(An Offer to Try Again)

NOW

(Evan)

It was a little strange for me to find the same pillow and blanket in the same closet as that night Beth let me stay over. She went to sleep and I stayed up until six, talking and laughing with Adena. We sipped our warm milk, which wasn’t all that bad. But I never had warm milk again. No thanks. If I needed something to help me sleep, it came in the form of whiskey. I talked with Adena until the sun started to come up. She then rushed to bed and I crashed to the couch and stared at the ceiling until Beth came down an hour later to make coffee and breakfast.

It was deja vu.

I was on the couch, staring at the ceiling. This time, I dozed off. When I opened my eyes, it was seven in the morning.

I went into the bathroom and found something for Adena for the headache I knew she was going to have when she opened her eyes. She could throw back beers, sip vodka until the room started to spin, that was all fine. But wine was its own beast. And she couldn’t handle it.

After making coffee, I balanced two full mugs, a glass of water, and two white pills on a plate as I walked to the stairs. I had to laugh at myself, wondering if this counted as breakfast in bed. Maybe some women dreamed of a fancy ass breakfast with a colorful palate of choices and some stupid ass lettuce crap on the plate only for decoration. But this was me and Adena. Coffee, water, medicine for a headache-slash-hangover… that’s what you were going to get. It was a total cliché to our lives, this town, and everything surrounding us.

I opened the bedroom door and it smelled of sleep. I put the plate on the nightstand right next to Adena. She was curled up, facing the middle of the bed. I grabbed my coffee mug and crept around the bed and slowly climbed into it as I did my best not to wake her. I sat up and looked down at her.

What now?

That’s all that kept going through my mind.

We had to talk about everything. Not just the night before. Or the years between us. But everything. She was grieving the loss of her sister and she had every right to do it how she wanted. In my heart I wanted Adena to know everything. Not to sound like an asshole, but what was stopping me? Beth was dead. Anna was dead. And Adena was confused.

I sipped the coffee and let the silence rest upon me.

Adena slowly began to stir. She let out little purring groans that took me right back to the night before. In the bathroom. My hands against her body. Her warm, smooth skin. The feel of her body…

I swallowed hard and sucked in a breath.

Adena popped her head up and looked at me. I could see the pain in her eyes.

“Morning, sweetheart,” I whispered.

“Evan,” she said. “Oh, shit…”

“Hey.” I put my coffee mug down on the other nightstand. “Be careful, Dena. You got drunk on wine last night.”

“Oh, I remember last night,” she said, her brown eyes locking to mine.

“Me too,” I said with a grin.

Her cheeks turned red and I couldn’t stop grinning.

She groaned again and rolled to the other side.

“What’s…”

“Breakfast of champions,” I said. “Coffee to wake you up and pills to dull that headache.”

“Who says I have a headache?” Adena asked.

“Right.”

She started to get up, pushing her hands to the bed. She made it halfway up and shut her eyes like someone had punched her in the nose.

“Oh, fuck,” she whispered and fell to the side.

Hitting my shoulder. Grasping for me.

I quickly put my arm around her and held her.

In bed.

“Good morning,” she whispered.

I leaned in at her and moved her as I reached for the nightstand. We were so close together. The smell of sleep overtook me. The mix of her hair, skin, soap, shampoo, even her sweat from last night.

Christ, I was going to lose my mind.

I grabbed the pills and said, “Here, start with these.”

Adena turned her head and put her hand out. I dropped the pills into her hand and then got the glass of water.

She broke away from me and took the medicine. Then she went for the coffee. She drank it like it was water, damn near chugging it.

I smiled, thinking about her that night she drank the warm milk.

“No more wine, Dena,” I whispered.

“You think?” she said.

She put the coffee down and then started to move toward me and stopped. I watched her hesitation as she gently put her hand to the sheets.

Fuck that…

I reached for her hand. “Hey. I’m glad you called me.”

“Stop,” she said. “That was embarrassing.”

“No it wasn’t. I didn’t know any of that, Dena. There’s a lot I probably don’t know.”

“It’s a dress,” Adena said. “It doesn’t matter.”

“But it does matter. You worked hard for that dress. You had a plan. You got robbed. It’s the symbol of your childhood.”

Adena looked at me and nodded. “Yes.”

I squeezed her hand. I took my hand away and slowly slipped my arm around her and pulled her close again. She put her head to my chest. I rested my chin to her head.

“This feels good,” she whispered.

“Yes it does.”

“There’s a lot between us, isn’t there?”

“There is,” I said.

“I don’t think we should be doing this though.”

“Doing what?”

“This,” she said. “I haven’t seen you in forever and then you’re here because my sister died. Then you’re gone. Then I’m calling you…”

“How did you get my number?” I asked.

Adena didn’t answer right away.

“Dena?” I asked.

She moved away from me. “I looked it up. Online. Your uncle’s business. Your cell is listed for custom orders.”

“Ah, right. Sneaky. That’s good.”

“It’s embarrassing.”

“Stop saying that,” I said. “What’s there to be embarrassed about?”

“I don’t know,” she said. She leaned forward and slammed her hands to the bed. “I’ve always wanted this with you, Evan. I’ve been… I mean, you were everything for so long. And it was always wrong because you were in love with Anna.”

“Hey, wait a second,” I said. “Love is a really strong word.”

“Oh?” Adena asked. “You didn’t love her? So you just slept with her? Got her pregnant? Asked her to marry you? Then broke everything off when she lost…”

“Stop,” I said. “Stop right now. You have no idea what you’re talking about, Dena.”

“I don’t?” she asked. She rubbed her forehead. “Fuck. I hate wine.”

“Why are we doing this then?” I asked. “I mean, is this what we want to do? Right now?”

“No,” she said, still rubbing her forehead.

“Fine,” I said.

I didn’t move though. I wasn’t going to storm away. I wasn’t going to climb through a fucking window. We were adults.

“So what do we do?” Adena asked.

She looked at me. She was a mess. A total fucking mess. But still so beautiful.

“I have an idea,” I said.

“Try me.”

I threw my legs from the bed and stood up. I grabbed my coffee and walked around to the other side of the bed. I put my hand out.

“What are you doing?” Adena asked.

“I’m Evan,” I said. “I’ve seen you around before. I think you’re fucking beautiful.”

“Evan…”

I wiggled my fingers and Adena finally gave me her hand.

“I was hoping you’d have some free time to go out with me. I was thinking maybe tomorrow night. But you tell me.”

“You’re asking me out on a date?”

“Yes I am,” I said. “Clean slate, Dena.”

“Do you really think we can ever have a clean slate?”

“Nope.”

Adena laughed. “Evan, this is crazy.”

“Yes it is,” I said. “So, are you free tomorrow night?”

“I’ll have to check my schedule.”

“Okay,” I said. “Tell you what, I’ll leave you my number and you can call me. Unless you want to give me your number. But if you do that, I’m going to drive you crazy.”

“Oh, I don’t date stalkers, sorry.” Adena shrugged her shoulders. “There are plenty of fish in the sea that would like that though.”

“Nah, I’m not in the mood to fish,” I said. “But I know a restaurant that has fish on their menu. I’ll take you there. Tomorrow night. On our date.”

“I already told you, I have to check my schedule.”

“Oh, the calendar on the fridge? The one that has the dates filled out but nothing on any of the dates?” I asked. “I think you’re free.”

“Now that’s not fair,” Adena said. “You’re cheating.”

“You’re the one that said we can’t have a clean slate.”

“So that means-”

“But having a dirty slate isn’t all bad.”

“It’s not?” Adena asked. “Why not?”

“Because. I know you’re free tomorrow night. And I get to do this…”

I pulled her hand and leaned down. Our lips collided. I tasted morning and coffee. I could taste that all day…

I backed away and winked. “Tomorrow night.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Adena said. “Now get out of my house.”

I winked and left the room.

I left the house too.

It was fun. To be near Adena. To kiss her. To finally have those moments I had always wanted with her.

I drove away with my heart heavy.

I should’ve just stayed in bed with her all day… fuck doing the right thing… right?