Chapter Twenty-One
Matthew
Wednesday Night
My head was starting to spin like crazy, but I chugged back another beer regardless. I wanted that nauseating, dizzy feeling to consume me; I needed that. Forgetting about my wholly shitty day was the only thing that I wanted.
“Dude, are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Willy asked me with concern and bewilderment in his expression. I could understand that; I had just stormed onto his boat at the end of his working day and demanded a beer. He could probably see I was wound up and incredibly angry, but he didn’t even ask. He waited until I calmed down enough to even begin speaking.
It was just unfortunate that the time had only come around when I was on the way to being quite drunk.
“Oh God,” I groaned, dropping my head into my hands. “It’s just such a fucking mess.” I didn’t want to get into it; it was the last damn thing on the planet that I wanted, but I knew I was going to have to get into it eventually, so I guessed that it might as well get it over and done with. “Terri just flipped out and went crazy. I don't quite know what happened, but she just...flipped.”
“Oh, wow,” Willy replied, clearly resisting the urge to say I told you so. “That’s nuts, man.”
“Yeah, she started off by telling Ashlee about our hook ups. I mean, I don't know exactly what she said, but it can’t have been good.” My heart sunk as I remembered Ashlee’s hurt face repeatedly. “I hadn’t told her that I’ve been pretty...busy during the years she left, and that really wasn't the way that I wanted her to find out.”
“So, how did she react?” he asked cautiously. When I didn’t answer right away, Willy handed me yet another beer that I glugged back gratefully. I just needed that second, that time out from this conversation before I said my next piece.
“She freaked the fuck out,” I told him honestly. “I think it made her see me differently, but that wasn't the worst part. Terri told her that I was Grant’s father. I mean, how fucking weird is that? I haven’t even had sex with Kerri, so why the hell would anyone think the kid is mine?”
“Well, I mean, no one knows, do they?” Willy said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. I started to notice he was very sober, which meant everything he was feeling was real, not affected by booze, at all. There was something going on with him, and I needed to know what.
“Do you know?” I suddenly gasped in surprise. Willy and Kerri had hooked up the other night; maybe she’d told him something. If I could find out the truth about what was going on with Kerri, I could tell Ashlee and put an end to this once and for all.
But Willy didn’t answer me; he simply looked down at his nails as if there was something he was hiding. What the hell could it be? I’d known Willy my whole damn life, and as far as I was aware, he’d never kept anything from me before. My foggy brain tried to pick up on something that was clearly under my nose, but I was too damn drunk to get what it was.
“You do know,” I insisted. “Who is it? I thought it was some big, massive secret. I thought no one knew.” Still, he wouldn’t look at me. “You need to tell me; I have to know. It might make things easier with me and Ashlee. She might forgive me.”
“Not everything is about you and Ashlee,” he snapped, making jump. His tone was harsh, which meant that he was clearly covering something up. “Some things just don't need to be talked about, so can we just leave it?”
Woah.
In that moment, it hit me like a punch in the face. It was so obvious I couldn't believe that it had taken me so long to figure it out. There was that crazy connection between them, the sizzling chemistry that wouldn’t quit. Plus, the fact that a few years back, probably at the time when Kerri had found out that she was having a baby, Willy had gone off the grid for a while, seemingly sinking into a depression.
Willy was Grant’s father.
I wanted to ask him what had happened there, why he hadn’t ever told me, and why he didn’t seem to be there for his son, but that seemed inappropriate. There were clearly a whole bunch of reasons for all of that; I knew my friend well enough to know that wouldn’t be for nothing, and I figured he would eventually share that with me when he felt ready.
It was time for me to change the subject before I ended up saying something I would go on to regret.
“So anyway, when I confronted Terri about it, she went crazy and actually hit me.”
“She hit you?” Willy huffed out in shock. “Seriously?”
“Yep, so I had to fire her, which of course makes me feel like a shitty person.” Replaying that conversation in my mind again made me feel horrible. I knew that Terri was mostly a cool chick and that it was my fault she’d become unhinged, but there was nothing that I could do about it now. I would just have to learn my lesson and never act that way again.
I knew now that being straightforward didn’t necessarily equate to understanding. Feelings could still creep in regardless. “And then I went to Ashlee’s to speak to her about it, just to find out that she’s going on a date with someone else.”
Fuck, that still hurt; it made me feel like shit. I didn’t want her going out with anyone else, ever, but what damn choice did I have in it?
“Well, dude, I have to tell you that Ashlee is a hot chick, and guys are going to want her.” I knew Willy was trying to kick my ass into gear with that comment; he didn’t want me to miss out on the first woman I’d ever shown any interest in, but it still cut me deep. “You’re going to have to make some smart decisions here, for real.”
I decided I had to unleash my biggest secret, to make Willy understand where my head was at. He couldn't get why I was being so guarded, so I needed to make him see. Terri knew now; it wouldn’t be long until the rest of the world did. I wanted my best friend to hear it from me first.
“You know that winning lottery ticket?” I sighed out, feeling that despair floating through me once more. Every time I thought about that money, it sent me into the same tailspin. “Well, I have it. I’m the winner.”
“You are?” Willy grabbed hold of my arm, staring at me in shock. “Are you fucking serious? That’s like, a billion dollars, man. That could change your whole damn life.”
“I know,” I nodded vigorously, wanting him to understand that I did get that part, and that I really appreciated it. “I know that, but I’m also worried about what will happen if I claim it. I’ll have publicity, and all the people that I’ve ever hooked up with will come forward, making up shit about me. After what happened with Terri today, I’m just freaked out. I’m the town doctor, and if people hear that shit about me, they might not trust me anymore.”
“I get that,” Willy said in a calm tone. “But you’ll be able to do so much good with that money. I think people will understand that you’ve made some mistakes in your past, but you’re trying to be better.”
I nodded morosely, hearing what he was saying, but not really allowing it to sink in.
“Is this really about the world, or is it just about what Ashlee will think about you?” This was far too close to home, so I sent him a half shrug, not wanting to admit that aloud. “Dude, she knows more now. It’s out there anyway; why allow that to hold you back?”
“Look, I want the money, I do. I want to be able to use it to pay off my debts, and to help Ashlee and Peggy, I want to do all of that... But I’m afraid. I’m scared I’ll unleash all kinds of shit that I’m really not ready for.”
A sickness filled my stomach as I tried to picture that unknown in my future once more. I couldn't seem to just focus on the positives, however hard I tried. I couldn't just see the ability to help other people, without freaking the fuck out about other people.
“Urgh, just give me another beer,” I sighed at Willy. “I just need to forget about all of this bullshit.”
“I honestly think you’ve had enough,” he told me in that deliberately calm tone of voice. “I don't want you to be sick, and you’re already looking a little green.” I nodded along with his suggestion, realizing that he was probably right – especially as I had to go to work tomorrow, however much I didn’t want to.
“And as for your other problem,” he continued, “of course you should do exactly what you want, but it’s important to remember that sometimes in life you do things to sacrifice yourself for the ones you love, even if it makes you look like a bad person.”
He was right, of course he was. I needed to come forward to get the money, however terrifying it was. I would just have to suffer a few weeks of bullshit to be able to help other people that really needed it.
It was going to suck to walk around with a target on my back, but I would have to do it regardless. Hopefully, it wouldn’t damage my practice too much in the process because I couldn't give that up, however rich I became. That was my way of helping people, and I couldn't sacrifice that for anything.
“You’re right,” I whispered, fear gripping tightly to my stomach. “I know you are; it’ll just be really hard.”
“I’ll be there for you, buddy,” Willy replied, patting me on my shoulder. “Well...maybe for a million.”
I knew he was joking, and I did laugh at that, but that was another side effect I wasn't ready to deal with: the sudden begging for money, the people crawling out the woodwork, the constant going on at me.
Urgh, why couldn't I just do this in private? Why did I have to have the damn photo shoot and interview? Why couldn't I just have the money and no one ever know?
I guess the good things in life never came easily, and this was just going to be another one of those things.
“Of course,” I grinned at Willy. “Anything for you, buddy.”
In that moment, I decided I would do something for my friend. I was going to buy him a new fishing boat, one that he would own outright. He loved fishing – it was something that he’d wanted to do for forever, and I wanted to help him along with that dream.
Maybe I would even give something to Grant, too. Sure, he wasn't my kid, but he did belong to my best friend, and if that made things easier for him, then I would happily do it. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more he and Kerri seemed made for one another. I wasn't sure what was keeping them apart, but I hoped that they would be able to figure it out eventually.
All I wanted was for everyone around me to be happy, even at the sacrifice of my own sanity. I would do it, I decided determinedly. I would do it and it would be okay in the end. It had to be.