I’m not a hundred percent sure what just happened.
An hour ago, I thought I was about to have mindless, fun sex with some hot-ass chick.
Now, I guess that is what I did, but… Why does it feel like it was something so much more?
I look over at her, and she looks so small in my arms. But she also feels like she belongs in my arms. She meets my gaze with a sleepy grin, and I smile back as I suck in a deep breath. Soon, I find myself channeling my inner Jayden. I want to start saying some sweet, corny bullshit about real love and feeling so connected that I can’t ever let her go, but that can’t be true. This was sex—fun, raunchy sex—that’s all. So I swallow those thoughts back down quickly before they escape and I verbally vomit all over her.
But fuck, she makes it tough to swallow.
Reaching up, she runs her fingers along my jaw, her eyes on mine as she works her bottom lip. She does that a lot. Especially when she’s thinking. “I’m dead.”
My face breaks into a grin as I nod slowly. “That’s one way to put it.”
“Do we have to get up right now? Isn’t that the way one-night stands work?”
I shrug. I’ve never actually had a true one-night stand, and I refuse to give more truth to her statement about my not being a player, so I say, “We can do whatever we want.”
“What do you want to do?”
“Nothing but lie here with you.”
The side of her mouth quirks as she moves her finger along my lips. “Don’t get attached.”
“Wouldn’t dare,” I say. But it’s a lie.
I would dare. Hell, she could double dare me and I would do it. I don’t know why, but this girl has me in knots. Fucked-up knots that I don’t want or need right now. She was spot-on when she said this wasn’t in my plans. I had a motto, a slogan for how I wanted this year to go: Leave my heart on the bench and fuck until I can’t see straight. Or something like that. This girl is making me want to put my heart in the game and throw all caution to the wind.
It’s so clichéd, but I can’t help it.
It had to be when she called me on my game. That must have been the moment I decided I wanted nothing more than to know every single thing about this girl. Because how did she know that about me? We haven’t even known each other long, but when she looks at me, I feel like she knows exactly who I am. My deepest, darkest secrets. And that’s weird. Crazy, even. Man, what is wrong with me? I wanted to be more like Jude before Claire, hit it once and never want anything else, but I’m acting like Jayden. Wanting all of her instead of a piece. That’s so him, but really, I want to be me.
I’m just unsure of who I am.
As she cuddles into my side, I watch as her eyes slowly fall shut and her breath evens out. Apparently, she isn’t having an internal battle like I am, and I admire her for that. She’s something. Not only is she gorgeous and quick, she fucks like a dream. I’ve been with a decent number of women, and my sister-in-law’s best friend Delanie was by far the greatest lay of my life. That was until this thin-framed girl came along. I’ve never felt what I felt when I was deep inside Avery, and it worries me I’ll never feel it again with anyone else.
Just her.
Pure ecstasy.
Closing my eyes, I inhale deeply, trying to shake these unneeded feelings and wants.
But it’s no use.
So I try sleeping instead.
I jerk awake what feels like seconds later to someone slamming against the door.
“Open up, Sinclair! I’m tired.”
It’s Markus.
Blinking, I realize my back aches and there is a crick in my neck, while one side of my body is covered with heat. Shit, I forgot where I was for a second there. But when Avery stirs beside me, I remember exactly where I am and how I don’t ever want to leave. She glances up at me, confused, and I move my finger along her lips.
“Sorry,” I say before clearing my throat. “Hey, bro, not now. Go somewhere else.”
“Dude! You’ve had the room all night. I want to sleep in my bed. I don’t care someone is in there with you. I won’t look at her… I promise, I do! Just come on. Someone puked on the couch.”
“Ew,” Avery says from beside me and I nod.
“Not my problem, bro. Now, go away,” I say before cuddling against her.
“Ass!”
“Jerk,” I call back as she grins against my lips.
“I can leave,” she whispers, threading her fingers through my hair.
“No, don’t.”
Her brows rise, her sleepy face breaking into a grin. “Oh wow, Jace, that dripped with lust,” she accuses and I smile at her. Her face is illuminated by the sun that is coming up. We must have slept for longer than I thought, and she probably does need to leave before everyone wakes up, but I don’t want her to.
“Yeah,” I say roughly. “Don’t leave.”
She doesn’t seem to agree. “But I probably should before everyone sees me do the walk of shame.”
“There is nothing to be ashamed of,” I remind her and her lips curve.
“You’re right, but still, I don’t want anyone knowing I’m the eighth notch on Jace Sinclair’s bedpost.” She gives me a cheeky wink and I chuckle. She’s a cute little thing for sure, and soon my grin matches hers as I shake my head.
“Sure, but you’re number one on my trampoline.” That has her body shaking against mine before she wraps her arms around me tightly. “Also, if I walk you home, it isn’t a walk of shame for sure.”
She gives me a doubtful look. “You, Jace Sinclair, the Bullies’ captain, are going to walk me home?”
“You know a lot about me, and I know nothing about you.”
She shoots me a playful grin. “I like it that way.”
I wrap my arms around her and nip at her nose. “I’ll find out what I want in due time, but you ain’t doin’ no walk of shame. I’ll walk you home.”
She grins, her cheeks bursting with color. “And you say you’re a player.”
“Shh, I am.”
“Oh, of course,” she giggles, running her nose along my jaw as silence fills the room. “But maybe just a few more minutes before we do that.”
“Yeah,” I agree, holding her tightly because I think we both know what happens when we walk out that door.
This is over.
And even though she claims she doesn’t want this to continue after we leave my room, I think she does. She just doesn’t think she does, and I bet it has to do with the wickedest of the wicked. As much as I want to ask her about that, I know I can’t. I have to tread lightly with this girl, get in where she can’t push me out.
Hold the fuck up. I want that?
No, you don’t, I tell myself. You want to fuck bitches and light trails. You are not a one-woman man! You are a wanderer, a hang your hat everywhere kind of guy. Kick her off the trampoline and tell her good riddance. Be more cynical. This isn’t what you want. What if it goes south, and it will… She’s obviously not into it. She has one foot out the door; you’re bound to get hurt. Remember the pain, remember the heartache Mom and Lucy went through? Hold on to that. You don’t want this.
I hear myself loud and clear, so why isn’t that pep talk working?
It’s just that it feels right. Believe me, I’m not one of those people. I don’t think there is a person out there for everyone. I think everyone is just trying so hard to find that someone and be happy, but then they settle for whatever comes because it’s what society wants. They want you to get married, have babies, and die. But then, I can’t really say that and believe it because of Jude and Claire and Jayden and Baylor. Those are relationships that were mapped out in the stars. They were meant to be together and live and be happy. Oh shit, I sound like Jayden. Fuck. So what the hell do I think? What the hell do I want?
What the hell is wrong with me?
Nineteen years. Nineteen years have passed and I haven’t met anyone who had me wanting more. Even with Delanie, it was nothing more than really great sex. I didn’t get awestruck in her presence or want to gobble her up and never let go. Just lying next to Avery has me wanting to morph my body into hers so I’ll never be away from her. Insane, right? A little creepy? I know! So why? What the hell happened to me? Why is this happening?
“Do you have any more condoms?” When I open my eyes, her heated gaze is staring into mine. “Figured one more time for the road.”
I have no clue what is going on, but I do know I can’t get enough. I don’t even answer her. I reach up, grabbing a condom out of the drawer as her hand trails up the length of me. Her hands are like soft velvet along my skin. Every spot she touches, white heat appears and then gooseflesh rises. She does something to my body no one has ever done before, and it’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced. As my cock stands at attention, her fingers run circles around the base of me, her gaze holding mine.
“Only if you want to, that is,” she whispers and I can’t answer her. My heart is in my throat. My body is so tight, I swear it’s about to snap as she takes the condom from me. Wrapping her hair around my hand, I pull her to me, kissing her long and hard as she grips my cock in her small, delicate hand. When her tongue pushes into my mouth, I’m breathless from the taste of her. She tears her mouth from mine and I think it’s to put the condom on, but then her mouth is on me…and, yeah, I’m dead.
“Oh fuck,” I gasp as she sucks me to the back of her throat, her fingers dancing along the base of my cock. Arching into her mouth, I watch as her eyes close. Her face flushes as her hair drapes along my thighs, and man, she’s gorgeous. Her shoulders are thin, and her skin is blotchy with red marks. I hate them. Her skin is too soft, too beautiful to have those hard spots from our lovemaking.
Oh Jesus, did I say lovemaking?
Fuck me.
But before I can dwell on that for long, she moves her mouth up and down me in a rhythm that has my toes curling and my back arching off the trampoline, wanting to go as deep as I can inside her hot mouth. Slipping my fingers into her hair, I love how long it is, how softly and perfectly it wraps around my fingers. As she increases her rhythm, I can’t help it, I thrust into her mouth, unable to get enough. When she gags, though, I pause.
“Sorry,” I find myself saying like a damn pussy.
Shit, I’m exactly what she said. A wannabe player. How sad. But she doesn’t seem to mind and continues her mindless assault on me. My body tenses and I know I’m almost there. I want to blow my load to the back of her throat, I do, but I don’t think she’s that kind of girl. And plus, I have to be in her one more time. Pulling her head back, she looks up at me, her lips swollen, her eyes watering, and I swear, could she be any more exquisite? Bringing her to me, I take her mouth with mine as she melts against me, her body molding into mine.
“You were almost done,” she whispers against my lips as I roll her over, covering her body with mine. The trampoline is so small, it’s really only supposed to be used to jump on to get to the top bunk. Some stupid thing Jude came up with, and I really didn’t think it through when I laid her down on it. As I bring her leg up, a spring digs into my knee. But I have one thing on my mind, and it sure as hell isn’t the pain I’m feeling in my knee. Or the fact that I’m going to be sore. It was the first place I could get her to that was comfortable, and I have every intention of continuing to make it work.
Remembering her words, I say, “Yeah, I know, but I want to be inside you when I come.”
My voice is rough as I tear the condom open, sheathing myself as she watches. Directing myself into her hot, tight body, I close my eyes and thrust into her until I completely disappear. The fit is tight, so fucking tight, and I love it. Fucking love it. I look down at her and her mouth is parted. She’s gasping for breath and she looks so small beneath me. The room isn’t lit completely yet, but the warm glow makes her body sparkle and I’m spellbound by her.
She’s like a little pixie.
My little pixie.
Pulling out, I thrust back in, my name falling from her lips in such a way that has me slamming back into her. I love the way she feels, the way her body fits mine and sucks me in. I have no clue where she has been all my life, but it’s like I’m seeing beauty for the first time. Like, have I ever really seen that color brown in someone’s hair before? It’s almost a whiskey color, a little red in there too. Her eyes…I’ve never seen such turquoise depths that capture me the way her eyes do. Her lips, so full and soft, but have I ever actually seen a real Cupid’s bow mouth? I don’t think so. I’ve never been graced by such beauty, and I really don’t know how I’m supposed to walk away from her with my heart still in my chest.
Soon, my thrusts become more urgent, more needful, and I’m pounding into her like there is no tomorrow. Each thrust stealing her breath and mine. As her eyes roll to the back of her head and she squeezes me tighter, I’m lost. It just isn’t fair. When I come, I come hard, her body clenching around mine. Lights go off behind my eyes as her nails dig into my back, and soon, I’m jerking into her. I groan hard and my heart is pounding as her nails continue to dig into my skin. When I fall on top of her, she welcomes me, her arms coming around me to hold me. Rolling to the side, I cuddle her into my arms, still inside her, before kissing her forehead. My breath is harsh, my body still shaking against hers as her leg hooks across my hip.
Nothing is said for a very long time, and I still don’t know what is going on.
Am I fucking?
Or am I making love?
That’s a question that needs to be answered. But when her eyes meet mine, I don’t know how to ask without sound like a pussy-whipped sap. Thankfully, she speaks first.
“Why is it so good?” Her eyes are wide and it’s obvious she didn’t mean to say that out loud.
All I can do is shrug as I swallow loudly. “I’m sure you don’t want some line for that.”
“I don’t. I want the truth.”
“If I had it, I’d give it to you.”
“It’s odd. Like mind-blowing, great sex doesn’t come along like this.”
“I know,” I agree, my heart still pounding in cadence with hers.
“What’s your dream, Jace?”
I’m confused by the out-of-left-field kind of question, but I don’t hesitate. “To be in the NHL, to be the best damn scorer in the league.”
“Yeah, I figured.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, confused.
“Nothing, just had to remind myself of something.” She then moves away, pulling my cock out of her with ease. Reaching down, I pull off the condom, throwing it in the trash can, and when I look back, she’s reaching down for her pants.
“Which is?”
She looks back at me as she untangles her panties from her jeans. “Nothing.”
“No, it’s something, and why are you leaving?”
“’Cause I need to,” she says with a smile.
She probably does. “Okay, but what’s the something?”
She shakes her head. “Simple. That we are both on two different paths.”
I have no clue what she is talking about. “What path are you on?”
“The one to the top.”
“Me too.”
“Two different tops, though,” she says simply before standing up and pulling her jeans up faster than ever. For someone who said seconds ago she didn’t want to leave, she sure did get dressed quickly. “We don’t have the same end goal.”
“Sorry, I have no clue what is going on here.”
She smiles as she reaches for her bra before sitting back on the side of the trampoline. “It’s just that we are both so set on our dreams, we don’t need something getting in the way. This could get in the way if we let it.”
I hold her gaze as she puts her bra on and then her shirt. I get what she is saying and I agree, but is it fair to just shut this down? I don’t think so, but I know I should. Unsure how I feel about any of this or even how I should feel, I stand up, getting dressed quickly.
“You don’t have to walk me home.”
“I want to.” When I look up, her lip is quirked at one side as she watches me slide on some shoes before pulling on a Bullies teal pullover. Reaching for the beanie that I think was Jayden’s, I put that on my head before walking toward the door.
“Let’s go,” I say, opening the door for her. When Markus falls into the room, we both look at each other before dissolving into laughter.
“Asshole, I told you I was tired,” he complains as he crawls toward his bed.
Shaking my head, I say, “Sweet dreams, sweet pea.”
His answer is to flip me the bird as I take Avery’s hand and lead her up the stairs and out of the house. It’s overcast and cold when we end up outside, which is why I grabbed my pullover.
“Jeez, it’s freezing,” she says as she shivers.
“Not from these parts?” I ask as I pull off my pullover and hand it to her. She takes it willingly.
“No, but it was hot last night.”
“Yeah, welcome to fall in Tennessee. Freezing in the morning, Satan’s asshole in the afternoon.” She giggles at that before taking my hand. “So where are you from?”
“Princeton, New Jersey.”
“Cool, what brought you here?”
“Music.”
I nod and it becomes a little clearer. “So the dream you were speaking of involves you in lights, millions screaming your name?”
She grins. “Something like that.”
“Cool, you’ve got talent.”
“I’ve heard you do too,” she says, deflecting my compliment, and I grin.
“You’ll have to come see for yourself.”
“Maybe,” she says, but I can tell it’s not a promise. Soon, we fall into an easy conversation about classes and campus. When I find out her schedule, which involves a whole lot of music stuff, I realize why I haven’t seen her before. If I hadn’t left my car where I had, I probably never would have met her.
Now, that’s a depressing thought.
“So which do you want more? To be the singer or the songwriter?”
“Either. I love writing, but I love singing too. I want to sing for people. I want to hear my music on the radio. I want to change lives, better people, and all that jazz.”
“You can do it.”
“Thanks.”
When she tucks our hands into the front of my pullover, I smile. But then she stops. “Well, here we are.”
Shit, already? I was so caught up in everything she was saying I hadn’t realized we were already across campus. Sullenly, I nod, turning to face her. Her face is flushed, her little nose red and so freaking cute. Grinning up at me, she looks shy. “Thanks for walking me. I hadn’t realized it was such a long walk.”
“My pleasure.”
Her eyes darken before she takes a step forward. She goes onto her toes as I take her face in my hands, but I don’t kiss her. I can’t let this be the last time I see her. I have to know more. I need to know her.
Holding her gaze, I say, “Let’s go out.”
Her brow rises. “Go out?”
“Yeah, a date.”
“Ugh, labels. I don’t like those, and also, I don’t date,” she reminds me, her hands coming up onto mine.
“Yeah, I know, but give me a bye on that.”
She bites her lips, her eyes searching mine. I feel I’ve got her, but she shakes her head. “I said I wouldn’t date anyone when I came here.”
“That was before you met me,” I say with a wink and she grins.
She’s still working that lip, and I am sure I can sway her, but then she says, “No, Jace, sorry.”
I don’t let her go, though, even when she tries to turn out of my grip. I hold her. “Fine, friends with benefits. I can’t let you go, Avery. I’m nowhere near full from what you gave me.”
Her cheeks redden as she gives me a cheeky grin. “Friends with benefits means we have to be friends.”
“So, be my friend,” I say simply.
“I don’t know you.”
“So, get to know me.”
“Like dating?”
“Wow, who’s labeling what now? I’m just trying to get to know you, be friends.”
Her expression is challenging as she rolls her eyes. “I don’t know.”
“You know you want to.”
Her lips curve as she shrugs. “I don’t want that, though.”
“You don’t want a friend? I find that hard to believe,” I supply and she laughs.
“You know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t. Now, what are you doing tonight?”
Her brows come together as her eyes narrow. She’s on to me, but I don’t care. I refuse to let this girl go without the reassurance of more. “I can’t do anything. I have a gig at Get Coffee.”
“Who said anything about doing anything? I’m just saying I might show up.”
“Show up?”
“Yeah, maybe we can get some coffee afterward, and I’ll take you outside and do you against the wall.”
That has her giggling, but she doesn’t shoot me down as her lips touch mine. Wrapping my arms around her ribs, I hold her tightly as I kiss her long and hard, hoping to make her realize she can’t walk away from this. Because doesn’t she feel how our lips just fit so perfectly? That it’s hard to stop kissing her. Why stop something so perfect? It seems almost wrong.
But soon, she’s the one pulling away, kissing my lips one last time before breaking free of my arms.
“See you later,” she says, walking away in my pullover, and I let her go. Gives me a reason to find her later if she blows me off tonight. Though, I doubt she will. She wants me.
And I want her.
“Tonight,” I promise, and when she grins back at me, I know that’s one promise I refuse to break.
And no matter how big of a loser it makes me appear…
I’ll be front row, cheering her on.