Chapter 2 – Maya
I looked at my reflection in the mirror and my friend’s words came back to haunt me. They always did, but I hated that I felt the tiniest bit bad about it. I shouldn’t. He’d done the same thing to me, and it was only fair that I got a little happiness out of it. For too long I had sat back and said nothing. That’s what I told myself, but I could see the doubt in my hazel eyes.
When I’d gotten married, it was supposed to be for life. I had the vision of children and the family that every little girl wanted. I guess I’d wanted the fairytale, and for the longest time, that was Tyler. He’d been a doting husband, perfect in every way. But then things had changed and he didn’t want to be around me as much. We stopped making love as much. Everything just kind of wound down to what it was now.
I shook the thoughts and the rush of emotions. I didn’t feel bad about it. I didn’t feel bad that I was going to see Dylan, I was sad that my marriage really was over. It wasn’t going to get better. If anything it was steadily getting worse. I saw Tyler less and less, and when he was home, he didn’t even eat dinner with me, instead sneaking off to his study to do God only knows what.
Getting back to my makeup, I almost jumped when the phone next to me rang. It was Tyler, and there was a moment when I didn’t want to answer. It wasn’t only because he hadn’t answered for me, but also because I didn’t want him to ruin the plans that I had. I wanted to go see Dylan and live out the fantasy that I had in my head.
But I had to answer, so I did. “Hey, honey.”
“You called earlier and I was just calling you back.”
His voice was gruff. A long time ago, that would have brought tears to my eyes. Now I felt nothing.
“I was making dinner and I wanted to know if you were going to be around for it.”
“No, I have a couple of extra meetings that I still have to go to. I wouldn’t worry about cooking anything for me. Why don’t you go out with one of your friends and order something nice?”
It was code to tell me that he wasn’t coming home. If he did, it would be at three or four in the morning and he would slide into bed gently so that I didn’t wake up. “I think that’s a good idea, Tyler. Candace was asking me earlier if I would go out with her, but I was hoping that it would be just us.”
“Now, Maya, you know that I have to work. As fast as you’re spending my money, I’m going to have to work even more.”
It was always his excuse. The words were on my lips to ask him about Ivy. I knew who she was and what she was to my husband, but until then I hadn’t dared to say anything. Now I wanted to, more than anything else in the world. I wanted to hear what he’d to say, but tonight was not the night. Tonight was the night that I was going to get what I wanted too.
“Of course, dear. You have a good night. I guess I’ll see you when I see you.”
“I love you, Maya.”
“I love you too.” As he hung up, the words were still in the air. He didn’t love me and I didn’t love him, but like everything else in our sham marriage, we pretended that what we said was true.
“What are you doing, Maya?”
My reflection didn’t answer, because I didn’t have an answer to such a question. What was I doing?
At the moment I was getting ready. When the phone rang again, I was sure it was Tyler.
“What, dear?” My voice was not loving, more a bark than anything else. I didn’t want him to ruin this for me, and every time we talked, the tension inside of me grew.
“Maya? Are you okay?”
It was Dylan. Of course it was. He was supposed to meet me at his house in under an hour. I’d been wasting my time worrying about things that I couldn’t change. It was one of those moments that I just had to take a deep breath and pretend that I wasn’t about to lose it.
“Dylan, sorry. I thought you were someone else.”
“Did you think that I was Tyler?”
I shook my head, but didn’t answer him. He knew that I was married, something I would have never kept from him, but I could tell that he didn’t like it. Dylan was romantic and sweet, but he was also a little possessive, and it was hard to possess what was already someone else’s.
“I was just about to call you and let you know that I was leaving.”
He seemed relieved. “Good, I was starting to worry that you weren’t going to come, that maybe you’d changed your mind.”
“I would never change my mind, Dylan. I’ve been looking forward to seeing you all week.”
“Good, I’ve made us a feast. I can’t wait to see you.”
“I’ll be there soon, Dylan.”
“I love you, Maya.”
I paused at his words. They sounded different than the way Tyler said it. Dylan said it like he meant it, and I believed him. He wanted to hear it back, and I heard myself saying it to him. I didn’t know if I meant it. I think I did, but there was no telling anymore. Did I love him, or was he an escape? I was going to find out tonight which Dylan was. The problem was that I didn’t know which one I wanted him to be. Did I really want to walk away from my marriage? Or did I not have to choose? Eventually I would have to, but tonight, I just had to worry about what came next. It had been months since Tyler had really touched me, and I was ready to feel desired and needed again.
Brushing on the last of my makeup and running my hands through my hair, I gave myself one last look before I got up and slipped the dress on. It fit perfectly, and for a moment when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t recognize the woman staring back at me. All of those months without him in my life had dropped the extra weight from my body. The smile on my face was so foreign; I didn’t remember that I could look this way. Dylan might not be my soul mate, but at the moment he was my second chance, and I was going to take it.
Shutting off the light to my vanity, I looked back at the bed I used to share with my husband and turned away, fighting the tears. One thing I did know. It was over with me and Tyler. Whatever happened next, that would still be the same. It was over.