I’m late and I totally blame Lucy.
My sister is an awesome designer, but crap, she is slow as hell. Rushing through traffic, the tarp that is covering the back passenger window flaps and I roll my eyes. Stupid car window wouldn’t roll up, but I wouldn’t have this car if it weren’t for Jude, so I’ll take what I can get because Avery and I need separate cars. That girl is busy going downtown for her internship, and I’m working more, along with killing myself on the ice.
But I have to.
Because I never want Avery to worry about anything ever again. I know she said she can handle it, and she probably can, but why should she? It’s been three weeks since my dad fucked me over and Jude called to help. As much as I didn’t want to ask for help, I hadn’t realized how much I needed it until he called. All because of Avery. That girl loves me, and man, I love her. So I have to make her proud. I have to give her everything she wants and needs. Once I sign my contract, and Ralph better hope it’s big, everything will fall into place.
But even right now, as I rush through traffic in a clunker of a car, I’m happy. Our right now is good. We are both working hard, we finally have a place, and now we shouldn’t have to worry about anything else. Well, her parents and douche brother are coming into town, but I have a good feeling about her dad. He’s been texting her, checking on her, and actually trying. Which has been nice. I don’t miss the smile that comes over her face when he texts, but I also don’t miss the way she yearns for her mother. She’s been calling mine a lot, and Lucy. Those women are three peas in a pod and I love it.
But I know she wants her mom.
It kills me, it really does, but what can I do? I don’t even know these people, but I want to help.
I want her to be happy.
And I think she will be when she sees the apartment. Parking my car beside hers, I get out and run inside the coffee shop. She must have been watching the door because when I enter, she smiles as she hits the top of her loop pedal and a sick-ass beat drops. Grinning, I maneuver around the tables to my table in the front. I sit down and she closes her eyes as she sings, her face breaking into a grin as she hits notes that are just mind-blowing.
A part of me wishes she would pursue the singing part. I love her voice, but her anxiety has gotten worse. She’s stopped going to her downtown gigs three times a week. She only goes once a week now, and I told her it was a bad idea since a lot of music people hang out downtown. But she says it freaks her out. It scares me that her anxiety is getting worse, but she showed me an article that said it could happen with the extra hormones that are running through her body. She’s been on top of it, though, and I’m thankful for that.
Because I can’t fucking lose her.
I just can’t.
When the song ends, I look up and grin as she changes the tempo with a hit of her foot. A fast beat starts very softly in the background. I know that beat, it’s ingrained in my head and I’ll never forget it. With her eyes on me, she starts the chords to what I know is our baby’s song, “Heartbeat.” While my song was my favorite before, this one just hits me straight in the gut. It’s perfect and the words… Jesus, they are just awe-inspiring.
As her eyes close and she sings, her voice making the song a billion times better, I watch her. I can’t believe that is my wife. The rest of my existence. I can’t see my baby, the little bump that grows every day, but I don’t need to see it to know it’s there.
His eyes.
My smile.
What will you have?
Will you ever realize how much we love you?
How we couldn’t ever lose you?
That you make life worth living.
Closing my eyes, I slowly nod my head as she sings, her voice hitting me in the soul. Each word holds a certain kind of promise. A promise that our child will hold in its heart for the rest of its life. I haven’t heard the song completely put together like this yet, and it’s beautiful. So damn perfect, and I can’t wait until the moment she sings it to our baby.
As our eyes meet, hers misty with tears, I smile.
Because I think I just fell in love with her all over again.
When Avery pulls up beside me in front of our new apartment, she flashes me a bright grin as I pull open her door. She hasn’t seen the apartment yet; she doesn’t even know I’ve had the keys for the last three days. I want to surprise her, and I know it might be silly, but I’m excited for her to see home Lucy made for us.
“It’s a big building,” she says as I take her bag. “Should I have gone and gotten my stuff?”
I shake my head, shutting her door and reaching for her hand. “Later. Let’s go check it out.”
“Eek! I’m excited!”
I can tell. She’s trembling and so am I. I hope I don’t give away the surprise because I’m so excited. This is our home. Our first place together, and for some reason, that means a lot to me. Is it perfect? Hell no, it’s small. Thankfully we don’t have a baby yet because I’m really not sure how all of us could fit, but it works. It’s ours. Plus, we aren’t sharing it with anyone and there aren’t twenty other guys being loud and stinking it up. It’s ours. Mine and hers.
As we head up the first set of stairs, she’s all smiles as she asks, “How did you like my set?”
“Awesome as always,” I say with a grin. “I really love the baby’s song.”
“Doesn’t it sound awesome? I love it so hard. I can’t wait to sing it at the showcase.”
“Me either.”
“Stu thinks it will sell quick.”
“I agree.”
“I think I want to buy you a new car with my first check, if it does well,” she says, trailing off, and I smile.
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to,” she says, leaning into me. “I want to give you something for a change.”
“You give me something every day.”
She throws me a look and shakes her head. “Aren’t we done with Lame Line Larry? We are married now. Don’t need the lines.”
“They aren’t lines,” I laugh, pinning her with a look. “It’s the truth.”
She grins as she bounces on the balls of her feet, a pleased look on her face as we come to a stop in front of our door. Pulling the keys out, I unlock it and push the door open.
“Welcome home,” I say and she flashes a wide grin as I hit the lights and she goes in. Standing in the doorway, I wait as she looks around, taking in all the awesome things Lucy did. She let me rent all her staging furniture, so the apartment is fully furnished. It’s a little classier than anything I would actually have, but she was convinced Avery would love it.
But when Avery looks back at me, her brows pulled together and her face twisted, my heart sinks. “You don’t like it?”
She shakes her head. “No, I love it. But I didn’t think it would come furnished and especially not with awesome stuff like this.”
I smile. “Lucy did it.”
Her face breaks into a grin. “She did?”
“Yeah, as a housewarming gift. Also, we owe her babysitting for the renting of the furniture, but look,” I say, shutting the door and pulling her through the living room.
“My guitar is here?” she asks, pointing to the corner where it sits, and I nod.
“I had Mekena bring over all your stuff.”
“Really?” she gushes as I pause by the wall between the kitchen and living room. I look up and a big canvas picture of the day we got married looks back at us. I love this picture. We’ve been married for a little over a month now and it’s still my wallpaper on my phone and computer. I glance over at her, and she’s covering her mouth as she takes it in. “We looked so busted that day.”
I laugh, nodding as I snake my arm around her waist. “But we are still hot.”
“This is true,” she says, kissing my cheek before turning and taking it all in. We weren’t allowed to paint, so the walls are still a pale gray, but the furniture is so full of color that it kind of doesn’t matter. The kitchen is small, really only appliances and one counter, but Lucy still dressed it up, putting little touches of us all over the house.
“How many bedrooms?”
“Just two, with a bathroom and closet between them.” I take her hand and bring her to the first bedroom, which is our room. A huge bed sits in the middle with pictures of us all over the walls, but when I glance at her, she isn’t looking at the walls, but at the bed.
“That’s one big bed,” she says with a wink and I grin.
“Yup, lots of room to lie in.”
“That and to do the naughty with no one walking in on us.”
“Thank God.”
Leaning into me, she waggles her eyebrows at me. “Wanna break it in?”
I laugh as I take her into my arms, kissing her nose and then the side of her mouth as she presses into me. Looking up at me, she runs her finger down my jaw and then my throat before going up on her toes to kiss me softly on my lips. Pulling only a breath away, she whispers, “This is amazing.”
Tilting my head to hers, I move my nose along hers, feeling all kinds of things that I made her happy. It’s all over her face, in her eyes, and the way her lips are curving. She loves it. Swallowing hard, I kiss her lips and then cock my head to the left. “Let me show you one more thing.”
“Tease.” She laughs as I pull her through the bathroom, the only room that’s actually big and huge because of the position of the walk-in closet. “Ooh, this is nice.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I laugh as I keep pulling her through.
“Aw, you put away my clothes?” she asks, pausing to look, but I pull her again.
“I did. By the way, you have a lot of clothes. Come on,” I say before pulling her into what I’ve decided is the baby’s room as she laughs. A crib sits up against the wall, and when she sees it, Avery gasps as she looks up at me.
“We won’t bring the baby here, though? It’ll be born after school’s out.”
I shrug. “Yeah, but Lucy gave us Angie’s crib. It’s superawesome, apparently. Really expensive. My mom got it for her, and she wanted us to have it. Guess she needed room or something, I don’t know. But I figure we can keep baby things in here.”
Her lips curve as she leans her head to my chest. “This is all so sweet.”
Wrapping my arms around her shoulders, I nuzzle my nose in her hair. “Do you like it? The apartment?”
She nods against me. “I do. I love it. It’s ours.”
“It is. But hey, go look in the crib.”
She looks up at me, suspicion in her eyes. “There isn’t like some creepy baby doll in there, is there?” She moves out of my arms and I roll my eyes.
“No, freak, just go look.” Walking behind her, I stop when she does and smile when she gasps.
“Oh my goodness,” she coos, picking up the little Bullies jersey. Turning to me, her lips puckered out, she holds it up. “It’s perfect.”
“I figured baby needs one.”
“They do,” she giggles as she lifts her shirt and lays it against her little bump. I know it’s such a simple little movement, something that women probably do all the time, but it does something to me. I don’t know, but it just seems so much more real when she stands like that, her hands grasping her little bump. She looks up at me with tears in her eyes, and I smile as I reach out, poking my baby’s little home. “I never thought this would happen when I met you,” she whispers.
Looking up from her belly, I shrug. “Me either.”
She smiles brightly up at me. “But I’m so happy.”
“Good, that’s what I want.”
Chewing on her lip, she looks down at her stomach. I take a step forward, holding my hands onto hers. As I lean my chin against her forehead, she sucks in a breath. “I’m glad we’re doing this. I’m glad that I grew a pair and walked out of that damn abortion clinic. I can’t believe I thought that was the only way. Watching my stomach grow and realizing that I’ll feel it move soon just blows my mind, you know?”
“Yeah,” I say roughly against her hair. Sliding my hands around her, I hold her to me as I close my eyes. “But you were leaving no matter what. If I had to drag you out, you were gonna have my baby—with me.”
She kisses my throat. “Oh, is that right?”
“Oh yeah, and you know it.”
“I guess I always did,” she whispers, sliding her hands up my chest and around my neck. “But now I couldn’t walk away if I tried.”
“Probably ’cause I’d take out your knees.”
She nods. “There is that.”
“And chain you to the bed.”
“You dirty man,” she gasps and I grin.
“Yeah, sorry for ya. You’re mine.”
“And you’re mine.”
“No doubting that,” I whisper against her temple just as a little pink envelope catches my gaze. “Hey, there is something else in there for you.”
She doesn’t even pause; she lets me go and reaches for the envelope, opening it quickly. Her eyes widen and she grins before looking up at me. “You got it?”
“I told you I would,” I say as she rocks back on her heels.
“Yeah, but it costs a lot. We can wait.”
“Or we can go find out what the baby is early.”
She wiggles her hips before wrapping me up in her arms, her lips coming crashing into mine. Holding her tightly, I slide my hands down her back, gripping her by the back of her thighs before lifting her up and carrying her back to our bedroom. Still kissing her, I lay her down slowly, her fingers threading in my hair as I cover her body with mine, not wanting to hurt her.
“Oh God, we can have sex without interruption. However will we contain our excitement?”
I laugh as I pull her leggings and panties down. “Baby, you don’t have to contain anything.”
Giggling, she throws off her shirt as I do the same, tossing it to the floor with hers. As I undo my pants, I take in her sweet body, her growing abdomen, and then the scars that cover her inner thighs. Leaning down, I kiss her right in the middle of her breast before trailing kisses down her ribs to her belly. I fall between her legs, and they come up, wrapping around my chest as I move my fingers along her. Looking up, she meets my gaze as she slides her fingers into my hair, a little kitten smile on her sweet lips.
A lump forms in my throat as I get lost in her eyes, my finger dancing along the place where my child grows. I wonder what it will look like. Will it have my eyes, hers, or a mixture, changing with its mood? I want to know if it will be a girl, because I think that’s what I want. I want a little version of the person who holds my heart in her hands. I want to come home to my girls, my loves. But then, a little boy would be life-altering too. Someone like me. Tearing up the world. Jeez, it would be awesome. Either way. But I don’t care because what I want is for it to be healthy and come from this gorgeous woman I’m totally in love with.
Moving her finger along my cheekbones, she smiles. “You look like you’re gonna cry.”
Smiling bashfully, I look away, shaking my head. “Men don’t cry.”
She grins, rolling her eyes. “Sure, they don’t.”
“It’s allergies.”
“Oh, those pesky things.”
“For sure,” I say, swallowing hard. “Hey, Avery?”
“Yeah, Jace?”
“Can I tell you something and you not laugh?”
She smiles, her eyes burning into mine. “Yeah.”
I hesitate because it’s kind of corny, but I have to tell her. I want her to know. Clearing my throat free of emotion, I whisper, “I used to think that the ultimate high, the number one thing in my life, was hockey. I used to think nothing could come close to the way the ice makes me feel, the way it smells, the feel of it against my skin. The sounds of my stick against the puck or the rush of scoring. I really thought it was life, but I was wrong.”
Her eyes turn softer as she holds my gaze. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” I say, pressing my lips to her belly. “Because nothing can even come close to the smell or feel of your skin. The sounds you make when I kiss you, or touch you, or the rush I feel when I see my baby growing inside of you. I thought I could never love anything more than hockey, but then you came along, and yeah, you’re it. You and our baby.”
When her lip trembles, I smile as I shake my head. She sits up, taking my face in her hands. Kissing my lips, she presses her nose to mine and squeezes her eyes shut tightly. Clearing her throat, she smiles as her lips quirk at the side. “You are everything I never thought I could ever have. The love, the completion, everything. You are really amazing, Jace, and I can’t thank you enough for making me feel important.”
“You don’t have to,” I whisper against her lips. “You won’t ever have to thank me for anything as long as you keep kissing me.”
She smiles against my lips, and my eyes fall shut as she whispers, “Done.”