” she points out and I shake my head, unable to breathe.
“What the hell,” I yell, my whole body going numb. Bracing my hands on the side of the table, I draw in deep breaths, my head still shaking no as I try to figure out how this could have happened. Every time, we used condoms. We were safe. What the fuck? “No. How do you know? This has to be wrong.”
“You know we always do a urine test at the start of your sessions to check your levels.”
“It’s wrong,” I say defiantly, my heart pounding against my ribs as I start to feel dizzy. “I can’t be pregnant.”
“Have you skipped your period?”
I pause, squeezing the table until my knuckles turn white as I suck in breath after breath, racking my brain for that information. Closing my eyes, I feel the tears escaping from them and down the side of my face when I realize the truth.
I did…
“Yes.”
Looking up at her, I hope this is all a joke. A funny scare tactic to make me never want to have sex again. But as I meet her gaze, I know it isn’t. This is happening, and holy shit, I’m pregnant.
With a baby.
Jace’s baby.
Oh, crap.
I gasp for breath, pretty damn sure I’m having a panic attack. While the doctor talks about the new meds, I’m still trying to process this. How did this happen? I mean, I know that it can, but we were safe. Well, I’m not on my own birth control, but I was going to get it after my next period that I just realized never came. Oh my God, does this mean I got pregnant the first time we did it? Shit, he is amazing at everything he does. His boys broke through a damn condom.
This isn’t funny.
Oh my God.
What am I going to do?
“Do you understand?”
Looking at her with wide, tear-filled eyes, I shake my head. “No, I don’t fucking understand. I’m not fully understanding that I’m pregnant yet.”
When her eyes widen, I can only shake my head as the tears fall.
Damn it, what is Jace going to say?
What is he going to do?
I don’t doubt that he will stay by my side.
But we don’t need this.
Oh, God.
What are we going to do?