“I thought your last name was Rose?”
She looks at me, her eyes unsure as she slowly shakes her head. “No, Rose is my middle name.”
“So it’s Haverbrooke?”
She nods, her eyes full of confusion, and I’m dumbfounded.
All I can do is stare at her.
What.
The.
Ever.
Loving.
Fuck.
Surely.
Surely, I heard her wrong.
But when I glance across the table at my brothers, hoping for some kind of answer, Jude is laughing from his gut and Jayden is crying with tears of laughter. But that’s not all. No, Baylor’s eyes are wide and panicked, and Coach’s mouth is still gaping open. Fuck, I have a feeling I heard her just fine. Which explains why my heart is jackhammering against my ribs, I can’t breathe, and I’m two seconds from a panic attack.
“Why is this a big deal?” my mom asks. “Why is everyone laughing? River, honey, what’s wrong?”
“It’s not—” Avery tries, but Coach’s voice goes over hers.
“Her dad is the commissioner of the NHL. Autumn, he runs…shit, everything!”
“Oh wow,” my mom says. “How awesome for you.”
“Hardly,” I hear Avery whisper, but I’m still unable to move.
Trying to process this, I close my eyes, hoping that when I wake up, this will all be a dream. It has to be.
“Jeez, Jace, you really know how to go big or go home, huh?” Jayden laughs, shaking his head as I look up to glare at him.
Not a dream. Shit.
“And I thought I was hot shit going after the first female in male college hockey. Ha! You topped me.”
“Shut up, Jayden,” Baylor spits, worry still in the depths of her wide hazel eyes. “But, really? Hockey royalty?”
“It’s not a big deal,” Avery says from beside me, but I can’t even.
“Ha! Yeah, it is,” Jude barks before looking back at me. “You know how to pick them, bro. No wonder you’re so confident you’ll go first! You have the fucking commissioner in your back pocket,” Jude wheezes, but then he pauses. “I don’t mean that disrespectfully to you, Avery. I’m just busting Jace’s chops.”
I lean on my hand, my heart still jackhammering. I feel Avery looking at me, but I’m still trying to believe this is happening. The commissioner? Really?
“He didn’t know,” Avery says then, which stops the laughter. I feel her shift uncomfortably in her chair, and all eyes fall on me. “It isn’t a big deal to me the way it is to you guys, so I don’t talk about it. I’m not close with my family.”
Silence falls over the table, and she is still fidgeting anxiously in her chair. I know I should say something, reassure her it’s okay, but it’s not. How could she not tell me something like this? Doesn’t she realize that is important information to give your hockey-playing boyfriend, whose dreams are to be in the NHL? I would never use her to get ahead, but shit, I would still want to know stuff like that.
“You’re right,” I hear Lucy say, but it’s very muffled since my heartbeat is hurting my eardrums. “And you shouldn’t have to.”
Um. Maybe not here, but to me, yeah, she should!
The table goes quiet again and I don’t look up. I can’t. My heart is in my throat and my blood is boiling. She hid this from me. Just like the cutting. Fuck.
“You know, I didn’t know Haverbrooke had a daughter,” Coach says and my heart sinks. “I’ve known him for years.”
Avery doesn’t say anything as Jude continues, “And Seth never talks about a sister. His brothers, yeah, but…”
When he trails off, I know they finally realize why this is a sore subject for her. She must look stricken, like she always does when her family is brought up or when they contact her. While I’m always elated to hear from my family, Avery never is. Her lips turn down, her eyes go sad, while her cheeks redden in embarrassment from the fact they’re dicks and don’t treat her like she should be treated.
Like the fucking princess she is.
“Sorry, it was just surprising,” Jude says then, and I nod.
“You can say that again.” When I look up, everyone’s eyes are on me. I can only look back down, feeling like an idiot. How can I be dating a girl—hell, be in love with that girl—and not know this kind of stuff? I look like a dumbass in front of my family. How could she let that happen? After how we talked about her opening up, being honest with me. It’s like she’s been lying to me. But, why? Why would she do that?
When I feel her lips by my ear, my body tenses up and I hate that. Really? I’m not mad? Damn it. “Are you mad?”
“Later,” I say firmly, my eyes across the table on my brothers. Jude’s eyes widen and Jayden shakes his head, but neither Avery nor I move. I feel her heartbeat against my arm, and I know she wants to ask more. Instead, she slowly backs away, her eyes burning into the side of my face.
But I can’t look at her.
Not when I’m fuming with anger.
When dinner is over, I’m the first one up and I head outside because I need air. I knew if I left before dinner, my mom would worry and I don’t need to cause her any more grief. I can’t. Done enough of that today. But shit, the last part of that dinner was suffocating. So damn awkward, and Avery didn’t say a word to anyone but Lucy and Angie. It was pathetic and sad, and maybe I was a dick for not saying anything, but I was trying to figure out my next move. If I have the right to be upset with her.
I mean, she doesn’t talk about her family, and I don’t ask too many questions because I know it hurts her. But the commissioner? I feel like she should have told me that. Even if it doesn’t matter, I feel like I should have known. It’s just a huge surprise I really wasn’t ready for, and I don’t know what to say to her. Will she shut down? But honestly, what can she have to say? She didn’t tell me. There is nothing else to be said, but damn it, I need her to say something.
When Jude and Jayden flank me, I don’t even know why I’m surprised and we head outside. Avery must still be playing with Angie, and that’s cool, I just need a minute. A minute to breathe and to gather my thoughts because I have a twenty-minute car ride with her, and we are going to have to talk about this.
Whether she likes it or not. I don’t care. We are talking.
“You didn’t know?” Jayden asks once the cold air hits my face.
Crossing my arms, I let my head fall back as I suck in a deep breath. “No.”
“She never told you?” Jude asks incredulously and I shrug, looking back at him.
“We don’t talk about her family. They are shit to her, and it’s just not something that comes up. Plus, for the last three weeks, I thought her name was Avery Rose, so I never connected the dots.”
“Why didn’t she tell you?”
“I don’t fucking know, Jay. Fuck,” I groan, shaking my head.
“I don’t get it,” Jayden says, crossing his arms over his chest. “Why hide that?”
“I don’t know,” I say softly, my throat itching with emotion.
Jude shakes his head as Jayden looks at me. “Jace, I’m not trying to sound like a dick but—”
“If it goes bad, you could be fucked!” Jude yells and I flinch. I already thought about that, and yeah, it scares me shitless. But what can I do? I’m already in it. There is no turning back at this point.
“I know.”
“Jace,” Jayden stresses. “This isn’t smart.”
“Can you get out?” Jude asks, and I shake my head, dread filling my belly.
“I don’t want to,” I say, looking up at them. “I love her.”
Jayden looks away, as frustrated as I am, while Jude shakes his head. “Can you un-love her? This is playing with fire, Jace!”
“Can you un-love Claire?”
He runs his fingers through his hair, shaking his head. “No, yeah, that was dumb.”
“I didn’t choose her, my heart did,” I say and they both look at me, deadpan.
“Okay, Romeo, tuck that corny shit back in,” Jude teases. While, yeah, it was corny, it’s the truth. I didn’t want a girlfriend, didn’t want to be connected with anyone. I wanted an easy year, a fun one, and somehow I fell hard for some beautiful singing temptress I saw up against a tree. One who has some demons that scare the shit out of me, but I don’t care.
I love her.
Taking a step toward me, Jayden takes me by the shoulders. “If you even think there is a possibility you can get out, please do.”
I hold his gaze, my eyes burning with irritation because why would they even suggest this? I mean, I get it. This is a big deal, but didn’t they hear me when I said I love her? “Did you get out when you knew you loved Baylor? Even when she didn’t want anything to do with you, when she was more concerned with winning than you? Did you give up?”
His eye twitches as his hands drop from my shoulders. “No.”
“Then don’t ask me to,” I say, my fingers biting into my ribs. “I’ll figure it out.”
“We aren’t trying to piss you off or doubt you, Jace. It’s just this is a big deal. This can ruin your career. Is she worth your fucking career?”
Is she?
“I hear you,” I say quickly as the door opens and the rest of the family starts to spill out. “I got it.”
Before either of them can say anything else, my mom’s arms wrap around me and she kisses my jaw. It’s funny how even when you think you’re grown up and don’t need anyone, you actually still need your mommy’s hugs. Relaxing in her arms, I close my eyes as she kisses me once more. I feel safe in my mom’s arms, like nothing can touch me or hurt me. When she squeezes me hard, she whispers, “I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I say even though I know I don’t deserve any of her pride. I should be the one saying it because she stood up to my dad. She didn’t let him bother her at all. All through dinner, she was animated, sweet, and everything I love about her. She made everyone feel important. She had nothing but love in her eyes the whole time, my dad an afterthought. Yet, I still feel horrible she even had to see him. “I’m sorry.”
She shakes her head against mine, her lips on my cheek. “No, Jace, don’t be. It’s fine.”
“I shouldn’t have told him about the game.”
“It’s over. I love you.”
“I love you more.”
She gives me a squeeze then pulls back to look up into my eyes. “I like Avery a lot. She’s sweet and loves Angie something insane.”
I nod, my heart hurting a bit. “She’s great.”
Leaning in, she whispers, “I know everyone thinks it’s a big deal about her daddy, but I don’t. You’re dating her, not him.”
I can only nod because I can’t trust what will come out of my mouth. Kissing my jaw, she pats my chest before Coach shakes my hand. His eyes are worried, but I ignore them before saying good-bye to everyone else. As I hug Jude tightly, I want to ask him not to leave. Tell him that I need him, but I know it would be pointless, and also that he would make fun of me endlessly. He has a life, a good one, that he has to get back to.
“Call me if you need anything,” he says as he smacks my back and I nod.
“Will do.”
“It was great to meet you, Avery,” he says then. I turn, not even realizing she is behind me.
“You, too. Bye, Claire.”
“Bye! It was great meeting you,” she says to Avery before hugging me tightly. As Jude pulls her away, wrapping his arms around her, Lucy captures me in a tight hug. I know it’s not to love on me. I don’t know how she became Team Avery, but she’s two seconds from having a shirt made stating whose side she’s on.
“I know you’re pissed,” she whispers in my ear. “And you have every right to be, but don’t let this break you two up. I like her. A lot. And you know that means something coming from me.”
Over Lucy’s shoulder, Avery is watching me, her eyes burning into mine. It hurts to see her eyes so sad, and I should probably feel bad, but I don’t. This isn’t my fault; it’s hers. But then, maybe I’m just tripping out over this. I mean, we’ve been dating almost three weeks, and it’s well-known she doesn’t talk about her family. Maybe she was going to tell me. But I feel still like that should have been the first thing out of her mouth. I should take a deep breath and think this over because she looks troubled, and I don’t want to be the one who does that to her. I want to make her smile, I want to make her happy, but she has to be more open with me. Like I am with her.
Slowly nodding, I squeeze Lucy tightly as my mom hugs Avery. Kissing Angie’s head, I wave good-bye and then wait for Avery. She walks cautiously to me before we head toward the car.
We don’t get far from the group before she is looking at me questioningly. “So you’re mad?”
I nod. “Wouldn’t you be if you found out something like that about the person you’re dating?”
She shrugs, looking away as I open her door. “No, it’s not a big deal to me.”
“But it is to me,” I say, cocking my head to the car, but she shakes her head.
“No, I want to talk about this.”
“And we can in the car.” I look back at where my family is still standing outside, chatting. “Out of earshot of my family.”
She looks at my family and then gets in the car with a huff. I don’t understand why she is upset since she is the one in the wrong, and that annoys me. Shutting the door with more force than needed, I head around the car and get in myself, turning it on. Looking over at her, I find her watching me, and before I can talk, she’s saying, “It’s not a big deal because my dad is nowhere in the equation of us. I can promise you. He doesn’t decide who goes in the draft. Yeah, he has pull, but he really only uses that on my brothers. Even so, Laurence didn’t even get picked in the draft, so obviously my dad doesn’t matter. And the thing is, you aren’t dating him—you’re dating me.”
She lets out a quick breath, her eyes wide and her face red. “I don’t get why you’re upset, acting like a jerk at dinner when I did nothing wrong. Yeah, I didn’t tell you, but did you ask? No. So it isn’t like I’m lying. I just didn’t see a reason to bring it up because he isn’t important.”
Letting my head fall to the side, I glower. “Are you done?”
She glares. “For now.”
“Good,” I say, turning in my seat to face her. “So what you’re saying is you want me to be a mind reader?”
“Did I say that?”
“Basically. And the thing is, I’m not mad because of who he is—I could care less, even though my brothers both think that I need to give you up because he can ruin me. And yeah, he probably can, but I’m in too deep with you. That’s why I’m mad—because you didn’t tell me. That’s big for someone who’s dying to go into the draft and be great in the NHL. He’s my future boss, Avery, and a little warning or a small heads-up would have been great. Don’t you understand that? I just looked like a dumbass in front of my family ’cause I didn’t even know your last name.”
“He doesn’t matter!” she yells, and I notice her hands are shaking. “He doesn’t care about me enough to care who I’m dating. I promise you that.”
I shake my head. “Did you not hear what I just said? I don’t care about him. I care about us and the fact that you hold shit back from me.”
“Because they don’t matter!”
“My future boss does matter.”
“So, what? You wouldn’t be with me if you knew? Or would you have used me? I don’t get it.”
“Oh my God, Avery, really? Don’t you know me better than that?”
“You’re the one making a big deal over who my dad is.”
“Because you didn’t tell me! You don’t tell me shit!”
“That’s a lie. I’m doing better,” she shoots back and I glare.
“Because I’m fucking making you,” I yell. I don’t mean to make her flinch but, fuck. Come on! “It’s like pulling teeth with you. I have to beg for information, and that’s not fucking fair.”
Shaking her head, she shrugs. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
I glare, because that wasn’t heartfelt at all. “Really? I’m supposed to believe that?”
She glares back. “What? I said sorry.”
“And you didn’t fucking mean it!”
“I do,” she yells back. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you who my dad was. I’m sorry I’m not an open fucking book like you. And I’m sorry I embarrassed you. I’m fucking sorry, Jace!”
Her voice rings in my ears and I look away, shaking my head.
Girls, man. They are basically mindfucks.
Running my hands down my face, I bite into the inside of my lip before looking back over at her. Her eyes are trained on her knees, her lip between her teeth, as the silence stretches between us. “I don’t want to fight with you. I just want you to understand why I’m upset.”
“I told you I was sorry,” she whispers before looking up at me. “I should have told you, but I don’t like talking about my family. That is not a secret.”
“But your family is part of you and, Avery…the commissioner? Really? That’s something you tell someone.”
“Why? So you would sleep with me to get ahead?”
My brows crash together. “Because I needed any other reason to sleep with you than just you, right? I was a goner the moment I met you. Don’t throw that bullshit in my face. You just don’t want to let me in!”
“I’m fucking trying!”
“No, you’re not,” I bite out, shaking my head in frustration. This isn’t what I wanted.
What happened to this being easy?
Or is it me?
Am I making it hard?
Am I expecting more than I should?
She looks away, biting on her lip. Sucking in a breath, I watch as she wrings her fingers together, tucking them between her knees. “Avery, what do you want?”
She doesn’t answer me, just moves her fingers in and out of each other, working her lips as she shrugs.
“Do you want to be with me?”
She looks over at me, her eyes full of frustration and tears. “If you have to ask, then why are we doing this?”
“Really?” I ask, my gaze narrowing. “Is that you trying to push me away?”
She looks away, shaking her head. “I don’t know what you want from me.”
“I want all of you!” I yell, making her jump. “Every single fucking part. Damaged, whole, dented, cut, all of it! Just give me you.”
She doesn’t say anything at first. As she looks out the window, I can see her lip wobbling as she blinks the tears back. She’s killing me. How can I love someone so much but be so mad at them too?
“I am yours, all of me,” she says softly as she turns, and my chest aches as I get lost in her eyes. Reaching out, I take her face in my hands, leaning my head against hers. Moving my nose along hers, I suck in a deep breath.
“Baby—”
“No, I’m sorry, Jace,” she whispers, pulling back to look at me, her eyes full of remorse. “You’re right. I should have told you but, it’s just… People tend to use me for who my brothers and my dad are. It sucks, and I wanted to come here and start over. Just me. And I guess I just wanted you to like me for me.”
I can understand that. I mean, her family is hockey royalty and now knowing who they are explains a lot. How can she shine when her brothers are taking all the light? But it isn’t fair, and she should have been treated better. I know she wasn’t, though, not only from her words but because her brother Matty is a Class-A asshole. Full of shit little fucker that I love knocking down a few pegs when I’m on the ice with him. We had to play together once, and it was the worst championship of my life. If my brothers tease me for being a puck hog, they haven’t played with that dick. It was horrible, and I can’t believe someone as gorgeous and beautiful as she is could come from the same womb as that jerk-off.
Kissing her forehead, I lean back, studying her. “Avery, I do like you for you. From the moment I met you, I have. Nothing can change that. No one matters but you.”
Leaning her head to mine, she closes her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
That time she meant it. Swallowing hard, I tangle my fingers in her hair as our noses move together. “Okay.”
She presses her lips to mine, and I kiss her back. I pray this is it. That nothing else will come between us like this. Just from this one argument, I can tell she doesn’t do conflict well. She shuts down, and I really don’t ever want to watch that happen again. I know it will, though. That’s a relationship, but man, I just want to make her happy. After a year of shit, I want this to be easy between us.
“I don’t like fighting with you,” she whispers against my lips, reading my mind like always.
“I don’t either,” I say softly, my eyes burning into hers. “Just open up, Avery. That’s all I want.”
“I know, and I’m trying.”
“Good,” I say, holding her gaze. “And that’s it, right? Your mom isn’t the queen of England or something, right?”
She grins as she shakes her head. “No, she’s a stay-at-home mom.”
“Okay. So that’s it? No more surprises down the road, right?”
She pauses for a second. I almost think she’s going to say more, but instead, she shakes her head. “No, nothing else. What you see is what you get.”
I smile as I gather her in my arms, my lips against hers. “Well, what I see is definitely what I want.”
I just hope it doesn’t burn me in the end.