Today was probably one of my favorite days so far.
Angie is a hoot and a delight to be around. Of course, Jace is a blast too, but Angie was just so much fun. I’ve always wanted a little sister, someone to love and love me back. It’s been something I’ve craved, and today, I got it. I was overwhelmed with it all. It was perfect.
As we drive back to Lucy’s office, Angie has so much to say. She is so energetic and so much like Jace, it’s crazy. When he asked me to come, I was a little nervous. I hadn’t had much experience with kids, but the moment I met her, it was like when I met Jace—we clicked. She is the yin to my inner-child yang, and I love her to pieces. I’m kind of sad we have to drop her off, and apparently, so is she.
Hugging me tightly as Jace puts her car seat back in Lucy’s car, she turns to face me after I kiss her cheek. “When do I get to play with you again?”
Tucking a stray curl behind her ear, I smile. “I don’t know. I am going to Jace’s game Friday. I think you’re going too.”
“Awesome! I am. I can’t wait. Jacey is the best hockey player ever!”
Giving me a smug grin, Jace nods. “Told ya.”
Grinning, I cup Angie’s face. “I’ve heard. I can’t wait to see. So it’s a date? Me and you?”
“Yes!” she exclaims as Lucy comes outside. “Mommy! Avery is coming to the game Friday.”
Doing jazz hands, Lucy catches Angie when she jumps into her arms, kissing her loudly on the cheek. “Awesome. Means me and grandma get to feel her out the whole game and embarrass Uncle Jace the entire time,” she says with a wink, and I grin back.
“Oh yay,” Jace says dryly while I giggle.
“Can’t wait.”
“Maybe we can all go to the dinner afterward, especially since Jude and Claire will be in town. We’ll make him pay,” she adds with a grin as she hugs Jace tightly. “I called Mom.”
I watch as he tenses up before pulling back. “What did she say?”
“She isn’t happy, but she doesn’t care who is there. She is there for you.”
“Figures. She didn’t seem broken up about it, did she?” he asks nervously. I have no clue what’s going on, but it doesn’t seem good.
“No. You know since she started dating Coach, she’s changed. I think she’s getting over him.”
“I hope so.”
“Doesn’t mean you should trust him, though, Jace,” she warns, and I feel like I should walk away. This is family shit, and since I’m not family, I should probably butt out. But then Lucy is talking again, and I’m too nosy to walk away.
Personality flaw, I know.
“He is gonna hurt you. He’s burned all of us.”
Jace nods slowly before folding his arms over his chest. “I hear you.”
“Okay, well, I’ll text you if you need to watch your back for Jude and Jayden, but I’m sure they’ll call.”
“Yeah, for sure.”
“Oh, and thanks. I think she had a blast,” she says happily as she looks at Angie, who has a grin a mile wide.
“I did,” Angie exclaims. “Avery is my favorite!”
Grinning big, my heart soars. No one has ever said that about me.
“Whoa!” Jace mock-complains. “What about me?”
She reaches for him, and he takes her as she kisses him loudly on the cheek. “Well, duh, you’ll always be my favorite.”
“That’s my girl,” he whispers against her cheek before kissing and putting her on her feet. “Love you both. See ya later.”
“See ya. Thanks again. Great meeting you, Avery.”
Smiling back at Lucy, I wave. “You too. Bye, Angie.”
“Bye!”
As we walk back to the car, Jace wraps his arms across my shoulders, pulling me in against his chest. Kissing my temple, he asks, “Did you have fun?”
I nod as a grin pulls at my lips. “So much fun.”
“Good. Guess what?”
“What?”
“You’re my favorite, too,” he says before taking me in his arms and kissing me hard on the lips. His fingers thread into my hair, and I feel like I’m flying as our lips move together in perfect unison. We haven’t kissed nearly as much today as we usually do, and I don’t want to let him go as his tongue moves into my mouth, deepening the kiss. While I bring my hand up against his face, I replay the conversation from earlier and it worries me.
I can tell he wants more from me, that he may very well be in love with me, and I don’t know how to handle that. I don’t know how to feel about it. While it excites me, gives me the chills, and makes me want to do a giddy dance, it also makes me want to run and hide. Because…can it be real? Can he be real? Can what we are feeling be real?
The reason I’m asking is because the last two weeks have been a whirlwind of happiness. When I say I wake up happy, I do—like super happy. And sometimes that makes me think I can skip my meds, which is huge because I need them. But when I’m with him, I feel like I don’t. It almost seems like a fairy tale. I mean, we spend every free moment together. And even that may not seem like enough time together to us, so we try to make more time for each other. I didn’t think I could do it all and still nurture what we have, but I am. Between classes, my gigs downtown, and those at the coffee shop, we are making it work. That might change in January when I start my internship with Empress Records, but he promised me it wouldn’t. That we will find the time to just lie together, which is my favorite thing to do with him. My head against his chest as his heart thumps against his ribs.
I love the sound of his heart. It’s so strong, and I swear it is the beat of every song I write. Boy, have I written a lot. I write about him, about the way he makes me feel, and how happy I am. It’s so freaking different than writing about wanting to run a blade across my skin just to make it bleed. Or how picking up the shards of my heart is hard when all I want to do is cut my body with them. I’m happy. Honestly happy, and I don’t ever want to feel anything but happy.
I’m sure that means I have to keep kissing this man for that to happen.
I have no problem with that.
Pulling away, I run my fingers along his jaw as he looks down at me, his eyes burning into mine. “I’ve missed kissing you all day.”
“I was just thinking the same thing.”
He winks. “Smart girl.”
Grinning, he kisses my nose before reaching for the door. Returning his grin, I get into the car and he does the same before we are off. Unlike on our drive over here when I was analyzing everything he had said before, we talk animatedly with each other. More about Angie than anything, but I still can’t shake what he said. I know I owe it to him to give him more information than I have so far, but it’s difficult. I don’t know how to give him all of me when some parts of me are so damaged, I’m not even sure they are worth giving. How do I explain what I did? How do explain what Caleb did? Will I seem weak? I mean, I was. And man, what if I tell him I’m on meds? Will he be disgusted by me? Think I’m pathetic because I can’t function without medication to steady me? I don’t know, and that’s what worries me so badly.
I love how we are right now.
And I don’t want it to end.
But he wants more. Not only has he basically said it, but I can feel it.
“The douche my sister was married to, Rick… Man, we all hate him,” he says as he hits the interstate to get back to school. “He cheated on her with like four different women while she was pregnant with Angie and then he started a relationship with his now-wife after Angie was born. He left my sister on Angie’s third birthday. I truly thought my dad was gonna kill him. I was only like sixteen, I think? It was nasty.”
“Jeez, that’s crazy.”
“No, what’s crazy is that Angie has to go see that douche every other weekend. He doesn’t love her. He just likes fucking with Lucy. I hate him.”
“Me too, and I don’t even know him.”
“Believe me, you’re better off without knowing that asswipe,” he says, pure loathing dripping from his voice. “Lucy may be the oldest, but we all treat her like she’s the youngest. We’re really overprotective.”
I smile. “That’s sweet.”
“Yeah, I bet you know all about that. Is that why you don’t get along with your brothers? Too overprotective?”
I grimace. “Hardly.”
“Really?”
“Jace, they ignored me all the time. Used me as a stick carrier. They didn’t care one bit about me. Still don’t. I’ve been here over a month. I’ve spoken to Matty twice maybe, and Laurence and Seth not even once.”
His face scrunches up. “Really?”
I laugh. “Yes, not everyone has Brady-family relationships like you do with your siblings.”
His smile is full of apology. “Sorry.”
I wave him off. “Please don’t be. I love that you love your family and talk to them daily. I’m jealous, but I’m happy for you.”
He nods as I move my fingers in and out of his. Silence falls between us, but it’s comfortable as he drives, the music playing softly. Soon, my thoughts float to my shitty family. I wish I had the relationship with my brothers like he does with his brothers and his sister. I wish I had a niece to spoil and love. But I don’t. I have me.
And Jace.
I have Jace.
“You were good with Angie. I didn’t know you liked kids.”
I smile wistfully. “I love kids. I wanted a baby sister when I was younger.”
“Angie is the best,” he says happily, and then he shoots me a grin. “So I guess you want kids?”
“One day.” Grinning over at him, I ask, “Making sure I’m long-term worthy?”
He scoffs. “I knew that the moment I met you.”
He sends me a wink, and I let out a long breath as I shake my head. He is so confident about everything in his life. I wish I had half the confidence he does. Hell, a quarter of it. “Well, then.”
“Just sayin’.”
Leaning my head onto his shoulder, I remember the conversation between him and his sister, and suddenly, I want to know all about it. I want to know everything. Especially things that bother him. I could tell he was troubled.
Threading my fingers through his, I ask, “What were you and Lucy talking about?”
Glancing at me, he shrugs before looking back at the road. “I told her my dad is coming to my game Friday, and she wasn’t too happy about it. I knew it wasn’t good, so she told my mom and is gonna tell my brothers.”
“Oh.”
He looks at me expectantly. “Just, oh?”
I shrug. “Well, why don’t you tell them?”
He shrugs sheepishly. “’Cause I’m embarrassed and guilty. She offered, and I took it.”
Rolling my eyes, I tsk at him. “It would be better if you did.”
“Yeah, but Jude and Jayden are gonna rip me a new one.”
“Do you deserve it?”
“Maybe. I think I really do want a relationship with my dad, but then I don’t. I don’t know. I’m confused about the whole thing.”
“I can understand that, but I think they’d appreciate it a bit more if you called and told them.”
He nods. “You’re right.”
Biting into his lip, he looks thoughtful, maybe a little annoyed, as he comes off the interstate. Shit, did I say too much? It’s just it’s different for the two of us. While he has been spoiled and treated as the baby, I never was. I always had to own up to every mistake I made, even when it wasn’t entirely my fault. He doesn’t like conflict, though. I can see that. He would rather everything be easy and funny. Always a smile on his face. But I learned very early you can’t laugh through life. Sometimes things suck and you have to face up to them. But who am I to tell him that? He didn’t fuck up like I did when I was younger, he didn’t live the life I did, so maybe I should keep my opinions to myself.
Squeezing his hand, I bring it up, kissing the back. “Sorry if I overstepped.”
He shakes his head quickly. “No, don’t be. I respect your opinion. But did you notice how I’m communicating?”
“Really, Jace?” I glare and he grins.
“Just sayin’, throwing it out there.”
“Well, take it back. I heard you the first time.”
“Fine, but I appreciate what you said because you’re right.”
“I just want you to grow, I guess.”
“And I want the same for you, which is why I’m trying to pry you open and find out what’s inside.”
I roll my eyes. “Nothing but a damaged girl.”
He doesn’t say anything, and when I look over at him, his lips are pressed together. “Sorry, that came out all kinds of wrong.”
He shakes his head, though. “No, it’s the truth and I was waiting for more.”
“There is nothing else.”
“Liar,” he accuses and I smile. “But it’s cool. I’ll pry you open and then put you back together right.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he promises. “Because when you talk, you feel better. Believe me. Like right now, I feel good. Usually, it’s Jayden pushing me to be a good guy, but with Baylor coming into his life and Claire coming into Jude’s, I don’t talk to them like I used to. Now it’s just us bullshitting about stuff or them bitching at me about trusting my dad. But it’s all good ’cause I have you.”
My heart hurts a little, as the pain and longing for his brothers is apparent on his face. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that his statement just tickles me to death. It’s something special when someone says they can depend on you. At least, for me, it is. Clearing my throat free of emotion, I look over at him. “You miss them.”
His jaw clenches as he nods. “More than I like to admit.”
Flashing me a grin, he squeezes my hand, bringing it into his lap. “Maybe you should tell them that,” I suggest.
He nods. “Maybe I will.” Grinning as he pulls into a parking spot in front of the Bullies’ house, he looks over at me. “Can you come in?”
“Yeah, I’m free for the rest of the night.”
“Awesome.” He leans over and kisses me hard against the lips. “Get ready for some intense Bullies karaoke of death.”
I scrunch my face up in confusion. “Why does that freak me out a bit?”
“Because adding death to the end of things usually does,” he says with a shrug. “Like wild sex of death. Or hockey rink of death, or—”
“Please stop. I got it,” I laugh and he smiles. “So I have nothing to worry about?”
He laughs. “Um, yes. You are competing against me, and I’m the best singer in the world.” I don’t think I believe him, but his sureness is smothering as he flashes me a grin. “So get ready to go down, Avery Rose.”
Grinning back, I’m pretty sure I’m a little too excited about this, but who wouldn’t be? “The only one who will be going down is you, Sinclair. It may be rumored that you are the best on the ice, but on the stage—it’s all me.”
He scoffs. “I am the best at everything. You’ll see.”
With a challenging gaze, I nod. “Yes, I will.”