Chapter 1 – Maya
I let the phone ring, waiting for it to go to voice mail, but I was surprised when it instead just stopped ringing. He’d turned the phone off so that I wouldn’t keep calling. It was rather unfair how my husband treated me, but I was used to it. What had started as fate had become pain and eventually indifference. I was getting to the point that instead of fretting about it I turned my phone off as well. There was no point in me feeling guilty. It wasn’t like Tyler cared, anyway.
So I went through the rest of the day and tried my best to pretend that I didn’t care. I felt a little better every time I swiped Tyler’s credit card. I bought myself shoes and enough dresses for every day for a month. Then I went to the lingerie shop and bought something naughty. When I thought about who it was for, it made me feel even worse. Or better, I couldn’t really decide.
“You’re going to clean him out, Maya.”
Candace was always on me about how much I spent, but it didn’t matter. Ever since I’d seen in the news who my husband was with at the time of the shooting, it had been no holds barred for my shopping addiction. I was en route to make us square on all accounts. I just had to get the nerve up to do it.
“Are you even listening to me?”
“I am, I just was thinking about something.”
“Well, you’re the one who invited me out for lunch, so don’t be rude.”
I apologized to her. I was being a crappy friend and I knew it. It was just so hard to focus with everything that was going on. “I know I’m being an ass. You just have to tell me once in a while, that’s all. What are you up to today?”
She gave me a dirty look, and I had a feeling that she’d already told me and I just hadn’t heard her.
“Me and Richard are going out, remember?”
“Oh yeah. Do you have something to wear?”
It was that look again. I could just tell that I was batting a thousand. When was I going to learn that I needed to keep my mouth shut sometimes?
“Well, I was just asking because I feel bad and I have all of these extra pretty dresses. You should pick one out, or we can go somewhere and find you something. It’s all on Tyler, so don’t worry about the cost.”
Shaking her head, she just looked at me like I’d lost my mind.
“What did he do?”
“What do you mean, Candace?”
“I mean, what did he do to make you so upset with him? I know that he has more money than God, but you’re trying your best to spend it all. I remember you telling me before that the only place he hurt was in his wallet. So I have to think that he’s done something to piss you off this badly.”
I wanted to tell her, but at the same time I didn’t want anyone to know. I liked keeping up appearances, and even with all of the turmoil inside that I wanted to unleash, I was more interested in making sure that it looked like everything was okay. It wasn’t, but I didn’t want anyone to know, not even my best friend. Or maybe I just wasn’t ready to admit out loud that my sham marriage was over.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. He just told me to get what I wanted, so I am. He’s working a lot lately, so I guess I’m buying stuff more often now. It just makes me feel better.”
Candace looked skeptical, but I wasn’t going to tell her that she was right or wrong. Instead I took a bite of the salad in front of me and wished again that I’d ordered the fish.
“Is it so bad that you can’t tell me?”
Our eyes met and I just agreed with her. It wasn’t hard to imagine what he’d done. There were only so many things that a man could do, and she knew that Tyler wasn’t the type to ever put his hands on me. He was too gentle for that, but what he did do could be worse. I would rather have had him yelling at me than just ignoring me like I didn’t exist.
“Is he cheating on you?”
That just got a look down at my plate. Was it that obvious? And if it was that obvious, why had it taken so long for me to figure it out? I felt like the ultimate idiot, the one who didn’t know which way was up.
“I knew it. He was just too handsome and too rich. I know that you wanted this life, but I just worried that it would come to this.”
Groaning inwardly, I had to wonder if she realized how she sounded. It was apparent that she didn’t get it at all because she just kept talking about it, like I didn’t know what kind of a man he was and what he’d done to me. I was too aware of it for my own liking. I would have given anything to have the husband that I thought I was marrying. I still didn’t even know why he’d said ‘I do’ to begin with. With Tyler, there was most likely a deal involved.
“He was my decision, and I’m just going to have to deal with it.”
Candace looked like I felt. She told me what any good friend would tell me, that I was better than this and that I deserved a man who really loved me. It was all true, but it didn’t have as much weight when I thought about how unclean my own hands were. After all of this time, almost five years come next weekend, I was ready to live again. If that meant without my husband or behind his back, so be it.
“Don’t feel bad for me, Candace. I’ll get what I need.”
I left it at that and left her to read between the lines. I was a big girl and I wasn’t going to let it get me down anymore. I was going to do what I wanted and get what I deserved. It was just that simple. Tyler had taught me many things, and if nothing else, I’d learned to endure and be more determined than I ever was before.
“Just be careful, Maya. You’re playing with fire.”
“I’ve already been burned, so I guess I’m just not as cautious anymore.”
“I mean, don’t do anything that you’re going to regret to get back at him. You’re the one who’s going to have to live with yourself and look at yourself in the mirror every day. That’s all I’m saying.”
All she was saying… that was a whole lot. It made me think about Dylan and the date that he’d asked me out on. It was the reason that I was buying a dress – or, as it turned out, dresses – and even though it pained me, I knew that she was right. Was I going to be able to look myself in the eye the next morning if I went through with it? Was that where my real happiness was going to be found?