CHAPTER TWO
Despite All My Rage
Shadow
I can’t stop thinking about my visit with Blue. I’m not shocked to hear Cal has fucked up again. It’s her M.O. She makes messes like it’s her job. I could never figure out why, other than because she can. She came from a pretty solid home. Sure, her old man is a hard ass, but he treats his girls with respect. Not everyone can say that in this lifestyle.
I roll onto my back and lace my fingers behind my head. Blue looked so dammed sexy. Her jeans showed her curves off without cutting off circulation, and her shirt highlighted her breasts. Damn, she always had a banging pair of tits and ass for days. It’s what attracted me to her in the first place. That’s my dirty ass secret. I didn’t want Calla. I always wanted Blue, and I hadn’t given a shit how young she was at the time. The girl had a head on her shoulders. Half the time she was smarter than most people’s sweethearts and Old Ladies.
Calla noticed me watching her sister. She was always an opportunistic bitch. I don’t do lies, so when she asked me if I was interested in her baby sister, I told her straight up I was. She feigned interest and offered her assistance. That’s when the lies started, and I found myself in the quicksand I couldn’t escape.
SeventeenYears Earlier …
I sit at the picnic table and sip on my Scotch on the rocks. The club is infested with family, friends, and hang arounds for Calla’s graduation party. It was a big deal to see the often troubled teen walk with her cap and gown. She hit a rough patch at sixteen, and gave her father, Psycho, a lot of hell. With the sun down and the alcohol flowing, the kids were shuffled back home while the adults continued to party on.
The woman of the hour would flit from person to person like the social butterfly she was. Her tiny black skirt skimmed the tops of her upper thighs with a swatch of skin showing in between her tube top and skirt. Objectively, it was attractive, but she’s not the one I have my eyes on. I look behind her to where her baby sister, Bluebell, stood chatting with friends.
At seventeen, she was a bombshell in blue. Her curvy frame hypnotizes me in the black dress that stops just above her knees. She has an understated beauty I dig. I’d been sowing my oats since I was eighteen and earned my patch. At twenty-one, I was ready to settle down and do the serious thing. I wanted family outside of my brothers and that meant an Old Lady.
The King chasers got old. They were fun to dip my wick in when I needed to scratch an itch, but I could never be serious with someone all my brothers have experienced. Blue has innocence to her. All the brothers love and trust her. Treated with respect, she often babysat and was a frequent presence at the clubhouse.
Psycho believes in keeping his family close. He wanted to know what his girls were doing and who they were doing it with. Most of us have tracked both girls at one point or another. It’s where my obsession began. Last year when she hit sixteen, Blue started dating a guy Psycho hated and I followed her every move. It was then that I noticed Bluebell was all grown up. Intelligent, thoughtful, kind, and laid back, she’s everything a man could want. Her age made me wait. It sounds crazy wanting to be locked down, but the thought of her with someone else drives me insane.
“I’d say you have a wandering eye, but it’s pretty obvious you’re focused on one person.”
I look up and see Calla smiling, a drink in hand.
“I don’t know what you mean,” I reply.
“Are you lying to me, or to yourself?” She arches a delicate eyebrow and pouts. “I’ve always liked you, Shadow. You’re good people. If my baby sister ended up with anyone in KOC, I’d have it be you.”
I eye her cautiously. “Good to know.”
“She’s my baby sister. I want to make sure she’s okay.”
It’s the first indication I’ve seen that she cares about someone else in a long while. “She seems fine to me,” I say with a shrug.
“Yeah, I bet she does.” She winks. “I’m on your side, Shadow.” She sashays away and joins Blue, pulling her into a hug.
I hold my breath, waiting to see if she’s going to rat me out. They don’t look my way, so I figure I’m safe. Maybe graduating has matured her? It would be nice to have an ally on my side. Lord knows, Psycho will try to kill me when I make a play for Bluebell. I don’t want to say he’s given up on Calla, but he treats the two girls differently.
“At least try to pretend you aren’t stalking the poor girl.”
The gravelly voice makes me smile. “What’s going on, Wiz?” I ask.
Wizard was my secondary sponsor, alongside my dad when I decided to patch in.
“Playing chaperone and seeing what kind of trouble I can get into,” Wizard replies, sweeping his gaze over the crowd.
“Anything interesting?” I ask.
“The fixation you have on Bluebell. I don’t think Psych would appreciate it. You want to have a bit of fun, you go for Cal, and he’ll turn a blind eye. He did the best he could do with that girl. She was born to be wild. But Bluebell.” Wizard shakes his head. “That’s his heart, and he’ll rip yours out of your chest if you do wrong by her.”
“Why do you assume the worst?” I ask.
“You’re twenty-one years old. How serious could you want to be? She’s just a baby for Christ’s sake.”
“She’s two years younger than Calla, and three times as mature,” I counter.
“What? You trying to make her your Old Lady or something?” Wizard asks in a teasing tone.
I throw back my drink.
“Shit. You’re serious,” he says on a gasp.
I slam the glass on the table and nod. “You know I never kid about shit like this.”
“What the hell’s been going on between you two? I mean, I know you trailed her for a bit…”
“Nothing. I’d never disrespect her or Psycho like that. I want to do it proper.”
“You want to die,” Wizard says with a snort.
“Come on, man. He can’t keep her under lock and key forever.”
“Don’t mean he wants to let her go at seventeen.”
I roll my eyes.
“All I’m saying is tread carefully with this, brother, and maybe make sure she feels the same before you put your nuts on the chopping block,” Wizard adds.
“Yeah, you got a point.”
“I usually do. Look, you know I don’t like to get into brother’s business, so we never had this conversation, and I don’t know anything. But if you hurt Blue… I’m going to personally hand you your ass after Psych gets done.”
“Understood.”
Wizard pats my shoulder. “You’re good people, Shadow. She could do worse.”
A smile flickers across my lips. That was as close to approval as I would get from the enforcer. It made me feel good. I couldn’t talk like this to my old man. He had this ancient old world code he followed to the letter. I could never get him to see the club was changing, progressing with the times, and the younger generation were ready for change to happen. The things that applied when Kings of Chaos was founded in the late sixties were antiquated. The bylaw that excluded any African Americans was one of them. It caused issues for more than one person coming up. I glance across the room and zero in on Dixie Rose.
The brown-skinned girl had experienced her fair share of looks, whispers, and isolation. The only daughter born of an African American woman to a patched member, she stood out like a sore thumb. She and Blue were the same age, and pretty friendly. They both had their heads on straight, and grades that would take them to college if they wanted. It fills me with pride.
Bikers need our women strong, intelligent, and capable of taking care of themselves when they need to. The truth was, the women will be alone, and nothing compared to the peace of mind that came with a strong Old Lady. Mom was like that. She always made me feel safe and loved, no matter how long Dad was gone on a run or behind bars for one thing or another. Blue could be that for me. I’ve had a dozen conversations with her while I trailed her. She never had a mean word to say or made my job any harder than it needed to be, unlike her sister. Calla was notorious for acting out if she caught wind of her tail.
I wait until Calla returns to the dance floor and walk over to the table where Blue stood with Dixie. “You girls having a good time?” I ask.
“Hey, Shadow,” they say in unison.
“It’s nice,” Blue answers, smiling.
“Anything to celebrate the end of the school year,” Dixie adds.
I nod my head, keeping my gaze glued to Blue’s face.
A sweet smile lines her full lips, and her brown eyes are sparkling with happiness. It’s a good look. Much better than the heavily painted faces and revealed bodies of the women trying too hard to catch a brother’s attention.
“I’m going to go get a refill,” Dixie says.
Always an observant girl.
Blue focuses her attention on me, and I study her carefully.
She then shifts her weight from one foot to the other, looking everywhere but at me.
“You nervous, Blue?”
“No, are you?” She quirks an eyebrow.
I can’t help but chuckle. “You got guts, girl. I’ve always liked that about you. What you plan on doing this summer?”
“Having as much fun as I can get away with, and working at the garage a couple days a week. You guys have got to stop letting the dumb ones do the paperwork. Turns everything into a total cluster fuck.”
I snicker. “As long as we don’t have to do it, that’s all on Stone. Now if you want to talk to him about it, be my guest. He likes you better than me.”
She smiles. “Perk of being a youngin’ in the family. One of the few.”
“You still mad I been trailing you?”
“No, you I like. Some of the prospects?” She scowls.
“You got a problem I need to take care of?” I ask.
“No, but I love that about you.”
Her voice drops so low, I can barely hear her. I lean closer. “Love what?”
“That you see me and look out for me.” She peers up at me. “It’s something that doesn’t happen a lot.”
I see the longing in her eyes. “You know we’re all here for you, don’t you?” I ask.
“Yes, but with you, I never have to ask, because you’re already there.” Her lashes lower.
My heartbeat kicks up a notch. She’s feeling this the same as I am. “And I will always be.”
Our gazes clash, and she gasps. “Why?” she asks, suspicion clouding her eyes.
“I think you know why, Blue,” I say.
Her eyes widen and her lips part.
“Blue, come over here, we’re doing pictures!”
Calla’s voice is like a bucket of cold water. We step apart.
“I, um, have to go. It’s her day.” She walks away.
I watch the gentle sway of her hips. I’ve got my sights set on what I want. Tonight, I’m going to hone in and go for the kill before someone else does. I’ve seen more than one person eyeballing her tonight.
The rest of the evening continues with us passing like two ships in the night. Calla keeps her busy, and I want to strangle her. As the night continues, it’s finally clear to me, I’m not going to get a shot with Blue. I finish off my drink and head down the hallway toward my room.
“You figure things out?” Wizard asks. He has his arm wrapped around a petite blonde with bronze skin and swollen pink lips.
At least one of us is enjoying the night.
“Yeah, brother, I did.”
“Remember what I said.” His eyes go into killer mode.
It’s an expression I recognize, because I’ve seen it on my own face. “I will.”
He nods and leads the King chaser toward his room.
I go to my room, toe off my boots, and crash with a smile on my face. The game is on. I’m good at tracking people down, and she’s a prize worthy of a hunt.
A knock rouses me from my sleep.
“Yeah?” I croak.
“Shadow.”
The whispery voice makes me heart speed. “Blue?”
“Can I come…in?” Her voice wavers. When she opens the door, the dim lighting frames her form. She closes the door behind her and tentatively makes her way to my bed before sinking to the edge of the bed.
I reach for the light.
She grabs my hand. “Please don’t,” she says in a low whisper.
“Are you shy, baby? You don’t need to be.” I run my hand through her thick hair. It’s softer than I imagined it would be. Pulling her to me, I sample her lips. She tastes sweet, and her kisses are hesitant. I savor her inexperience, coaxing her to open her mouth as I teach her how to use her tongue. My dick is straining against my jeans. I want to strip her bare and plunge into her tight center, but I know I need to go slow. Cupping her face, I make sure she feels the words I can’t say. She moans into my mouth and I feel like I’m on top of the world. I never expected things to progress this swiftly. Her boldness is impressive.
She slowly runs her hands up my arms and wraps them around my neck.
I pull her onto my lap and deepen the kiss. As she plays with the hair at my nape I shiver. It’s everything I imagined and more. Her warm weight is a welcome addition and my cock twitches in my pants, straining to get closer to the heat I can feel through my jeans. I take my time undressing her, wishing I could turn on the light. She’s young, and probably nervous. I have to respect that.
I’m going to teach you everything I know.
We strip down, piling our clothes in small heaps around the bed.
Her skin feels silky smooth. “Are you sure about this, Blue? There’s no rush,” I ask as I kneel between her legs.
“I-I want to feel you inside me, Shadow,” her voice is still in whisper mode. “Make me forget there was ever anyone else.”
The news stuns me. She’s not a virgin? I’m thrown. It doesn’t matter. I’ll make her forget about anyone else.
She sits up and reaches out to wrap her hand around my base.
Rational thought leaves my mind. I thrust forward into her hand, moaning as she squeezes me tight and finds the perfect rhythm. “You better stop that or it’ll be over before it begins.”
“You like it?” she asks shyly. Her shyness is out in full force. Her voice is whispery and huskier than usual.
Knowing I affect her this strongly makes me even harder. “Like doesn’t begin to cover it.” I push her hand away gently. “Lay back, baby. I want to make sure you’re ready for me.”
She lays back, and I reach between her legs. Her wet heat coats my fingers. When I slip them into her center she flexes her muscles, and I can’t help but moan.
“So hot and tight.” I pump, and she lifts her hips, following the pace I set. Her whimpers and gasps push me closer to the edge. All I can think about is being inside of her. Her body shakes, her muscles clamp down, and she screams as she flies over the edge. I stroke her through the orgasm, peppering her breasts with kisses. “Baby, are you protected?” I whisper.
“Yes. You…safe?”
“I’ve never gone bare before. But I want that with you.”
She whimpers as I grip my head and tease her with my tip. Her juice coats the head and shivers run down my spine. This is right. I ease inside of her and grit my teeth to keep from coming too soon. She’s warm and welcoming. Her arms and legs wrap around me in an embrace I never want to break. I spent a year fantasizing about this. When she hit seventeen, I was able to stop feeling guilty. “You feel so good, Blue. Better than I imagined.”
“You’re so big,” she whispers.
I grip her slender hips, and we move faster. The sound of skin on skin inflames me. She moves her legs higher, and I sink deeper. Her cries are a soundtrack I want to loop in my ears for the rest of my life. Her body trembles, her muscles flex, and she screams my name. I spill inside of her, experiencing completion inside of the only person I ever desired the deep connection with. We collapse together, and I fall to the side, pulling her against me. “You okay?” I whisper into her ear.
“Mmm-hmm.”
Her sleepy tone fills me with a sense of peace and belonging. A rightness I’d been missing since I took my place as an enforcer. The job is a grim one. On my darkest days, I’m a death dealer. On a good day, I deliver pain. It’ll harden a man if he allows it. I pull her close, knowing I’m the luckiest man in the world. All the people in the world and she chose me. I fall asleep wrapped up in her body, and all is right with my world.
I open my eyes to the early morning sunlight, glance at the warm body beside me, and freeze. “What the fuck?” I bark.
Calla is curled up beside me, nude and sleep worn. Her lids flicker open, and she gives me a sleepy smile. “Morning, lover.”
“What did you do, Calla?” I growl.
“Come on, we both know you’re too much man for my sister to handle.”
My fingers itch to wrap around her throat. It’s a wonder no one has decked this bitch. “You evil little whore. Get the fuck out of my room and don’t come back!”
“Oh, I’ll be seeing you real soon, Shadow. And don’t worry. I made sure Blue watched me disappear inside. I wonder how long she stared at the door before she realized I wasn’t coming back out anytime soon.”
Furious, I stand and roar to release the rage. I don’t hit women, but I want to hurt the one in my bed, badly.
She rises from the bed as if she senses the anger, gathering the sheet around her body before she scuttles toward the door.
“One more word and I’m going to wring your fucking neck, regardless of your parentage,” I say.
Nodding her head, she bends to pick up her clothing, and backs out of my room, never taking her eyes off mine.
I run a hand through my hair. How the hell can I even begin to make this right?
Present
Two months later, Calla announced her pregnancy, and our hate-hate relationship began. I tried to keep her in line, calm her enough to bring Bolton into the world without any major defects. I did my best to stomach her and stay with her for my boy, but I could never get past her betrayal long enough to make her my Old Lady.
Psycho must’ve known something was up because he never pushed for it. Then again, he knows better than most what his daughter is like. Maybe he wouldn’t wish her upon his worst enemy.
After two years of pure hell, we parted ways. I would’ve taken full custody, but with what I do, it’s impossible. Stone tells me where to be, and I’m out the door at a moment’s notice. I toyed with getting another Old Lady, but my heart was never in it. All roads led back to the one woman I knew I would never be able to have. Seeing her dote on Bolt, and be the mother-like figure in his life when Calla let him down over and over again, only made my feelings for her grow. I kept it to myself. I mean, even I know the shit is fucked up. You knock a girl up and then go after her sister? Plus, she had that preppy boy that made my skin crawl. Every time she brought him around, he was all eyes and questions. Like KOC was some fairytale come to life.
Seeing the rock on her finger when she visited made me sick to my stomach. It was a wake-up call. She wouldn’t be unattached forever. Hell, if pretty boy managed to convince her to change her no to a yes, she would be lost to me. I grind my teeth. When I get out of here, things were going to change. I would make right the biggest mishap of my life.