I feel on top of the world.
If I thought I loved Jace before this crazy day, nothing compares to the way I feel about him right now. Looking at the picture of us on Facebook, I can’t stop smiling as he drives back to campus, singing badly to the radio. We look so damn content and it isn’t a lie. We are, and the comments are so sweet. Everyone is so happy for us. Yet, I’m waiting for a comment from my family.
I hate that I don’t have the balls to call and tell them. I want to scream it from the rooftops, but I know they won’t care. They would be more mad than anything, and I don’t need that negativity in my life. I’m so happy right now, and I don’t want them ruining that. They aren’t like Jace’s family, and they won’t support us like they have. So screw ’em. I don’t need them.
The pathetic part of me may still want them, but I don’t need them.
I have Jace.
I have our baby.
My God, I still can’t believe how today went down. I thought today was going to be the worst day of my life. Instead, it’s the best. I’m still freaking out a bit, but like Jace has said, it feels right. It feels natural. Crazy, but perfect. With a grin on my face, I go to shut my phone off, but it starts to ring.
It’s my mom.
Jace looks over at me and I suck in a breath. “Shit, it’s my mom.”
“You gonna answer it?”
Damn it. Nodding, I hit answer. “Hello?”
“Avery, what did you do?”
“What?”
“Don’t what me, young lady. Your brother just sent me a picture of you and your boyfriend from Facebook, and apparently, it means you got married!”
“I did,” I say as strongly as I can.
Jace’s hand slides into mine as my mom cries out. “Are you insane? Why? Why would you do that?”
“I’m pregnant.”
“Oh God, Avery, what in the world? Why are you ruining your life? I thought you were smarter than that. Do you know how embarrassing this is?”
“Embarrassing?”
“Yes! Everyone in the club knows. They are all talking about it. My phone is ringing off the hook ’cause you went off and got married. Why didn’t you tell us?”
“Would you have cared?”
“Are you serious? Yes, we would have! I mean, is this a cry for attention? I don’t understand.”
Unable to even process what she is saying, I shake my head. “No, Mom, it’s not a cry for attention. I love him.”
“So? You don’t go and marry him. Or hell, get knocked up. How stupid can you be? You’re only eighteen.” Biting into my lip, I look up as the car comes to a stop in front of the Bullies’ house, while my mom continues to scream. “I don’t understand why you would do this. Haven’t you put all of us through enough hell?”
“It isn’t about you,” I say firmly, trying to sound stronger than I feel. “I love Jace, and yeah, this is unplanned, but we got this.”
“You have nothing. You live off us. We pay for everything.”
“And I thank you for it.”
“You thank us… Thank us by not embarrassing us. By being smart.”
Closing my eyes, I hear Jace mutter something, but I can’t hear him over the roar of my heartbeat in my ears. “So that’s why you’re upset, because I’m embarrassing you.”
“Yes! Your dad is going to freak. I just don’t understand why I had to find out through Facebook? What the hell, Avery?”
“Because you wouldn’t care,” I yell once more, tears running down my face. “You don’t fucking care about me. All you care about is how you look. A normal mother would be upset ’cause she’s worried about her daughter, about what this means for their life. But all you care about is how you look in front of that damn club. Well, guess what? I don’t fucking care about the club and what they think.”
“Avery Rose, that’s not fair. I do care and I do worry about your future, but you are shitting it down the shitter. It’s like you are dead set on ruining yourself.”
“I don’t see it that way. For the first time, I’m happy,” I say, my voice breaking as Jace kisses my shoulder. “For the first time, I don’t feel completely alone or forgotten. I feel important. I feel loved.”
“What are you saying? We love you, Avery. All of us.”
“No, not all of you. Maybe some of you do love me, but you don’t care.”
“That’s not true.”
“Mom, I spent maybe an hour with you when I was home. You cared more about Dad and the boys than me. You didn’t even stop Matty from hurting me.”
She lets out a long breath. “Oh Avery, that wasn’t even his fault. You attacked him and lost your footing. Siblings fight.”
“What the fuck?” Jace says, clearly able to hear her through the phone, and just like that, I lose it.
“No, he pushed me,” I scream, my voice hoarse and full of emotion as my tears stream down my face. “And you didn’t care. You don’t care about me. You never have.”
I close my eyes tightly, but she doesn’t say anything and I know I’m right.
Shaking my head, I hang up and throw my phone to the floorboard, wrapping my arms around myself as I cry. But it’s only for a second before Jace is holding me, kissing my forehead, and telling me it’s going to be okay.
But will it?
As he holds me, my phone keeps ringing, sounding with texts, but I don’t check them. I can’t. Not now. A part of me is glad that Jace holds my heart because if he didn’t, I’m pretty sure it would be broken right now. By the one person who is supposed to love and care for me, no matter what. Instead, she is more worried about the club.
How is that fair?
When Jace’s phone rings, he looks at it and shakes his head. “I don’t know who that is.”
I look down at it. I know that number. “What the hell?”
Reaching for his phone, I answer it despite his confused expression. “Dad?”
“Avery Rose, what the hell is going on?” he yells, his booming voice ringing in my ears.
“How did you get this number?”
“Don’t forget who I am. I am capable of anything. But I asked you a question.”
“What, Dad? I got married. I’m pregnant. What else do you need to know?”
“Watch your tone with me, Avery Rose.”
“No. You watch yours. Don’t try to act like you care. You don’t.”
He draws in a sharp intake of breath and roars, “The hell I don’t. I love you.”
“Whatever,” I say, shaking my head. “You’re embarrassed.”
“What the hell? Did you come off your meds?”
Wow. “Okay, and I’m done.”
“You hang up on me, I swear…” he threatens and I don’t know what he is swearing to, but his voice does scare me.
Pausing, I shake my head. “What, Dad? What do you want?”
“I want to fix this. This can’t happen. I won’t let you ruin your life like this.”
“I’m not ruining my life.”
“The hell you aren’t. You’re a baby. We will get this marriage annulled. And the baby, we’ll find a good home for it. We can fix this.”
“It isn’t a dog, Dad, it’s my baby,” I cry as I shake my head. “And, for once, I don’t feel broken, I feel whole. I’m happy.”
But he isn’t convinced. How would he be? He doesn’t even know me. “This isn’t smart. You don’t even know the guy.”
“I do, and I love him,” I say firmly. “I’m not divorcing him or giving my baby up.”
He doesn’t say anything, and the only thing I hear is his labored breathing while Jace moves his fingers along my forearm, trying to keep me calm. I really don’t know what I would do without him. “Your dreams are gone if you do this, Avery. You realize that, don’t you?”
“No, they aren’t.”
“So, you can be a singer and have a baby? Please. Not when he’s got a one-way ticket into the league. Be realistic. He’s gonna dump you the first chance he gets!”
“No, he won’t,” I say and Jace looks up at me, a promise that will never happen in his eyes.
“You’re being naïve. This isn’t going to work.”
That’s my biggest fear, but I won’t let him know that. I have to believe in Jace, in us, and I won’t let anyone deter that. My heart is slamming into my chest, and I know I can’t keep going round and round with him. It’s obvious they are only concerned with how this makes them look, so there is nothing else to talk about. “Yes, it will. If you don’t support us, then why are we still speaking?”
“So that’s it? It’s your way or no way?”
“It’s my life, Dad. I want this.”
He lets out an exasperated breath and roars again. “Avery, are you insane? You don’t want this. Who wants to have a kid at eighteen or be married?”
“You’re right, I didn’t. But I am now, and that’s it. There’s nothing else to discuss ’cause I’m staying married to Jace and I’m having our baby.”
Wow, I sound strong. So sure.
And for once, I am.
Looking to Jace, I smile. This is my forever. Yeah, we don’t have anything figured out, and we may have rushed into this, but we’ve got this.
He says so.
“What about school? That singing thing you’re doing?”
“I’ll go and I’ll sing. I don’t see a problem.”
“You have no money. You have my money.”
“We’ll figure it out. I’ll get a job, but Jace will be going into the draft soon and we’ll be fine.”
“And what if he doesn’t go in?”
“Dad, come on. You know he’s going in.”
“You can’t put stock in that. Be realistic here. Anything can change. He could start to suck, get hurt.”
“Then we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. Dad, I love him.”
“You don’t even know him. It’s been, what, a week?”
My eyes cloud with tears as I shake my head. “See, Dad, you don’t even know. It’s been almost six weeks, and if I remember right, that’s how long it was before you and mom were married. So don’t give me that crap that it’s too early.”
“But we were in our late twenties. You’re a baby. You don’t even know what life is yet.”
Looking at Jace, I smile. “Yeah, I do. I’m looking at it right now.”
“Oh Jesus, Avery. Get your head out of your ass. It’s puppy love. It won’t last.”
“How do you know? You don’t know him—you don’t even know me.”
Groaning loudly, I hear something crash as he lets out a long, frustrated breath. “Jesus Christ, Avery, you’re killing me,” my dad breathes and I shrug. “I do know you, baby. I love you.”
“Funny way of showing it. If you loved me, you’d support my decision.”
“Not when you are making a mistake.”
“But I’m not. I’m happy, Dad, and now I see the only mistake I’ve made today is answering the phone.”
With that, I hang up and hand Jace his phone as my hands start to shake. I’ve never spoken to my dad like that. Or my mom, but it just crushes me that they don’t support me. I don’t even know why I thought they would. I’m constantly setting myself up for failure with those two. Wanting more than they can give me. I really need to learn.
I close my eyes tightly, and Jace wraps me back up in his arms. I lean my head to his. Kissing me, he tightens his hands around me, and my lip quivers as my tears roll down my face.
“I’m sorry, Avery.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“I know, but I don’t want you to cry.” I nod, nuzzling against him. “But I promise, no matter what, I got you.”
“Jace?”
“Yeah?”
“I hope you’re right.”
Because I’m not sure what would happen if it goes to shit, and that scares me to my core. My dad is right; everything he said could happen, and then what? We have such big dreams we are depending on, and what happens if they fall apart? What happens between now and then? Will we make it? What if I get suicidal again? Oh Jesus, what did I do?
“Avery, I can feel your anxiety, but it’s not needed, baby, I promise you. We got this. I got you. I promise.”
As he dusts kisses along my cheek and lips, I feel his confidence as it comes off him in waves. I believe him. I’ve put all my hope and trust into him, thrown all caution and reason to the wind, and I just pray I’m not wrong for doing so.
I hope I’m doing the right thing.
It feels right.
I mean, I’m keeping my baby and I love its daddy, so this is right. It has to be.
But damn it, my parents have stirred doubt inside of me, and now I’m questioning it.
Us.
“Avery, look at me,” Jace demands and I look up, his eyes locked on mine.
“What are you feeling? Talk to me.”
“I’m scared.”
“Okay? Why?”
“’Cause he’s right. It could all come crashing down into a heap of a clusterfuck, and then what?”
His eyes are so steady as he holds my gaze. “Then we pick it all back up, put it together, and push on. The great thing is we have each other, Avery. We’ve got this. Together.”
“How do you know? How are you not freaking out?”
“’Cause I love you and I know we can do this.” My lip trembles and I pull in a deep breath as he smiles. “That’s right. Do it again,” he says, breathing with me, and my heart slows down as my eyes slowly fall closed. Leaning his head to mine, he wraps his arms around my neck, kissing my forehead.
“I love you.”
“I love you too,” I whisper. I might not know anything else, but I know that.
I just hope that’s enough.