Chapter 1 – Scott
After talking to Jesse, I wasn’t feeling my best. Never before had I been turned down like that, and the worst part was how bad I wanted her. I’d never wanted any woman as much as I needed Jesse. There was something about her, I still wasn’t sure what it was, but every time she turned me down, it only made me want her more. I didn’t know if it was the idea that I couldn’t have her that made her so tempting or if it was just Jesse. I wouldn’t know until I did have her, and my patience was running thin on that front. It was no longer about my father and his plans. I had plans of my own.
Getting back to work, I tried to worry about anything but what was going on. I tried to forget the redhead who frustrated me at every turn. There was no time for it. I had real work to do at the company, and every time I turned around I was staring off into the distance. It was not like me. None of it was. I kept having to remind myself of who I was.
I was beyond the point of really thinking, and by the end of the day I was cancelling meetings again, thinking about what I was going to do that night. My mind went to the several women who I could call and get what I wanted from. All of the waiting and flirting with Jesse to no end was doing me no good.
Finally I decided that I needed to give one of those girls a call. It didn’t matter which one. That thought didn’t make me feel as carefree as it normally would have; it just depressed me to really think about it. What I really wanted was Jesse, and I knew that any other woman was not going to be enough. If it wasn’t Jesse, it didn’t matter who it was.
So I just started going through the contacts in my phone alphabetically. I couldn’t exactly place Andrea, but I knew that she was an old fling because of the notation by her name. It was my own personal shorthand to keep them all straight.
It was no surprise when she agreed to see me. There wasn’t any anger in her voice and I was hoping that it had ended well between us. Sometimes I called the wrong one, forgetting that things hadn’t turned out as well as I’d hoped. This could get me into complicated situations, and the last thing I needed was any kind of complication. I just couldn’t take it.
We agreed to meet back at my place. I was hoping to relieve myself of the itch that wouldn’t go away, but I knew that it would only be like a Band-Aid. I was still going to want Jesse. Andrea wasn’t going to be what I wanted, but at least I would be able to get the edge off and I wouldn’t be so annoying with Jesse. I didn’t like the desperation that she made me feel, but I knew that it wasn’t going to magically go away without doing something to fix it.
So I took off from work, leaving my assistant asking about when I was going to be back. I knew that she only wanted to know because she was going to report to my father. Since I didn’t want to hear from him either, I turned my phone off and went home to meet Andrea. Whether she was the right one or not, she was what I needed right now to feel as close to normal as I could manage.
It didn’t take me long to get home and I was there before Andrea got there. I gave my maid the rest of the night off and in return she gave me a knowing look. I did my best to ignore that woman and her looks. Why did I feel so guilty? It’s not like I was with anyone. I just didn’t understand it.
Andrea got there not long afterward. She was as beautiful as I remembered. The clothes she wore were of the finest quality and everything about her was made for pleasure. She was a good choice, I thought to myself. If I was going to have to make do with second best, it was hard not to see Andrea as a pretty close second. She was the type of woman my family pushed me towards. Her family had money and she was ‘from good stock’ as my father would say.
****
“Sorry, Andrea, I have to go.”
The half-sleeping woman wasn’t wearing any clothes, and since that was a distraction, I covered up her naked bits with the sheet before I kissed her on the cheek.
“Will I see you again?”
It was a fair question, but one that I didn’t want to answer. If saw her again, it would be because I still didn’t have Jesse, so I liked the idea of saying no. But instead I just kind of shrugged and told her that I wasn’t sure. She didn’t expect anything more, so she was getting up and getting dressed to go home before I was out the door. I had work to do, I claimed, but really I was getting up so early because I wanted to go see Jesse. It was breakfast time and I was starving.
The bistro wasn’t open, and I smiled to myself when I knocked and saw Jesse downstairs. She used to have to come from upstairs, but since I was coming every morning, she was changing her routine for me. I wasn’t getting her in my arms, but small pieces of information like that gave me hope. I was feeling a little steadier this morning and I hoped that today was the day. But if it wasn’t, at least I didn’t feel like I was going to crawl out of my skin now.
“Good morning, Jesse. How are you doing today?”
She kind of nodded and let me in. There wasn’t the same smile on her face as I was usually greeted with, and that saddened me. I didn’t know why she was unhappy, but I wanted to change it. No matter what it was, if she would just tell me, I was sure that I could make it all better.
“I’m fine. Are you going to have the usual?”
The question gave me pause. It was strange for me to be anywhere enough to have a ‘usual.’ I never got my own breakfast and coffee, but now I was a guy that had a usual. It struck me as odd and out of place, kind of like me being there at the moment.
“Yeah, I guess I will.”
Jesse smiled for a moment, a small one that didn’t seem to register on the rest of her face. Something was definitely bothering her, but unlike most women I knew, Jesse didn’t want to talk about it. Any other time I would prefer that, staying as far away from female drama as I could, but this was different. I wanted her to tell me so that I could help her. I was trying to find an angle into her heart, and helping her might be that angle. That, and I just wanted to. I didn’t like the idea of her ever being upset, even for one moment.