(Sleep Tight, Sweetheart)

NOW

(Evan)

I touched her shoulder and crouched down. I gently shook her. “Hey, Adena. It’s Evan.”

She stirred and made a groaning sound. She dropped her shoulder to get me to stop touching her.

“Sweetheart, you need to get upstairs to bed,” I said. “The party is over. Let’s call it a day.”

She made a noise again.

I stood back up and looked around. There were only a handful of people there still. In a crazy change of things, people were cleaning up after themselves. Years ago we’d trash the party and just leave.

I grabbed a chair and slid it back and sat next to Adena while she slept.

The day floated through my mind.

I didn’t sleep all that great last night knowing I had to come back here. When I left, it was for good. And it was for good reason. Things had gotten so twisted up with Anna and what her version of reality had become, I couldn’t save her anymore. I tried to save her that last week I was still in town but it backfired on me. Fuck, it almost landed me in jail. And it wasn’t like I was living any kind of dream life working at Uncle Davey’s shop. That was just to kill time, earn a living, and let shit happen as it wanted to.

Adena lifted her head a little and turned to face me. She reached up and peeled the hood back but didn’t open her eyes. She put her head down again… right on my shoulder.

I felt my teeth clench as my heart squeezed.

I turned my head and could smell her hair. The smell of flowery shampoo and a long ass day. Damn, she was pretty. She had always been pretty. There was no denying that. Part of me always thought about approaching her but I didn’t want to bring her into my messy life. It was bad enough she had to deal with her sister. In some strange way, hanging around Anna was my excuse to see Adena and it was my way of thinking maybe I was helping Adena out by keeping Anna away.

“Hey, there you are, man,” Mike said after walking out onto the back porch. “I’m going to jet out of here. I have to call up and check on Dad. I always try to talk to the nurses and shit. Was thinking about dropping by but it’s too late now.”

“Okay. I’m good here.”

Mike eyed me. Then Adena as she slept. “Oh. You’re staying here?”

“Riley asked me to,” I said. “I guess she was going to hang here with Adena. I’m going to wait until everyone is gone and then carry her upstairs. Figure I should stay in case she gets sick or whatever. I guess she was drinking pretty good.”

“Rightfully so,” Mike said.

“Yeah. And I don’t want her to wake up later or tomorrow and be alone. Not sure how much of this has really sunk in yet.”

“True,” Mike said. “Okay. Well, you know where I live, Evan. You have my number.”

“Mike,” I said as he started to turn. I put my hand out. “Thank you. For getting word back to me about this. I’m really sorry about your dad. I mean that. And everything that happened here. This town. That night. The fucking accident… I never meant…”

“I know, Evan,” Mike said. “Believe me, I know. I’m tired, okay? Just take care of Adena.”

Mike shook my hand and walked off the back porch.

I gave it another twenty minutes or so and it was dark outside. There were lights on in the house but I didn’t see anyone moving around. In some fucked up way I was waiting for Anna to appear in a window or at the door. Or maybe come stumbling through the backyard, waving her arms and yelling. Or crying.

But it was silent. Damn, it was so silent. After the day we all had, the silence wasn’t welcome. It made me feel weird.

So I slowly turned and cupped the side of Adena’s head so her neck didn’t flop down to the chair. I crouched before her again and just stared for a few seconds.

I smiled.

“You know, I sometimes thought about what it would be like to see you again, Dena,” I whispered. “This scenario never once crossed my mind.”

I stood up and wiggled my hands under her body and lifted her off the chair. She groaned again and cuddled close to my chest. Her hands clung tight to my shirt and my skin.

I stood for a second and took a deep breath. This was why I wanted to avoid coming back down here. Every step was a step down memory lane. Every step closer to the back door, Adena in my arms, leaving me to realize that it was officially down to just me and her in the house.

I took her upstairs and took my chances as I figured out which room was hers. Since it was her house now, I figured the master bedroom and I was right. All the times I had snuck a peek into Adena’s bedroom - well, old bedroom now - and saw posters of crappy bands, puppies and kittens, the allure of the innocence that she couldn’t help but project all the while growing up at a faster rate than anyone I knew. But now this new bedroom was that of a grown woman. Everything matched. Everything was put together nicely. There was a sweet smell lingering in the air. Perfume? Laundry soap? Just overall clean?

Gently, I placed Adena down on the bed.

I noticed there was a nightstand on each side of the bed. A lamp to match. I walked to the other side of the bed and turned on that light. It moved through the room but didn’t flood it. I figured if Adena woke up and didn’t feel all that great, she’d have some light to help navigate herself. Then again, I didn’t want her to try and walk around, did I?

I put my hand to the bed and wondered if anyone had ever slept on this side of the bed. A boyfriend? Something more serious? Hell, something less serious?

I caught myself touching the sheets with a little bit of jealousy hitting me.

Groaning, I turned and walked out of the bedroom. I went to the bathroom where I was hit with a smell that matched Adena’s hair. I reached for the trash can and opened the shower curtain and found the washcloth. My eyes scanned the shower. A pink razor hanging from a shower caddy. Four bottles of soaps or shampoos or whatever.

Why did this sight drive me crazy?

Because in some fucked up way I was picturing Adena in the shower? Standing there naked… the water touching her faster than her hands…

I had to get out of the bathroom. I had to get out of the house. I had to get out of the fucking town.

I picked up a towel on the way out of the bathroom and got Adena all set up in case she got sick. Then I stood there and watched her sleep. On her side, still wearing a hoodie, her knees tucked up a little. She looked comfortable, even if she was drunk. Maybe she’d feel like hell the next morning… and the morning after that. But eventually it would lessen. In some strange way, Adena was officially free.

Which meant she didn’t need me around. I didn’t need to be there and mess things up.

I touched her shoulder and bent forward.

I kissed her shoulder, realizing it was the first time I ever kissed her.

All these years later… after everything that happened…

“I’m so sorry, Dena,” I whispered. “It’ll be okay now. No matter what you think. It’ll be okay now.”

I stood and turned and Adena grabbed my hand. She turned her hand a little and spread her fingers enough to want to interlock them with mine. So I let her.

Our fingers were interlocked, tight. She had a fierce grip, too.

Now, let’s be fair, I could have broken away from her in a second. But I told myself she had me… which meant…

I turned and slowly fell to the floor. My back against the bed. My right arm and hand up. It was going to be a really uncomfortable night of sleep. But it would probably be nothing compared to the morning when Adena realized I was there.

I looked at our hands together and curled my lip.

This wasn’t the first time she held my hand for comfort, was it?