CHAPTER TWELVE
Mine
Blue
I sit under the hot spray scrubbing my skin. I could still feel the sticky droplets of Jamie’s blood clinging to my skin, dampening my shirt, and pressing into my flesh. My stomach rolls. I killed a man in cold blood. No—I killed my ex-boyfriend. Did he ever love me? Was it all a ploy? The answers to all the questions are lost to an unmarked grave. I want to ask for more details, but its club business. It doesn’t change the fact that it’s eating me from the inside out. I brought this evil to my family. Gave him a platform and fell right into his hands like a stupid bitch. I’ve never been reckless or unintelligent. I don’t know how I missed it.
The drug induced haze is a jumbled mix of memories of Shadow with kind words, gentle caresses, and relief. He didn’t leave my side or deny me, and I love him for that. He’s also never brought it up again, which I’m also grateful for. I just wish he would touch me again. It’s only been a few days, but his caution is painfully obvious.
The world continues to spin. The club is moving forward with plans, Bolton is blissfully ignorant to the details, and I’m stuck in this strange time loop. What was once an event I looked forward to is now…something I fear. How can I pretend to be happy about being patched when I feel anything but worthy of the title Old Lady?
A knock comes on the door.
“Blue, you got a visitor,” Bolt says.
“Who is it?”
He walks away without answering.
Teenagers. I take a deep breath and rein in my crazy. I know the drill by now—smile, listen, regurgitate information and they’ll think I’m okay. I turn off the faucet, and struggle to my feet. Pins and needles run up my legs. How long have I been sitting in here? My skin is red, and tender. Embarrassment and shame fill me. Why do I care about killing someone who had the plans he did for me? He tried to ruin my family. I should be glad the fucker is gone. Disgusted, I grab my towel, wipe down, and make my way to my room. I throw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, then pad out front. If it’s my mom, I may have a nervous breakdown.
I enter the living room and scream. “Dixie Rose!”
She opens her arms.
I run to her, tackling her in a hug that sends us both crashing down onto the couch. “Oh my God, what are you doing here so early? The party isn’t until this weekend!”
“Pops called me and filled me in.” Dixie brushes the hair back from my face. Her large brown eyes take in everything I want to hide. It’s always been that way between us. “You are so not okay, babe.”
“I am.” I swallow. A lump forms in my throat.
“You know you’ve never been able to get things past me,” Dixie says. Her husky alto is full of truth and wisdom.
I usually appreciate it, but right now, it’s the last thing I need. I pull away. “You’re reading too much into things.”
“No, I’m not. Show me where I’m staying, please.”
“Aunt Blue, if you’re good I’m going to head off to school.”
“Yeah, baby, go ahead. I’ll see you when you get home, okay?”
Bolt nods.
I’d taken personal time from school, telling them I caught a nasty bug I needed to let run its course. I couldn’t handle the kids right now. I might be delusional, but I’m not that far gone. They take everything you got, and right now, my tank is low. I grab her small suitcase, and pull it down the hall.
She follows me, silent.
I know she’s waiting for Bolt to leave.
The door slams and his motorcycle starts up.
“He’s got a bike now?” Dixie asks, looking stunned.
“A baby bike. He doesn’t know it, but Shadow plans on giving him a Harley when he graduates.”
“They’ve had that boy’s cut ready from the minute he was born, I’m not surprised,” she states. “How’s he doing?”
“Great, now that Shadow is back on his ass about things.”
“I think Aunt Blue had a lot to do with it, too,” Dixie says.
“See why I love you? You’re always lifting me up.”
“Just telling you the truth you never hear enough of.” She closes the door behind her and sits on the bed. “Now, tell me how you really are.”
“As okay as I can be, I guess.” I shrug.
“Bullshit. Sit down, look me in the eye, and say that.”
I lift my eyes to meet hers and my lower lip trembles. “What do you want me to say, Dix?”
“Whatever you need to say.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. You want me to say how fucking stupid I was not to see this coming a mile away? How I put everyone in danger with my selfishness?”
She grips my arms. “Oh my God, how can you say that?”
“I brought him into our fold. What if this had put Shadow back in jail? It’d be all my fault.”
“No. You did not do this. You were targeted because of the club, not the other way around. I’m not going to let you do this shit and play martyr like you always do. Remember when you told me you were done with that?” she snaps.
“I am.”
“Then act like it!”
“It’s so easy to say. Because you’re not in it,” I mutter.
“Then explain it to me, Bluebell. You’re not alone. I’m here. I will always be here for you. You know that.”
“I hate to admit how it makes me feel. God, why didn’t I see he was fucked up? I had him around Bolton. I heard his comments about the club. Where was my red flag system?”
“I’m sure he hid it, babe. That’s what people like that do. They’re masters at hiding their true intent. Plus, wasn’t he really a private detective? That’s a lifetime spent studying subterfuge. I know for a fact, no one blames you. My pops says they’re damn proud of you.”
“They are?” I whisper.
“Shit, yeah. You took this fucker down on your own, Blue. You did it. There was no cavalry. You were the one handling business. Don’t let your fucked up headspace that has you right now turn that around. You took a life, that’s going to fuck with you no matter why you did it. And that’s okay.” She grabs my hands and squeezes. “They live and breathe this. It’s nothing to them. We aren’t the same way. Don’t feel like you have to be like Psycho or Shadow. You deal with it the way Bluebell needs to, okay?”
The dam I had on my emotions breaks. The tears flow. “I killed him! I know I had to, but I hated it, every minute of it. The look of betrayal on his face when he realized it. The way he touched me, like he had the right to. I don’t think I’ll ever get the blood off my hands or my body. I wake up at night and I swear I can feel the warm, sticky weight. I’m having nightmares. I shudder all the time. I try to downplay them, but Shadow knows. He holds me and talks me down from every one. I can’t help but think he deserves better than a mess. How can I let him ink me for life, when I’m l-like this?”
“Hey. He’s lucky to have you,” Dixie says, wagging her finger like a teacher scolding a child. “Don’t you ever forget that!”
“It just doesn’t feel that way right now,” I whisper.
“I know, baby. But you’re going to work through this. Hell, it’s only been days. A few months from now, a year, this will be just a rough patch on the road of life. You have to remember that. It’s like high school. Eventually, you get past the bullshit and realize it’s not the end all be all to your life.”
I laugh. “I get that.”
“Good.” She wipes away my tears with her thumbs. “I can understand why you don’t want to talk about this to Shadow. But please talk to me, or Ruthie.”
I shake my head. “She doesn’t know. She can’t.”
“I figured as much. But she and Skull are doing…well, whatever they’re doing,” she says with a shrug.
Chuckling, I swipe at my eyes. “Pretty much.”
“Where’s your old man? I imagined he’d be glued to your hip.”
“He has been. They’re preparing everything for the local chapter meeting. You know we’ve got the reveal for the new compound we built. Stone doesn’t trust it to the prospects.”
“Poor grunts,” Dixie mutters, shaking her head.
I laugh. “They signed up for it.”
“Gluttons for punishment, all of them,” Dixie says in agreement.
“Anyone else know you’re here?” I ask.
“Pops. He picked me up from the airport. I’m sure by the end of the day, it’ll be everywhere. The stuck up daughter came back to visit finally.” She rolls her eyes.
“Fuck them, Dix.”
“Exactly. There’s the girl I know and love.”
“I see what you did there,” I say, immensely grateful she flew in early.
“You feeling a little better?” She ducks her head down to meet my gaze.
“A lot. Around Shadow, I feel like I have to be so strong. Like breaking down will make him feel bad. I know he’s kicking himself for not getting to me sooner. But no one could have known.”
“Precisely. Include yourself in that forgiving attitude,” Dixie adds.
“You’re a smart girl,” I say.
“I was a psych major for a reason.”
“I thought it was the free therapy for all the shit we had to see growing up,” I tease.
“Yeah, that too.” She snickers.
“Fuck, Dix, you’re back in town. What are we doing to do with our day?”
“Go to the beach, and pretend like we don’t have any responsibilities.”
“I am so down for that, let me tell Shadow.”
“Awww, such a good Old Lady already.”
I punch her arm playfully. “Shut up, you. Come on, let’s go grab my phone.”
Twenty minutes later, we’re laying on the beach and I feel nearly human. The sun is warm on my skin, the ocean is a dazzling blue, and the company is superb. “How’s life in Santa Monica?” I ask.
“Laid back, nice. I like counseling high school kids, you know? They’re so innocent and ready to take on the world. It’s inspirational. I never remember feeling like that when were teenagers.”
“’Cause we knew better.”
“It’s true. The shit we saw. People dying, going to jail, betraying each other, and the fear when we had the lockdowns. It was like a warzone. But when it’s good, it is the most amazing in the world.”
“So, why leave? Just because of a few assholes?”
“It was more than that and you know it,” she whispers.
“But you never admitted it out loud.”
“Did I need to?” she asks.
“I just bared my soul. I think the least you could do is be straight up with me.”
Sighing, she collapses back onto one of the colorful beach towels we laid under our umbrella. “You know damn well it was because of Echo. You know what it’s like being in love with someone whose father is a racist. You know Mouth has always been vocal about his opinions on me, and African Americans in general.”
“God, he should’ve stood up to the old prick.”
“For what? The eighteen-year-old piece of ass he might not want in a year? They named him Echo because he was always right behind his dad, repeating everything. How he managed to not hate brown-skinned people is beyond me.”
“Because Echo is smarter than that. He also loved you back,” I assure her.
“None of it matters now. It’s water under the bridge.”
I shade my eyes with my hand and spot Shadow coming across the beach with a few other brothers. “You sure about that?”
“Positive,” she drawls.
“Okay, ’cause Echo’s on his way over here.”
“What?” she asks, sitting straight up. “Holy shit, he’s massive.”
“Um, yeah. I’d say he’s grown enough to stand up to Daddy now.”
His green eyes are locked onto Dixie Rose like a homing beacon. The feelings are still there between them.
This is going to make for an interesting weekend. “Hey, babe,” I say to Shadow.
“How you doing, girl? Came to check on you.” He winks.
“Doing well. Echo, prospect.”
“Hey, Bluebell, Dixie Rose.” Her name is a whisper on his voice.
It sounds so painfully intimate, I feel like I’m an intruder.
“Echo,” she says flatly. “Shadow, thanks for the hospitality.”
“Thank you for coming to stand by my girl.”
“Anytime. Blue’s easy to love,” she replies.
“Yeah, she is,” Shadow says staring me down.
My body goes up in flames, and it has nothing to do with the sun.
“We were doing some errands and wanted to make sure you girls were good,” Echo says.
“Well, we’re fine,” Dixie retorts.
Shadow slow blinks and arches a brow slightly.
I shrug, feigning ignorance.
He shoots me a look that says, we’ll be talking later. “We’ll be seeing you,” Shadow says.
“Yes, we will,” Echo vows.
They turn and disappear as suddenly as they appeared.
“I don’t think he got the memo about it being over,” I say.
“And you’re loving it,” she growls.
“I love you happy. I think you need closure. Not just with him, but with the club. Family is important. When they ran you off, they took that from you. I hate it. I always have,” I explain.
“It’s not the same for you.” Dixie rolls onto her side and props herself up on her elbow. “They don’t hate you for something you have no control over. You’ve got enough white in you to pass.”
“I don’t.”
“No,” she holds up her palm, “I know you don’t. I’m telling you how they see it.”
“It’s fucking ridiculous. This isn’t the sixties.”
“Agreed, but old habits die hard.”
“But they do die.”
“Always so optimistic.” Dixie shakes her head.
“Aren’t you the glass half full for me on days when I don’t want to get out of bed?” I ask.
“True. But it’s sickening when it’s turned against me.” She narrows her eyes.
I laugh. “I love you. You can try to avoid him if you want, but I think he’ll make it hard.”
“I’m here for you, not him,” she says.
I reach out and grab her hand. “It’s okay if you want to have some fun, too.”
“This is all the fun I need.”
We lay back to enjoy the silence, and support. I think that’s the beauty of a good friend. You don’t have to say anything because they hear your heart.
***
Shadow
“You ready for this, brother?” Skull asks from our position posted by the bar.
The church meetings are over and now the party starts. We’re all gathered in the large bar at the new compound waiting for the old ladies on the admission list to come in with the biker babes the King chasers brought in for fun.
“Hell yeah, man. Past ready. I been craving this moment for as long as I can remember. This shit kept me sane in jail,” I say.
“Damn, dude. Seeing you like this makes me think this is possible.” Skull looks stunned.
“What? Having an Old Lady?”
“Having something more than a bed warming partner.”
“You getting serious with, Ruthie?”
“I don’t know, man. She’s a fun girl. But I don’t think I can give her what she’s looking for. The settle down and do kids things.” Skull shrugs.
“Better figure it out soon, before you both get in too deep. Enough people see her with you and she’ll get branded as yours regardless.”
“Yeah, I know. I plan on making or breaking it this weekend,” Skull says. For once, my grinning friend looks serious. Whatever she did to him, he must’ve liked it enough to give her serious consideration. It’s practically a miracle for a playboy like him.
“Do what makes you happy, brother. Life’s too short for anything else. Trust me.”
“I hear you,” Skull says.
Psycho walks over.
“I’m going to mingle,” Skull mutters, walking off.
“Hey, Psych.” I salute him with my beer.
“How you doing, son?”
“Good.”
“No jitters?”
“No, I want this.”
“Hmm. You know when it comes to my daughter that shit’s family and not club business, right?”
“Yeah, I get that.” I raise an eyebrow. “You got a problem with me all of a sudden?”
“I got a problem letting go of my little girl. It’s different having a girl than it is with a boy.”
“I bet. She’s solid though, Psych. I don’t need to tell you bullshit about treating her right. If I didn’t, she wouldn’t have agreed to it. You see I had to work for this shit.”
Psych laughs. “Yeah, that’s why I knew you were the one for her.”
“Your Old Lady going to cause a problem?” I ask.
“She knows her place and when to keep her mouth shut.”
I grunt. That’s debatable. “This is Blue’s moment, if she ruins it, I’m going to expect some sort of punishment.”
“I hear you loud and clear, brother.”
“Good.”
Stone walks over. “You ready to get this shit done?”
“Hell yeah, brother,” I say, grinning.
“Damn, you’re one smitten son of a bitch,” Stone remarks.
“You blame me?” I ask.
“No, we all love our little girl Blue.”
I smirk at the old joke.
“She’s about to come out, you ready?”
“Yeah. Bolton, it’s time, man,” I call out to my son.
He excuses himself from his friends and joins me.
I want him by my side when I claim Blue. This is about family. “You ready to get a new mom?”
“She’s been that all along, I think. This just makes it official.”
I pat his shoulder and bring him in for a hug. “You’re smart as hell. You must get that from her.”
He laughs. “I don’t know, Dad, you’re pretty crafty.”
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s the word for what I am.”
I can see the shocked looks from the other chapters, wondering what the fuck Blue is doing chaining herself to me. They all know what I do. I’m the one they call in when they need shit handled. I couldn’t give a shit less, but it amuses me. I wonder how it affects her. I shift my weight.
“All right, all you motherfuckers quiet down!” Stone yells.
Silence spreads over the sea of people.
“We got a lot of shit to celebrate. Another year for our chapters, the new compound, and all of us together, which doesn’t happen too often. Right now, I have the privilege of announcing a new Old Lady. Shadow is claiming Bluebell Strong here and now. Let that shit be known.”
Whoops and hollers go up.
Then Bluebell comes down the hallway in a tiny black leather skirt with a black tank that says, Shadow’s Property.
My dick is instantly hard. I haven’t touched her since that night, and I’m feeling it now.
She’s flanked by her girls, Dixie Rose and Ruthie, who are carrying her property vest.
My heart is pounding, and I’m downright giddy, but you wouldn’t be able to tell it from my expression.
Blue stops in front of me.
They hand me the vest, I help her into it, grab her hair, and plant a blazing kiss on her lips. She melts into me and I grab her ass, lifting her up. Her legs wind around me and the crowd goes insane.
“Fuck, most emotion I ever saw that fucker have,” someone yells.
I hear their voices, but none of them matter. “You’re mine tonight, little girl. First we get that tattoo.”
“I’m ready,” she whispers.
I set her down.
“Welcome to the Barrett family,” Bolt whispers, hugging her.
“Thank you, Bolty.” She kisses his cheek.
He walks off grinning from ear to ear. Happy is a good look on my kid.
It took a while to figure out something that would work for both of us. She has to be presentable for work, and if it was up to me, it’s be somewhere everyone would see. In the end, we decided to go with a spot that could be visible or easily covered up by her hair. I lead her back to the tattoo area Sketch has set up. The brother is the only one I’d trustto take care of her.
“You ready, Bluebell?” he asks with a small smile.
I’m shocked. I didn’t even know the brother had teeth.
“Yep, I’m ready.” She lays down on the seat with her hair twisted and hanging over the opposite shoulder.
I sit beside her and hold her hand.
“All right, mama, here we go.”
I feel her body tense as the gun begins to buzz. She winces, but slowly her shoulders relax.
He puts my name in first, with an apostrophe and a S behind it, and follows it up with the crown that rests on the head of our skulls.
I want to lick it, but I know it needs cream and a bandage.
An hour later, we’re all set.
“You ready to see it?” he asks.
“Yes.”
He hands her a mirror.
She grins. “I love it.”
“Good. Let me get some cream and a small bandage. It’s going to be tender for a little bit. But it should heal up pretty quickly in that placement.
“Thank you, Sketch.”
“My pleasure. Any time you want more ink, you come to me, yeah?”
“She will,” I say. “It’s official. How you feel?”
“Like it’s about time.”
I laugh. “I got something to show you before we join the party.”
Her eyes brighten. “I think I’m ready for that.”
I hold out my hand to help her stand, and guide her to my room. I’m not good at this shit. My palms are sweating, and my chest feels tight. Dad told me to make a gesture toward her. It surprised me when Reb went so far as to advise me on this. We walk into my dorm room and I close the door behind me. The ones here are way nicer and twice as big. Equipped with new beds, nightstands, and dressers it’s a huge step up from the original clubhouse.
She sits on the bed and gazes at me expectantly. “What do you want to show me?”
I reach into the pocket of my cut and hand her a black pouch.
“For me?” She peers up at me from beneath her thick, dark lashes.
“Yeah, girl.” I shove my hands into my jeans and clear my throat.
She opens the pouch and pulls out the silver bracelet, identical to the one on my wrist. The metal plate reads Shadow’s. A brilliant smile lines her lip. “I love it. Will you put it on me?”
“Yeah.” I do as she asks, pleased it worked out well. If I could find a way to cover her body with my name, I would. I want everyone to know she’s taken and protected with a glance.
“I have to ask you something and I need you to be honest,” she says.
“Okay?”
“Why haven’t you touched me since that night? Do I disgust you?”
“What?” I kneel on the floor in front of her. “Fuck no, why would you think that?”
“Before, you couldn’t get enough of me, now it’s like you go out of your way to not touch me.”
“Girl, you been through one hell of an experience. I was trying to not be a monster and give you space and time.”
“I don’t want space, I want you inside of me, pushing me to my limits, and reminding me who I belong to.”
“Oh, fuck,” I growl. My dick threatens to bust my zipper as it strains against my jeans. “You ready for that?”
“I’ve been ready, Shadow.”
I peer into her eyes and see the truth. “My Old Lady is a real hard ass, isn’t she?” I ask. “Fucking warrior poured into a curvy ass frame.”
She spreads her legs and pulls me close. “And you love that don’t you?”
“I love you,” I answer honestly.
“And I love you. Now show me whose property I am.”
I spread her legs wide. “I bet you’re already wet for me, aren’t you?” I reach under her skirt, and trail the seam of her panties. “Soaking. Damn, baby. You want it bad, don’t you?”
“Yes,” she whimpers.
I stand, lift her into my arms, and toss her onto the bed. “Get on to all fours.”
“What?” she asks.
I slap her ass hard.
She moans.
“Get-onto-all-fours.”
She scrambles into position.
I rub her ass. “I love your ass, baby. I’d love it even more if it was red from my hand.” I yank her underwear off, shove her skirt up around her waist, and spread her legs wide. “You want to know who you belong to?” I whisper, trailing my fingers across the curve of her ass. “How about you tell me.” I slap her ass and she cries out. “I can’t hear you, girl.”
“Shadow.”
“That’s right.” I lay ten more slaps onto her thick ass, watching it bounce. My dick is swollen and I’m dying to dive in, but I need to own her first.
She cries out, shoving her ass toward me.
I gently rub her red ass to soothe the sting. It’s ripe like an apple, and I have to take a bite. I fall to my knees and bury my face in her ass, flicking her clit with my tongue. I lick around her swollen folds, teasing her without providing relief.
“Shadow. Please, baby. Please?” She’s screaming my name, grinding against my face.
It’s everything I’ve ever dreamt about—Bluebell Strong, completely undone and begging me. I nip her ass. “Who do you belong to?”
“You, Shadow. I belong to you.” She glances over her shoulder. “Please, baby, now.”
I unbuckle my belt, shove my pants down, grip my base, and drive home. She yowls and I grip her hips, showing her once more who she belongs to me. Her flesh is soft and silky against my skin, and her pussy is tight and wet. She’s my home now. After all the time caged like an animal, counting the days until freedom, I’ve been given the best gift. The one thing I wanted most, but thought I would never have. Something ancient rises inside of me. I grip her hair, pull her up, and latch onto her neck.
She cries and spasms. Her muscles lock around me as she explodes.
I follow her into oblivion. My ink is on her skin, my bracelets on her wrist, and my DNA is inside of her. I’m happy, but not satisfied yet. Me and this woman are going to go all the way. I won’t rest until I have everything. But in return, I’m willing to give the same dedication. I never knew I could love like this. It’s more than the love I have for my club…different from what I feel for Bolton, yet just as all-consuming.