I’m bouncing on the tips of my toes as I wait for Avery to appear from the exit of the Southwest terminal. I may be early, and I may have to drive around since I’m on a timer, but I don’t care. I just want to see her. Hold her.
Kiss her.
God, I miss her.
Moving my finger up and down the thorn on the rose I got for her, I wonder where she is. She texted me saying she was here five minutes ago, so what’s taking so long? When my phone vibrates in my pocket, I pull it out, praying it’s Avery telling me she’s coming out now. But it’s Jude.
Jude: So I’m guessing since I haven’t gotten any calls of you crying, you and Avery are good?
Me: We will be. She just landed.
Jude: Good.
Jude: I hope it works out.
Me: It will.
Jude: Always so damn cocky.
Me: I know what’s up is all.
Jude: Haha. Whatever. Let me know if you need anything.
Me: Will do.
I grin at that as I tuck my phone back into my pocket, lifting my gaze to watch the door. I’m glad that Jude and Jayden still like Avery after our little spat of out-of-control emotions. It was intense, but it was a long time coming. Love isn’t perfect, no matter how great it feels, and we aren’t going to agree on everything. Like Jayden said to me, it doesn’t matter how bad the fight is, it matters how you make up. Two days of pure hell is enough for me. I want my girl and I’m ready to make up.
And we are going to make up hard.
When I see her, my heart stops in my chest as my face splits into a huge grin. I bounce faster as my grin continues to grow. My body breaks out in gooseflesh as her lips curve, her eyes intensely on me. And I decide I’ve never missed someone so much in my life. She looks beautiful like always, wrapped up in a thick jacket, a pair of jeans, and brown boots up to her knees. Her hair is back in a ponytail and she may look carefree, but she is walking in a short skirt and red heels in my eyes.
She’s fucking hot.
Unable to stay in place, I start for her, meeting her right in the middle of the road and gathering her in my arms. Squeezing me, she brings her arms around my neck, and our mouths meet at the perfect moment. As her fingers thread into my hair, my hands squeeze her, the thorn of the rose stabbing me, but I don’t care. All I care about is her mouth. I swear, this girl is never, ever breaking up with me again.
When she pulls back, I smile and she presses her forehead to mine. Sharing the same breath with her, I just feel so damn complete. But when I open my eyes, I see she is crying.
I’m gutted. “Don’t cry, baby.”
“I missed you,” she sobs, squeezing me tightly. “So damn much.”
“Me too,” I say hoarsely, my heart in my throat. Looking deep into her eyes, I can’t believe it’s only been three days since I saw her last. It feels like three years. As the tears fall down her sweet cheeks, I cup her face, wiping them away. Closing my eyes, I press my mouth to hers and drink from her sweet lips, her sob vibrating against me.
When a car beeps, we part and her eyes widen as my lips curve. I place her on her feet and wave at the disgruntled driver. I go to walk away, but I don’t like the new set of tears. That driver will just have to wait. Moving my hands along her cheeks, I wipe away her tears. “No more crying.”
She nods slowly as I hand her the rose. “For my Avery Rose.”
Her lips wobble as she takes it and smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “Thank you.”
I kiss her temple and she laces her fingers with mine, her other hand coming up to rest on my bicep and I smile. Laying her chin against my arm as we go to the passenger side of the car, she whispers, “Thanks for coming to get me.”
“Of course.” I kiss her once more before opening her door. “Let’s get out of here.”
“Okay,” she says as I throw her bag in the trunk and she gets in. I look over at her, and she is still crying. I don’t understand it. Before I can even question her, though, I see the faint darkness around her nose and a certain kind of rage consumes me.
“Your brother is on my hit list.”
She looks at me, pressing on her nose with her two fingers. “It doesn’t even hurt anymore. It just looks bad.”
“Still, he’s dead if I ever see him. You better hope it’s not at our wedding.”
I want her to smile, laugh. It’s a joke, but she shakes her head, her tears coming faster down her cheeks. “Please, like he would come.”
When a sob escapes her lips, I reach out for her, cupping the back of her neck. “Baby, are you okay? Is this about him?”
She makes a face, shaking her head. “Hell no, I’m just really tired and we have a lot to talk about,” she says, the last word coming out as a sob.
“We do.” I lean over and kiss her. I want to kiss away the tears, I want her to smile, but at least she melts into our kiss as my finger traces along her jaw. If she hadn’t, I would have been worried. If anything, this time apart has made me realize how much she means to me, and I’ll do anything to make it work.
She’s it.
As my fingers thread into her ponytail, I’m lost. For two days, I thought I’d never get to press my lips to this mouth. Because of that, I have to make up for lost time. I deepen the kiss and she moans as my tongue moves into her mouth, my fingers cupping her face.
When she pulls back, she holds my face. “I love you.”
I wink. “Good, ’cause I love you.”
I go for more, but then the buzzer above me that keeps time on how long cars can wait starts sounding and I shake my head. “Man, the world doesn’t want us to make up!”
She smiles tentatively but it still doesn’t reach her eyes, and that really bothers me. I wish she hadn’t gone because if her family did anything to change her while she was gone, I swear, I’ll blow their house up.
Whoa, that was a little psycho.
Clearing my throat, I put the car in reverse and ask, “You sure you’re okay? Matty didn’t try anything else, did he?”
She shakes her head, wiping her face as I drive off. “No. Just a lot going on up here,” she says, tapping her head.
“Like?”
I feel her look over at me as I turn on to the interstate. “I mean, do you want to do this now?”
I shrug. “We can, or you can wait,” I say as I turn, going toward Nashville. “I packed up a dinner and figured we could go up to my special love nest.” I give her an exaggerated wink, but she doesn’t even crack a grin. Dread settles deep in my gut because I know something is seriously wrong. “Avery, baby, you’re scaring me. You’re not gonna break up with me again, are you?”
She shakes her head. “God, no. I’m just freaking out. I’m sorry.”
“Why? It’s okay. We are gonna be okay. No matter what, I love you and we will work through this,” I stress as I turn on to the road that will take me to campus.
“I hope so,” I hear her mutter and my heart speeds up.
“What does that mean?”
“Let’s just wait,” she says, wiping her tears as she pulls her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them.
“Okay.”
Reaching over, I tuck my hand between her legs and she leans on my arm, her tears wetting my sleeve as I drive. I don’t know what to say, and I don’t know what is happening. Of course, I think the worst. She is going to break up with me and soon. My heart is in my throat as I drive silently to the arena. This wasn’t supposed to be like this. We were supposed to chat, be happy to see each other. But obviously, I was wrong on that.
Which scares the living shit out of me.
When I get to the arena, I park on the side and get out, grabbing the basket from the back. I notice she is at the back of the car, bundled up in her jacket. I go to her, wrapping my arm around her waist and kissing her temple. “I love you.”
She looks up at me, her eyes drowning in tears, and she nods. “I love you more.”
Sucking in a deep breath, I know she’s not lying. She does love me, I see it in her eyes, but I also see fear and that stops me. What the hell is she scared of? Before I can try to ask, though, we start for the arena, going inside and up the many stairs to my special spot. I stopped by before getting her and set everything up to make it even more special. I’m all about ambiance when we are making up. I had hoped she would be impressed, but when I look at her face, she is still crying. “Avery?”
She looks up. “Yeah?”
“Baby, what’s wrong?”
She shakes her head, falling to her knees, patting the spot beside me. “A little overwhelmed. This is so beautiful,” she whispers as she takes in the candles I need to light and the bouquet of roses waiting for her. “You are so sweet,” she cries and shakes her head. “I’m so sorry, Jace.”
Okay. We are doing this now.
Going to my knees beside her, I set the basket beside us and gather her in my arms, holding her tightly. “Baby, I was wrong too. I shouldn’t have said that I didn’t know if I wanted to break up. I was just so overwhelmed with it all and scared. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was putting my career above—”
“No, I understand because hockey is your life. I’m sorry that I acted the way I did. It’s a horribly sore spot for me and I overreacted.”
“But I shouldn’t have made you feel like that. I want both—my career and you. I mean, I hope you’re okay with being at the top with my career because I’ve worked so hard for it. But I want this, I want you. Always.”
She leans into me, her fingers playing at the base of my neck. “I want you too, I do. And you’re right. I would never make you pick,” she says, her lip trembling. “I promise. I’m just so damn sorry.”
“It’s fine. It’s in the past. We are fine.”
“It’s just you don’t understand the feeling of complete emptiness I experience sometimes. I’m so used to being alone, on my own, and then you come along, take my heart, and that’s it. No other way out. It’s so hard because my emotions, my anxiety is a whole other kind of beast I’m trying to conquer. And now that I have you, I don’t want anything else. It scared me that you could possibly throw me away like my family has.”
“Fucking never,” I almost shout. “Baby, never. It’s me and you.”
“Thank you,” she whispers, moving her nose along my jaw. Tracing my fingers up and down her arms, I move my finger along her forearms where her pretty tattoos are. I nod, all of it coming together.
“These cover the scars?”
She nods. “Yeah.”
Looking down at each of them, I look back up at her face. “I always thought they were a little raised in the middle, but I never put two and two together.”
“Yeah, I try to hide it. It’s just… One day I’m high, and the same day I could go low.”
“And I’ll be there, high-fiving you when you are on top and picking you up when you’re down. Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.”
She looks deep into my eyes, and I know she is begging for what I say to be true, and it is. I know it is. “If I ever make you feel like you have to choose between your love for hockey and for me, please tell me to check myself. I don’t want to hurt you,” she says, her tears falling faster down her face.
“Then don’t. Just love me. That’s all I want.”
“Me too,” she says, sucking in a breath as my nose rests against her cheek, my arms holding her close to me. “I don’t have anyone, Jace. No one but you. My family doesn’t care one bit about me. Nothing. This trip made me realize that. You come from the perfect, most loving family—even with your dad’s betrayal. So you wouldn’t understand how I feel, but just imagine them all hating you. Not giving two shits about you. Then multiply that by a hundred.”
“Avery—”
“No, wait,” she gasps, shaking her head. “I felt so alone when I was there, I felt so hated. But the moment I saw you, I felt whole again.” Turning to look into my eyes, she holds my face and I’m lost in her eyes. They are full of so much hope, so much love, and my heart jackhammers at the sight of them. “I need you in my life. I trust you, I love you, and I know you’ll never hurt me.”
Covering her hands with mine, I feel my throat tighten with emotion as I smile. “I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.”
“You promise?”
I nod. “Of course.”
“Okay, ’cause I need to tell you something.”
My brows come together. “Okay?”
“I know this is not what you want, and I already have a plan, I do. But I knew if I didn’t tell you and went with the plan, if you ever found out, it would kill you. So I have to tell you, okay?”
I’m so confused. “Okay?”
Her lip trembles as she watches me, and then her lips are moving. “I’m pregnant.”
It’s like the air is knocked out of me by a thousand-pound defenseman. Searching her flooded eyes, I have a hard time believing the words coming out of her mouth. “Excuse me?”
She nods. “I’m pregnant.”
“But we used condoms.”
“I know. I don’t know how. I guess the condom broke or something.”
“Birth control?” I ask, because I know I’m amazing, but my boys getting out of a condom and through birth control? I’m badass but not that badass.
“I was gonna go on birth control this month. But my period never came and I really wasn’t thinking about it.”
I gasp for breath, my heart pounding in my chest, and fuck. That was the last thing I thought she would say. “So you’re sure?”
She nods. “I found out at the doctor’s appointment this afternoon. They do a bunch of tests before they give scrips, and my pregnancy test was positive. Even the second one I made them do.” She’s talking so fast, I’m surprised I catch everything she says.
“Okay.”
“I’m so sorry.”
My mind is muddled, but I shake my head. “Don’t apologize. We both lay down together. We knew what could happen.”
“But we took precautions.”
I shrug, swallowing hard, hoping my heart will get out of my throat. “And they didn’t work. It happens. I was a birth-control baby, that’s why my mom says I’m amazing, ’cause I was coming into this world one way or another.”
But my mom was also in her thirties.
I’m only nineteen.
With a bright future ahead of me.
She nods, her tears rolling down her face as she holds my gaze. She’s freaking out, I can see that, and I can’t have that. We are okay. It might seem like a lot, but we are okay. Holding her close, I kiss her nose and then her mouth quickly. Looking deep into her eyes, I try to smile but I think I look like I’m having a seizure. “We will figure this out.”
But she shakes her head. “No, Jace. I know this isn’t planned, and Lord knows this is the last thing we both want. I really am sorry; I should have gotten on birth control a long time ago.”
“Avery, don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s not like I was making sure the condom worked. I was too busy getting in your pants. It’s fine. We will figure this out.”
“I just don’t want to jeopardize your career, Jace,” she cries and I shake my head.
“You’re not—”
“Which is why I made an appointment to get an abortion tomorrow.”
Everything stops.
What?
Swallowing hard, I hold her gaze, unsure what to say to that. I didn’t expect her to say that. I didn’t even think it was on the table. My mouth is moving, but nothing is coming out as her tears splash onto my shirt.
“You don’t think we should think on this?”
She shakes her head almost violently. “We can’t, Jace. We’ll start to think we can do this, and we can’t. It’s really the only option. I thought it over and over again on the plane. And the thing is, I can’t carry it and give it to someone else. I just can’t, but we can’t keep it. We are too young, we have so much happening, and ugh, Jace. I’m so sorry. I know you don’t want this.” My heart is in my throat. I can’t speak as her eyes search mine. She seems so sure, so determined to do this. “I mean, I can’t have a career and take care of a baby, and neither can you. What if we don’t work out? Then we are taking turns raising a child. I don’t want to be Lucy and her douche ex; I want to be us. I want to make sure we are stable. I mean, you work at a coffee shop. I’m just an intern. It would be dumb to bring a child into this world.”
Looking down, I close my eyes. I know she is making sense, but it just doesn’t feel right. “Say something,” she yelps, and I swallow my sob back as I squeeze my eyes shut tight.
Fucking hell.
Running my hand down my face, I look up at her and take her face in my hands. “I’m so sorry that I don’t know what to say right now,” I get out, the lump in my throat hurting as my eyes burn with tears. “I’m sorry we’re in this situation, but I will stand by you and support you in every way possible. This is your body and your choice. I love you, Avery. With everything in my soul.”
Her face is red, her tears not stopping as she holds my gaze. “Will you please go with me?”
That breaks me, and I look away. A tear is rolling down my cheek, but I don’t allow any more. I have to be strong for her. I look up into her gorgeous face and nod. “Yes. Of course.”
She hiccups a sob and covers her face, her cries jerking her body hard. “I’m so scared.”
Holding her tighter, I dust her temple with kisses and whisper, “Me too.”
She turns her face into my neck and just howls with her tears. Closing my eyes as her body rocks against mine, I allow myself to cry with her. We didn’t plan this, and something like this is life-altering. She’s right. We aren’t ready for this. We have a plan, a life to live, one that could be ruined by a child. We aren’t even remotely ready to have a baby. We are young, not only in age but also in our relationship. While I know we will be together forever, and she may know too, she’s already doubted us. Because of that, I have no clue what to say to make her change her mind about the procedure.
I sure as hell don’t know how to tell her I don’t want to go through with it.