Chapter 16
She sat on the couch in the Collins living room, surrounded by stacks of photo albums. She’d barely been allowed to move since she’d arrived, being sent to the couch and kept there. Anything she wanted appeared before she barely got the question out. She was on her second drink since she’d walked through the door over an hour before. She had to admit it was nice being around someone who wasn’t the guys. She loved them dearly and knew what they were doing, looking after her like they thought Josh would have wanted, but she also needed to breathe. To find her own footing in life again.
Linda carried a tray in and set it on the corner of the table. “I made a fresh pitcher of lemonade, if you want some, and I grabbed some cookies. I thought for lunch, we’d order in. It’s too hot out there to cook.”
Avery took a cookie from the plate on the table. Her favorite ones, with the little raspberry jam filling on top. They were really trying to spoil her. “I’m fine, you know.”
“I know you are.” Linda picked up another photo album from the coffee table. “This one should be all baby pictures.” Linda peeked inside and nodded before setting the heavy leather photo album across Avery’s lap.
Avery opened the cover to find a smiling Linda holding a newborn Josh. Linda leaned in closer, her finger tapping the plastic protective covering. “Only a few hours old there.”
“He was so sweet.” Avery studied the image, trying hard to picture that sweet little infant as the man she loved.
She flipped the page. More pictures of Josh as a newborn, lying in his crib, lying in Linda’s arms. In every picture, those same amazing blue eyes stared back at her. He’d had them even then. “He was so cute.” She stopped on a picture of him lying on his stomach on a quilt with tiny trains all over it. She tried to imagine what their son would look like, more like Josh or her? She couldn’t wait to find out.
“Adorable.” Linda reached for her glass of lemonade. She took a sip as she studied the page, a wistful smile on her face as she set her drink back down. “He never lost that little boy smile.”
“I still think he was a little boy half the time.” Avery giggled in memory, flashing back to all those mornings he woke up, his hair mussed like a little boy, that mischievous smile he’d give her before he started tickling her. “Or most of the time.”
“True.” Linda turned the page, her son’s face staring up at her yet again, this time a close up. Avery wondered how she was able to cope. She’d lost her son. She had a lifetime of memories to look back on, to deal with. She wasn’t sure she could deal with something like that. It was hard enough losing the man she loved.
“Do you think he’ll look a lot like Josh?” Avery asked finally after they’d gone through a few more pages in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. He’d been such a sweet, happy baby. That innocent face stared up at her from every photo. Those eyes she’d gotten lost in the very first time they’d met. How amazing would it be to hold her son for the first time and have those very same eyes staring back at her?
Linda smiled, and Avery caught the quick blinking away of her tears. “I hope so.” She smiled and glanced at Avery shyly. “And if he’s anything like his father, he’ll be a very happy little baby.”
Avery let Linda take the photo album away then, and she reached for another cookie, trying to picture things a few months down the road. A baby seat in the corner, blankets, a diaper bag and a baby in her arms. For a moment it was overwhelming, a passing clench in her chest of how was she going to handle it all but then it seemed as if Linda read her thoughts as she squeezed her hand.
***
Alec put the finishing touches on the crib and stepped back, examining his work. It resembled the crib they had seen on display in the store and was a pretty good replica of the one on the cardboard box. “What do you think? Straight?” he asked, adjusting the railing a little, making it higher.
Blake glanced up from assembling the matching change table in the corner. A bright white was what they had all decided on for the furniture, something light and cheery, nothing too dark and depressing. They wanted the room to feel cheerful and welcoming. A room without baggage, a place solely focused on her and the baby.
“Yeah, looks that way.”
Josh nodded, running his hand over the rail. “Yeah, good job, Alec. I just wish it was me doing this. I’d add some boats to the ends, hang up a mobile…” He trailed off, trying to picture his perfect nursery in his mind. The palest of blue walls, like the sky and the water, and a boat theme. Anchors and fish and everything a little boy would ever need.
“Hard to think it’s been over three months,” Alec said as he nudged the crib back a few inches closer to the far wall. He walked straight through Josh without even knowing as he bent to pick up the tools and set them back in the toolbox.
“Hard to think he’s gone, period. I still think he’s going to come walking up the driveway, basketball in hand, saying he’s going to beat my ass.” Blake laughed. ‘I’d let him, you know, just to have him back again.”
Alec nodded. “I’d let him do anything he wanted, too.” He shook his head as he looked around the nursery. Two days of painting and moving the boxes in with everything they’d bought that week. “I still can’t believe he’ll never see his son.”
“That’s what I keep thinking,” Blake set his screwdriver down and leaned against the wall. He bit his lip for a moment as he looked toward the crib and for half a second Josh was hopeful that his brother saw him standing there, but as quick as the hope arrived, it faded as his gaze drifted away to the window. “It’s a wonder she hasn’t gone crazy.”
“I think the baby helps her through it,” Josh said even though neither could hear him. The way she talked to the baby at night, rubbing her hand over her abdomen and telling stories about him. He’d spent the last three nights in bed beside her, just listening to her voice and wishing he could do something to ease her pain. To give her a sign that he was okay and he was around and that nothing bad was going to happen to her.
***
Avery walked inside the house a couple hours later. Linda and Taylor had kept her out longer than she’d expected, but she had the inkling that those text messages her best friend kept getting were the guys bargaining for some more time to put the finishing touches on the nursery. Not that she minded. She needed the break from the house, to be somewhere different for a while, to let her mind wander away. After lunch with Linda, Taylor had taken her out for a quick look at some baby stores.
Taylor took the few shopping bags from her hands, and Avery sighed, glancing wearily at Blake and Alec standing at the bottom of the stairs like two sheepish but excited little boys. “You know, I’m not sure I should have trusted you two.”
They looked at each other with innocent faces. “Why’s that?” Blake asked.
“I know you guys, that’s why.” Avery smiled. “I’m kidding, just you kicking me out of my own house and not telling me anything is a little strange.”
“Because we wanted to surprise you,” Alec said. “Now if you want to go up, we can unveil it.”
“Are you sure?” She glanced up the stairs.
“Positive.” Blake walked toward her and looped his arm through hers. For the first time in a long time the smile on his face reached his eyes, and she couldn’t help smiling back. “Can’t wait for you to see all we’ve done.”
She braced herself, her hand on the doorknob. She had no idea what to expect. Blake’s hand on her shoulder gave a squeeze of reassurance. She closed her eyes and twisted the doorknob, pushing the door open tentatively. She took a hesitant step forward and opened her eyes. Her mouth fell open in surprise as she tried to take in everything at once. The palest blue walls. The framed cartoon prints on the walls. The white baby furniture. The dresser with framed photos, her and Josh together, and in the middle a frame with three spots, on the ends a baby picture of her and one of Josh with room for the baby’s picture in the middle.
“Oh, guys…” She couldn’t find the words, it was beyond what she had expected. In her wildest dreams she couldn’t have come up with something as simple and beautiful as they did. She turned to the two very surprised, almost sheepish faces and blinked back a rush of tears. “It’s perfect. I don’t…there are not enough words.”
Josh nodded, standing right beside her. His hands in his pockets, he rocked back on his heels for a moment before stepping further into the room to take in what they’d done for her, seeing all the finishing touches they’d added after he’d taken off. “They did good, Aves.”
She hugged each of the guys then, with a nudge from Alec, stepped further into the room, drawn toward the white crib with the blue toned baby blanket draped over the side. “And you bought stuffed animals? Who are you guys?” she teased as she touched the line-up of soft cuddly toys inside the crib. A couple teddy bears. A cute lion in the middle.
“Hey, just because we’re guys doesn’t mean we don’t know a cute teddy bear when we spot one.”
She shook her head, hiding her smile as she set a teddy bear back down. “You’re crazy.”
“Not really.”
“Just a little,” she playfully argued. “Honestly, guys, this is so much more than you should have done.”
Josh agreed silently, taking in everything. He hadn’t expected his brothers to produce something like this, something so amazing. He knew they’d done a good job with the wall colors and buying and setting up the furniture, but the rest of it, the touches that made it a real nursery…he couldn’t get past it, that they’d do something so wonderful for her. It touched him to know his brothers cared and loved her almost as much as he did.
Blake put his arm around her shoulder, squeezing her close. “Trust us, it’s nothing.”
Alec nodded. “I mean, seriously, all he did was put together some furniture and go shopping, but who do you think planned where everything went? Tried to feng shui the place.”
Avery laughed softly. “I love it, honestly. It’s perfect for him.”
Blake beamed. “What did I tell you?”
“All I need to do is get some blankets and a few little things, and it’s done.”
“So you’re saying you need to go shopping?” Alec asked with a gleam in his eye.
“You really want to follow me through all the baby stores in Tampa?”
“Why not?”
Blake chuckled. “Face it, Avery, you’re not going to get rid of him now. You said the magic word—shopping.”
She laughed, and Alec walked out of the room. She gave Blake a questioning look but he guided her over to the dresser. “Look inside.”
“Are you kidding me?” Had they seriously thought of everything? She opened the top drawer he pointed to and smiled, seeing an array of baby clothing. Folded sleepers filled the entire space. “Blake…”
“What? Can’t have him catching cold, although there are enough baby blankets around here to possibly keep a dozen babies all toasty warm.” He smiled at her sheepishly. “Just don’t say we overdid it, okay?”
She laughed softly. Overdid it wasn’t the term she’d use. It was all so much, it was overwhelming. She turned as she heard Alec’s footsteps near the room and saw him walk in with a large wrapped box unsuccessfully hidden behind his lanky frame.
Blake motioned for her to take a seat in the rocking chair and Alec pulled the box out from behind his back.
“Guys, what did you do?” Hadn’t they done enough? The room was testament to that. She didn’t need them spoiling her like this.
“A little something.” Alec smiled as he glanced at Blake. “See if you like it.”
Blake nodded. “This one we debated on.”
She ripped the paper off revealing a baby mobile, tiny stuffed boats that played soft music. She looked up to see them watching her anxiously. “It’s perfect.” It was. It was something she knew Josh would have picked himself if he’d been able to.
Alec grinned. “Good. We can put it up for you if you want.”
“Sure.” She wouldn’t know the first thing about how to do it. She sat in the rocking chair, watching with a genuine smile on her face as the two of them opened the box and took out the instructions, comically arguing about the best way to install it onto the side of the crib.
***
“What would you like to do, Josh?”
Josh laughed. “I’m not even going to answer that, Gabriel.”
“Other than returning home and being with your loved ones. Do you wish to travel? Sketch? There are more things to do than wander aimlessly around.”
“I’m enjoying the wandering,” Josh said defensively. “Is there a problem with that?”
“No, I just thought you’d enjoy involving yourself in a little activity.”
“When I find the need for that, I’ll let you know.” He stopped as he saw the confusion on his friend’s face. “I’m sorry, it’s just that right now all I want to do is be alone to think.”
Gabriel nodded. “I understand.” He paused, and a surprised expression crossed his face. “You’re calmer.”
“More than before?”
“It’s nice to see. Evidently you’re finding your peace somewhere.”
If only he knew, Josh thought, trying to keep the truth from showing on his face.
“I’ll leave you to your thoughts.”
“Thanks.”
***
Avery sat in the rocking chair in the corner of the nursery. The guys had finally taken off about an hour before and she was finally alone. It was nice not to have to talk, to just get lost in her thoughts. She held the big stuffed bear Alec had bought her and rocked slowly back and forth in the chair, lost in thoughts of what might have been.
She bit her lip as she imagined Josh standing beside the crib in the early morning light, watching their son sleep. His hair slightly mussed, his white pajamas hanging loosely on him, wrinkled from sleep, his hand gripping the edge of the rail as he looked inside the crib. The image was so real to her she could almost reach out and touch him.
She wrapped her arms tighter around the bear and willed herself to fall asleep.
Josh leaned over the crib, picturing what it would look like in a few short months when his son was lying there in one of the little sleepers the guys had bought that filled one of the dresser drawers already. A slow smile crossed his face as he ran his fingers over the fuzzy fur of one of the teddy bears inside, already waiting to meet its new best friend. He could hear the soft creak of the rocking chair behind him as Avery slowly lulled herself to sleep. They’d been in there hours already as evidenced by the darkening of the room. Finally the chair silenced and he turned to see her asleep, the teddy bear held tight in her arms. He walked over, sat on the carpet in front of her and rested his head on her lap. “You know…” He raised his eyes to look up at her. “You and this little baby mean everything to me, always did and always will.” He put his hand over hers and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep.