(A Blanket of Dirt)

NOW

(Adena)

It was almost like old times, except now we were the old ones. And for the first time in my life, I was the center of the party. Then again, we were all together because of Anna. Of course we were.

I could have stayed and watched Anna get lowered into the ground but I didn’t. I didn’t want to see that. Or watch the dirt fall to the coffin and the roses people put on it. Maybe in some weird way I was still expecting Anna to stumble in days later, like she had done before when I thought she was dead.

She’s gone, Adena… gone for real now…

I wasted no time in going for the stash of booze that covered the dining room table. I grabbed a bottle of vodka and walked out the back door. The good thing about grieving was that wherever I walked, people not only noticed me but they made a path for me to walk through. Untouched. Nobody really saying a word. All these familiar faces who never knew me anyway. I was always Anna’s sister. Even though I was the older sister.

Out on the back porch there were only a handful of us. Leah, Zoey, and Ella. Talking with Kyle, Devin, and Harrison. Of all of us, Harrison was the only one that made something of himself. He paid his way through law school and worked in the city. Making real money at a real job. With a real career. It was no shock to me that Zoey laughed at everything he said and touched his arm. She always dreamed of some rich guy plucking her from this town and making her his princess. I told her a long time ago to stop believing in fairy tales.

When Harrison spotted me, he gave a weak smile, the same as everyone else. Then he turned and sort of pushed Zoey out of the way. She looked disgusted as he walked toward me.

I had to roll my eyes.

We were so not in high school and I was not looking for whatever Zoey thought was going to happen. My plan was to drink, see everyone, and then pass out. Everyone else could stay and do what they wanted. It wouldn’t have been the first time I fell asleep upstairs while a party went on downstairs.

“Hey, Adena,” Harrison said. “I’m so sorry.”

We hugged. He smelled of cologne that probably cost more than my electric bill.

“How are you?” I asked him.

“Good. This is…”

“It is what it is, Harrison. Does it really shock you?”

“You know, I remember one time she went after Dirty Sherry. Remember her?”

“Yeah. Who doesn’t?”

“Well, Sherry told everyone I had a small… well…”

“Oh,” I said.

“It’s not,” Harrison said. “I mean, I’ve been told it’s not. Anyway, you know how shit went through school.”

“I know.”

“I was getting up the nerve to ask out Megan. Megan H.. Damn, she was hot in high school.”

“Now she has three kids from two guys. And her new boyfriend takes care of all three kids because she took off with the first guy.”

“Oh, damn,” Harrison said. “Wow.”

“See, you should have stayed here. You could have had your chance.”

Harrison smirked. “I think me and this town are best off as old acquaintances.”

“Yeah. Right. Sorry, you were saying…”

“So, I walked up to Megan. And before I could open my mouth, here comes Dirty Sherry. She lifts her pointer and thumb. Holds them out, spaced apart, and then slowly brings them together. Then she shakes her head and says, ‘Sorry, I think Megan might choke on something that small…’.”

“What a bitch,” I said.

“Well, out of nowhere comes Anna. She grabbed Sherry by the head and just…” Harrison shook his head. “She slammed her face off the wall so hard Sherry ended up with a scar on her face. I’ll never forget that sound. Then Anna pointed at Megan and the others and said my… you know… was big. She took my hand and walked me away.”

“Yeah, I remember that. She almost got kicked out of school. That was hell.”

“She was something else, Adena.”

“Yeah, she was.”

“I just thought I’d share that.”

“Because that’s what you do, right? When someone dies. You sift through the debris of their life and find the good.”

Harrison swallowed hard. “Okay. If you want the truth, your sister was a manipulative whore. She was part of the reason I left town. But I’m happy now. I have everything I could ever ask for. Coming back here for this funeral just proves why I left and I’m glad I left.”

“That’s much better,” I said. “I’m going to go drink more now, Harrison. If I ever need a lawyer, I’ll call you.”

“Hey. If anything comes up from what happened to Anna… legally…”

“Okay.”

We hugged and I sought out my favorite corner on the back porch. I sat in a chair and slowly brought my legs up and hugged myself. It was just me, a bottle, and people. Riley brought me a hoodie which was a total relief to have.

I sat there and waited. And watched.

And waited. And watched.

There were people talking. Laughing. Sharing stories. Old, new, good, bad. And I just sat there. Years running through my mind. Playing really fast, too. All the times Anna walked up to death and gave it the finger. All the times she should have been dead yet made it through. In some sick way I started to think she was invincible.

Then something else got to me.

The gathering. Party. The event.

This was what I dreamed of in life. I was never cool enough to go to parties so I wanted to create parties. I used everything Aunt Beth secretly left to me to make that happen. And Anna took it away. She took everything away.

The back door opened and I perked up. But it was just Scott. Each time the door opened, I looked with my heart in my throat. Waiting… watching…

But he never showed up.

Which shouldn’t have been a big surprise.

Anna had already taken him from me a long time ago.