(Cleaned Up to Get Dirty)

NOW

(EVAN)

I couldn’t wash my hands or face any longer. I was as clean as I could get, not that I was a mechanic working on cars twelve hours a day. That was years ago for me. Now I just wore a mask and welded for hours on end. Focused on flame and spark, manipulating metal and steel the way I wanted to create frames of what would be custom motorcycles.

Why was all this shit running through my head right then? I had no idea.

I splashed water on my face and grabbed a hand towel. I looked around the bathroom in my apartment. The bathroom, hell, the entire place was a cliché for a single guy living alone. Random clothes on the floor. The ones that weren’t exactly dirty but definitely weren’t clean. A pile of towels that had been in the corner long enough that I was convinced if I moved them I’d disturb whatever was living under them, or had grown under them.

I exited the bathroom and directly to my right was my bedroom. It was actually a nice setup there because the room was big and the length of the apartment. Almost like a second living room, an open flat feel to it. There were old hardwood floors throughout the place that creaked and had a few uneven spots where you could catch your big toe if you weren’t careful enough.

There were no other defined rooms in the apartment either. The kitchen opened to the living room and that ended I guess where the couch ended because that’s where I slapped a small four seater dining room table. Two of those four chairs had never been pulled out or sat in. Half the dining room table had boxes on it for work. Paperwork. Orders. Financials. All the shit Uncle Davey felt he was too old to take care of. Yet the old son of a bitch wouldn’t entertain the idea of selling me the business.

I walked through the apartment and thought about what I was doing. What I wanted to achieve tonight. Taking Adena out on a date. I mean, it was all for fun, I got that part. Our stupid attempt at pretending the past wasn’t real and everything that happened since Anna died wasn’t relevant. I had spent years convincing myself to not take Adena out so I didn’t mess up her life. But here I was, looking at myself in the mirror on the wall that held my old ripped up hats and keys, wondering if I should splash a little cologne on my neck. The cheap shit Uncle Davey bought me at a drugstore on Christmas Eve after he realized he forgot to get me something.

I smiled as I lifted my middle finger to the reflection in the mirror.

Here’s the thing… I couldn't do fake anymore. I had been pretending for longer than I could ever remember. Hiding behind my own pain and sadness. Hiding behind all those dirty secrets that Anna promised me to keep. And hiding away in this town at Uncle Davey’s shop, in this shitty apartment, letting time slip away.

There was no more hiding anything. There was no more holding back.

And I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing for Adena.

* * *

I pulled up to the front of the house and laughed to myself. How many times had I pulled up to this exact house in my life? How many times had I pulled up with the headlights off and shut the engine off, leaving my car in neutral so I could push it down the street without waking anyone?

I looked at the passenger seat and saw all the damn papers.

“Shit,” I said.

It was all the new proposals for work at the shop.

I hurried to scoop them all up and shoved them under the passenger seat.

When I looked up I saw Adena.

She was shutting the front door to the house and captured every ounce of my attention. All I could see was her ass in a pair of jeans. Then she turned and I pulled at the steering wheel, sliding myself toward the passenger window to get a better look at her.

It was everything I could ever need in a woman. Jeans, curves, and a smile that shot all the way from the sidewalk to my heart.

Adena was perfect. Beautifully perfect. And to her this was probably dressed up. Her best pair of jeans. The curves of her hips where my hands had once been resting. The way she could have a shirt on with a zip up hoodie over it and look like she was ready to go to the fanciest restaurant in the world. Her hair had these little curls to it too, something I never saw before. That meant she took the time to do her hair for tonight.

I was so caught up in staring at her, I almost didn’t get out of my truck to greet her.

I then had to scramble like a damn fool. That’s what Adena did to me. What she always did to me. I was the guy that could throw back a shot of whiskey while driving away from the cops. I was the guy who would pick a fight with the biggest guy in a bar or a pool hall. Just for fun. I was the guy who never turned down a dare, no matter how dangerous. But around Adena, it was like I had two left feet, couldn’t focus because I needed glasses, my brain scrambled like I had been reading text in another language.

As I ran around the front of my truck, Adena started to reach for the passenger door.

“Hey, sweetheart,” I said. I grabbed for her wrist. “You look beautiful.”

“Evan…”

“No,” I said. “You look beautiful, Dena.”

I grabbed her and pulled her toward me.

Here’s the thing - no matter how scrambled she made me feel when I looked at her, the second I touched her, everything made sense. The stupidness subsided and the devil inside me crept up. But at the same time, my heart swelled enough to take on that devil. Which left me debating on whether to open the door for her and take her out to dinner or to just scoop her up and walk her back into the house and pick up where we left off previously. Her body exposed. My hands memorizing her. The sounds of her breathless moans. The taste of her…

“You really look fucking beautiful, Dena,” I whispered. I slipped my other hand around to the small of her back. Right at that lower curve that gave way to her ass.

I saw the way her cheeks flushed. “Thanks, Evan. You look handsome.”

I started to lower down, needing to kiss her.

“Is this what you do to your first dates?” she whispered. “Well, even before the date begins?”

I caught myself and grinned. “Right. Of course. I would never.”

I broke away from her and opened the passenger door to my truck. I reached in and grabbed the flowers off the dashboard.

“Here you go, sweetheart,” I said.

“Evan,” she said. “They’re beautiful.”

I knew nothing about flowers. I stood at the little section in the grocery store picking out flowers like I was buying a house with a thirty-year mortgage. I figured I couldn’t go wrong with roses. Plus, flowers would die in a week. The way I felt about Dena, that was going to be there forever.

I help her into the truck. She held the flowers, smiling, her cheeks bright red.

That meant it had been a really long time since someone bought her flowers. Since someone did anything nice for her.

And that really fucking pissed me off. It made me hate this town even more. That nobody could see what I saw in Adena.

But now I had my chance.

She looked at me. She smiled.

I grabbed for her hand again. “For the record, sweetheart, this isn’t our first date. And even if it was, it’s you, Dena. It’s you. I can’t control myself around you. So I should apologize for anything that happens tonight. But I’m not going to do that. I’ve waited too long. I’ve got you, sweetheart, and I’m not going to let you go.”

Her jaw dropped because her cheeks couldn’t get any redder.

I shut the door to the truck and turned to catch my own damn breath. I looked at the front porch.

The spot where I had my first date with Dena.