(What if She’s Gone For Good?)

YEARS AGO

(Evan)

I pushed at the wrench and the bolt finally popped free. It was twenty minutes of my life I’d never get back again. When the bolt popped, my entire hand flew forward, down into the rusted parts of an engine that should have been junked a long time ago. My knuckle hit some jagged metal and exploded.

I wanted to scream but if Andy’s old man heard me, he’d come over and break my balls for being too weak to do the job. He was a dick like that, but he meant well. His old man used to beat him with a belt just for the hell of it. So even though he inherited his father’s drinking habit and hate-the-world attitude, he didn’t raise a hand to Andy, which meant he was a better father than his own.

After I wrapped my hand in a towel to stop the bleeding and to wipe away the grease, I went outside for some air.

That’s when I saw Andy standing at the side of a cop car. Andy turned and pointed right at me.

Oh, fuck me. What now?

I learned my lesson when it came to running from the cops when they wanted to talk to me. Plus, I didn’t do a thing wrong this time. I had been at the garage all damn day, trying to earn some extra money.

So I wiped my hands and busted knuckle and threw the towel in the trash. Then I walked toward Andy and the cop car.

As I approached, Andy turned and widened his eyes.

“What?” I whispered.

“Looking to talk to you, man,” he said.

It was Dick. Dick, the cop.

I crouched and put my hands to the open passenger window. “Can I help you, Dick?” I asked with a grin.

“Funny,” he said.

“Whatever you’re looking for, it’s not here. I’ve been here all day. Andy could vouch for me. So could his old man.”

“I’m not here to break your balls, Evan,” Dick said. “I’m looking for Anna.”

“Anna?”

“She went out last night and never came home. Beth called the station in a panic around three. They told her there was nothing they could do because it wasn’t twenty-four hours. Word got back to me so I shot over there this morning around eight. She still wasn't home. Beth’s a nervous wreck. Your name came up a few times.”

“Shit,” I said. “I haven’t seen her.”

“You sure about that?”

“Are you kidding me? I was home last night. Sleeping so I could get here for six.”

Dick nodded. “Yeah, Andy told me that part. You didn’t hear anything? Hear from her?”

“No.”

“You don’t know where she could be?”

“Oh, Christ, you know that list is ten miles long.”

“I know,” Dick said. He rubbed his jaw. “That girl can’t get her mind right.”

“No shit,” I said. “And you think I’m the bad influence here.”

Dick looked at me and curled his lip. Ever since the stolen-car-stolen-watch incident, he sort of scaled back a little on riding my ass over everything. In some weird way, we got used to each other and helped each other out.

“Okay,” Dick said. “Listen to me, Evan. I’m going to keep looking. The department won’t help until after twenty-four hours. Plus, everyone knows who we’re dealing with here. But I can’t stand Beth just hanging around there, worrying. She kept saying she was going to go look for Anna. That would leave the other girl there alone.”

“Her name is Adena,” I said.

“Yeah, right.”

“Hey,” I snapped. I slammed my hands to the open window. “Don’t fucking make it sound like she doesn’t exist.”

Dick raised an eyebrow. “Right. Sure.”

“Hey, take it easy,” Andy said behind me.

I pushed away from the car. “I’m not taking it fucking easy.”

“Call me if you find anything out,” Dick yelled.

I threw the middle finger and started to walk toward my shitty, half broken down pickup truck. Sometimes Andy’s old man didn’t have enough money to pay me. So we worked out a deal where I got an old beater of a truck and worked on it using the shop at no charge.

“Where are you going?” Andy called to me.

I didn’t look back. I just yelled. “I’m going to check on Adena.”

* * *

I knocked on the screen door. Within two seconds the main door opened and there stood Adena. Through the screen and stupid looking metal design that covered the storm door I could see the worry on her face.

“Evan,” she said.

“Hey. Can I come in?”

“Yeah.”

I opened the door. Adena didn’t move back.

“She’s not here.”

“I know,” I said. “I just talked to the cops. Are you okay?”

“Me? What?”

“Adena, I came to check on you.”

Her cheeks flushed and she looked down. “I’m fine. Aunt Beth left about ten minutes ago. She asked me to stay here in case Anna comes back.”

“Shit,” I said. “I’m so sorry.”

Adena shrugged her shoulders. “It happens.”

I reached for her wrist. “Hey. Look at me.” She looked up at me. A stray tear fell from her eye. “Oh, fuck, Dena…”

I swallowed hard.

Damn, she was beautiful. She deserved more than this fucking town. Than the shit her sister did. Than everything she had been given so far in life.

I found the words in my heart and my mind hammered them away.

There were a few seconds of silence. It was my time to talk. To finally say something to Adena about all the stuff that had been going on.

“You’re bleeding,” Adena said.

I looked down and saw blood running down the back of my hand.

“Damn,” I said. “I busted it up working on an engine.”

“Here, come here,” Adena said.

She led the way and I followed her up the stairs.

She walked to the bathroom and pointed to the toilet. “Sit.”

“Why?”

“You need that cleaned out and bandaged.”

“Dena…”

“Listen to me,” she said. “Please. I need the distraction.”

“Fine.”

I put my right hand out. She took hold of it and turned on the water. The water washed away the blood and stung a little. She grabbed a towel and put it over my hand.

“Where did she go?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” Adena said. “Left last night for a party. Around nine.”

“I was home,” I said. “I didn’t hear anything.”

“Probably with some college guys. She always does that.” Adena looked at me. “I mean… sorry. I know you and her…”

“Stop,” I said. “There’s, uh, nothing…”

“This is going to sting,” Adena said.

She twisted off the cap to a bottle of peroxide and wasted no time pouring it on my knuckles. The pain shot through my hand and up my arm. It fizzled and bubbled white.

She washed it away and bandaged my hand.

I watched the way she worked. Her hands slightly shaking. The look on her face. She was bottling it all up. Really bad. Holding herself together by a very thin thread. I just sat there and let her do her thing.

She blinked, fighting back the emotion. She got more and more twitchy. When she tried to throw the wrapper to the bandage out, she missed the trashcan and sighed.

Once I was fully bandaged, I stood up and stopped her.

“Hey,” I said.

She looked up at me. “What?”

I slowly slid my hand down to her left hand. My fingertips against the soft palm of her hand. Up and over her fingertips. Back down a little. I forced her fingers open and I held her hand. Our fingers interlocked. Tight.

She kept staring at me.

“It’s going to be okay,” I whispered. “Don’t ask how though. Just believe in it, Dena.”

She blinked a few times as fresh tears filled her pretty eyes. I reached up with my left hand stroked her cheek, wiping away a tear. She exhaled a warm breath. I felt it hit me and that was all I could take. It wasn’t the time or the place for this…

But I caught myself inching down toward her.

The tips of our noses were less than a centimeter from touching. Her eyes were super wide, realizing what was going to happen.

That’s when we heard the slam come from downstairs.

We both looked to the open bathroom door.

The moment was gone, lost forever.

We ran downstairs to find Beth standing at the door, holding Anna by her arms. Beth was hunched forward, dragging at Anna.

“I got her,” I said.

Beth gasped and looked at me. “Evan…”

“Where was she?” Adena asked.

“On the side of the road!” Beth yelled. “Curled up. Looked like a dead deer or something.”

“Anna,” I said. I bent my knees and scooped her up. “Anna, can you hear me?”

“Evan,” she whispered. “Evan…there you are… Evan… I was looking for you.”

“What did you take, Anna?” I asked. I carried her toward the couch. “You have to tell me or we’re going to the hospital.”

“No hospital,” she said. “Please. No hospital.”

I put her on the couch and dropped to my knees. I kept her head to the side.

“Adena, get some blankets and towels,” Beth said. “And a bucket. You know the drill.”

“Anna,” I said again.

“Lots to drinky,” Anna whispered. “Some little white pillsy…”

“What were they?” I asked.

“Pocket,” she said.

I shoved my hand into her pocket and found two of the white pills. I looked at them in the palm of my hand. Sadly, I knew more about this crap than I let on.

“Low dose, for anxiety,” I said, looking back at Beth.

“How many did you take?” Beth yelled at Anna.

“Jeez,” Anna said. “A few. This morning. My head hurt.”

“She thought she was taking medicine for a headache,” I said. “For a hangover.”

Beth put a hand to her forehead. “I have to go call Dick. Let him know I found her. I’ll see if he can have someone come check her. If I take her to the ER… again…”

I saw the pain and confusion in Beth’s eyes.

“I’ll keep an eye on her for now,” I said. “Go make your calls.”

Beth hurried away.

Adena came down the stairs with blankets, towels, and a bucket.

Truthfully, Anna needed to get sick to help herself. There were ways to force someone to get sick. I shook my head, knowing if that was the path we had to take, I would be the one to do it.

Adena dropped everything and then just stared at her younger sister. She shook her head. I knew the look of disappointment in Adena’s face. People had looked at me like that many times in my life.

“It’ll be okay,” I said to Adena.

“Yeah, right,” she said.

She turned and I grabbed for her hand. “Dena… hey…”

She looked over her shoulder. “What?”

“Up there… I need you to know…”

“Evan,” Anna whispered. “I don’t feel…”

Anna gasped and got sick. Which was a good thing.

I held her hair out of her face.

I looked back and saw Adena stepping out the back door.

She put her hands to her face.

She was crying… and I couldn’t get to her to help her…