Chapter 1 – Scott
I could still see Jesse’s face when I told her that I didn’t want to see her anymore. She was heartbroken, and although I liked to tell myself that I wasn’t upset about it, not really, it was far worse than I’d thought it would be. Not only was Jesse gone from my life, but no one else could replace her. I’d tried. Much like I had with Andrea, so long ago it seemed like. I’d gone back to my old ways, but after trying to forget her in the arms of several other women, I gave up. There was no point. Not with everything that was going on with dad and the business.
So all I could do was try to forget about her, which seemed as impossible as getting over her was. I wasn’t going to be able to do either of them, and the more I thought about what I wasn’t supposed to be thinking about, the surer I was that this was it for me. I wasn’t going to find another Jesse and there was no point in even hoping for it. If I couldn’t have Jesse, I didn’t want anyone.
“Sir?”
Caroline was standing over me with that look on her face that I hated. It was like she was always mad at me. I was sick of looking at her. I told myself then that the first thing I was going to do when my dad no longer held the reins was to fire Caroline. I couldn’t stand her and I would have done it that minute if I could have.
“What is it, Caroline? I didn’t hear you knock.”
My tone was harsh and it had her immediately straightening up. I could tell that she was bothered by my harshness, but I didn’t care. I was tired of hiding my true feelings and I wasn’t going to do it anymore. I refused to do it anymore.
“Well, sir, I did knock, but after a couple of times I figured that you weren’t going to answer. So I opened the door. I didn’t think it would be a problem.”
“Just because my father gave you all kinds of liberties doesn’t mean that I’m going to. Say what you want and be on your way.”
I didn’t usually talk to her like that. It was taking Caroline time to process my words, but I didn’t back down. I didn’t want to. My foul mood was only going to get worse.
“Um, well, your father wanted to know about the paperwork that was given to you last month. He keeps asking me about it.”
“If he’s that worried about it, then he can call me himself. I don’t want to hear about him from you anymore. You work for me, Caroline, is that clear?”
She nodded her head, but we both knew that as soon as she left my office, she was going to be calling my father and tattling on me like I was five. The idea made me even madder, but I just stared off into space, trying to convince myself that there wasn’t anything wrong with how I was acting. I was justified in my anger.
“I’ll leave you alone, sir.”
Giving her one last dirty look, I waited for her to leave before I closed my eyes and squeezed the bridge of my nose. How had everything changed in less than a month? I felt like I was back to my old life, and I wasn’t happy about that sentiment. I didn’t want my old life back. I wanted Jesse.
***
“I hear that you’re giving Caroline a hard time.”
His booming voice pulled me from my nap. I’d had far too many drinks with lunch, and although I’d had a driver with me, I still drove back to the office. The driver had refused to get in the car, so I’d told him to walk back. That was what I thought I would hear about, not hurting the old crone’s feelings.
“What is she to you? Do you have a love child with Caroline as well? Is that why you’re so loyal to her?” I shook my head. “No, that’s not it, because we both know that you couldn’t give a damn about family.”
Jackson shut the door a bit too hard and the sound jarred me awake even more. He didn’t like what I’d said, but he never did. At least I was feeling a little bit better after having a bit of my say. I was going to pay for it, though; the bright blue eyes staring back at me were going to make sure of that.
“What the hell has gotten into you lately, Scott? Are you drunk?”
He was getting too close to the truth, and I didn’t want him to smell me. I most likely smelled like a brewery. I was sure I did. That was one more thing that I didn’t want to hear about. None of it was his business. I was doing my job.
“I had dinner and drinks with clients for lunch, just like you taught me. Got to wine and dine them, don’t you?”
“Yes, son, but you don’t get shitfaced in the middle of the day. I’m sure I taught you that as well.”
“We can’t all be as perfect as you, I guess, Father.” My voice was full of sarcasm, and I was so close to quitting. What would I do if I didn’t have the job, if I didn’t have Jackson breathing over my neck all of the time?
“Son, you need to straighten your ass up right now. I’m not going to deal with this and neither is Caroline. Do you know that she’s talking about quitting?”
“Good. She’s your assistant, not mine.”
He sat down with a heavy sigh and looked at me with the closest thing to sadness that I’d ever seen on his face. “I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but you need to get it together, Scott. We have a lot of business to do, and there are a lot of people who would love to be in your shoes.”
I felt like taking off the shoes that everyone wanted and throwing them at him, but I just stared back balefully.
“What is wrong with you Scott? This can’t be about that girl again.”
“That girl? You met her. Her name was Jesse, so please don’t act like she’s just another girl. I think you know that isn’t true. I cared about her a lot.”
“She wasn’t good enough for you, for your station in life. You have to be careful who you put in your corner, Scott. A woman can make or break you.”
“As far as you’re concerned, they just break you, huh? Jesse was different. She made me want to be a better man.”
My father made a sound indicating that it was all hogwash coming out of my mouth. He had perfected his derision to such an extent that he didn’t have to say a word. His look and his dead eyes spoke clearly to me. I realized then that I was wasting my breath. I knew that whatever happened next, I wasn’t going to include him in anything. He had ruined my life and ruined my chances for happiness. How could I ever look at him the same way again?