CHAPTER TEN
Freeze
“What the hell were you thinking, boy?”
I look up from the invoice I’m working on in the office and spot a pissed off Warped. “About?”
“You wait until I go out of town for a couple months and patch in?”
“What? You mad because you missed the party? I know as my sponsor it was your right to hand me the patches, but it happened quickly.”
“You love the road.”
I shrug. “Everyone gets sick of the road eventually. I’m not saying I won’t return to it one day, but for now, I’m good.”
“If I thought that was true, I’d back you one-hundred percent. I wouldn’t say a damn thing. Problem is, I don’t believe that. This is because of that uppity bitch you’re losing your shit over.”
“Watch how you talk about my girl.” I narrow my eyes and clench my jaw.
He shakes his head. “Exactly. Girl, not Old Lady. She’s not even willing to fully commit to you, yet you clip your wings over her?”
Is this show how I used to be? Completely oblivious to how my words affected the other person. “That’s my business, ain’t it?”
“I spent the past ten years looking out for you. I’m not going to stop now. You’re grounded here for a time, but that’s no big deal. Continuing with this woman when you don’t know where you stand with her would be. I’ve seen women break men stronger than you. I’m talking solid dudes who’d seen battle, blood, and betrayal brought to their knees by the wrong bitch. That love shit is murder on a person.”
“What’s your problem, Warp?” His brown eyes have gone dark with rage, and the vein in his forehead is pulsing. It’s a look that usually proceeds someone getting hurt.
“I’ve been grooming you for years and you threw it away just like that.” Warp snaps his fingers.
“Threw what away?” I ask.
“Your legacy.”
“I know plenty of brothers with women, Warped. You don’t get an Old Lady and forget the code you’ve been living by for years.”
“Yeah, women who know the life, and most of them coupled up ain’t Enforcers. I can guarantee that. That life ain’t for the faint of heart.”
“So Wizard and Nevada are what, a fluke?”
“No, but he’s a lot older than you. Man, she’s already in your head. Look at how you defend her. I’m the one who brought you into the fold, and you’re freezing me out ’cause I’m trying to talk sense into you.”
“No, you’re attacking me without the facts. What do you know about Blanche?”
“I know she comes from money and has a shady past.”
“Why is her past on her?” I ask, pissed that she’s being blamed for her ex-husband’s behavior.
“Anything that adds more media attention our way is shady,” Warped replies.
“You’ve done a lot for me, but this is going too far. If this is a mistake, then let me make it. Don’t come in here guns blazing like I’m committing to some beat down King Chaser looking to use me up for all I have. If you gave her a chance you’d like her, and if you think about it, she’s the one who has more to lose.”
“It’s like I don’t even know you anymore. Does the club still come first?”
I slam my fist down on the desk and stand. “You come in here questioning my loyalty without any sort of reason other than the woman I’m seeing, and you think I’m the one with the problem? You’re way out of line. If you were anyone else, I’d have laid your ass out right now. But you’re my Sponsor and the closest thing I have to real family. So this one time, I’m going to let it slide. If you don’t like my woman, that’s on you, but I don’t want to hear about it. Keep it to yourself. I don’t know what struck a chord with you and I don’t care. For the past ten years, I ate, slept, and breathed this club. Having an Old Lady, which I will when we’re both ready, isn’t going to change my dedication.”
“You’ll see, man. She’ll chew up, spit you out, and twist you into knots. You’ll lose your mojo and fall hard. When you do, you’ll see I was right all along. You’re practically my kid. I’d never steer your wrong. I was in this situation. She was a pretty girl from the right side of the tracks, who had a taste for bad boys. It was hot, fast, and insane. Then it was over, and I was left looking like a fool. It did my head in, man. I was a wreck. It’s the reason I went Nomad in the first place. I don’t want to see you like that.”
“I’m willing to risk it for Blanche. Once you meet her, you’ll see.”
“For your sake, brother, I hope you’re right.” He turns on his heels, and I plop into the seat.
I’ve never had it out like that with Warp. I look up to the guy. Now he’s disgusted and expecting the worse. It … it hurts. I rub my chest. He’s been my only constant for so long. What happens if he turns his back on me, and Blanche never commits? What if I’m unable to convince her we’re forever? My demons crawl their way from the bowels of my mind and begin to wreak havoc. No one ever wanted you permanently, why would B? She’s rich, beautiful, and on her way to reestablishing her career. What can you do for her? I’m a child again, wondering about my future. Scars run deep for everyone, no matter who you are. All the things I’ve done, people I’ve saved, and jobs I’ve taken to protect the club can’t erase the way I grew up or the issues it caused that I haven’t dealt with until now. Ignorance isn’t bliss. It’s a ticking time bomb waiting to detonate.
***
Warp’s words play in my head on a loop as I finish up work. My head is full of memories swimming too close to the surface. I drive the highways until the need to see B becomes too great. I have to clear this up, or it’ll eat me alive. I’m in a fog as I park and make my way up to the condo I’ve come to think of as our home. I unlock the door and step in to find her seated at the table pouring over her welcome packet. For a second I feel guilty for what I’m about to do. I shove the emotion aside and lock it down.
She looks up at me and smiles. “Hey, babe.”
Dressed in one of my old Kings of Chaos T-shirt, with a curly bun on top of her head, she’s a beautiful sight after a long, stressful day.
I stalk toward her, a man on a mission. I want to forget, and she’s my designated spot of oblivion. She sets her work aside and sits up on the couch. Her eyes darken with desire and her lids go to half-mast. Licking her lips, she presses her thighs together. The fire between us ignites. I wrap my hand around her throat, and she tilts her head back. The ultimate act of surrender gets me hard every time. I slant my lips over hers, tasting and claiming. When she moans, I increase the pressure as I pinch her nipples through the T-shirt. She cries out, and I tug. I move from one to the other.
I trail kisses from her lips to her neck, sucking and nibbling. Slipping a hand under the T-shirt, I skim my knuckles over her underwear, back and forth until she soaks through. The smell of her arousal is a perfume, sweet and alluring. I push her underwear aside and thrust two fingers inside of her slick core. Groaning, she tenses around me. I drive two fingers into her, fast and hard. She meets me stroke for stroke, riding my hand. Her breathing speeds, and her walls quiver. I watch her face, getting high off the power she lets me wield over her. I curve my fingers, and she comes, with my name on her lips.
After pulling her panties down her legs, I stand to unbuckle my belt and shove down my jeans and boxers. I’m palming my cock and driving inside of her before she can fully recover. She wraps her legs around me, digging her heels into my back as she rolls her hips. I cup her ass as I drive deeper. I want to disappear in our passion and lose myself in the slick walls clinging to me like a lifeline. She matches me with her need, digging her nails into my flesh as she contracts and releases. Sweat beads on my forehead and trails down my back. I pull out, throw her legs over my arm, and thrust back. The new angle makes us both cry out. We topple over the edge together, and I rest my face against her breasts.
She cups the back of my head as our heart beats settle.
“Not that I’m complaining, but what brought that on?”
“Just needed you.”
“Everything okay?”
I pause, unsure how to answer. Sharing has never been my forte. This is where I’d be drinking, fighting, or screwing. All three if I needed to decompress badly enough. The voice inside of my head tells me she doesn’t want to hear my broken boy problems. I’m a man. What I went through in my childhood should be firmly rooted in my past. It makes me weak. My job is to protect her and make her feel safe, not act like a bitch.
“Jagger?” She places a face on my hand, and I cringe at the soft tone.
I pull out and tangle her limbs, pissed that she can see through me. I’m not used to being read.
“What’s going on?” she asks.
I pull my pants up, then re-buckle my belt. “Nothing.”
Tilting her head, she purses her lips. “Clearly that’s not the case.”
If you push her away like you do everyone else, she’s going to leave.
I grit my teeth and silence the demons mocking me. “I don’t know. Weird argument at work.”
She sits up and smooths the shirt down around her legs like she wasn’t just fucked within in an inch of her life. I smirk as I start to pace, to expend the energy building up inside of me.
“I get you grew up with no one caring for you. You’re used to dealing with everything alone, and it’s probably hard as hell to share. But I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere. Without good communication, we have nothing. I refuse to go through another relationship where I’m left out in the cold. There’s nothing worse than feeling utterly alone when you’re with the person you love.”
I bite the bullet because it’s no longer about me. “I got into it with my mentor, and it dredged up some ugly memories. There are few people whose opinions really mean something to me. Stone, my President, a few of the other brothers with good heads on their shoulders, and Warp.”
“The one who you met in jail?”
“Yeah, that’s Warp.” I’m pleased she’s been listening to me.
“I’m sorry. It always sucks when we’re at odds with people who mean a lot to us. What happened?”
“He thinks we’re moving too fast. Said I was jumping the gun and a bunch of other things I’m not going to repeat because it’ll only piss me off again.”
She frowns. “Did he say why he felt that way?”
“Too much change too fast. He questions your loyalty to me. He’s like that with everyone. You have to prove yourself with him. Too much time on the road has made him paranoid.”
“I get that, but it’s more than that if you’re fighting about it. He doesn’t even know me. I thought I was on good terms with everyone I’ve met in the club.”
“You are. It’s not you. It’s everything he thinks you represent.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re rich.”
“That’s bull.”
“I agree, B. Having him shut me out like that, because of a difference in opinion, has me off kilter. I never realized how much I think of him as my family, more than the club. He’s the closest thing I have to a father.” The admission is enlightening. “Holy shit.”
“What?”
“I didn’t realize I felt that way about him.”
She stands and walks over to me. “All kids disagree with their parents. Stepping away to cool off isn’t a bad thing. Give it time. Let us meet. I have no problem going to bat for you.”
“Oh, yeah?” Grabbing her hand, I pull her to me. “Sounds like things an Old Lady would do.”
“You think so, huh?” she says slyly.
“I know so. You ready to give in to what we both want yet? Or do you need more convincing?” I cup her ass and lift her up.
She wraps her legs around my waist. “I could always use more convincing.”
“Remember you asked for it, ’cause I’m not going to stop until you say yes this time.”
“You can try.”
“We both know I don’t try. I do.” I like it when she pushes me back. It makes her surrender that much sweeter. I walk her to the room. As she opens her mouth to speak, I cut her off with my mouth. I bite her neck hard, and she gasps. Taking advantage of her parted lips, I suck the plump, bruised bottom lip into my mouth. I stir in my pants as I grow to half-mast. After tossing her onto the bed, I strip down as she watches me through her lashes.
“You look hungry. I got just the thing to feed you.” I palm my cock and stroke it. “Come here.”
She licks her lips as she pushes from the bed and walks toward me.
“One your knees, how I like it.”
She kneels, keeping her back straight as she spreads her knees wide enough to show me her pussy. Glistening with our combined juices, it’s a work of art.
“Look down. See how good we look mixed together?”
She nods her head.
I grip my base and walk over. “Open your mouth.”
She opens wide, and I push into her hot opening. “No hands. Put them behind your back.”
She crosses her wrist, and I growl as I thrust harder. She sucks harder and relaxes her throat the way I taught her.
“So good, B. Your hot little mouth feels good wrapped around my dick. Look at how you take it all.” I go deeper, and she gags, quickly recovering. “That’s right, swallow me.”
She whimpers, and I see her pussy grow even wetter. Giving head gets her off. I grip her face, holding her steady as I use her mouth the way I plan to use her pussy.
“You like being full of my cock, don’t you?”
She shifts, and I know she’s aching.
“You want to come, baby?”
“Mmmhmm.”
“All you have to do is say yes.” I pinch her nipple, and she purrs. “Is that a yes?”
“Uh, uh.”
“Stubborn.” When I pull free, she groans her protest. “Give me that mouth.” Tracing her lips with my tip, I tease her. I tap her mouth and her nostrils flare. I step back. “Take off the shirt.”
She pulls it over her head, and I admire the planes of her body.
“On your fours, ass in the air.”
She moves quickly. I slap her ass. Her breathy response makes me smirk. She’s taken to my preferences like a duck to water. I kneel behind her and spread her thighs and lick her slit. She coats my tongue, and I focus on her clit, pushing back the hood.
“Jagger.”
“That’s right. Let me hear you say my name.” I bury myself farther, teasing her entrance with just the tip of my tongue. She wiggles her ass, and I slam home, fully penetrating her as I lick every inch of her I can reach. Her walls flex repeatedly. Her body tenses and I pull back.
“No,” she moans at me denying her the release she craves.
I rub her ass. “One word.” Smack. Her ass jiggles in response to my blow. “One word.” I deliver ten more blows, five on each cheek. “And all of this can end.”
She rocks back and forth and circles her hips. I skim my fingers over her clit in a feather-light touch good for torture, and too faint for release. She shudders. Leaning in, I nip my way up her flush, tugging lightly with my teeth. She pants. I stroke her once, twice more, and pull back.
She whimpers.
“You know what you need to do, B.” I surround her with my arms and run my dick along her lips. She glides back and forth, and I tap her swollen clit every so often.
“Oh, Jagger.”
“That feel good, baby?”
“Yes. So good.”
“Imagine how I’d feel stretching that tight little hole. Filling you up.”
She whimpers. I move to my knees and pull her to me, cupping her breast as I continue my torture. I roll her nipple between my fingers.
“Let me into your heart and your body and soul. I won’t stop until I have all three. Let’s complete what we’ve started.”
“Jagger.” The sound is ripped from her throat. Her orgasm and her submission are close. I can taste them on my tongue.
“What’s that, B?”
“Yes. Damn you. Yes.”
I drive home, and she screams as she wraps her arms around my neck. Our lips mate as our bodies find a quick rhythm. I bury my fingers into her hips as I pound inside of her, so deep I swear I’m going to touch her heart. When I move my hand around to slap her pussy, she clamps down on me like a vice. I grunt as she quivers around me, coating me with her completion as I burst inside of her like a rocket and bite down on the tender area between her neck and her shoulder. Spent, I release my hold.
“Mine. You’re mine now, B.”
She nods, as she rests against me. “Yours.”
“B, I-I—” The words get stuck in my throat. Disgusted with myself, I growl. Who knew three words never uttered before could be so impossible to speak?
“Me too.” She kisses me and I know she hears what I can’t say.
I’m as damaged as they come, yet somehow she manages to see past all that. Maybe that’s why she’s so special to me, her ability to make me think I can actually be a better man.
***
“Long time no see, Freeze,” Charm says as I cross the room.
“You back from the road?” I ask, walking over to sit beside him at the bar.
“Yeah, planning on staying for a while. I hear you’re here permanently?”
“Yeah, brother. Ready to set down some roots, you know?” I shrug.
“I do,” he says in a voice older than his years. He and his family had been through the wringer over the past couple of years. Hell, since forever really. I think of his father, Mouth. They say you shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, but they never said you couldn’t think badly of them. Mouth was a racist, bigoted asshole who didn’t believe in progress or change. He’d been a weed in the garden strangling us. My blood boils at the thought of the thing he’d done. Backstabbing, disloyal bastard.
“It’s good to have you back, man.” I clap his shoulder and stand. “I’ll see you around.” I walk out of the room toward the office where mail is held. The door is open, so I know he’s not busy or not there. Either way, the mail will be in a file where I can access it.
I rap on the wall outside the office where he’s sitting at his desk. “Hey, P.”
“What’s up?” Stone asks.
“Two things. Mail, and B agreed to be my Old Lady. We’re not rushing into the tat, but she’s got her spot locked in.”
Stone smirks. “Well shit, look at you settling in.”
I roll my eyes. “You really gonna bust my balls?”
“Hell, yeah. I would’ve bet the farm on you being a lifetime bachelor.”
“Everyone has their one person. It’s a matter of if or when you find them.”
“Damn, is college girl schooling you in more than the bedroom?”
I flick him off as I walk in, gather my mail, and frown at the manila envelope from Indiana. Who the hell do I still know from there?
“You plan on changing your address any time soon?” P asks.
“Nah. Don’t know if we’re going to stay put or move.” I shrug. “I’ll keep paying my rent here.”
“Works for me. You know we’ll keep your dorm here as long as you want.”
“Thanks, P. Have you seen Warp today?”
“Been training and in the ring for the past few days. Careful, he’s full of hellfire.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” I leave the office with a salute, ready to settle things with words or blows, whichever works best.
I find him in the gym battering a black punching bag.
He looks up, sensing my presence. The man didn’t get where he was from being unaware of his environment.
“Tape up and join me.”
It’s an olive branch. I take it and nod. Setting my mail aside, I rest my cut over the folding chair, and move to get the tape. I try to go over my words as I wrap my hands the way he taught me. Boxing gave me a safe place to unleash my aggression.
“I’ll hold the bag. Let’s see if you remember anything I taught you,” Warp says.
I snort. “It’s like that?”
“Yeah. I ain’t seen you in here in a while.”
The rhythm comes back to me as I run through the familiar motion, warming up and loosening my muscles. We move together seamlessly as we return to the roles of teacher and student.
“That’s it. Stick the jab. You got it.”
I add a little footwork as I get into the rhythm. Warmed and calmer, I step back and roll my shoulders.
“Still think I don’t have it, old man?”
He laughs. “You’re not half bad.”
I shake my head. He was never one for high-praise. “You ready to talk this out?”
“Don’t know what’s left to say.”
“She agreed to be my Old Lady, and I think you owe me an apology for bad mouthing a woman you’ve never met. Yeah, her ex-lunatic was rich, but she came from a middle-class family from a tiny town in Tennessee. That’s pretty salt of the earth. If it’s three things my girl knows, it’s whiskey, Jesus, and loyalty.”
Warp snickers. “Are you serious right now?”
“Partially. She prefers beer to whiskey unless it’s tequila, but she’s loyal, strong, and yeah a little godly, too.”
He grunts. “You set a date for her to get tatted?”
“Not yet. Neither of us is in a rush.”
He scoffs. “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”
“You sound dangerously close to disrespecting my Old Lady. You calling her a liar?”
“I ain’t calling her nothing. I never met her.”
“Yet, you have a lot to say about her.”
“Not her. What I know about her type.”
“We going to agree to disagree or are we headed into the ring?” I ask.
“She sure got you wrapped tightly around her finger, don’t she?”
“Warp, I’m warning you.”
“Warning me? You think I’m scared of you?”
“Let’s take this to the ring,” I say.
“Gladly.”
“When we’re done, I don’t want to hear another bad word against Blanche. You feel me?”
“Hopefully I’ll knock some sense into you.”
“I’m going to change and grab Stone to referee.”
The bell rings, and it’s all-out war. There’s no dancing around, it’s a slugfest as we go blow for blow, laying into one another. Pain explodes in my ribs. I land a shot to his left eye. His head snaps back, and I grin. The metallic taste of blood coats my mouth. His lip splits, and my ears ring as he catches me with a wicked right hook.
“All right. Enough of this. Whatever beef you have stays in this ring.”
I place my hands on my knees to catch my breath and nod.
Not even one round. My knuckles are bruised and bloody, and my eye is swelling. Warp looks equally bad, if not worse. His busted lip makes me smirk. I focused on the source of my rage: his mouth. He spits out blood.
“Agreed.”
“Good. Now touch fists and get the hell out of here.” We touch fists reluctantly and retreat to our own corners. I climb from the ring, ignoring the stares following me out of the room and down the hall to my dorm room. Warp and I were like two peas in a pod most of the time, so stepping into the ring to settle a difference is major gossip material. I hit the shower with water as hot as I can stand it. I cringe as the water hits my open wounds, but I know my body will thank me later when I’m not as sore. After rinsing off the blood, I stand beneath the spray until the water runs cold. I step out, dry off, and pop pain pills dry mouthed. The knock on the door makes me scowl. Last thing I’m up for is a lecture about brotherly love from Stone.
“Freeze, it’s Ratchet. I got your stuff, man.”
I’ve never been relieved to hear from a Prospect before. I walk to the door and open it. “Good work, Spec.” I take the mail and my cut with a head nod. There are times like these when the walls of the club close in. When you need a break from the constant noise, women vying for your attention, and brothers who all have a story to tell you. I finish dressing, shrug on my cut, and put on a sneer. My expression keeps everyone at bay as until I’m out the door and on my way home. I’ve never had a home like this. The dorms are a shelter. A place I can eat, change, and keep my stuff. I have company and brothers, but it’s not comforting, unless you count familiarity. It suited me fine when I was on the road more than not, but I see the difference.
The thought of the condo decorated by Blanche with bits of me, memories of our time together, home-cooked meals, and someone who loves me is a universe unlike any I’ve ever known. Love. For most of my life, it’s eluded me to the point where I wondered if it was a myth. A pretty concept they feed you like fairytales, romance stories, and myths. Most marriages end in divorce, and unlike most people, familial love is like a unicorn to me, mythical and completely ridiculous. I no more believed in the concept of concentrated affection as I did that ridiculous horned creature.
Except now, it’s all changed. Funny how the firsthand experience with the right person can completely change your point of view. I’m stiff and exhausted by the time I get to the parking lot. I grunt as I dismount and get my saddle bags over my shoulder. Wrapping an arm around my bruised ribs, I climb the stairs. I know she took the third floor for extra security. It’s a smart move for a single mom on her own. Right now, I’m hating it.
I unlock the door and step inside.
“Oh my God. J, what the hell happened to you?”
“I came to an agreement.”
“With who? Mike Tyson?”
“Don’t make me laugh. It hurts too badly.”
“J,” she deadpans, clearly not amused.
“I told you we take our issues to the ring.”
“Wait. Warp did this?” Anger flashes in her eyes.
“Trust me, if he wanted to, I’d be hurt a lot worse. This was just blowing off steam and clearing the air.”
“Yeah, there are these magical things called words that do the same thing.”
“Not for us.”
She scowls. “You guys need a damn mediator then.”
“We have one. The ring.”
“Men,” she huffs.
“Hey. You should see him. He’s got a black eye and a busted lip.”
“You’re proud of that, aren’t you?”
“Hell yeah! The old man can box, and I held my own.”
“Let me get you some frozen peas to stop the swelling before it gets any worse.”
I plop onto the couch with my saddlebags at my feet. I dig into the bag and begin to sort through nearly a month’s worth of mail. Junk. Junk. Bill. Bill. Mysterious package. I hold the manila envelope between my fingers. I can’t think of a single person who’d know how to find me. Ripping the top, I open the letter folded into three parts, and freeze when a picture of me, my grandmother, and my mom fall out onto my lap. What the fuck? Who is this from? I glance down at the letter.
I’ve thought about what I’d say in this letter for years. I had the words memorized and ready to write down. But when I sit down, I draw a blank. My name is Karen Frances Ryan, and I’m your mother. This is a picture of me, you, and my mom, Doris, when you were one, before your father was killed in the robbery and I received life with no parole for the murder of a guard. Good behavior and crowding gave me the opportunity to leave jail and re-enter society.
My heart jumps into my throat. She’s out? She looked me up? How the fuck did she find me? I stand and drop the letter like it’s on fire. Is she looking for someone to bum money from? Can I afford to not find out? I have a link to family.
“J?”
I peer down at Blanche.
“What happened?”
“My mom is out of jail.”
“What?”
“I just got a letter.”
“What did she say?”
“I don’t know, I’m still trying to wrap my head around the first half,” I say bashfully. “Shit, I thought she’d died years ago.”
I sit on the couch, and she hands me the peas. Closing my eyes, I place them over my left cheekbone. She picks up the letter and hands it to me. I have to finish reading it.
You were the only thing on my mind. I had no clue where to find you or what had happened. I signed over my rights to my mom. When she passed, and you went into the system, it was the harshest wake-up call I’d ever been given. My piss poor decisions put you into a broken system. I used to blame your father. But that was part of my problem, never taking responsibility for my own actions. It’s part of the disease I have. Addiction. Like my father and your father. It’s an ugly thing that takes away your ability to think about anything else but your next score. Truth is, if I hadn’t landed in jail, heroin would’ve killed me.
Being in here gave me a lot of time to think about my life, where I went wrong, and what I would change. I have many regrets, but failing you is my number one. I spent the past year getting on my feet. It took time to land a job, and earn enough money to hire an investigator to hunt you down. I lost track of you after you left the system. You’ve been my angel. The saving grace that keeps me on the straight and narrow when I was overwhelmed by the switch to life in the real world.
I’d think about the moment I’d find you, wake up, and put one foot in front of the other. If we never meet and I never hear you from you, I needed you to know that. You’re the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. The only right decision I made. I’m sorry for the derailing I caused to happen in your life. There aren’t enough words to apologize for that, so I won’t pretend I expect this to bring about forgiveness. But I hope you’ll consider writing me back and starting a relationship. I’d like a chance to know the man you’ve become.
Yours,
Karen
I feel like the air has been sucked from the room. My mother is alive. She’s apologizing for what she did and asking for a chance to know me. How can I say no? How can I risk it? Would it hurt worse to be disappointed, or to ever take the risk? All I ever wanted was family. Now I have a shot.
“She wants to meet me.”
“What do you want?” B inquires.
I shake my head. “I never entertained this being a possibility.”
“It’s got to be a shock to the system.”
“Yeah. She’s been out a year and trying to find me. She traced me through the foster system and then lost my trail when I was nineteen and left the state.”
“A year? Why is she only contacting you now?”
“She had to get stable and save up enough to hire a private detective to find me.”
“Whoa. She’s really serious about this, isn’t she?”
“Apparently. Damn.” I rub my mouth and stroke my goatee.
“Whatever you decide, J, I’ll back you one-hundred percent.”
Her words are background noise compared to my crowded head.