(The One Who Died)

YEARS AGO

(Adena)

Ohmygod… she’s dead. She’s finally dead. Why did I just think ‘finally’ for? Am I a bad person? I don’t like hospitals. I don’t like any of this. I can’t do anything except look forward. Or to my right. To check on Aunt Beth. I saw her last week… rubbing her shoulder. Her left shoulder. Near her chest. That’s a sign of a heart attack, isn’t it? She told me she hurt it at work. I call BS on that. She didn’t hurt it at work. She hurt it… well, raising Anna. So that’s why I said ‘finally’ … because of Anna. Because if Anna is gone then Aunt Beth could heal. No, that won’t work, would it? She’d be crushed. Crushed bad. I bet her shoulder and chest would hurt even more. Which reminds me… I need to look all that up. I need to find out what else to look for. Oh, better yet, I can make an appointment with Dr. Webben. He’s cool. He’ll listen to me. It wouldn’t be the first time I went to him for a fake appointment. I asked him once about drugs. He laughed at me and then we had a long talk. The funny part was that he thought when I talked about my ‘friend’ I was talking about me. But it was my sister. Duh. This time I would be honest. This was about Aunt Beth. I loved her too much to let her go because of-

“Here he comes,” Aunt Beth said.

We both rose up out of the uncomfortable hospital chairs.

The hallway had these dumb pictures of nice settings. A pond with willows blowing in the wind. Another painting of ducks flying free. Then one of a red barn with a yellow and orange hot air balloon.

Seriously?

What was that supposed to do for anyone?

What was I supposed to do - dream of being in that hot air balloon and escaping this two-in-the-morning nightmare that my sister had so elegantly paint with her fingertip of destruction?

“Doctor,” Aunt Beth said as she reached for him.

I saw her left shoulder suddenly twitch.

My eyes went wide. I pointed at her shoulder.

I was going to say something but the doctor started to talk first.

He was tall with bushy gray hair and a clean cut face that showed the hours he spent working.

“She’s stable,” he said.

Aunt Beth let out a ooohhhh sound and clutched her chest.

There! Again! She’s doing it again!

The doctor must have thought it was just relief.

“Wait,” I said. “She’s…”

“Now, listen to me,” the doctor said. “She’s far from out of the woods here, okay? She’s really banged up. Externally, it looks bad but all that will heal. It’s internally that we’re concerned about.”

“Meaning what?” Aunt Beth asked.

“Right now… left lung, kidney, and spleen.” The doctor quickly put a hand up. “But as I said, she’s stable. Right now. Okay? The goal now is to monitor her, give her the rest she needs, and hope her body is willing to fight back.”

Got any booze or drugs you could slip in her IV?

I turned my head at the thought. That was rude of me. But I couldn’t help myself. I actually had a meeting with a local banker in just, oh, three hours. Seriously. Me. At my age. My graduation project had been given to this banker by my one business class teacher. He knew the banker and it was my chance to present my business plan to him. That could result in money. Real money. Either to open my dream business or I could get a scholarship to go to college and keep working on my business plan while I was in college.

Talk about a dream, right?

I knew of one friend who was going to college. Harrison. He was going to law school. He was the smartest guy in school and he was smart enough to get out of the town.

“So what do we do now?” Aunt Beth asked the doctor, breaking up my thoughts.

“Wait,” the doctor said.

“Can we see her?”

“I’d rather not right now,” the doctor said. “It doesn’t look good. She was lucky but…”

“But what?”

“It was a car accident,” the doctor said. “You do realize that. She was not wearing her seat belt either.”

“Of course not,” I whispered.

They both looked at me.

I didn’t say anything else.

“Well, I have the right to see her,” Aunt Beth said.

“I must warn you and your other… daughter…”

“My niece. They’re both my nieces.”

“Right. Well, she sustained serious injuries. Broken leg. Shattered ankle. Fractured collarbone. The left side of her face and head collided with the windshield. We need to schedule a second MRI for morning to check for any damage and swelling…”

“Oh, God,” Aunt Beth said, her voice crackling.

That’s when I saw movement from the corner of my eye. I turned and saw Evan pacing back and forth, glancing out of a window. It was dark out so the window only showed his reflection.

I took a handful of steps and stopped when he saw me.

He turned and put his hands into his pockets.

Our eyes locked.

He shrugged his shoulders and shook his head.

So I took a few more steps.

Evan moved toward me. “Dena… is she…”

“Alive,” I whispered.

It was the only word I would say to Evan that night.

“Oh, fuck,” he said. He exhaled and ran a hand through his hair. He looked up and looked ready to cry. “Fuck. I can’t believe this shit.” He swallowed hard. His Adam’s apple pulled up and settled back down. He looked at me again. “I’m so sorry, Dena. I never meant for this to happen. You have to understand that. If I knew this was going…”

He shook his head.

I just stared at him.

This was his fault, right? His fault that my sister was in a hospital bed. Or was that what I wanted to force myself to believe? It was easier to blame someone else for what Anna did, right? But Evan was the one with her. As always…

“I should have been smarter tonight,” Evan said. “But we were all drinking, Dena. Okay? I didn’t mean for this. I had no plans for her to be in that car. Okay? Please understand that.”

I nodded. Just to nod.

“Great,” he said. “You won’t even say a word to me now. Nobody will talk to me. What the fuck am I even doing here? Huh? I’m done with school. God only knows why they gave me a fucking diploma. Not that it’s worth shit. And now this shit. Everyone looking at me for this. I just wanted to see her. One last time.”

I opened my mouth to say last time? but I tilted my head.

Behind me I heard Aunt Beth raising her worried voice, arguing with the doctor.

I reached with my left hand and pointed over my right shoulder.

I have to go, Evan…

“I’m leaving, Dena,” Evan said. “I’m out. I’m done. I can’t do this shit anymore. This town. Your sister. All of it. Listen to me, Dena. This is something I should have said a long time ago. Fuck. I thought I was doing everyone a favor but I was only making things worse.” Evan reached for me. His fingertips touched my hand. “The truth is… I’ve always lov…”

“Evan,” a voice boomed.

He turned his head.

I looked.

There was a cop. Dick.

No, no, no, no…

“We need to talk,” Dick said.

“Yeah, I know,” Evan said.

I opened my mouth but Evan was already on the move. Walking toward Dick. He put his hands in front of his body. I had only seen one person in my life get arrested and that was my father. The last time I ever saw my father.

And the same thing was about to happen with Evan.

Dick walked him away. Evan looked back once. He mouthed something to me. I couldn’t really make it out. Something about love? Tell Anna I love her?

My lip curled.

There was no way I would tell…

A buzzer sounded.

I spun on my heels.

The doctor touched Aunt Beth’s shoulder and started to shake his head.

The buzzer sounded again, this time with a warning. A code something…

The doctor started to run away, pointing to the nurses station, already calling out orders.

Aunt Beth covered her mouth and looked back at me.

She had tears in her eyes. Her shoulder twitched again.

I took one step and paused.

The buzzer and the warning sounded again.

Down the hall I saw a group of people gathering together. Doctors. Nurses. Specialists.

That was the night I lost Evan… and the night the accident became a fatal one.