PART 4
Chapter Thirty-One
Justin – Monday
I felt like I was just coasting through life, just getting on with it because I didn’t know what else to do. My brain had simply switched off my emotions, giving me the chance to just get on with things. I didn’t know how to feel about anything anymore, so I just went numb instead. I got into work and walked through the office without even acknowledging anyone. Usually I took the time to at least see what everyone was up to, but now I didn’t even care.
I just needed to get my work done, then get back home to wallow even more.
Knock, knock…
Almost the second that I’d slammed the door shut behind me, someone was there, ready to irritate me. I sighed deeply, almost considering ignoring it, before shaking my head and reminding myself to focus.
“Come in,” I called out, but the irritation was evident in my tone.
As Marie, the receptionist, strolled in I remembered with a fondness the days when I would embrace her obvious interest in me and I’d take time out every day for a causal flirt with her. I always made it clear that we would never become anything, so it was harmless, but I couldn’t even begin to imagine being that way again.
“Okay, Marie? What’s going on?” I needed her to get to the point, then leave me alone. Even the thought of this conversation was exhausting.
Not even slightly taking the hint she sat in the chair opposite me. “What’s going on with you, Justin?” she asked, being far too familiar for my liking. “Everyone has noticed that you’re acting different. Are you all right?”
Oh God, I do not need to be having this conversation with someone who works for me; can she not see how inappropriate this is? Sure, I didn’t normally lord over the boss thing, but this time I felt like I needed to.
“Look, if you want to talk to me about work, then fine, but I don’t really feel like discussing my personal life with you.”
“Personal life?” she screwed up her nose in disgust. “Is this because of her? That woman you brought in the office the other day?” When I didn’t answer, she seemed to feel the need to continue. She always was a bit too chatty, but this was on another level even for her. “Everyone has been saying that she’s different, that she’s the one for you, but I don’t get it. She’s too…plain.”
Urgh, not only was everyone talking about me, which pissed me off no end, but now Marie was trying to get a rise out of me, too. The worst part was it was actually working.
“Yes, it is because of her,” I snapped back in temper. “And I would much prefer it if you didn’t feel the need to make comments about someone you don’t know.”
“Oh,” she had the decency to look a little chastened at that. “Oh right, I see—”
“So unless you have something work related to tell me, I would much rather be left alone, thank you.”
“Well, here are your calls,” she handed me some slips of paper. “And I’ll…I better go.”
She stood up slowly, looking as if she still had something more to say, but thankfully, she decided against it and she walked out leaving me alone.
“What a bitch,” I shook my head as I flicked through the slips of paper containing my phone messages. How could someone be so catty as to call another woman plain? Someone she hadn't even spoken to? Sure, it sounded like jealousy to me, but shouldn’t that be something to keep inside, not reveal freely? It seemed insane, but then again it didn’t matter how long I worked around women, they would always be a mystery.
Then my thoughts were completely derailed by one bit of paper with the name Roy Larkin. My friend had called me, and he was about the only person in the world that I wanted to actually speak to. He knew me and Annie equally; he was the only one who could actually get what I was going through.
As I picked up the receiver and dialed his number, I actually felt a bit of hope floating through me, which was the first real emotion that I’d had all day. Even the anger and irritation that Marie had caused was dulled.
“Hey, man, what’s going on?” Roy asked, blunt and to the point. “I spoke to Annie; things aren’t great with you, huh?”
“No…” I felt a little stunned. It made sense that Annie would look to Roy for advice, too, but it still made me feel a bit put out. “No, they aren’t. Did she tell you about Garrett?”
“Sort of,” he replied slowly. “No details, though, so if you feel like telling me…”
“He got caught drunk driving,” I told him in a flat, monotone voice. “He crashed into another car and killed a teenage girl.”
“Holy fuck, that’s insane,” Roy gasped, about as shocked as I felt. “How the fuck did that happen?”
I paused thoughtfully for a second before deciding to get into it with Roy. He knew enough about my family history, and I’d opened up enough to him before to feel comfortable doing so.
“Apparently, he got into a fight with some chick and that pissed him off enough to get behind the wheel. But I think it might be more than that. He’s been talking so much about our parents, as you know, and stating that I’m gunna end up like Dad, cheating on Annie, but I’m starting to believe that actually he’s like Mom.”
I sighed loudly, sickness swirling through my system. I hated that it had gotten to the point where I had to say this aloud. “I think he might be depressed, and that he wants to die like she did.”
“What makes you think that?” Roy asked quietly, processing what I’d just told him.
“I just…I don’t get his behavior, at all. It isn’t just the driving drunk, but the fact that he isn’t repentant about what he’s done. It’s almost like he doesn’t care that he’s killed someone…and depression can make people quite self-centered, can’t it? It’s like all he can see is himself.”
“Shit, that’s horrible.” Roy was about as stunned at that as I felt when I first worked all of that out. “I don’t know what to say.”
“There isn’t anything you can say,” I admitted to him. I knew there wasn’t any advice I could get because there wasn’t anything that could be done. “But thanks for listening, anyway. It feels good to get some of it out of my system.”
“Well, what about Annie?” he asked, sounding like he felt a little cautious about entering that topic. “I know that you haven’t been speaking to her much, but is that just because you’re busy, or is that because of what Garrett said to you?”
“What…what do you mean?” I stammered awkwardly, sensing that he might have hit the nail on the head.
“I mean, are you avoiding Annie because Garrett told you that you’re going to end up like your dad?” My silence said it all. “Look, man, I have to tell you that’s ridiculous. Maybe some people do end up acting like their parents, but that’s learned behavior rather than genetics. You didn’t grow up seeing your dad act that way; he did it before you can remember.
“Plus, more importantly, you are your own man. You choose how you behave – you don’t have to do anything.”
“Oh God,” I groaned as everything hit me like a punch in the face. “Have I been an idiot?” I might not have wanted to hear it, but Roy had told me straight and actually it had lifted some of the fog from my brain.
“Yes,” he chuckled lightly. “But I don’t think it’s too late. I think you still have time to fix things.”
My mind instantly whirred a hundred miles an hour, trying to work out the best way to do that. Now that I had left it so long, when I did it, it needed to be right. It was going to have to be some kind of awesome gesture.
“Thanks, Roy,” I told him sincerely. “You’re a great friend. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
I needed to recall that my friend had suffered loss and pain in his life, too, including the death of his first wife, and he’d come out of it the other side. I needed to use him as an inspiration to help me move forward, too.
“That’s okay. I’ll speak to you soon.”
As I hung up the phone, I allowed that hope to fill me up. If I could fix things with Annie, then everything would be all right. If I could make things right in that area, then everything else wouldn’t feel so shitty, after all. The situation with Garrett was overwhelming me, but if I had some positivity in my life, then maybe it wouldn’t feel so hard.
I couldn’t sit in this office, not when I wouldn’t achieve anything anyway. I needed to get out there and to take action. I needed to make things right.
“Lucia?” I said into my personal assistant’s buzzer. “I need to go out for the day, is that okay?”
“Yep, I don’t have anything scheduled for you at the moment, what with everything that’s going on.” God, she is a legend. What the hell would I have done without her? “Is there anything you need done?”
“You have a handle on it,” I replied gratefully. “Just give me a call if you need anything, I’ll keep my cell phone with me.”
But I didn’t leave right away. I logged on to my computer first to do some research. I had a plan, and I knew that I could make it happen – I just wasn’t sure where to start.
Roy was right. I was being foolish and allowing myself to get sucked into Garrett and his twisted web of silliness. Usually, I was pretty good at ignoring everything he said, but because I cared about Annie so much and because I could sense that she had a complicated, pain-filled past, she was a sensitive subject for me, which had made me react more to his statement.
I had already fulfilled my dad’s wishes. I had really tried to help Garrett sort his life out, and it hadn't happened. He’d thrown it back in my face. With what he had done, there was nothing more that I could physically do for him. He would have to be on his own now.
Now was the time for me to begin worrying about my own life and what I needed to be happy.
And what I needed was Annie. That woman was incredible, and I adored everything about her. I loved her gorgeous face, her wonderful curves, and her caring personality. Her daughter was amazing, too, a little firecracker. I wanted both of them in my life, and I hoped that they still felt the same way about me, too.
No one had ever made me feel like she did. I hadn't ever cared about anyone so much. I didn’t want to keep holding back anymore, fearing what I might do in the future. I had to just grab onto life with both hands and finally enjoy myself. I couldn’t keep living my life in the past, I needed to move on. Roy was right about so many things; I was so glad that he’d called. What the hell would I do without that man in my life?
“Aha!” I cried out with excitement as I finally spotted what I needed. Everything was going to be okay after all; I just needed to make a few secret phone calls.