Chapter Twenty-Eight
Eliza – Sunday
It was already mid-morning, but I was still lazing around in my pajamas, unable to force myself to even shower, never mind anything else. I just hadn’t quite worked up the energy to get dressed yet, and I didn’t have anywhere that I needed to be and there wasn’t anything forcing me to do so. It wasn’t like I was sharing a cabin with Milo anymore, where I needed to get dressed for him...
It had gotten a little easier, in all honesty. I was more used to being at home now, but I still missed the company. I still missed talking with Milo. In fact, I missed everything about him, but it would only get harder when he went back home. At least he was still in the same town right now; at least I could feel a little bit of closeness to him. Once he was gone, there was no chance of bumping into him at all.
Seeing him at the salon, cutting his hair – it had been an intense experience. There was so much that I wanted to say to him, so many emotions that I still wanted to get out, but I couldn’t. Not with Laynee there, and not when I had no idea how he was feeling about me. It was all too strange.
Plus, I needed to focus to do a good job. I didn’t want to wreck his hair! But it just felt so strange, running my hands over his neck and through his hair. It made me want to... to throw all the hairdressing equipment to one side and jump on top of him. Does he have to be so gorgeous? So tempting? I’d almost leaned forward and licked his ear.
I couldn’t stop myself from wondering why he’d come to see me. Was it just to get his hair cut or did he want something else? Was he trying to let me know that he still wanted me, without actually saying it? I should have gotten rid of Laynee for a while, tried to talk to him alone, but I didn’t. That was silly of me; I had just been so swept away.
I held my phone in my hand and considered writing a text out to him. I could have easily said something breezy, something innocent, just to start a line of communication, and the temptation to do so was killer. Especially when I had nothing to distract me and I was just sitting around thinking about him. At least at work, I had too much else to think about.
Hey, Milo, it’s Eliza. How are you? Just wanted to check in and see if everything is okay at the cabin. And how is Veil? I miss him!
Do I send it? Do I have the guts? It could have sparked something crazy or he could have just ignored it, leaving me to get myself into a tailspin. I just wasn’t sure that it was the wisest thing to do, not when I wasn’t totally sure.
I leaped up at the sound of a knock on my door, terror coursing through my veins. Is that him? Did I somehow manage to conjure him up just by wanting him so badly? He knew where I lived – maybe the visit to the salon the other day was just a test to see how I was feeling, and he’d become confident enough to just turn up at my home...
Oh, my God, and I wasn’t even dressed. I didn’t have anywhere near enough time to get my appearance sorted out. He’d give up and go away if I made him wait that long. What do I do? I glanced from side to side, waiting for a miracle answer to just pop into my brain, but of course, nothing happened. I was going to have to do something.
“Who is it?” I called out tentatively, my whole body shaking with fear. I could hear my heart racing while I waited for an answer. Can I ask him to wait while I get myself organized? Would that be totally rude?
“It’s me,” Laynee called out, shattering the illusion and causing me to let out a deep sigh of relief. “Let me in, you idiot.”
As I unlocked the door and she tumbled into my apartment, the relief turned into sadness. I was glad that I hadn’t made a total fool of myself, that I didn’t have to face Milo looking like crap, but I also wanted it to be him. I was so desperate to see him, it was driving me insane.
“What’s going on?” I asked curiously, looking her up and down. “Why are you bouncing around like a crazy person?”
“You need cheering up, I need cheering up, so I’ve brought breakfast and I thought we could go out for the day.” She shrugged as if it was obvious. “I need some new clothes and retail therapy is always the answer, no matter what life’s problem is.”
“To be honest, that sounds much better than a day lazing around, driving myself insane,” I told her. “Let me just get dressed. I’m up for that.” Anything to get me outside, out of these four walls. While I was in here by myself, I was in danger of doing something I regretted.
“I think you should buy something nice, too,” Laynee continued a little coyly. “What with Valentine’s day coming up, it’s the perfect chance to knock Milo off his feet.”
Those words stopped me in my tracks. Valentine’s Day... I hadn’t even thought about that. It wasn’t a day that I normally cared much about, but that was because I’d never had anyone that I cared about before. I usually just let it go by without a second glance.
But now, well… now everything had changed. Someone had come into my life and shifted everything about in the most unexpected way possible. Maybe this was the year to do something different...
Okay, so I didn’t have Milo, but it was the closest thing to that, and maybe it could be fun. I couldn’t seem to stop myself from wanting him, however hard I tried, however much I knew it was crazy.
“You think so?” I asked my friend shyly. “You don’t think it’ll seem a little... nuts? I mean, he isn’t even my boyfriend. Plus, what about us both staying away from men – wasn’t that the plan?”
She rolled her eyes exaggeratedly at me. “Are you telling me you can’t see it?” She seemed totally exasperated by me. “Are you that blind? Yes, there might be some issues holding you both back, but Milo adores you. It’s written all over his face every time he looks at you. I’m surprised he hasn’t tried to whisk you away and marry you yet. I keep expecting you to turn up at work with a wedding ring on. I know that I said we should keep away from guys, but seeing you two together made me realize that was not the way for you to go. You have to get back up on that horse.”
“Stop.” I giggled so hard that my eyes well up with tears, her words affecting me in so many ways. “Stop it.”
“Look.” Finally, her expression turned serious. “I know this whole thing is hard for you, but I feel like it might work out. And even if it doesn’t, I think you should continue having fun with Milo. He’s transformed you. Before he came here, you were quiet and closed off a lot of the time. Ever since you lost your grandma, you’ve been so sad. Milo has brought you back out of your shell. I guess I’m grateful to him for that.”
That took me aback. I had no idea that she felt that way; it was totally shocking, to be honest.
“Yeah, maybe you’re right,” I murmured, seeing her point of view entirely. “I do feel a lot different now. I just keep getting caught up in the fact that he’s going to be leaving me soon. I guess that’s making it hard for me to let go.”
“I know, but stop worrying about it. Just try and have some fun. Now go and get some clothes on; I’m desperate to go out!”
She laughed and shoved me, and as I fell into my room, I did feel a lot lighter. I knew I was being totally inconsistent, going back and forth with what I was going to do, but this wasn’t a typical situation.
“Life is too short to be worrying about feelings. You want to regret what you have done, not what you haven’t.” Miss Ramsay was still right, and I needed to listen to her. She had a lot more wisdom than me.
Maybe Valentine’s Day would be a whole lot of fun this year after all...
***
“Thank you for today,” I gasped, exhausted as I crashed back through my front door, worn out and with loads of shopping bags hanging off my arms. “I needed it.”
“You got some cute stuff, too. I bet you’ll drive Milo wild.” Laynee nudged me and laughed. “Especially in that underwear. Wow!”
I hadn’t even wanted to go into the underwear shop – it felt far too presumptuous of me – but, of course, Laynee had bulldozed through that and made me. She picked stuff out for me and would have made me try something on had I not just let her go along with it.
Now I had a black, frilly number in my bag that made me feel all weird by just looking at it. How I was going to wear it, I had no idea, but I wasn’t going to worry about that until Wednesday.
“Yeah, well, I’m a bit more concerned with what I’m going to wear over my underwear for now,” I shot back dryly. “Do I go for the black dress or the red top and skirt?”
“Red would look better with your nails.” Laynee nodded down at my fingers. “You didn’t get that manicure for no reason.”
Sitting in the nail place was totally humiliating. By the time I was halfway through having my nails done, Laynee had told everyone all about my situation – and I couldn’t even leave unless I wanted to walk around with half a job done.
Luckily, the embarrassment subsided a little when others shared their sort of similar stories, then they offered me some varied advice, but still... Sometimes I preferred to keep things a little more private. I just hoped the girls in there treated gossip like we did at the hair salon: it stayed inside the shop as much as humanly possible.
“I just wish that I had a date for Valentine’s Day,” Laynee pouted, before shaking her head. “Actually, no, I don’t. I’m going to go out and have an awesome man-free night. Until I find a decent guy, I am staying away. Now come on, do you have anything to drink?”
“I do have some wine in the fridge, actually. I sort of brought it by mistake...” Laynee didn’t care; she was already gone.
While she was in the kitchen, I tried to picture how Valentine’s Day might go. I hoped it wouldn’t be an embarrassing event where I turned up and he didn’t want me. But if Laynee was right, and he did want me as much as I did him, then it could be a blast. It could be hot, and passionate, even better than the last couple of times we were together. I would just have to do my best to not think about him leaving, not even for a second.
Maybe I should start worrying about the underwear and how I am going to pull that off – that’d give me something else to freak out about, something less stressful.