Chapter 1 – Camilla
“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, Camilla. I know that this is going to be hard on you. I can handle it if you want to stay here and just take the day off. You haven’t been getting a lot of sleep lately, and I’m afraid it’s because of this.”
It wasn’t because of the court date today or the wedding later in the day. It was really because I just had too much in my mind. I still had dreams about the shooting, but I had more dreams of Zane and my captivity with him. Sometimes when I woke up and it was dark I felt like I was right back in that warehouse. I didn’t know if I was ever going to stop having the dreams. I didn’t know if I was ever going to get the sleep I used to get before everything happened. A lot had happened this year, and I was still trying to come to grips with it. It wasn’t easy, but I was trying.
Today was one of those moments that I needed to go through. I didn’t want to go see the face of the mall shooter. Even though it had been painted across every television for months, I certainly didn’t want to see him in person. But I knew that I didn’t have a choice. I was going to have to face it all sooner or later, and today was the day.
“No, I’m going. I wouldn’t want you to go by yourself.”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded and told him that I was sure, even though I wasn’t really. I was terrified, even knowing that he couldn’t do anything to me. Zane couldn’t hurt me either, but he still bothered me. I still dreamed that he would come back and snatch me again. Everything else was going well, but the past was creeping back slowly into my mind.
“Are you sure you’re okay, Camilla?”
“Yeah, just a lot to think about. How are you not nervous? You’re the one that’s going to take the stand and identify him.”
“I’ve waited for this since it happened. I want to make sure that they put him away for a long time for what he did.”
I knew that he really felt that way, like it was his duty to make sure that the man met justice. Tyler was like that, and I was thankful that he was that kind of man. If he hadn’t been, then I would have never gotten away from Zane and I would most likely be dead now. It was a sobering thought that made me squeeze his arm and want to pull him to me. I’d never felt safer than when I was with him, and I wished that I could give him the relief that he’d given me.
“I’m so proud of you, Tyler. You know that, right?”
“Is that my doctor talking, or my fiancée?”
“We’re both proud of you. Besides, I’m not a doctor anymore.”
“You’ll always be a doctor, Camilla. You’re just going to take some time off. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it doesn’t change anything. I just get a little bit more time with you, and I’m all for that. Now I get you all to myself.”
I cringed at his words. It was something that Zane would say. But I knew that Tyler was different. If he wasn’t, I didn’t know if I could date anyone else. Tyler knew how Zane had changed me and he helped me to not go down that road, but even off-handed comments like that made my mind go places I didn’t want it to.
“So are we ready??”
“I am if you are, Camilla.”
I was as ready as I was ever going to be. Instead of dreading it like I’d been for months after I found out the man was going to insist on a trial, now I was thankful that at least it would be over and by the end of the day I wouldn’t have to think about it again.
Tyler drove, having let the driver off for the day. We had a long day ahead of us, but it was going to end on a better note. I was looking forward to the wedding, but this part I wasn’t too happy about. There was also the fact that Ivy was going to be at the courthouse. I didn’t have anything against her because of her relationship with Tyler – I trusted him – but she tried to remind me of their relationship every time the mood struck her. That mood struck too much, and I was already thinking about what I was going to do if she did it there.
“Why do you look mad all of a sudden?”
I looked to Tyler and saw that he was studying me. I hated that my face wasn’t better at hiding my emotions. It was usually rather easy to see what I felt. The thought of Ivy was the reason for my frown, but I didn’t want to tell him that. I didn’t want to admit to such envious thoughts. They seemed so petty at a time like this.
“Nothing. Just not looking forward to any of this.”
I stopped him before he launched into the fact that I didn’t have to go. There was no obligation and all of that. “I’m going for you, Tyler. I wouldn’t miss it. When you’re on that stand, I want you to look out and know that I’m there for you.”
He laced his fingers in mine and I leaned back on the soft leather of the seat. It had been far too long since we were at peace, and I was ready for the day to be over. I would tell my clients that closure was very important, and I knew that it was. I wanted to hear the man found guilty and justice to be served for all of those lives that were lost. More than that, though, I just wanted to move on with my life.
When we got there the courthouse loomed in front of me and the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach was back. I felt like I was going to be sick, and after we stopped, I rushed out of the car to get some fresh air. I don’t know why, but I was incredibly nauseous. Tyler thought that it was because of the hearing, but I knew that it wasn’t that. I just felt off.
“Let’s just get through security and then I’m going to go freshen up.”
He nodded his head and looked at me with worry. I wasn’t going to faint right then and there, but he looked at me like I was. I tried to tell him not to worry, but Tyler was worse at it than I was. When it came to me, he was far more uptight than he let on. He wanted everything to be perfect when life wasn’t perfect.
“It’s fine, really, Tyler. It might have been that new smoothie, I don’t know.”
He questioned my answer with a brow arch, but I ignored him. Putting my purse and keys in the small plastic container, I smiled at the police officer who scanned my things. I was fine, and after today, I was going to be better. Well, maybe not fine, but I was on my way there. All I had to do was get through the day.