(Front Porch Top Step Confession)

YEARS AGO

(Evan)

“Bro, I’m telling you, flowers lock it down.”

“He’s right,” Scott said.

I couldn’t take stock in what Scott said because his eyes were mostly shut as he sucked on another one of his special cigarettes. The room was fogged up with thick smoke. I had to get out of there soon or else I’d end up high as a kite.

“Flowers,” I said, shaking my head. “What the fuck. I don’t buy flowers.”

“You should,” Andy said. “You want this shit to go down? Get some flowers.”

I curled my lip. “Chicks are confusing, man.”

“Of course they are,” Scott said. “They got the power over us, man. It’s like the way the universe…”

I rolled my eyes. “Okay, if he’s going to start talking like that, I’m leaving.”

I opened the door to the garage and almost choked on the fresh air. I could feel the cloud of smoke following me.

Andy called out something about flowers again.

I slammed the door and stood in the driveway to Andy’s father’s house. His old man was the kind of guy that believed if he couldn’t control the partying, then he would let it happen at his house. He figured it was safer that way than having all of us scattered around, trying to hide, getting wasted and driving.

Which made sense.

Fuck all that though, I was thinking about flowers now. Stupid flowers. Because Anna had been acting crazy and I was afraid she was going to hurt herself. She and I had gotten into an argument over something stupid. Stupid because she was drunk at a party when she started making out with some stranger. Not that it really bothered me because we weren’t exactly an item but I went to the party with her because she asked me to go. I saved her ass from that guy because he had intentions and Anna had no judgment capabilities.

So now I was considering buying Anna some flowers to get her to calm the hell down and let me talk to her. The only problem was that I had no damn cash on me. There were some family issues that popped up and I had to use all my savings to help out. To put it honestly - my burnout of a mother forgot to pay the rent on the house for three months. The landlord - a short, fat guy named Archie with gold chains around his neck - told me that we had to get out. Not my mother. He came to me. Tracked me down outside Andy’s father’s garage. Andy’s father thought I was dealing drugs or some shit. I told him what was happening and he offered to give me the money. I said no. I said I would work and earn money. So I had to give up all my savings to make sure we didn’t get kicked out of the house. That was just the rent though. The utilities were a whole other mess.

In other words, I had jack shit.

So I did what I always had to do.

I had to steal.

Which I honestly hated to do.

The thing was, I couldn’t just swipe an entire thing of flowers. So I snuck into the corner store, waited for my moment, and I plucked a rose out of a bunch. They wanted fucking twenty bucks for a dozen roses. That was a rip off. So I just took a single rose, that I could sneak in my zip-up. I grabbed a candy bar and threw a dollar on the counter. The old man behind the counter was more worried about the news on the TV. I probably could have gotten out of there without paying for the candy bar. But I was hungry. I hadn’t had dinner yet and smelling all that smoke from Scott had me feeling a little loose and even hungrier.

I drove to Anna’s and parked around the side.

I kept the rose hidden and had a tight grip on the candy bar.

I walked along the sidewalk and saw Adena sitting on the top step of the porch.

She was leaning against the side of the house, staring off into space. So I stopped walking for a few seconds. I smiled. Adena…

I let out a little whistle.

Adena looked at me and she quickly sat up. “Evan.”

“Hey,” I said. “You okay?”

“I’m okay,” Adena said.

She was obviously lying.

I stopped at the bottom of the steps.

She looked up at me.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“She’s not here,” Adena said.

“Anna?”

“Yeah. She took off a few hours ago. Her and Aunt Beth had a huge argument. Anna wanted to take a bus to the beach.”

“What? Now?”

“I guess some friends are going there,” Adena said.

“Friends? What friends can afford that?”

“Exactly,” Adena said. “Aunt Beth said no way and they started arguing. Anna stormed out the back door and left.”

“Shit,” I said. “This is my fault.”

“Your fault? Why?”

“Just… stuff happened,” I said. “Stupid stuff. She and I had a disagreement.”

“Anna has a disagreement with the world. So don’t take it personally. And you shouldn’t let her bully you around, Evan.”

I raised an eyebrow. Adena never talked about Anna like this.

“Bully me?” I asked. “She doesn’t bully me.”

“You do what she says.”

“I try to keep her safe.”

“Which you don’t need to do.”

I opened my mouth but held my words back.

Adena shrugged her shoulders. “Wanna sit?”

I looked over my shoulder. I gritted my teeth for a second.

“Let me guess,” Adena said, “you want to go help find her.”

Yeah, I sort of did. But in some ways, I was so fucking sick of it.

So I turned and plopped down next to Adena.

She looked surprised that I sat next to her. Sat so close to her, shoulder to shoulder.

“How’s your day, Dena?” I asked.

Her cheeks turned a little red. “Uh… it’s okay. Just… here.”

“So what’s the big plan?” I asked. “I mean, we’re done with high school now. All grown up.”

Adena sighed. “Who knows. Work. Save money.”

“No college?”

“Can’t afford it.”

“Not even some night classes?”

“Maybe,” Adena said. “But what am I going to go to school for?”

“Business,” I said. “You want that bakery, right?”

“That was a dream project, Evan. I sort of lost all my steam with that.”

“Right,” I said. “I wouldn’t give up on it if I were you. There’s always a way.”

“So what do you want to do then, Evan?” she asked.

“I have no fucking clue,” I said and smiled.

Adena laughed.

God, that laugh was addicting.

“I’m serious,” I said. “I’m tired of turning a wrench at Andy’s old man’s shop. But it pays me. I don’t know what else to figure out. I had some money saved up but I just spent it paying the rent because my mother didn’t pay for months.”

“Oh, jeez,” Adena said.

“Yeah. So I’m stuck here for a little longer. I could call my uncle. He owns a welding shop. But I don’t know. You think you could deal with me sticking around, Dena?”

“I think so,” she said. “You’re not all that bad, Evan.”

I laughed. “You’re the first to say that. Hey, you hungry?”

I showed her the candy bar.

“Sure,” she said.

I pulled at the noisy wrapper and opened it. When I turned, I felt something poke at my chest. I wiggled and remembered I had a rose hidden in my jacket.

I started to laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Adena asked.

I broke the candy bar in half. I pulled it as the gooey center made a long and skinny string.

I gave Adena half.

“Now, wait,” I said.

I reached into my jacket and pulled out the rose.

It was mostly squished by then, but hey, I didn’t pay for it, right?

“Here,” I said.

“What…”

“I stole it,” I said. “But I paid for the candy bar.”

I saw the smile creep across Adena’s face as she took the rose.

So we sat there, eating a candy bar together, Adena holding a rose. It was the first time I didn’t go chase down Anna when she played her disappearing game. Of course, this was right before the accident and that fallout.

I looked at Adena. She had chocolate on the corner of her mouth.

“Come here,” I said to her.

“What?”

I leaned toward her a little and reached for her. With my left thumb, I touched the corner of her mouth. I wiped away the chocolate.

“You’re a sloppy eater,” I whispered.

“Shut up. You gave me a stolen rose that’s crushed.”

“That’s my style, Dena.”

Then we suddenly stopped talking. And we just stared at each other.

Seconds ticked away.

“So,” I whispered, “is this considered a date?”

I winked and inched away from Adena.

I had done a lot of bad shit in my life. I spent time in cuffs. I spent time in the back of a police car. I spent time being chased by cops. I wasn’t sure I did anything right in my life. My favorite thing to wear besides my hoodie and my hat backwards was regret.

Out of all that shit… the one thing I would forever regret the most?

Not kissing Adena that day.