Jace: Really? Come on, talk to me.
Jace: Don’t be like this.
Jace: Are you really ignoring me? I’ve called you seven times.
Jace: Avery, this isn’t fair. You have to get what I’m saying here. I don’t want to lose you, I love you.
Jace: Come on. I was trying to be honest.
Jace: You know that thing you have a hard time with.
Jace: Ignore that last message, I’m just pissed. I keep calling. You won’t answer. Just answer me.
Jace: Avery. For real. This is insane.
Jace: I went to your dorm, you aren’t there and you aren’t answering my calls. Are you okay?
Jace: Okay, really? You can text Mekena to tell her to tell me to leave, but you can’t text me?
Jace: I can’t believe you are acting like this. I thought you loved me.
I do. I love him so much I’m surprised I was able to get to Stu’s office and back without crashing my car. The pain I’m feeling is completely indescribable. It hurts. Everywhere. I can’t believe this has happened. My day had started off so well. I was actually okay with going home, but now, I’m so fucking mad and hurt that my brothers better watch out.
I’m out for blood.
And not mine.
Theirs.
Throwing my phone into the bottom of my bag, I turn off my car and pause when it starts to ring.
It’s him.
Again.
Closing my eyes, I lean my head against the steering wheel and let my tears fall onto my legs. I shouldn’t have broken up with him. Maybe I should have given him the time he asked for, but I can’t. I want to be number one. I deserve to be number one, and for the last month, I thought I was his number one. Sitting up, I wipe my face and push the door open, getting out.
“Why can’t you just talk to me?”
Whipping my head to the left, I find Jace coming toward me and I shake my head. “Take a hint, Jace. I don’t want to talk to you.”
I start for my dorm, walking a little faster than I normally would, but I can’t do this. He hurt me. He went behind my back, contacted an ex to catch me in a so-called lie? I didn’t do anything wrong. I know what happened—hell, I’m the only one who knows the damn truth—and he didn’t believe me.
“I love how you’re mad at me when I did nothing wrong. You’re the one who lied.”
“I didn’t lie,” I yell back at him. “I didn’t volunteer it. And I’m not mad, I’m hurt. You broke my heart. Now leave me the hell alone.”
Walking a little faster, I hear him trying to catch up. But bless him, his leg is injured and I feel bad. I wanted to spend the day taking care of him, loving him, before I left. Instead, that all went to shit.
“Are you really gonna make me chase you? My leg is hurt, Avery. Take pity on the disabled.”
He’s trying to be funny. Trying to make me laugh so I’ll talk to him, but no. Just no. “Leave me alone, Jace. You wanted time, you got it.”
“I don’t want time without you. I just wanted to think it through.”
“Good luck with that,” I yell back at him, wrapping my arms around myself to keep warm.
“I don’t get it. I mean, shit, don’t you understand that this is scary? Like, the whole thing. I fell so hard, and after I fell, I find all your dirty laundry. It’s insane.”
“Whatever, Jace. Dirty laundry or not, you said you loved me. Who is the one who’s really lying?”
As I reach the door, I hear him dragging his leg like a zombie. I want to laugh at the hilarity of him hobbling after me, dragging his bum leg, but I can’t. It only makes me cry harder. If he loves me this much, then why is he scared? What the hell is there to be scared of when all we need is each other? He’s right; it isn’t fair.
Running up the stairs because I know he can’t make it up them, I’m out of breath before I reach my room. When I open the door, Mekena is sitting on the bed, a blanket wrapped around her and a book in her lap.
“Avery? Are you okay?” she asks, sitting up, and I slam the door before locking it. I go to walk away, but then I pause, putting the chain on too. Just for good measure. I doubt he’d do something stupid, but no telling. Love brings out the crazy in people.
I know that firsthand.
“No,” I admit, throwing my bag on my bed before going to my closet for my suitcase.
“What happened?”
Before I can answer, a banging comes at the door. “Avery, let me in.”
Shaking my head, I chance a glance at Mekena and her eyes are wide. “What the hell?” she mouths and I shrug.
“We broke up,” I say before angrily throwing things in my bag.
“Um, no. You broke up with me.”
Mekena’s eyes move from the door to me. “You did what?”
I shake my head. “We got into a fight. He says I’m a liar, and he doesn’t know if he wants to date me because he’s scared my dad will ruin his career. So, like always, hockey comes before me.”
When his fist slams against the door, I jump and glare back at the door. “I never said that. Give me a chance to explain myself.”
“They should really use a thicker door,” I say, wiping my face before throwing things in my suitcase.
But Mekena looks worried and she points to the door. “Maybe you should talk before he beats down our door.”
“He can’t stand for long, he hurt his leg. He’ll be gone soon.”
“I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me.”
Annoyed, I go to the door, unlocking it and opening it as far as the chain allows. I take a look at him, and his eyes are wild, he’s sweating, and he looks like shit. I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want this, but what do I do? Just roll over and let the love of the game continue to run my life?
“If you love me, you’ll stop this. Just let me go.”
But he’s shaking his head before I can even finish. “Fuck no, because I love you and this isn’t what I want. I want you. I want to talk.”
“No,” I say simply. “You wanted time. I’m giving it to you.”
“Yes, but I want time with the guarantee you’ll be there.”
“So I’m just supposed to wait it out? Wait for you to break up with me? No, Jace. You want out? Here is your out.”
“I don’t want out,” he roars, slamming his fist into the doorjamb. Flinching in pain, he holds his hand, shaking his head. As he meets my gaze, he whispers, “I love you.”
I swallow hard, the sides of my mouth trembling as I stay locked in his gaze. “I love you too.”
“Then open the door. Let me talk to you, hold you. It doesn’t have to be like this.”
“You should have done that before. Instead, you made me feel like your love for the game was more important than me. That the dude who led me to try to kill myself speaks the truth, rather than me. No, Jace. I need you to leave me alone.”
His jaw clenches as he runs his good hand down his face. “I don’t want to lose you, Avery. I can’t lose you.”
“Then let me go,” I say, my voice breaking before I look away. “Just let me go.”
Shutting the door, I lean my head against it as it vibrates with his banging. His voice holds such desperation as he begs me to let him in. To talk to him. But I just can’t.
I won’t.
I don’t move as he continues to beat on the door. That is, until Mekena comes over, pulling me away and then onto her bed. Covering our heads with the blanket, she wraps her arms around me and smiles. “When life sucks, I like to hide,” she whispers, Jace’s grunts of anger in the distance.
“Yeah,” I say, pulling in a deep breath, my tears falling in streams down my cheeks. “I just can’t be second best anymore.”
“And you don’t have to be,” she whispers, holding me, and I lean into her. We stay like that for a really long time. Neither of us speaks or moves as Jace bangs on the door. Each slam of his fist causes a new round of tears. I want to jump off the bed, hold him, tell him to stop. But that goes against everything I’m fighting for. The need to be important to someone. The craving to matter more than a stick and a puck.
When the banging stops, I look up, even though I can’t see anything since it’s pitch black under the blanket.
“You’re breaking my heart, Avery. Please,” I hear him say. But I don’t move. “But if you want space, I’ll give it to you. Lead by example, right? I guess, call me, if you want. I really hope you want to. After you’re done being mad at me. I won’t apologize, though, because I don’t need to. I never intended on breaking up with you. I just needed to think it all through. So if that’s a crime, I’m sorry. But fuck, Avery, don’t you realize how much you mean to me? How much I love you? Fuck,” he bellows, slamming something into the door, making us both jump.
When we hear nothing more, Mekena pulls the blanket off our heads and looks at me. “I don’t know the whole story, Av, but that doesn’t sound like someone who’s putting hockey above you.”
My mouth trembles. “I know, but like you said, you don’t know the whole story,” I say sadly, shaking my head before looking back at her. “It hurts knowing that he doubts our relationship, our love, me, believing that my dad would ruin his career. My dad has no pull like that. He can’t even get his own kid in the draft, but he can ruin careers? Jace went behind my back, contacted the douche who broke my heart, and believes him. It’s mind-blowing. Yeah, I held back that I tried to kill myself and all that shit, but come on. I love him and he isn’t listening to that. He only cares about that damn sport, his fucking career. Maybe I’m being a bitch, but when the hell do I matter? How many times am I going to come up short next to it? Am I letting my past fuck with my future? Maybe. But I deserve the best. I’m tired of not being important enough to someone. Especially someone I love the way I love him.”
Her eyes widen, and I immediately realize I said way more than I should have. “Whoa, lots to process there.”
“Yeah,” I say, getting up and pulling my shirt down. “Just ignore it. I’m insane.”
“Avery, no, that’s good. In the last minute, you’ve shared more with me than you have in the six weeks I’ve known you.”
Biting into my lip, I close my eyes. “Sorry. I know that was crazy, but I’m just so hurt.” I fall onto my bed and let the tears go. “I trusted him. Depended on him. And yeah, it’s only been a month or so, but I thought this was real.”
“Don’t give up yet,” she says, getting up and coming over to me. “You’re mad and hurt. I’m sure once you cool off and really analyze everything that happened, you’ll…” She pauses and I glance at her.
“Realize that I’m overreacting?”
She shrugs, a forgiving smile on her face. “Just a tad bit.”
“Yeah, but it’s such a sore spot for me.”
“I understand that.”
“He didn’t even try to comfort me as I was spilling my soul to him. I saw it in his eyes. All he cared about was that my dad could ruin him.”
“Well, Avery, he’s been working years to get to the NHL. You can’t really blame him. When you want something so badly and something threatens that, you really don’t think straight,” she says. I don’t want to get mad at her, but I’m pretty sure she’s taking Jace’s side. “I mean, look. He put a hole in our door because you wanted to remove yourself from the equation of you two. He freaked. Is that right? No, he could have done it a different way. But he was still honest with you. Like you would want any other time.”
Okay, maybe she’s right in that respect, but what does that mean? Do I call and tell him I made a mistake? Do I apologize? Shaking my head, I get up and go to my closet. “I need time to think.”
“Yeah, you do,” she agrees and I look back at her.
I go to say more, but then I notice her eyes are bloodshot, her cheeks covered in dried tears. Raising my brows, I ask, “You weren’t crying over all this? This is my problem.”
She shakes her head. “Nope, just like you, today has sucked for me too.”
Coming to the bed, I lean my hip against my bedpost, wiping my face free of the tears that are drying to my face. “What happened?”
She sucks in a breath and soon tears are spilling over her cheeks. Surprised, I fall onto the bed, taking her hand with mine as she waves me off with the other. “It’s dumb.”
“No, it can’t be if you’re crying. What happened?”
She bites into her lip and lets out a breath. “Markus and I were seeing each other, right?”
Oh shit, she said, “were.” Damn it, I thought things were good for them, but obviously, I was wrong. Just like I was with Jace, I guess. But, no, even I know that isn’t true. Ignoring my own issues, I say, “Yeah.”
“Well, Tuesday night we went out and he put the moves on me. I told him I wasn’t ready to do that because I wanted to get to know him better. You know, I’m not that kind of girl—but I’m not saying you are,” she says quickly and my lips curve. Not into a smile, because believe me, I will probably never smile again, but a smirk, nonetheless. “Anyway, he was cool with it, or so I thought, because he just texted me this morning and said he was really sorry, he couldn’t see me anymore. I asked why. And he said, ‘Because I slept with your sister last night.’”
My jaw drops. “What?”
“Yeah.”
“No, what? Markus slept with your sister?”
Bubbling with a sob, she nods. “Yeah, and when I asked Skylar about it, she said it was a mistake, they were drunk. But it really doesn’t matter ’cause we weren’t together anyway.” The hole in my chest widens as I wrap my arms around her. “It doesn’t matter that we weren’t together, I love him. I’ve always loved him.”
Her sobs shake her body against mine and I just hold her, my own tears rushing down my face again and into her hair. “I’m so sorry.”
Shaking her head, she cuddles into me. “But unlike Jace, neither Markus nor Skylar are trying to tear my door down to apologize or make things better. Instead, I’ve been in this room crying all day. So make sure you think that over. Realize that not everyone has a Jace chasing them. And yeah, he may choose his words wrong, but his actions speak louder. And there is nothing more important than you where his love is concerned.”
Her words rock my soul as I gather her tighter into my arms. I feel horrible for her, and I, of course, wish Markus to the fiery depths of hell, but I also feel horrible for Jace.
This whole time I was worried he’d break my heart. But really, I’m pretty darn sure I broke his instead.
The irony of it is suffocating.
But what a great melody it could become… Because as much as I think I walked away and let him go, I know our love song isn’t over.
It can’t be.