(Always the Heart)

NOW

(Evan)

I stood outside the hospital and rubbed my forehead. My heart was still slamming hard against the inside of my chest. If I didn’t catch my damn breath and do it fast, I’d end up like Uncle Davey, in a hospital bed. The doctor told me it was a minor heart episode and that he would be fine.

That was a relief, considering I stood there and watched paramedics put Uncle Davey’s weak body onto a stretcher and put him into an ambulance. He would have to spend at least one night at the hospital for observation, something I was sure he’d get pissed off about.

“You okay?” one of the doctors asked me.

He had a long and twisted last name and told me to call him Dr. Rich.

“I’m fine,” I said. “Just a scare, huh?”

“Well, in some ways yes, some ways no.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t need to tell you that he shouldn’t be smoking. He shouldn’t be drinking. He shouldn’t be working.”

“You think he’s going to change any of that?” I asked.

“Probably not. At his age…”

“I know. He’s a ticking time bomb,” I said.

“Exactly.”

I looked back at the door. “I know what he’s going to say. He’s going to lose his mind when you tell him he has to stay.”

“That’s okay,” Dr. Rich said. “He has no choice.”

“You’re sure this was just minor?” I asked.

“This time, yes. A little hiccup of the heart. I’d like to say that’s all, but it’s not. Every time he does something to his body, he’s pushing himself toward that cliff.”

“Meaning one of these days I’m going to find him dead.”

“Well, there’s always time to make changes.”

“Then you don’t know Uncle Davey,” I said. “Thank you, Doctor.”

“Sure thing,” he said. “I think he’s awake now. I’ll be back around in a little bit. We want to keep monitoring him. I’ll break the news about his sleepover.”

I looked to my right and watched Dr. Rich walk away. He smiled and nodded to Adena, who stood next to a chair. She had been right by my side for the whole thing. She was the one who was smart enough to call for the ambulance. She talked the entire time on the ride to the hospital. I didn’t say a word to her. Everything had gotten all fucked up.

Adena half grinned at me.

I turned and opened the hospital room door.

I wanted to check on Uncle Davey and then I’d deal with Adena.

Shit, at that point, Uncle Davey’s heart was in better condition than mine.

When I got into the room, Uncle Davey had managed to get himself in a seated position. He had stuff hooked up to both arms and little tubes for oxygen around his ears and at his nose. In his right hand was the remote for the TV in the room. He was watching the local news.

“How do you feel?” I asked.

“Like a science project,” Uncle Davey said. “When am I getting out of here?”

“Tomorrow.” I spared the doctor from telling Uncle Davey first.

“Like hell.”

“Easy, Uncle Davey,” I said. “Your heart…”

“Ah,” he growled and waved his other hand.

A couple machines beeped louder and then slowed back down.

“Gave us all a scare there,” I said.

“Nothing we can’t handle,” he said. “Thankfully your girl was there to help me out. You and Winston stood like statues.”

“Thanks for that.”

“Probably waiting for me to die, huh?”

I smiled. “Caught me.”

“Try harder next time to kill me,” he said. “You’re not getting the shop, Evan.”

“You’re something else,” I said.

“You should be something else,” Uncle Davey said. “You think I don’t know about job offers going your way. Jimmy has work for you.”

“I’m not worried about that shit,” I said. “Jimmy? He’s all talk anyway.”

“Evan, don’t waste your life at the shop,” Uncle Davey said.

“Well, maybe if I made more money…”

“Hell no. Get the hell out of here. You think you’re going to get me half dead in a hospital bed and I’m going to start feeling bad for you?”

I nodded. “Good to see you haven’t changed during this scare.”

“Scare? This ain’t no scare. Just got myself a little extra tired.”

“Extra tired, huh?”

Uncle Davey looked at me. “What?”

“You know they’re going to harass you. About the drinking. The smoking. Working.”

“If I can’t do any of that, Evan. What’s living then? I’m going to live the way I want until I don’t live anymore. I’d rather go down with smoke in my lungs and a smile on my face than curling my lip at a piece of fucking rabbit lettuce.”

I laughed. “You know, maybe the little scare is getting to me instead… so I want you to know that I appreciate the job. The chance. You being the only family I’ve had. I love you, Uncle Davey.”

“Something tells me that your girl is out there, waiting. Huh? She’s good enough for that, I bet.”

“Yeah, she’s out there.”

“You need to go out there then. That’s the girl that brought you to my shop to hide. You don’t think I can tell the difference when she’s in or out of your life? And here you are, worried about me. I’m hooked up to enough machines to do just fine. You’re not getting the shop, Evan.”

I reached for Uncle Davey’s shoulder and squeezed. “Feel better, old man.”

He moved fast, reaching across his body and grabbing my hand. “I love you, Evan. I’ll never say that again.”

I broke away from the bed and exited the room. My first scan left to right showed me nothing. Adena was gone. I made fists and gritted my teeth. I turned to the right and started to jog a little. Ironic as it was, this was the same hospital where I had my last goodbye with Adena. The night of the accident. The hallway was eerily similar even though it was a different floor.

I saw the end of the hallway, where there was a large window.

That’s where Adena stood.

Relief washed over me when I saw her. She hadn’t left. Which was good. Or maybe it was the biggest mistake of her life.

* * *

We stood there facing each other. The worst thing between us, from day one, had been Anna. She was forever loud, outspoken, out of control, and too wild for her own good. Even in her death, her presence was still well known. I could see it in Adena’s eyes. The lingering hurt. Still wanting and needing to grieve. At the end of the day, Anna was Adena’s sister. And Anna had lost her life.

The silence just kept pouring over us as though we were standing under a waterfall.

I finally stepped forward and reached for Adena. I let my fingertips glide along her hands.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” I whispered.

“Evan…”

“I’m so sorry that you lost your sister. I know how much you cared about her. I know how much you took care of her. I know how much she meant to you.”

Adena swallowed hard as she blinked back tears. “Wow…”

“And I’m sorry that I was greedy. With your heart. With your time. With your dreams. I know I came back at the worst time and was suddenly just there. Suddenly in love with you. Suddenly wanting to do all the things I should have done a long time ago. But here’s the truth, Dena, time never meant a thing to me. For me, time stopped the day I met you. It was always about you and for you. I can’t promise you a big house, a new car, an easy life.”

“I don’t want that,” Adena said. “All I’ve ever wanted is you.”

“That’s the problem.”

“That’s a problem?”

I slid my hands up her arms and nodded. “Because as much as you want me, I want you. And if that really holds true then the rest of the world doesn’t matter. Which means it’s just us. Every laugh. Every tear. Every flaw. Everything. It’s enough to scare anyone away.”

“I’m still standing here, Evan,” Adena whispered.

“Yes, you are. Since I stole some years from you, I’m going to make it right and give you my forever. However you want it. Wherever you want it.”

Adena half smiled. “Is this really happening?”

“Yes, it is,” I said. “I don’t ever want to read that letter from Anna. I don’t ever want her to be involved in our relationship going forward. I’m truly sorry that she’s gone…”

“We’re not gone, Evan,” Adena said. “I’m sorry I blamed you. The letter… the dress…”

I pulled Adena closer and kissed her.

Her lips made my heart race faster than any medicine or procedure any doctor could offer in the hospital. I kissed her and I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop. If my purpose in life was to chase happiness, then I could rest my legs because happiness was in my arms. The plan then was to just never let her go.

“Hey, you can put that dress on if you want. I’ll take you to a dance, Dena.”

“No. I’m never wearing that dress. Ever.”

I nodded. I inched closer to her. I sort of liked that decision. The only dress I wanted to see her in was the one she’d wear for our wedding day. Which, in my heart, was going to happen sooner than later. But she didn’t know that part yet…

That was okay though - at least this secret was one worth keeping, for now.