I don’t come out of my room the rest of the weekend. Not even for the game, which was originally why I was in town. Mom did come to check on me, begging me to come out, but I stood my ground and she didn’t fight me on it. Especially when I looked in the mirror and saw the bruises around my nose. My family did nothing, and that just blows my mind. I mean, yeah, I went at him. But why did I have to? Why didn’t they tell him to shut up? Blah, whatever, I don’t care. I’m leaving in a matter of hours, and I’m never coming back. And the supershitty thing is, I don’t think they care.
But Jace does.
He wants me home.
Jace: So nine hours left until you’re home.
Me: Counting down the seconds.
Jace: Me too. Be safe. Call me when you land.
Me: I will.
After covering my face with more makeup than usual because of the bruises, I pick up my bag and head downstairs, wanting some lunch before I head downtown for my appointment. I already said good-bye to my mom this morning since she had a luncheon to go to for the hockey club she still supports, despite not having a son playing. While it burns that she doesn’t want to drive me to my appointment or to the airport, I know I need to let it go. I’ve decided this imitation of a family isn’t good for me, and I have to stand behind that. I have to be strong, no matter how much the small, feeble girl inside me wants to grasp at my family, begging them to love me.
As I head downstairs, the house is quiet and I don’t expect to see anyone else. My dad left last night for Toronto, Seth yesterday morning for wherever his next game is, and while Laurence and Matty are still here, I assume they don’t care to say good-bye to me, which is fine by me. Kind of. Whatever.
Dropping my bag at the bottom of the stairs, I head into the kitchen to get some leftovers Julian said he’d have for me. The kitchen is empty and I wonder where he is. He said he’d see me off, but I don’t see him and that makes me sad. While I may not think we need him, I love him. He’s always been really nice to me. Shrugging, I head to the fridge, getting out the plate that has my name on it before putting it in the microwave. Leaning against the counter, I wait as I play on my phone, stalking Baylor’s and Claire’s Facebook pages. They asked me to be friends this past weekend, which was surprising since I thought Jace would tell them we broke up. I’m assuming he didn’t because we are friends now, and it’s cool. I love looking back and watching Jace grow through their pictures. He’s so hot.
When I hear a text sound, I look around confused, since my phone didn’t go off. Looking to the island in the middle of the kitchen, I see a phone, blinking with a text. When it goes off four more times in a row, my brows mush together. Whose phone is that? I don’t want to be nosy, but when it goes off four more times, I take a step toward it, leaning my forearms on the counter until it’s in my view. I know I’m wrong with this, but it could be an emergency.
Graham: Dude, really?
Graham: What did I do? I thought we were going somewhere.
Graham: I mean, I’ve been falling for you and I thought you were too.
Graham: Let’s discuss this. I don’t want to break up.
Graham: I love you, Matty.
My eyes widen and my heart jumps into my throat.
Holy fuck.
It lights up again with another text and my eyes get even bigger.
Graham: We can tell them together. My parents understand, they love you like I do. Let’s tell your parents. Don’t end this. This is good. We are happy.
“Oh my Go—” Before I can even finish my sentence, I’m being pushed into the fridge and Matty’s hand is at my throat. My hands come to his wrists, crying out. “Let me go,” I struggle to say.
“What the hell are you doing?”
I slap at his arms but he doesn’t budge, and panic settles in my chest because I can’t breathe. He doesn’t look like he is going to let me go either. His eyes are wild, bloodshot, and his breathing is erratic, almost like he’s been crying. That can’t be right. Matty has no feelings. But one thing is for sure, I have to get out of his grip. I bring my knee up and he folds over, holding his groin as I get away, going around the island and out of his reach.
“Don’t fucking touch me,” I yell at him, and he leans on the island, glaring at me.
“What did you see? Fucking tell me, you bitch!”
“Oh, nothing much,” I say, my eyes locked in his intense and angry gaze. “Only that you’re gay,” I throw back at him and his eyes bug out.
“Shut your whore mouth!”
“Oh, why? You scared someone will hear me? I can’t believe that, instead of telling our parents, you’d rather break up with your boyfriend.”
“Shut your fucking mouth. You know nothing.”
“I know that Graham is in love with you. And if you touch me,” I say when he moves toward me, “I’ll tell Mom and Dad. I’ll tell the world.”
“They won’t believe you.”
“I don’t care. I’ll still tell ’em.”
“You think I care?”
“I know you do.” I see the panic in his eyes. Holy shit, my brother is gay. I mean, it doesn’t change anything. He’s still a douche, but this is huge. It makes no sense. I never saw this coming. Never. “Wow. I’m a little flabbergasted.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“So, you aren’t gay?” I ask, the cold, blank stare he is setting me with giving me chills. He looks so angry, so upset, and somewhere deep inside me, I feel for him. But then I remember what he has done to me, and my sympathy is nowhere in sight.
Especially when he yells, “Fuck you, Avery! Go slit your wrists.”
“That’s all you have on me,” I murmur, shaking my head, my last ounce of sympathy flying out the window. “But at least I’ve never been anyone but myself. I may have been a little messed up, but I’ve always been me. You, though, you’re hiding, tormented by the man you really are. So really, who’s suffering? Because I’m not. I’m happy. You…You’re just sad.”
“I’m not hiding shit.”
“Oh? Really, call Graham over. I’d love to meet him.”
His eyes are wild, his jaw clenching, and I really don’t know this person. Where is the twin who used to play dolls with me when we were little? Oh. Wow, maybe there were signs?
“Just fucking go. Get out of my life.”
“I’m leaving, after I eat my lunch and watch you squirm with nervousness that I could out you.” I hate that it has come to this. I’m not a mean person, but he’s done this. He’s caused me to be as nasty to him as he has been to me.
“You wouldn’t dare. I’d kill you.”
See? “I’m not scared of you, Matty. How could I be? You’re a fraud. I may be considered crazy and suicidal, but at least I’m me.”
“Which is nothing.”
“To you, I’m nothing. But I’m something to someone special.”
“Ha, that Sinclair bastard? Please, he’s using you.”
“Aw, are you jealous my boyfriend is hotter than yours?” I ask.
He takes a step toward me, venom in his voice. “Shut your fucking mouth!”
“Get away from me.”
“I’m allowing you to breathe, Avery. Remember that,” he seethes and I scoff.
“Please. You won’t touch me,” I say, holding up my phone to show that I’ve been recording this whole conversation. “One click, it’s on Facebook.” His eyes move to my phone as I hit the button and my voice fills the room, asking if he is gay. “Now stay the fuck away from me.”
Shaking his head, he glares. “Fine, as long as you stay away from me.”
He holds my gaze and I actually feel the loss of him. We’ve drawn the line in the sand. We will never have a relationship after this, not that I expected we could anyway.
But it still hurts as he points at me. “Don’t you dare say anything.”
“I don’t owe you anything,” I say simply. The panic is flashing in his eyes. He snatches his phone and storms out of the kitchen. When I hear the front door slam, I fall back into a chair and shake my head.
Jesus.
My brother is gay?
Wow.
That’s insane.
Sucking in a deep breath, still unable to process all this, I get my food out of the microwave before sitting where I can see both doors in case he comes back. I know it’s sad that I’m scared, but he had nothing but hatred in the depths of his turquoise eyes. As I dig into my food, I swear that was a mindfuck. Who would have thought that? And why is he hiding it? We are adults and it’s not like we have parents of the year anyway. I wonder how long he’s known, I wonder if he’s been in lov—
Wait.
Letting my head fall to the side, I pull my phone out, going to Facebook and typing in a name. When his profile comes up, I’m surprised I’m able to look at his profile picture without crying. To be honest, I don’t feel anything as Caleb’s grinning face looks back at me. When I see that he is on Messenger, my heart throbs in my throat as I hit his name and then start typing.
Avery Rose: Caleb, it’s Avery Haverbrooke. I know it’s been a really long time, but I need to ask you something.
His text bubble comes up right away.
Caleb Rutherford: Wow. Hey. Long time.
My heart is pounding in my chest. I can’t breathe because I never thought I would speak to him again. Like ever. I’ve hated him for so long, and yet, here I am, talking to him. But I have to know. Swallowing hard, I type back quickly.
Avery Rose: Yeah. So, do you have a moment?
Caleb Rutherford: Yeah. How are ya?
Avery Rose: Good, thanks, u?
Caleb Rutherford: Good, just touring the world.
Avery Rose: I see. I have a question because I know my boyfriend contacted you, Jace Sinclair. And you told him my family told you that you would never go into the draft. It was said that when I tried to kill myself, my dad retaliated and ruined your career, but that isn’t true. I asked my dad about it and he said our breakup wasn’t your fault, which I don’t agree with. I can’t believe I’m actually talking to you right now, but then I have to cuz I just found out something and I really need the truth.
Caleb Rutherford: Whoa. What?
Caleb Rutherford: Can I call you?
Avery Rose: What? Why?
But before he can answer me back, my Messenger is ringing with a call from him. Swallowing hard, I accept the call and his voice comes over the line.
“Avery?”
Oh man, it’s still as deep as I remember it.
Swallowing hard, I croak out, “Yeah?”
“Okay, hold on. I don’t understand. How is it my fault you tried to kill yourself? I had no clue about it until the end. Surely it wasn’t ’cause we broke up.”
My face scrunches up in confusion. “Um, did you forget that you tormented me, told me to kill myself?”
“What the fuck? I wouldn’t do that.”
“I have screenshots.”
“Send them to me.”
Pulling my phone away from my face, I go the folder that’s labeled “Hell in a handbasket” before I select them and send them to him. He is silent on the other end and my gut hurts. I don’t know what is going on. I thought when I heard his deep voice again, it would mean something to me. It doesn’t. Which, I guess, is good. Really good. I can’t believe this is happening, but it’s needed. I not only need closure, but I also need to know the truth.
Even if it does make my chest feel tight and my eyes flood with tears.
I need to know.
Swallowing hard, he clears his throat. “Avery, I swear to God, I didn’t send these texts.”
I don’t believe him. “Yeah, sure.”
“No, really. When I broke it off, it was because I didn’t want a girlfriend. I didn’t do it to hurt you. I loved you as a friend. I didn’t want to lead you on when I wasn’t into it. I told you that.”
“You did, but then you started singing a different tune and drove me to the point of slitting my wrists.”
“It wasn’t me,” he begs. “I promise you. You have to believe me.”
“That’s hard to do,” I admit and he sounds panicky.
“Really, Avery, that wasn’t me. I wouldn’t do that to you. I cared for you. Come on, surely you believe that.”
I thought he had cared, but it just went to shit so quickly. “I think I know who it was, though,” he murmurs.
Confused, I ask, “Who?”
“Matty.”
“What? Why would he do that?” I ask, even though… Why wouldn’t he?
“What did you find out today, Avery? Because I’m pretty sure you know why,” he suggests and I pause, my blood going cold in my veins.
Gasping for breath, it all comes clear to me. He hated Caleb and me together. Used to talk shit all the time and he was so mean. To me, not Caleb. But still, it was insane. He acted as if he was with Caleb, and I stole him from him… Jesus, it all makes sense. “He was in love with you.”
“Yeah,” he says and my eyes fall shut.
You stole something from me that I can’t ever get back, and I’ll never forgive you for that!
“Holy crap.”
“Yeah, I never knew, I never suspected. I mean, we were friends, best friends, and then I started dating you and he just got nasty. When I broke it off with you, he confronted me, admitted that he was in love with me and knew that I loved him. But I don’t play for that team. And when I told him that, he lost his shit, promising me that if I told anyone, he could get your dad to ruin my career. I guess my heart wasn’t really into hockey because I didn’t care. Then I quit ’cause I got into drugs real bad, and I didn’t think any more of it, you know? But fuck, Avery. I’m sorry you got caught in the cross fire and shit. I never knew.”
“Wow,” I say, sucking in a deep breath. “But that doesn’t explain how he used your phone. If you guys stopped talking after we broke up, and the texts came from you for weeks afterward…”
He lets out a long breath and then pauses. “I bet you he did it on my iMessage because he had all my passwords. Really, Avery, I wouldn’t hurt you like that. I did care about you. But when all that shit went down, I just wrote your whole family off.”
I close my eyes and I hear the serenity in his voice. “But why? Why would he do that?”
“’Cause he was jealous of you, always has been. He asked if I still loved you after we broke up, and I said I’d always love you. He’s fucking crazy, Av. I promise you.”
“And he says I’m the crazy one,” I say with a humorless laugh. Shaking my head, I sigh deeply. I’m unsure if Caleb is telling the truth, but it all just makes sense. I didn’t think Caleb could be so mean. He was a good dude. I knew him my whole life, and I always thought what happened was like a light switch flicking off. While I don’t want to believe that someone who was supposed to love me could do this, the evidence is in the way Matty looked at me not an hour ago.
“Avery, I’m really sorry. And I wish you the best, I do. But I gotta go.”
“Of course, sorry. I was thinking,” I say quickly.
“It’s fine,” he says softly. “I hope you are doing well. I think of you often, and I stalk you a bit. You look like you’re doing great. I’m happy for you.”
A grin pulls at my lips. “Thank you.”
“And that Sinclair, man, he’s one lucky dude.”
I smile. “I’m pretty lucky myself.”
“Good, well, I’ll let you go.”
“Okay, good luck to you.”
“Thanks. Stay in touch, okay?”
“Yeah,” I say and then the line goes dead.
Wow.
I really don’t know what I think. I believe him. It all makes sense, but then what kind of monster does that? Why is Matty so jealous of me? Our family loves him. It makes no damn sense. He’s so unhappy with himself that he lashed out against me, and all I wanted was to be loved. Damn.
When my phone dings, I look down to see it’s Jace.
Jace: I just walked in on my coach having phone sex with my mom. I can’t unhear that, Avery. I can’t.
I sputter with laughter before I type back.
Me: Ew, sorry, but I can trump that, my friend.
Jace: Avery, he said he wanted to grasp her voluptuous booty. Omg. I just threw up.
I’m cackling at this point.
Me: Well, while that is disturbing, I found out my brother is gay.
Jace: ???
Jace: Matty?
Me: Yes.
Jace: I KNEW IT! Is it with Caleb? They were too sweet for each other.
Me: They were?
Jace: Ugh yes. Hey! What if that’s the reason he was so mean to you? Like did what he did cuz he was really in love with your brother but they couldn’t come out cuz everyone is so judgey and will hate on them. And your parents! AH THE HORROR! Them finding out their spoiled little brat of a son has a boyfriend! That will blow the roof of that stuck-up hockey club! The drama!
Me: You’re having way too much fun with this.
Jace: I heard my coach tell my mom he wants to smother his face in her boobs. I am trying to distract myself.
I close my eyes, unable to hold in the laughter. Regaining control, I type back.
Me: Wow. Okay, anyway, you’re not totally off. I just got off the phone with Caleb.
Jace: Ah…BUMBUMBUM! The plot thickens, ex calls out brother’s gay lover.
I pause.
Me: You never cease to amaze me.
Jace: I know, get on with it.
Me: Anyway, he claims that he never texted me after we broke up, that Matty did from his iMessage. That Matty professed his love for him and Caleb shut him down. Matty threatened to have my dad ruin his career. Caleb was bad into drugs and decided he didn’t care.
Jace: Jesus, that shit could be on Lifetime.
Me: Exactly.
Jace: Do you believe him?
Me: I think so. He sounded sincere and it went down so bad, it was really unlike him.
Jace: Yeah, well, at least you know the truth.
Me: There is that.
Jace: Are you gonna confront him?
Me: I don’t know, he just tried to kill me when I called him out.
Jace: What?
Me: It’s nothing.
Jace: I swear to God, I’m gonna kill that dude.
Me: Thanks but no, and I mean, what would it do if I confront him?
Jace: Nothing, but it will make us all feel better if I knock his teeth to the back of his throat.
Shaking my head, I roll my eyes.
Me: Hockey players are so violent.
Jace: Yeah, yeah, but whatever, you’re coming home soon.
Me: I am.
Jace: And it’s all I care about. Leave that shitshow there and come home.
Me: Will do.
Leaning back in the chair, I shake my head.
Wow.
I still can’t believe this.
But one thing is for sure…
Today has been insane.