I didn’t want to come out.
I really didn’t.
But after being told to skip the game by Justin and then my mom fussing over me on the phone, I really had no choice but to get out of the house. Especially after watching my boys lose. It was a tough game, close one, one we should have won. But we didn’t and I blame it on Markus. He was sucking tonight, and he was another reason I came out. I’m worried about him, but instead of kicking it with my boy and my brother, Delanie is on me like white on rice.
Before, I wouldn’t have minded. Hell, I would have eaten it up, but I’m still torn up about Avery. I didn’t want to break up with her. That wasn’t my plan, not even kind of, but after the overload of information, I needed a minute to think how to proceed because I knew I couldn’t walk away. Not after all she admitted or how she cried. She didn’t want to lose me, but she threw me away.
It just doesn’t make sense.
I’ve checked my phone probably a billion times. I’ve started texts and deleted them. I’ve typed in her number but didn’t hit call. I just want her to talk to me, but I know she won’t. She truly believes I chose hockey over her, and I couldn’t be any madder at her family if I tried. They did this. They created this girl with the monster lack self-worth and sent her out into the world. I’m just happy I found her, because there’s no telling what some douche could have done to her if I hadn’t taken her for my own.
That’s right. She’s still mine.
I just need her to get her head out of her ass and realize that. Leaning on the bar, I take a pull of my beer, watching as Baylor and Jayden move on the dance floor. She’s drunk, like superdrunk, but then so am I. Which is what I came out for. To get lost in the bottle and not worry about what’s going on in my relationship. Not now at least. Later, I’ll face the music, and I just pray that our song isn’t over. Because I can’t go on without this girl.
I need her.
When a hand comes hard against my shoulder, I look over to see Markus. “You okay?” he asks and I shake my head, looking back at my phone. I told him everything last night when I came wobbling into the house, my leg aching from kicking the shit out of Avery’s door. He told me I should let her go, but no. I don’t care what anyone says. I love her and I’m going to be with her. She just has to get past her issues. When she does, I’ll be there. Or, I’ll break tomorrow and pester her until she talks to me. Hell, I might even fly to New Jersey.
Okay, wait, I need to tuck that crazy back in.
“Has she texted you?”
I shake my head once more. “Still radio silence.”
“Dude, really? That blows.”
“Yeah, it does. Probably as much as not hearing from Mekena does for you,” I say and he looks away, shaking his head. “Dude, I still can’t believe you slept with her sister. Did you get confused on who was who?”
He doesn’t even laugh, and I know he regrets it. Hell, he was just as torn up as I was this morning. He didn’t even eat…which is crazy. I know he likes to drink, but that’s so unlike him. He isn’t the kind to hurt someone. It’s weird, but when I asked why, all he could do was repeat the same thing, “It was a mistake. I said I was sorry, but she deserves better than that. Hence, why I’m staying far away.”
“Blows,” I say, holding my bottle up to his and he taps it.
“Another round of shots?”
I nod and we do three more. Leaning back in my seat, I suck in a deep breath as Markus leans against the bar, his eyes focused on where Delanie is dancing on the bar.
“Well, you’re a single man, and the way Delanie is checking you out, I think it means you’re getting laid tonight.”
“No way,” I slur, and hell, I hadn’t realized I was this drunk. I shake my head before taking a pull of my drink. “I think I’m gonna head home.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I’m drunk.”
“Lightweight,” he calls and I laugh, flipping him off before heading to where Baylor and Jayden are.
“I’m out,” I yell and Jayden nods.
“You good?”
“Yeah, I’ll text you when I get to the house.”
“Cool,” he says as Baylor kisses me on the cheek. Flashing her a winning grin, I walk away. The grin on my face is gone within seconds. I’ve been acting as if everything is okay. I didn’t tell Jayden about Avery. I haven’t told anyone, and I won’t until I know for sure what is going on. As I head out the door, the cold air slices into my face and I shut my eyes. It feels so good.
Starting for the Bullies’ house, I drag my leg behind me, wobbling a little more than I was earlier because of the alcohol in my system. It doesn’t hurt, which is a plus, but my heart… Yeah, that hurts. Fucking girls. Breaking hearts and shit.
When someone falls into step beside me, I look over to see Delanie grinning at me. “What the hell? Leaving without me?”
I shake my head, stopping. “No, you stay here.”
“What? Really? I was hoping we’d hook up,” she says, taking a step toward me, but I stop her.
“I have a girlfriend, Delanie. I told you that. Like ten times already.”
“I don’t see her,” she challenges, holding her hand out. “If she was really with you, wouldn’t she be out, making sure you aren’t hooking up with the girl who gave you the best blow job of your life?”
“She’s out of town.”
She steps toward me again, wrapping her arms around my waist. It’s so familiar but feels so wrong. I don’t love this girl. “Come on. Don’t you miss me?”
“As a friend, nothing more,” I say, unwrapping her arms from me.
“Come on, Jace. You know you’re still into me. Let’s go back to your place.”
But I shake my head. I may be drunk, but I’m not stupid. “No, I’m not. I love my girlfriend. Now, stop.”
She gives me a pout. “I thought you’d want me back.”
“Well, you thought wrong. Peace,” I say, holding up two fingers like a nerd before turning around and hobbling away.
“You’re gonna regret it, Jace,” she sings to me and I wave her off.
“I don’t regret anything,” I call over my shoulder, but that’s a lie. I regret not kicking down Avery’s door and making her listen. I regret not sleeping on her car so she couldn’t drive to the airport. I regret letting her go. Damn it, I regret that more than anything. Shaking my head, I see my house and I’m thankful. I’m ready to fall face first into my bed and sleep this off. Maybe tomorrow when I wake up, it will all be a dream and she’ll be beside me.
Maybe I’ll be in the NHL.
Eating cereal out of the Stanley Cup I won.
Eh, a guy can dream.
I’m almost to the door when my phone signals a text. Coming to a halt, I rush to get my phone out of my pocket and almost yelp in excitement when I see it’s her. She sent me a picture? Maybe she’s naked with I’m sorry written across her belly? Hitting the message, it opens to the picture that Delanie took earlier that night. We look silly, happy, but I sure as hell didn’t want Avery seeing that. Especially when I see what she has to say about it.
Avery: Wow, you move on fast.
Typing back vigorously, I fall onto my ass in the wet grass.
Me: I told you she was a friend.
Avery: So you’d be cool if I kissed Markus? He’s my friend.
Me: No, I would not be cool with that and I can understand why this upsets you, but you do remember that you broke up with me.
Avery: Yeah, and you moved on. Guess it was all in my head, huh? This so-called real love I thought we had.
Me: Can I call you?
Avery: No. nothing to say.
Me: Don’t be like that. There is plenty to say. Let me talk to you.
I wait, but nothing comes back. So I call, but it goes straight to voice mail. Closing my eyes, I drop my head to my knees and I just let go. I sob uncontrollably. I blame it on the alcohol because, damn it, I’m a man. But this girl, man, she’s fucked me up. She can’t be serious, though, and obviously she cares because she is jealous and upset. So I call her again, but her phone still goes to voice mail. I try again, and once more, her voice comes on the line, telling me to leave a message.
“Just answer me, Avery. Please. Let’s talk about this. I don’t want to lose you.”
Hanging up, I call again, and when it rings more than once, I sit up straighter. Maybe she’s going to answer this time.
“Bro, it’s midnight. What’s wrong?”
Shit. I called Jude.
But before I can hang up or tell him it’s nothing, I’m sobbing like a fucking baby. “She broke up with me,” I cry, trying to sound like a man, but I fail. Man, I fail so miserably.
“Dude, are you drunk?”
“Yes, but did you hear me? She broke up with me and she won’t answer my calls. Why does this hurt so bad? Why does it suck, and why doesn’t she want me? Why couldn’t I be like you? Just fuck every bitch I see. Be a player. Why did I fall? Why did I let this happen?” I cry and I’m met with silence before I fall back into the wet grass.
“Jace, where are you?”
“It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. She doesn’t love me. She saw a picture of me and Delanie together, and now she thinks I’ve moved on. But Jude, I can’t move on. I fucking love her. Ugh, Jude, why?” I moan, closing my eyes tightly as the stupid tears fall from them.
“Claire, text Jayden, see where he is,” I hear him say, but I’m too busy throwing myself a badass pity party.
“This was supposed to be a fun, carefree year. Instead, I fell in love with this amazing, gorgeous, damaged girl who I want nothing more than to put back together. I want to hold her in my hands and love her, Jude, I do.”
“Jesus Christ,” I hear him mutter. “Text him and tell him to find Jace.”
“I love her so much, and yet, that wasn’t enough. She thought I chose hockey over her ’cause I was scared of her dad running my life. And really, that’s your fault. You scared me,” I accuse and Jude groans.
“You deal with this drunken crazy. Give me Jayden,” I hear him say and then Claire is on the phone.
“Jace?”
“Oh, Claire… I know now what you felt when you lied to my brother and he dumped you. It hurts. It fucking hurts.”
“Oh, wow,” she laughs softly. “Jace, calm down.”
“I can’t! The love of my life has ripped my heart out of my chest.”
“Jace, honey, where are you?”
“In the grass,” I say, sitting up and looking around.
“What’s around you?”
“The Bullies’ house.”
“He’s in front of the house,” she says to my brother and then she’s back on the line. “Everything is okay, Jace. Just calm down.”
“You don’t understand! Jude came back for you. What if she doesn’t come back for me?”
“She will. Calm down,” she coos, but then everything is black.
I’m out cold.
And nothing else matters.
Except the ache in my chest.
Warmth, I feel warmth.
Avery. She’s here.
And she looks beautiful. Her hair is falling along her bare chest, her eyes are locked on mine, and her lips are parting. Moving my hand up her arm, I take ahold of her face.
“I knew you’d come back. I’m so sorry.”
I lean in to kiss her, but then a huge hand stops me.
“Whoa, gotta buy me dinner before I make out with you, you freak.”
When I open my eyes, Jayden is staring at me.
He’s in my bed.
He’s not Avery.
“What the fuck?” I screech, backing away from him and into the wall. He laughs as he shakes his head. “What are you doing? Creep.”
“Shut up, assbutt. I made sure you didn’t choke on your vomit all night. I should get a thank-you since I took care of your ass instead of getting laid.”
I roll my eyes, sitting up. “You didn’t have to.”
He side-eyes me. “Yeah, ’cause you were a witness to the shitshow last night. Dude, what did you drink?”
I shrug, my head pounding. “Anything I could find.”
“Jesus, you were toast,” he says, shaking his head. “You were crying like a baby on the phone with Jude, spilling your guts like a fourteen-year-old girl with her sad collection of One Direction playing in the background. It was tragic.”
“Fuck you,” I murmur, dropping my head onto my pillow. Sucking in a deep breath, I can smell her. Damn it, I miss her. “You don’t know real pain.”
He laughs. “Yeah, not me.”
“Baylor never broke up with you!”
“Nope, it was all rainbows and unicorns with that chick.”
I don’t answer that because I know it wasn’t, but still. I’m hurting.
“Listen, this sucks, I get it. But instead of crying and pouting, do something about it.”
“I’ve tried,” I say, sitting up, but then I immediately lie back down when I get dizzy. “She doesn’t want to talk.”
“Make her talk.”
Giving him a dull look, I roll my eyes. “You’re dumb. Go away.”
“Nice talk,” he says, jumping off my bed and onto the trampoline before landing on the ground. He peeks at me through the rail on the bed. “It’s gonna be fine. You’ll work it out.”
“It doesn’t feel like that.”
“Because you actually love her, and that’s why I know it’s gonna work out. It’s obvious she loves you, so I’m not worried and you shouldn’t be either. Just take it one day at a time and tell her how you feel. Be honest.”
“I tried that, and it went to shit.”
He backs away. “Then sit here and wallow in your pity. I’m out. No more drinking. You’re grounded.”
I glare as he waves, going out the door and shutting it behind him. Reaching for my phone on the nightstand, I check my texts. Nothing. Calls. Nothing either. No Facebook posts either. Radio silence.
Fuck.
Opening a text, I stare at it. I try to find the words to say to her, but nothing comes. Closing my eyes, I roll onto my back and I know I should wonder where Markus is or go to the bathroom or do something, but I can’t move. I won’t move until I figure out what to say.
I need to get her back.
Above me, I hear someone playing that ginger dude she likes, and I smile.
She likes music.
And I can sing.